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You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas [Kindle Edition]

Augusten Burroughs
3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (83 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $14.00
Kindle Price: $8.89
You Save: $5.11 (36%)
Sold by: Macmillan

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Hardcover, Bargain Price $8.80  
Paperback, Bargain Price $5.60  
Audio, CD, Audiobook, CD, Unabridged $10.39  
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Book Description

You’ve eaten too much candy at Christmas…but have you ever eaten the face off a six-footstuffed Santa? You’ve seen gingerbread houses…but have you ever made your own gingerbread tenement? You’ve woken up with a hangover…but have you ever woken up next to Kris Kringle himself? Augusten Burroughs has, and in this caustically funny, nostalgic, poignant, and moving collection he recounts Christmases past and present—as only he could. With gimleteyed wit and illuminated prose, Augusten shows how the holidays bring out the worst in us and sometimes, just sometimes, the very, very best.



Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. With hilarious, heart-warming, and emotional Yule-tide tales, Burroughs revisits his childhood Christmases that seemed to bring out the best and worst in his family and friends. Burroughs reads with such ease and candor he seems more old friend than narrator. With his crisp diction, smooth delivery, and relentlessly funny material, Burroughs could easily have a new career as a performer, but for now, listeners can give thanks for this early Christmas present. A St. Martin's hardcover (Reviews, Jul. 13). (Nov.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

"[Burroughs] matches fine perceptive writing with heartfelt, note-[erfect narrating, achieving an emotional power few audiobooks can match. Burrough's life can be a wild ride, and his reading can match it, but it's a ride worth taking." –AudioFile, Earphones Award Winner
 
"Burroughs reads with such ease and candor he seems more old friend than narrator. With his crisp diction, smooth delivery, and relentlessly funny material, Burroughs could easily have a new career as a performer, but for now, listeners can give thanks for this early Christmas present." – Publishers Weekly, Starred Review
 
"In his trademark wit and self-deprecating humor, author Augusten Burroughs compiles his favorite Christmas memories in his new book, You Better Not Cry." – VanityFair.com
 
"Burroughs has the sort of distinct voice that lends his stories a memorable charm." –CreativeLoafing.com
 
"...He [Burroughs] takes listeners on a rollicking, personal chronological tour of some of his more memorable Christmases...this is laugh-out-loud stuff that nevertheless, with genuine warmth and sensitivity, pays homage to the spirit of giving for which the holiday season is known." - Sound Commentary
 
"This most candid of memorists evokes poignancy and a kind of subversive nostalgia, spiked with flaws and good intentions." - BookPage
 
"He [Burroughs] matches fine perceptive writing with heartfelt, note-perfect narrating, achieving an emotional power few audiobooks can match. Burroughs's life can be a wild ride, and his reading can match it, but it's a ride worth taking." - AudioFile magazine, Earphones Award Winner
 
"Burroughs' stories about Christmas memories alternate between loopy and hilarious and poignant and heartfelt. Burroughs matches his reading style to each story superbly." - Audiopolis, a blog from AudioFile

Product Details

  • File Size: 618 KB
  • Print Length: 225 pages
  • Publisher: St. Martin's Press; Reprint edition (October 27, 2009)
  • Sold by: Macmillan
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B002U2DQAW
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #178,531 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Another excellent book from Augusten December 12, 2009
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
I have enjoyed reading Augusten Burroughs books for many years. I was thrilled to learn that he had a new book out. Being a bit of a scrooge myself, I knew this book would not disappoint. It is a compilation of several different essays. I really enjoyed reading the book and it helped pull me into the Christmas spirit.
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15 of 17 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Not his best, but still good October 31, 2009
Format:Hardcover
I'm a huge fan of all of Augusten's books, but I found this one just a little disappointing. I read "You Better Not Cry" in two days...not because I'm a super speedy reader, but because it's a very short book. The page count is decent, but the size of the book is very tiny so the book is over before you know it.

That's my biggest problem with the book. It's just TOO short.

That said, it's an entertaining read. The book progresses chronologically through Augusten's past. The stories of his childhood are generally quite funny. Generally speaking, I actually like stories of his adult life better than stories of his childhood (i.e. I like "Dry" and "Magical Thinking" even more than "Running With Scissors"). This also holds true with "You Better Not Cry". My favorite stories in the book are of his adult life. My favorite story in the book is "Silent Night." This heart-warming little tale makes me really sad that Augusten and Dennis are no longer together.

I found his story titled, "The Best and Only Everything" terribly sad and it's the longest story in the book. But there are amusing stories, too. I really enjoyed the title story, "You Better Not Cry."

All in all, it's a worthwhile read. And with Amazon's discounted price, I'm glad I bought it. I just wish it were longer! Keep writing, Augusten. I just can't get enough of your words!
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating account of Christmas December 21, 2009
By Fred
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
Not at all what I expected to read ---. I had not known the author and had not realized he was gay. That didn't change my mind though as I read; it was truly fun and sad at the same time. I believe the hour you spend with this book will not be wasted --- obviously, it's heartfelt and I got a sense that Christmas was longed for, as it should be. The childhood glimpses were tough, sad and tragic. The flood was also extremely sad but brought the whole Christmas theme to light. Thank you
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Pure Burroughs January 6, 2010
Format:Hardcover
I found this book to be just like his others! Places in the book are witty, interesting, heartfelt...and then there's the other side-dark, sad, and unnnerving. But with all the other books I found this to be right up there in style and character. I enjoyed this small book of about 200 pages. It was quick to read in between the hustle and bustle of the holidays. For a Burrough's fan...this will be enjoyed!
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28 of 38 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Very Disappointing!!! November 1, 2009
A Kid's Review
Format:Hardcover
We waited at least two years for this? The title was great, catchy, made you think it was going to be funny but it wasn't. To me it seems like this book was thrown together because of some deadline, it didn't seem to have much heart. The stories were long and drawn out and couldn't keep my attention much as his work usually is so intense you cant put it down. I was also expecting more humor but it wasn't the case for this book. I was really, REALLY looking forward to this book so it's quite the disappointment. I guess I'll be camped out until the next one though as I still have a ton of faith in this man. Sorry Augusten but I'm being honest........
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The perfect anecdote to Christmas-backlash December 18, 2010
Format:Hardcover
You can keep your Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp crushes. . . if I am being 100% earnest and honest, my number #1 fan-girl crush is unashamedly on gay American writer, Augusten Burroughs.

I have read every one of his books and gotten a stomach cramp from laughing too hard at each one. He is my author/reader soul-mate and I'm sure that if we ever met I would fall at his feet and beg him to be my friend. I love his sense of humour, I love his brutal honesty and I just love him. . . `You Better Not Cry' is further evidence of why Augusten Burroughs holds a special place in my heart.

Augusten Burroughs (originally Christopher Robison, until he changed his name at the age of 18) started out writing fiction with his first novel released in 2000 called `Sellevision'. That first novel was about four greedy and ambitious people who work at a television company. The novel was good and funny, but it wasn't until the 2002 release of Burrough's novel `Running with Scissors' that he made a name for himself and was touted as the voice of a generation. . .

`Running with Scissors' was Augusten Burrough's first memoir, and it was as harrowing as it was hilarious. It told the story of Augusten's early teen years, when his addict/poet mother gave him up for adoption. . . to her therapist. What followed was years spent at Dr. Finch's madhouse where the good doctor frequently gave Augusten drug samples, called the family into the bathroom to see his weird-shaped bowel movements and Augusten happily played `shock therapy' with Finch's youngest child, Natalie. `Running with Scissors' was heralded as a uniquely sharp comedy of unflinching honesty, and was adapted into a 2006 film.

Thus began Burrough's true writing career.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars He told me not to cry... January 9, 2010
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
...but I did, and "sobbed" is more like it. His Pighead essay was one of the most romantic and devastating things I've ever read. His ability to express love in such a complete way in just a few sentences amazes me. Some of the essays were lacking on the provocative, humorous or emotional levels at which he so consistently writes, however, as a whole this collection was a joy (and sometimes a joyous sorrow) to read.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
1.0 out of 5 stars Did not like
The book was not a traditional Christmas story. Not my type of book. I only read it for a library discussion club.
Published 11 days ago by Wanda writes
2.0 out of 5 stars Missfire
I have really enjoyed all of Augusten's other books. He changes how you see life and experience, which is a great gift for a writer to give. Read more
Published 27 days ago by Marlon
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
hilarious-must read again!
Published 1 month ago by 5377brown
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Just as promised and expected
Published 2 months ago by Kathleen Wilson
4.0 out of 5 stars Funny stories from a funny author!
I'm a bigger fan of David Sedaris, but Augusten Burroughs is really fun to read in short snippets.
Published 2 months ago by Mark Henderson
5.0 out of 5 stars When Augusten Burroughs opens the vault and gives us a ...
When Augusten Burroughs opens the vault and gives us a peek into his life, he never fails to keep the reader rapt. I couldn't put this book down.
Published 2 months ago by Sandi Hoffman
2.0 out of 5 stars Two Stars
okay
Published 2 months ago by bianca whalen
2.0 out of 5 stars I love Augusten B. even though his stories are outrageous...
Because he makes you feel like like they really are true. But this book is very contrived-feeling, with some stories that because they don't feel like they come from life, just... Read more
Published 3 months ago by Roseanne D
2.0 out of 5 stars A little to much
It was a little to crass for my particular taste. Perhaps less crude definitions would serve my taste much better. It does have a story to tell.
Published 6 months ago by Natacha Seijas
1.0 out of 5 stars $500.00 REALLY??
What imbecile would pay $500.00 dollars for this book when you can buy this all day long for under $10.00?? Please Amazon get these kind of sellers off this site!! Read more
Published 8 months ago by Laurie A. Kittle
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More About the Author

Augusten Burroughs is the author of the autobiographical works "Running with Scissors," "Dry," "Magical Thinking," "Possible Side Effects" and "A Wolf at the Table," all of which were New York Times bestsellers. "Running with Scissors" remained on the New York Times bestseller list for over two consecutive years and was made into a Golden Globe-nominated film starring Annette Bening. His only novel, "Sellevision," is currently in development as a series for NBC. "Dry," Augusten's memoir of his alcoholism and recovery, is being developed by Showtime. In addition, Burroughs is currently creating an original prime-time series for CBS. Augusten's latest book is called "You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas."

Twice named to Entertainment Weekly's list of the funniest people in America, Augusten has also been the subject of a Vanity Fair cover story and a Jeopardy! answer. His books have made guest appearances in two James Patterson novels, one Linkin Park music video, numerous television shows and a porn movie.

Augusten has been a photographer since childhood and many of his images can be seen on his website, www.augusten.com. He lives in New York City.

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