Customer Reviews

Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape

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The essays in this great book are compiled and analyzed by Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti and the book's structure reflects the authors' blogging experience, which makes for an incredibly helpful and original format. This book is beautifully constructed, extremely well-argued, and offers a lot of material to think about.

The authors of these essays look at the different ways in which the traditionalist approach supports and enables rape and sexual assault. The conservative gender roles that present a woman as a secondary being actually promote the culture of rape: "While right-wing groups certainly don't come out in support of rape, they do promote an extremist ideology that enables rape and promotes a culture where sexual assault is tacitly accepted. The supposedly 'pro-family' marital structure, in which sex is exchanged for support and the woman's identity is absorbed into her husband's, reinforces the idea of women as property and as simple accoutrements to a man's more fully realized existence." So when we rush to declare ourself as male property by giving up our names, careers, interests and preferences for the huge honor of belonging to a man, let us remember where this ideology comes from and where it often leads us.

The very structure of our patriarchal vision of sexuality is informed by gender stereotypes. Men are expected to want sex more than women and employ a variety of "courting" tactics in order to get sex from presumably unwilling women. Every woman knows how annoying the rhetoric of female affections that have to be 'conquered' through male effort is. From early childhood, men are taught that female 'no' doesn't really mean a final and unquestionable rejection. They are told that 'no' means maybe and that effort and perseverance can eventually turn a 'no' into a 'yes.' And this myth is precisely what leads to so many stalkings, sexuall assaults, and rapes.

I have had the misfortune of experiencing the attitude inspired by the women-need-to-be-conquered myth more times that I care to remember. It's annoying and humiliating to be the object of male attempts at winning your affections once you have indicated that you are not interested. This state of things will not change unless we revise our understanding of gender roles. Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape also points out how this vision of gender roles victimizes men: "When society equates maleness with a constant desire for sex, men are socialized out of genuine sexual decision making, and are less likely to be able to know how to say no or be comfortable refusing sex when they don't want it."

The authors of the book analyze brilliantly how rape is used as a tool of social control. Women have to feel constantly fearful of placing themselves in the public realm and abandoning the mythical safety of their home, even though that home turns into the scene of violence, assault, and rape a lot more often than the streets.

A heavy hitter from the feminist blogoshpere! Good mix of personal essays, prose and more academic stuff that painted a great picture of current issues, theories and ideas about consent. I was impressed by the information they had on the current social climate of gender...well documented topics such as abstinence only sex education were given a bit of spotlight but more unexpected subjects were given coverage as well. This diversity included topics such as rape of illegal Latin-American immigrants during border crossing and on how female sexuality is used in torture in Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay. Interesting stuff! I hate to say it but usually I'm not surprised by personal essays on feminism and gender anymore. This is especially true for ones that revolve around popular third wave theory...identity politics, intersectionality, gender as a social construct, consent, promiscuity and so on. I learned new ways of thinking about all these concepts though so if you're one of those sociology-of-gender-nerds that thinks you've basically already read this book, THINK AGAIN! There is an essay I want my mom to read and a couple that I want my close not-feminist friends to read. Everyone should read at least part of this book.

This book deals with intense subjects so you have to be feeling a little brave to begin reading. (At least I do!) Though without dealing with these issues head-on the book could not do what it does best: inspire you that we can work to eradicate rape and at the same time make the sex and sexuality playing field more level, fluid, communicative, and respectful of people's boundaries. Not only do these collected essays identify the problems, they also put forth ways to repair them and move forward. It's a matter of learning to live the ideas found in these pages. Not easy, but certainly within our capabilities.

I enjoyed the book's use of tags on each essay like a blog instead of grouping them in sections of similar themes as per usual in books. It makes reading the book feel more engaging because you have a say in where you go next. Under the tags at the end of each essay are other essays working with the same theme(s). I would have liked page numbers alongside these listed essays, but this is a minor quibble because I don't mind flipping a few pages. Plus, in heading back to the table of contents, you may find an essay you wish to read that shares none of the tags of the essay you just read. Dynamic reading, indeed!

I picked this book up sort of by accident thinking "eww, a book about sex and rape?" But this book is so much more than that, and it turns out that my reaction indicated that I was exactly the sort of person who needed to read this book. I can't believe I was so unaware of the societal pressures put on me, as a woman. Reading this book made me realize in how many ways I was unenlightened when it came to thinking about my sexuality and that of other people, and that "sex" is not a dirty word.

The best thing about this book, I think, is that it has made me think, and has broken down a lot of assumptions or beliefs that I have unconsciously absorbed simply by being a person in America. This has allowed me to expand upon and change my views. I, personally, agree with much this book has to say. I believe that male and female sexual pleasure have equal value, that young women should be empowered sexually as much as men and have the right to be the sole decision-makers when it comes to their bodies and sex, that sex-ed should be far more encompassing than "abstinence only," that lack of "no" does not mean "yes," that sex is a performance and not a transaction, and many other ideas suggested by this book.

For body confidence, for empowerment, and better sex, this is a book for every woman and every man to read. It will make you think, and question, change your views and opinions, change your behaviors, and maybe change your life, if you get past the idea that you're reading a book about sex and rape, and give it a chance. It's a good change.

This may very easily become my new favorite book, and one I recommend to all my friends male or female. I believe this book should be taught in schools to help foster greater respect of sex as well as those around us.

While discussing complex and abstract concepts the book is surprisingly easy to read and understand. It calls for a complete overhaul of how we, as a society, view sex, consent as well as one another as human beings. Although the title mentions "Female sexual power," that shouldn't scare off men or those who do not necessarily affiliate themselves with feminism. The book is about equality and understanding of oneself and one's partner. Female sexual power is not to say women in a position hierarchically above men, instead it's about raising the previously lower status of women to be equal with that of men. I believe if this were the societal norm rape and sexual assault statistics would decrease dramatically. Additionally, with the kind of communication between partners this book encourages, I believe the quality of a couple's relationship as well as their sex life will drastically increase.

I also love the "hyperlinking" between the essays. I find this to be much easier to navigate than a typical table of contents. It was nice to finish a section and have recommendations of which to read next based off of what angle I want to tackle next.

This is a great anthology for anyone, male or female, who feels discomfort at the powerful anti-female messaging in our culture, anyone who has survived rape or sexual assault, or anyone attempting to navigate the minefield of sex towards their own self, defined pleasure.

I just finished this book and felt compelled to write a review. I consider myself to be a well read feminist but this book enlightened me on so many different levels. Since it was a combination of many essays they touched on a variety of topics and introduced new theories. It wasn't an academic book which made it easier to read and gave many different viewpoints. I feel more empowered and in my head it made the word "rape" a more clear and understandable term. Every young adult should read this book to prevent a lifetime of confusion when dealing with the opposite sex. If more people felt the way these authors do, the world would see large improvements in how we view women.

If every human read this book, perhaps it would move our global society closer to a world without rape. The essays are all very accessible, written for both the burgeoning and established feminist. Recovering rape, incest, and abuse victims may find a great deal of strength in this collection of voices fighting to create a safe space for women. This book breaks the silence of rape culture and offers a variety of solutions as to how this institution can finally be undone. There is at least one essay in this book that will resound in every individual. Everyone (womyn/men/queer/straight/cis/trans/young/old) can gain courage, optimism, and inspiration from this book.

This book is a fabulous, life-affirming ode to pleasure. With essays written from laudably diverse voices and covering a broad range of topics, it gives breath to a new generation of anti-rape activists. I put the book down feeling refreshed, whole, powerful. Highly recommended.

A new (if you haven't been keeping up with the feminist blogs) and transformative way to look at how we approach our relationships, both casual and long-term. Obviously this subject matter can get heavy, but I came away from the book feeling really positive. A great read.