You Are a Miserable Excuse for a Hero!: Book One in the Just Make a Choice! Series [Paperback]

Bob Powers (Author)

Book Description

Series: Just Make a Choice! | Publication Date: May 27, 2008

Why Do All the Nice Girls End Up Getting Kidnapped and Held for Ransom?

In this book, YOU, the reader, are a thirtysomething part-time actor/full-time waiter suddenly caught up in a kidnapping. Julia, the girl you went out with last night, has been TAKEN HOSTAGE. What will you do? Will you go to the police and ask for help? Will you burst into the hideout, killing everyone in sight, then tell Julia that she shouldn’t misinterpret this as some sort of big commitment? Or will you unplug your phone and just get really, really drunk? The choice is yours!

You awake to the sound of the phone ringing.

“Hello?”

You hear a man’s voice. It is muffled. “We’ve got Julia.”

“Wait, what do you mean?”

“We have kidnapped your girlfriend. If you ever want to see her again---”

“Whoa, she’s not my girlfriend,” you say. “I just met her. I mean, I had a good time with her and all, but I wanna take it slow with this one, I think.”

“We understand,” the voice says. “But she’s new to the city, and presently, you’re all she has. Give us fifty thousand dollars by tomorrow or we’ll blow her head off.”

If you want to go and ask your parents if you can borrow fifty thousand dollars, go to page 173.

If you want to have sex with your ex-girlfriend, consider getting back together with her, then think better of it, go to page 183.

BE VERY CAREFUL! You’re directing the story and the CHOICES you make can result in MURDER, GRADUATE SCHOOL ENROLLMENT, TORTURE, MARRIAGE, POST-APOCALYPTIC SLAVERY, UNWANTED PREGNANCY, even TEMPING! It’s YOUR STORY and YOUR LIFE. All you’ve got to do is decide which page you want to turn to. JUST MAKE A CHOICE!

Find more online at www.justmakeachoice.com.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"You are a miserable excuse for a person if you don't buy this hilarious book. Bob Powers is some kind of comedy genius or something. Frankly, I'm scared."

-Paul Feig, creator of the TV series "Freaks and Geeks" and author of Superstud

"There are page turners and then there are page turners.  This wonderful, pathetic tale left me wanting more pages."

-Zach Galifianakis, Humorist

“No one I know writes so funny and so sad at the same time better than Bob Powers. If you're willing to take a chance and jump into his twisted mind, you're in for a delicious, cringe-inducing treat. …This book is like those great ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ books we read as kids, if the pain and soul-crushing responsibility of adulthood had infested the whole thing.”

-Bryan Tucker, writer for "Chappelle's Show" and "Saturday Night Live"

"As I read Bob Powers' ‘Just Make a Choice!’ adventure, I endeavored to choose honestly, according to my own ethics and beliefs. Unfortunately, this resulted in babies being aborted, people being murdered, unspeakable debauchery and multiple dead-end jobs, just like my real life!"

-John Roderick, lead singer/songwriter, The Long Winters

About the Author

Bob Powers is the author of the book Happy Cruelty Day! He has performed at HBO’s Aspen Comedy Festival, and is the creator of the Web site www.girlsarepretty.com. He lives in New York City.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin; 1st edition (May 27, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312377347
• ISBN-13: 978-0312377342
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.6 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #305,836 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Bob Powers was born and raised in Upper Darby, PA, a suburb on the border of West Philly. He's lived in New York City since 1991, taking time out to have a three year breakdown in LA.

Bob's first book, "Happy Cruelty Day" collects much of the best material from his website, www.girlsarepretty.com. It also features over 50 entries never before seen on the web or anywhere else.

Bob's second and third books are part of his "Just Make a Choice!" adventure series. "You Are A Miserable Excuse for a Hero" and "The Terrible, Horrible Temp-To-Perm Debacle" parody the children's "Choose Your Own Adventure" series, maturing the interactive format for 30-year-olds who are terrified of making choices. Book #1, "Miserable Excuse" has been optioned for a movie by Mandate Pictures, with the screenplay being adapted by DV Devincentis, the screenwriter of Grosse Point Blank and High Fidelity.

Bob's latest book is "The Werewolf's Guide To Life - A Manual For The Newly Bitten." It is the essential guide for new and existing werewolves, offering advice for how to survive, post-attack etiquette, romance, diet, and career choices ideal for werewolves.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Ridiculously Perfect, and Perfectly Ridiculous, May 27, 2008

By 

Rachel Kramer Bussel "Cupcakes Take the Cake ... (New York City) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: You Are a Miserable Excuse for a Hero!: Book One in the Just Make a Choice! Series (Paperback)

Bob Powers has written a hilarious and very adult version of the classic Choose Your Own Adventure type of book, skewering everything from dotcom mania to a Landmark Forum-type "personal development workshop." The latter advertises that "There is a GEYSER OF PERSONAL POTENTIAL waiting to burst out of you. Find out how to COAT THE WORLD with AN EXPLOSION OF YOU." As you try to figure out the best way for your hero, or, perhaps, anti-hero, to save his girlfriend (or, you know, not), who is being held by kidnappers for $50,000, Powers you to a sex club, an abortionist, 9/11 and beyond. He somehow manages to cram in all kinds of current events with a general sense of generational angst and relationship drama, all while you flip around madly trying to find the best ending. Except all the endings here are kindof messed up, and all the funnier for it.

I read all the time on the subway, and only rarely do I miss my stop because I'm so engrossed in a book. That happened with this one, so be forewarned.

3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars More Powers Gold!!!, May 27, 2008

By 

Cronesey "DJC" (New York) - See all my reviews

This review is from: You Are a Miserable Excuse for a Hero!: Book One in the Just Make a Choice! Series (Paperback)

Great book. Very original and funny. Bob Powers unleashes his beautifully twisted arsenal of ideas in a Choose-Your-Own Adventure for adults.
I love this guy's stand-up, sketch comedy and books. He's a hilarious, genuine artist - one of NY's authentic voices who seems to never lack the kind of deliciously dark concepts that you wish didn't crack you up so hard.

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Great Idea Made Better By Hysterical Writing, June 15, 2008

By 

T. levin (Brooklyn, NY) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: You Are a Miserable Excuse for a Hero!: Book One in the Just Make a Choice! Series (Paperback)

Bob Powers proves his skills of observation and imagination are totally unlimited with this choose your own adventure book for adults. The possible outcomes are as diverse as they are hilarious. It's a great read and would make the perfect gift for anyone you know who is nearing or in their 30s, and still trying to figure things out.