Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind [Paperback]

Michael J. Bradley (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 8, 2002

Now in paperback! Here is the book that updates the rulebook, giving parents the training and skills they need to transform their teenage children into strong, confident, productive adults.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Bradley, a psychologist drawing on current brain research, argues that teenagers are basically nuts. While 95 percent of the brain develops in early childhood, the most advanced parts aren't completed until adolescence is nearly over. As a result, teens can appear unstable, dysfunctional and unpredictable, with temporarily impaired judgment and decision-making processes. In addition, Bradley argues, contemporary culture further challenges teens' thinking capabilities; the prevalence of sex, drugs and violence makes the teen's job of cognitive balancing even more precarious. The good news is that parents do make a difference, and Bradley clearly explains how parents can encourage and guide their kids through these tumultuous years. Stressing that teens are still "children," Bradley encourages parents to respond like "dispassionate cops," teaching and remaining calm even when teens behave outrageously. While Bradley's prose which he admits might be shocking and offensive at times may be initially off-putting to some, the book is compelling, lively and realistic. Using crisp, believable anecdotes that are alternately poignant and hysterically funny (while avoiding generic examples, jargon or psychobabble), Bradley homes in on real-life scenarios, showing parents, for instance, how to respond when their teen is "raging," and how to set curfews and limits. Bradley draws a vivid picture of what the teen is going through, and gives parents the tools to tackle contemporary issues together. An invaluable parachute to parents diving into the teen years. (Sept.)Forecast: A $100,000 marketing campaign, a 10-city author tour, the recent widespread media coverage of related neurological data and above all, the need for sensible, funny books on raising teenagers all bode well for this book's sales.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

For parents who have tried everything but still have teens who are out of control, Bradley's Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy! is a funny, blunt, and reassuring book. Philadelphia psychologist Bradley approaches the subject from the viewpoint that teens are, well, a little nuts; using current brain research, he points out that the most sophisticated parts of the mind are not developed until the end of adolescence ergo, the acting out, mood swings, ADHD, depression, suicide, anorexia, etc. The basic premise is that parents are still the most influential force in their kids' lives and that the old rules of parenting are not only unhelpful but destructive. Adults must take the blame for ignoring rampant alcohol addictions among teens, allowing sex to saturate culture so much that kids don't even know what intimacy and commitment are, and believing that raising children in 2001 can be easy. Rejecting peer pressure as an excuse for unacceptable behaviors, Bradley distinguishes between "normal" and "insane." One chapter describes negotiation, decision-making, and the enforcement of rules; another deals with the new phenomenon of teen rage and how to survive it. Overall, the message is that kids can become fine people even if they screw up a lot, and you need to play the parent, not the cool confidante. Therapist and professor Sells (Savannah State Univ.; Treating the Tough Adolescent) deals with teens whose behavior falls into the realm of "insanity": kids who are enraged, push buttons endlessly, steal, ditch school, use drugs or get pregnant, and defy authority in general. Good, well-meaning parents, he notes, are worn out, and these families need immediate help. Sells's approach is all "how-to": he provides seven basic steps, backed up with lists of strategies in the "What do I do if..." mode. These steps will empower parents to regain authority, bring families out of deep trouble, and begin to restore the love parents and teens once held for each other. Sells's extensive work and research with teens and parents is evident. Both books are excellent choices for public libraries. Linda Beck, Indian Valley P.L., Telford, PA
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 363 pages
• Publisher: Harbor Press, Inc.; 1 edition (November 8, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0936197447
• ISBN-13: 978-0936197449
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 1 x 9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (142 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #5,937 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

176 of 180 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Teenage Trials Viewed as a Temporary Mental Disorder September 2, 2001

By Donald Mitchell HALL OF FAMETOP 100 REVIEWERVINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover

Before reading this review, you should know that this book contains language and subjects that would cause it to exceed an �R� rating if it were a motion picture. These vulgarities, sexual references, and violence are essential to the book�s content. The author also apologizes for the need to employ them.

If your teenager had a serious case of the flu, you would be sympathetic and helpful. When the same teenager acts in ways you disagree with, are you inclined to be unsympathetic and challenging? Dr. Bradley argues in this intriguing book that your reaction should be very similar. Both are usually natural occurrences of body dysfunctions from which your teen will recover. Although that may sound like a psychological metaphor, Dr. Bradley points out that research with MRIs shows that the growth of the corpus callosum (which coordinates cross-brain functions) and development of the prefrontal cortex (which civilizes responses that the �old brain� stimulates) are both occurring during the teenage years. Until those brain developments are more complete, your teen will react in bizarre ways that she or he will be unable to explain. I found that way of thinking about teenage behavior to be fascinating.

My own description of the teenage years experienced by our children was that boys� behavior generally went downhill until age 13 when it bottomed out, to begin gradually improving thereafter. For girls, the decline in behavior seemed to begin around 13, and started to improve after age 20.

Dr. Bradley points out that teens have always been like this. So what has changed? �We�ve created a world dripping with sex, drugs, and violence and plunked our temporarily insane children in the middle of it.� Parents often treat their teens as though they can handle it. �The fact is that cannot handle �it� and they know this.� �Teens left on their own as small adults not only . . . [make serious mistakes], they become depressed and rageful in the bargain.� Dr. Bradley�s descriptions of the increased exposure to these influences on television, at home, in school, and with friends will leave you convinced that we have a more toxic environment for today�s teenagers. He cites many case histories and statistics to make his points very compelling.

The solution is for parents to change, and become a more positive influence on their teens. I was especially moved by his observation that parents need to stop mourning for their younger, happy, well-behaved child who will not return any time soon.

He offers ten commandments for being a good parent:

(1) Behave and think dispassionately;

(2) Listen well and support emotionally;

(3) Say little in a pleasant way;

(4) Take the time you need to make an appropriate response;

(5) Forget your personal pride in finding a response;

(6) Avoid being physical, even friendly gestures can be annoying to teens;

(7) Apologize for anything you have done wrong;

(8) Accept the identity your teen is trying out;

(9) Be true to your own beliefs; and

(10) Remember that all this will eventually pass.

The book offers excellent guidance on rule-setting and enforcement that are similar to what worked well with our now grown-up teens.

The book also has sections on how to deal with common problems like privacy, angry teens, drugs, sex and dating, family problems, discussing legal versus illegal drugs. You are also given a sense of what is normal and abnormal behavior related to acting out, depression, eating disorders, and suicide risk. For any hint of abnormal behavior, get professional help fast (apparently 19% of teens have given serious thought to how they would commit suicide, and the depressed teens are not the ones most at risk). You are also given good ideas for how to get teens to professional help. One of the best parts of this section is pointing out how two parents should cooperate (if you and your spouse are together) and single parents can best cope....

I particularly liked two final pieces of advice. �It turns out love is the magic, after all.� �Keep your sense of humor!�

After you finish reading this book, I suggest that you think about where your own behavior as a teen was irrationally impulsive. Dr. Bradley cites a horrible night of misbehavior that he had as a teen. I know I gave into my impulses in various occasions. Now imagine how you would have liked your parents to respond while this was going on, both with and without the house of cards falling in on you. Those recollections may be your best guide to how you can improve, and earn even higher trust and respect from your teen.

Support emotional messes and illnesses as generously as you support physical ills!

88 of 89 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars from the trenches... November 10, 2001

By RLF

Format:Hardcover

Get the book and read it...

Memorize it and practice Dr. Bradley's suggestions until they become your first reaction to the teenage craziness around you. I don't say this casually. I say this because I know, for a fact, what Bradley says works. It works when nothing else seems to and when you are absolutely certain you have no idea where that ex-child, now crazy person, came from. Less humorously...his suggestions work when you are desperately close to watching your son or daughter become a statistic. It works when nothing else has and, believe me, if you are at this point in his or her life, nothing else might. Simply put, Dr. Bradley saved my son. Now, he will say that I did, and I may have been the one who was mouthing the words and acting the part, but the words were his and the role was his, both borne from years of sensitive and insightful counseling of parents and their teenagers.

I know. I sat on the couch across from his. He watched and listened and I was hysterical. He made the same suggestions (quietly and dispassionately!) to me in my insanity that he shares in his book. He pounded them into my head and I became convinced of a few things: my son was crazy and I was his anchor. It is a few years later and my son and I are emerging from the insanity of those years, but I keep the book close by and I read and reread his words and I hear them echo and I vow always to follow them: "dispassionate cop" "short sentences, few syllables" "apologize (me, not my son)." Of course, I sometimes fail, but teenagers have a generous way of providing more opportunities to practice. I knew I had been given one of those chances and succeeded when I responded calmly, and dispassionately in a short sentence of few syllables and my son said, "Mom...stop that, because...it...it is....working."

Bradley's knowledge in this area is broad and deep, his suggestions are easy to understand, his book is poignant, clear, and frantic-parent friendly. His humor is readily evident and heartening. Reading the book is almost as good as sitting in a session with him...seriously. Read it seriously. Follow it seriously. It works...seriously.

Thanks, Dr. Bradley.

59 of 61 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Light for the Teenage Tunnel May 9, 2002

By Deanna Johnson

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

I've been a long-time Amazon customer and this is the first time I have felt absolutely compelled to write a review. I have a 17 year old son, and I wish I had read this book 5 years ago! The book is written in 3 parts - Part 1 on teens and the issues in their lives, Part 2 on parents, and Part 3 on strategies for dealing with those issues. (He even includes a section on internet obsession - a big issue in our house.) When I finished reading this book, I felt so hopeful. The author provides a guideline for staying sane while dealing with the craziness, and at the same time maintaining a connection with your kids in a way that fosters strength, love, compassion, and most and best of all - mutual respect. Not a small feat, and he does it with a warm sense of humor to top it off. I would have given this book more stars if I could!