Customer Reviews

Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind

5 star:		(99)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Before reading this review, you should know that this book contains language and subjects that would cause it to exceed an R rating if it were a motion picture. These vulgarities, sexual references, and violence are essential to the books content. The author also apologizes for the need to employ them.

If your teenager had a serious case of the flu, you would be sympathetic and helpful. When the same teenager acts in ways you disagree with, are you inclined to be unsympathetic and challenging? Dr. Bradley argues in this intriguing book that your reaction should be very similar. Both are usually natural occurrences of body dysfunctions from which your teen will recover. Although that may sound like a psychological metaphor, Dr. Bradley points out that research with MRIs shows that the growth of the corpus callosum (which coordinates cross-brain functions) and development of the prefrontal cortex (which civilizes responses that the old brain stimulates) are both occurring during the teenage years. Until those brain developments are more complete, your teen will react in bizarre ways that she or he will be unable to explain. I found that way of thinking about teenage behavior to be fascinating.

My own description of the teenage years experienced by our children was that boys behavior generally went downhill until age 13 when it bottomed out, to begin gradually improving thereafter. For girls, the decline in behavior seemed to begin around 13, and started to improve after age 20.

Dr. Bradley points out that teens have always been like this. So what has changed? Weve created a world dripping with sex, drugs, and violence and plunked our temporarily insane children in the middle of it. Parents often treat their teens as though they can handle it. The fact is that cannot handle it and they know this. Teens left on their own as small adults not only . . . [make serious mistakes], they become depressed and rageful in the bargain. Dr. Bradleys descriptions of the increased exposure to these influences on television, at home, in school, and with friends will leave you convinced that we have a more toxic environment for todays teenagers. He cites many case histories and statistics to make his points very compelling.

The solution is for parents to change, and become a more positive influence on their teens. I was especially moved by his observation that parents need to stop mourning for their younger, happy, well-behaved child who will not return any time soon.

He offers ten commandments for being a good parent:

(1) Behave and think dispassionately;

(2) Listen well and support emotionally;

(3) Say little in a pleasant way;

(4) Take the time you need to make an appropriate response;

(5) Forget your personal pride in finding a response;

(6) Avoid being physical, even friendly gestures can be annoying to teens;

(7) Apologize for anything you have done wrong;

(8) Accept the identity your teen is trying out;

(9) Be true to your own beliefs; and

(10) Remember that all this will eventually pass.

The book offers excellent guidance on rule-setting and enforcement that are similar to what worked well with our now grown-up teens.

The book also has sections on how to deal with common problems like privacy, angry teens, drugs, sex and dating, family problems, discussing legal versus illegal drugs. You are also given a sense of what is normal and abnormal behavior related to acting out, depression, eating disorders, and suicide risk. For any hint of abnormal behavior, get professional help fast (apparently 19% of teens have given serious thought to how they would commit suicide, and the depressed teens are not the ones most at risk). You are also given good ideas for how to get teens to professional help. One of the best parts of this section is pointing out how two parents should cooperate (if you and your spouse are together) and single parents can best cope....

I particularly liked two final pieces of advice. It turns out love is the magic, after all. Keep your sense of humor!

After you finish reading this book, I suggest that you think about where your own behavior as a teen was irrationally impulsive. Dr. Bradley cites a horrible night of misbehavior that he had as a teen. I know I gave into my impulses in various occasions. Now imagine how you would have liked your parents to respond while this was going on, both with and without the house of cards falling in on you. Those recollections may be your best guide to how you can improve, and earn even higher trust and respect from your teen.

Support emotional messes and illnesses as generously as you support physical ills!

Get the book and read it...

Memorize it and practice Dr. Bradley's suggestions until they become your first reaction to the teenage craziness around you. I don't say this casually. I say this because I know, for a fact, what Bradley says works. It works when nothing else seems to and when you are absolutely certain you have no idea where that ex-child, now crazy person, came from. Less humorously...his suggestions work when you are desperately close to watching your son or daughter become a statistic. It works when nothing else has and, believe me, if you are at this point in his or her life, nothing else might. Simply put, Dr. Bradley saved my son. Now, he will say that I did, and I may have been the one who was mouthing the words and acting the part, but the words were his and the role was his, both borne from years of sensitive and insightful counseling of parents and their teenagers.

I know. I sat on the couch across from his. He watched and listened and I was hysterical. He made the same suggestions (quietly and dispassionately!) to me in my insanity that he shares in his book. He pounded them into my head and I became convinced of a few things: my son was crazy and I was his anchor. It is a few years later and my son and I are emerging from the insanity of those years, but I keep the book close by and I read and reread his words and I hear them echo and I vow always to follow them: "dispassionate cop" "short sentences, few syllables" "apologize (me, not my son)." Of course, I sometimes fail, but teenagers have a generous way of providing more opportunities to practice. I knew I had been given one of those chances and succeeded when I responded calmly, and dispassionately in a short sentence of few syllables and my son said, "Mom...stop that, because...it...it is....working."

Bradley's knowledge in this area is broad and deep, his suggestions are easy to understand, his book is poignant, clear, and frantic-parent friendly. His humor is readily evident and heartening. Reading the book is almost as good as sitting in a session with him...seriously. Read it seriously. Follow it seriously. It works...seriously.

Thanks, Dr. Bradley.

I've been a long-time Amazon customer and this is the first time I have felt absolutely compelled to write a review. I have a 17 year old son, and I wish I had read this book 5 years ago! The book is written in 3 parts - Part 1 on teens and the issues in their lives, Part 2 on parents, and Part 3 on strategies for dealing with those issues. (He even includes a section on internet obsession - a big issue in our house.) When I finished reading this book, I felt so hopeful. The author provides a guideline for staying sane while dealing with the craziness, and at the same time maintaining a connection with your kids in a way that fosters strength, love, compassion, and most and best of all - mutual respect. Not a small feat, and he does it with a warm sense of humor to top it off. I would have given this book more stars if I could!

Our daughter was absolutely a delight! She's beautiful inside and out, makes straight "A's," liked to hang out with her father and I, had special days with just me where we'd just hang together, at HER request, loved to read, hated boys or talking on the phone; it was amazing! I had already imagined her high school years, homecoming queen, valedictorian...I found out last month that she's been sneaking out of her room and has had sex with her boyfriend...at 14 years old. She dresses so strangely, hardly speaks to us, wants to "die" over the "dumbest" things. I felt like I wanted to die, to tell you the truth. She is my "baby," younger by 10 years than her next sibling, and the light of my life. Although we've gone for counseling and things have changed a bit, I still was raging inside...at her, at god, at my husband, I couldn't seem to get a grip on this. Me, who believes all things are exactly as they are meant to be, couldn't find peace and acceptance in this. Finally, a few days ago, I asked the angels or "someone" to please help me. That day I went to the bookstore and "for some reason" found this book. It has changed my life. It's still not easy but at least I realize I'm not alone, I haven't lost my mind, there isn't anything I could've done differently, it's just that she's a teenager.

I recommend this book to everyone, whether you're having trouble or not, it will help you understand why teenagers act the way they do. I only wish there was an audio version so we could listen to it in the car, I know it will take my husband forever to finish it. Good luck to you all!

This book offers much insight into the teenage mind. Being an average teenager myself, reading this book really helped me understand, well, Me! I was astonished by the wisdom offered by Dr. Bradley. I will warn that this book is for parenting but can be used as a guide for the MATURE teen too. This is a well organized guide to becoming a more educated parent for your teenager! Dr. Bradley helps us see that the parents and the teenagers, are all fighting the same battle, those dreadful Teenage Years. I highly recommend this book. "Yes Your Teen is Crazy" expands and updates one's mind in the scary realm known as the teenager. Buy this book!

Before I even finished this book I began using the "dispassionate" techniques Dr. Bradley recommends. The results have been dramatic. My 13 year-old and I have not had a screaming fight in a while (they were happening every other day) AND we have been communicating in a way I thought was lost forever. Dr. Bradley uses an upbeat and candid style to get across all that ails today's teens, from medical insight that supports the notion that our kids are crazy (his term, not mine), to an environment that inundates them with sex, drugs and rock and roll at a very early age. His case studies are enlightening, and sometimes terrifying, but a wonderful way to get his point across without bogging down the reader with too much psychobabble. I highly recommend this book not just for parents of teenagers-my relationship with my 10 year-old is already benefitting from my newly learned parenting skills-but for every parent who has, at one time or another, been frustrated while trying to communicate with his or her child.

As the facilitator of a drop-in support group for parents of rebellious teens I have my nose in parenting books all the time. Dr. Bradley's book is one of the best I've read dealing with the trials of parenting today's teens. (No! They're not just like us when we were teens! And, No! You can't parent them like your parents parented you!) His sense of humor combined with his wisdom gained from couseling teens and their parents, and the excerpts of actual counseling conversations leave you feeling like you've been given the privilege of sitting in on real-life sessions of this successful psychologist's practice - all for only the price of the book! Since the number one problem parents bring in to our support group is teen rage and anger, I found Chapter 13-"Surviving Your Kids Rage" especially useful - yes, useful - following his first commandment for parents of teens: Thou shalt be as the dispassionate cop unto thine own child: be cool, not the fool" Dr. Bradely takes the reader step-by-step through a very new way of responding to the dreaded purple faced, popping neck veins and clenched fist emotion of rage. If on a scale of 1-10 you have reached a "10" in wanting to do something to become a better parent (and in return be rewarded with an improved relationship with your teen) read this book - and then do what Dr. Bradely suggests! Changing your teen's behavior starts with changing you! Full of humor, practical ideas, and best of all-hope for hurting parents.

Superb! I am the mother of two teenagers and also a professional working with children and teenagers - this book was worth every cent and every second I spent reading it.
I found it very helpful personally, I am already reaping the benefits in my family...
It will also go on my short list of book recommendations for parents of troubled teens.
It is transforming, empowering - and reassuring. Just add a caring parent (even if confused, angry, ineffective - as we all are from time to time).

Just one burning issue - I hate the title which may be fine for parents but is insensitive to teens. I discarded the dust jacket, so all my recently raging teen would see was an innocuous grey cloth binding, as I read the book. Please retool the title for future editions which will surely follow.
And thank you Michael Bradley !!!

Having read Teens in Turmoil, I would have clenched harder at every indiscretion my two teens commit, convinced that they are at risk. I was miserable and scared. but immediately when I began reading this book, my views were altered dramatically. I don't feel so nervous about all the typical-by-Dr.-Bradley's-view things my teens do. this helped me develop a perspective that allowed room for my kids to become and be who they will without me getting in the way, but with some practical measure of limits and growth applied.

it's a friendly and compassionate book both to the teen and the parent. Dr. Bradley is on the side of both teen and parent and makes me feel that I'm not doing so badly, and most important that I'm not alone. His own personal accounts are some of the most enlightening, and come with tension and suprize.

I was first offput by some cutesy language, but it is used unabashedly throughout, and so now I accept it as part of Dr. Bradley, the child psychologist with a little bit of a ham in him. the reading is very easy and grabs the reader right away, but the opening material is easy to take in, despite the fear it might instill (in what our society is doing to itself). past 1/2 way the material is more difficult, dealing with the guts of tough issues, so I have slowed down for the home stretch.

All in all, I would highly highly recommend this reading to any parent of a teen. Please read it and learn you are probably doing ok, if you are concerned enough to find the time to spend with this book.

I'm so glad to see so many stars on this page. This is the kind of book, that:
1) spoke both to me and to my husband, though we traditionally
have had different views. We really came together on this !
2) makes you begin to feel that you are not as far out in left
field as you might feel. Some days it feels like 3 fields
away.
3) despite the title, which I had trouble with at first (before
reading it) this is a very compasionate look at kids AND their
parents, from someone who has included many insights from kids
and adults.

I can't recommend this enough, Also see Yes Your Parents Are
Crazy