When you analyze any disagreement what you find is that the topic is always the same. The issues that get a couple going are endless: from not picking up socks, to the frequency of sex. However, as the disagreement progresses, the topic invariably shifts to who’s right and who’s wrong. What is interesting about these “Right Fights” is that they are not about needing to be right, but come from the feeling of being wronged. Once wronged, we withdraw emotionally until the other person makes it right. This disconnect comes out as defensiveness, and shifts the conversation from what’s wrong (our pain) to who’s wrong (the person who hurt us). The solution is to address the feeling of hurt while being connected.
Born in a small town in the Midwest, his father who was the pastor of the local church felt it fitting to name Brett and his twin brother Bart after a popular TV western called Maverick. The name maverick became the hallmark of his career as a psychotherapist. His book You Can Be Right Or You Can Be Married, looks at relationships in a way never seen before. Instead of following the traditions of psychotherapy, his work centers on the understanding of love.
"Our relationships were not founded on psychology, and psychology will not be the salvation of any marriage. Love is the core of every relationship; therefore understanding and rebuilding love will be the central issue of healing any relationship."
He has continued this maverick spirit by transforming how he works with couples. His on-line practice at HelpTalking.com coaches couples through conflict by providing phone guided dialogues. This positive "male friendly" alternative to psychotherapy, follows the love-based solutions outlined in his You Can Be Right Or You Can Be Married. You will be able to see his unique approach with his free video blogs at his HelpTalking.com.
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