Customer Reviews

You Can Be Happy No Matter What: Five Principles for Keeping Life in Perspective

5 star:		(43)
4 star:		(8)
3 star:		(5)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

Ever felt like depression and negativitity were swamping all the happiness out of your life? Then read this book before you turn to Prozac. When I first found this book, back in 1997, I instantly recognized myself in Dr. Carlson's descriptions of the way thoughts can play through one's head and cause you to act in reactionary, emotional ways when one is experiencing what he calls a "low mood." He teaches readers, though, through a step by step process, how to return once again, to a state of "healthy psychological functioning." This book is NOT another "positive thinking" book. No, it is one of the most profound little books you'll ever pick up. It teaches you how to recognize "low moods" and to avoid action during low moods. It shows how to return to "normal functioning." After reading the book version several times a year for the last couple of years, I recently bought a two-tape audio version of this book, which is read by the author, and allows me to review the book's key principles whenever I feel a low mood setting in for too long. Not just a book. A great mental health tool.

I have to agree with all of the reviewers below: This book has some valuable insights. And because I am not unfamiliar with the concepts (see my review of "Napkin Notes on the Art of Living") I was interested to read a different presentation of similar material. Yes, we control our thoughts, our thoughts affect our moods, and feelings are a good indicator of when our thought process has derailed -- ie we're not living in the moment. And with a lot of patience and practice, we can navigate even the hardest things in life with more grace. But there were times while reading that my little voice said "This guy is making it sound way too easy... OR he's way too happy..." He insists that ignoring your low moods or negative feelings isn't "denial" but "deferral" of dealing with those feelings until you're in a better frame of mind, but often we aren't given that luxury. I worked really hard to maintain respect when, in two or three lines, he described how he was able to cope when a dear friend died in a car crash on the way to standing up to his wedding. Was it really as easy as he makes it sound? Human beings are complex, and often overwhelmed by feelings. So while this is good advice for many of life's ups and downs, I suspect the more complicated scenarios will require a bit more.

This was the first of several books I read from Dr. Carlson, and I know it was a very instrumental part of my recovery process overcoming depression. I can't remember when I was so excited to read a book (except perhaps, when I read his book, "Shortcut Through Therapy"). I've read it three times, and bought four copies for other people who were also amazed at how much control they actually had over their own happiness!

The beauty of this book is it's simplicity. It combines principles and applications that are not difficult to understand and, with practice, almost effortless to implement. This book benefited me because I believed, that I had little or no control over my thoughts, feelings, moods, circumstances or happiness.

As I reflect after reading the book, I find that I have been feeling better longer. I still have low moods, but I don't sink as low, stay as long or hurt as bad as I used to. I'm still in therapy, and an end is in sight. My shrinks have substantially lenthened the time between visits, and reduced my meds considerably.

Thank you Dr. Carlson, for your helping hand when it was needed most.

I can only add a few words to the mostly positive reviews already posted. The reader from Chicago unfortunately missed the point. Life does not have to be a self-improvement course. We _do_ have the tools we need to live a happy life, but so often deny ourselves, out of a notion that life is only meaningful if we "struggle for clarity", and earn our well-being. Over the years I've taken myself to task for mistakes,choices,relationships, in order to consider myself "worthy' of a happy

existence. The concepts in this book _are_ simple, but not stupid. Carlson's metaphor for living in the moment; the image of a motor boat, and it's wake, couldn't be easier to understand. We stand at the back of the boat, studying the wake, but it's the engine that moves us forward! As it is with our past, we can examine it, but like the wake, it's not going to get us anywhere.

My bookshelf is full of self-help books, but when I lose perspective this is the book I reach for first. Unfortunately it is also the first book I lend out or give away, so I didn't really come here to write a review -- I'm buying another copy or two. This will probably be my 12th copy or so.

The principles are simple, but simple in a way that time and again makes me say, "Oh yeah!" because out of habit I have slipped into very complicated ways of thinking that leave me feeling trapped and depressed and resisting my feelings themselves. My favorite principle (and most easily remembered in time of need) is the principle of moods, which reminds me that fighting my feelings will never work. I find this principle very freeing, because something cool happens when I give up that particular fight.

The only problem is that I don't remember the other principles very well right now cause I haven't read it in a while, and I just lent my copy out last weekend to a friend who's going through a breakup. So here I am.

This book gave me new insight and profound concepts into what constitutes happiness. Words of wisdom from someone that must practice or consult on this matter a lot.

My favorites?
Happiness is a state of mind, not a set of circumstances, or outcome. If you hear yourself saying "I'll be happy when I ...." get married? get a house? get a new job? kids? Carlson says you can be happy now because its your state of mind not what or when you achieve something. Often when you achieve what you were seeking, you're not much happier than before.

Principle of Present Moment; your past, like the wake of a boat, is powerless. Your past can only be signficance only if you decide to give it so. Therefore, don't dwell on your past, your past has no bearing on your happiness now. Accept the past for what it is, experiences that culminate to form how and what you view life is today, use the past, and then let them go, and move on.

Happy people view life as a series of present moments to be experienced, one after another. They understand that life is to be lived now, and future activities and tomorrow's to-do list distracts from your present moment.

Are you playing a war in your own head?

Are you thinking about yourself too much?

Loosen up and live and enjoy life, in the present moment! You have everything necessary to be happy!

I read this book about 10 years ago and applied his principles as much as I could. I found that I was able to be a lot happier by setting aside unpleasant thoughts and feelings. I was able to get in the habit of postponing problem solving till I was in a good mood. So I was able to implement the changes in this book, and it helped me feel better, but I believe it harmed me in the long run.

I became so good at ignoring unpleasant thoughts that I became intolerant of any unpleasant feelings, and the thoughts that caused them. I became unable to solve problems, because I couldn't tolerate thinking about the problems and the bad mood that came with it. If you stop thinking about difficult things, you stop growing, and before you know it, 10 years have gone by and your stunted growth starts to show.

I think my situation was comparable to what AA calls the "Dry drunk". A dry drunk is someone who no longer uses alcohol to numb the pain, but still runs from pain in other ways. This book taught me how to avoid pain as effectively as any alcoholic can, and without the expense, legal problems, and physical addiction that come with substance abuse, but with the same stunted growth that a long-time addict faces when he's in recovery.
Thanks for listening. Your mileage may vary.

Never has a book of any size, much less an easy to read 141 pages, made such an impression on me. Therapy, group workshops, cognitive therapy and all the endless self-help books on relationships and divorce have really only helped me to "survive" my current seperation/ divorce and a long history of depression. This book immediately changed my perspective and day to day functioning so much that people have commented independently in every facet of my life. My work is better, my health is better (lost 37 pounds), I'm a better parent and my personal quality of life has improved immeasurably. Literally, this book has changed my life.

I was traveling and bought this book to have something to read and bought it because it had a foreward from Wayne Dyer. I wasnt disappointed. The author covers five points to happiness and all of them are in my circle of influence for sure. Sure I might know these when he points them out but the way he explains them is great. It is simple, easy to read and if you do what he says they work. I have been impressed with the results of the book. Great read with impact.

I say this book is aggravating because it takes away all justification for the bouts of self-pity that can be so enjoyable and enticing. Realizing that happiness is entirely up to me through the perceptions and thoughts I CHOOOSE to have about a troubling situation is very empowering but also carries a challenge and responsibility. I am an alcoholism/addiction counselor and have utilized Carlson's ideas with many of my patients who, like most of us, can prefer to think that bad feelings are caused by others or just come from out of the clear blue. Considering instead that feelings, good or bad, come from our beliefs and perceptions creates new possibilities for growth, change and HAPPINESS. I also find his idea regarding wisdom to be quite compelling. That our true answers come not from the analyzing, information-crunching computer part of our brain but from our wisdom, which works after we've "processed" and when we are no longer "thinking" about an answer, seems obvious after reading his description of it, but would not be self-evident to most people. I've given this book to almost everyone I love; whether in the end they agree with the ideas or not, it always causes them to think about things differently than before.