Customer Reviews

You Didn't Complete Me: When The One Turns Out To Be Just Someone

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I stumbled across "You Didn't Complete Me" while digging through the bargain bin of a Christian bookstore. The subtitle "When 'the one' turns out to be 'just someone'" caught my eye, and I skimmed through it. The theme of the book fit my current ex-relational situation, so it felt heaven-sent. Despite the fact that twentysomething women appear to be Ms. Harris' target audience, I found her story intriguing. I'm glad I gave it a shot.

JoAnna Harris writes in a quirky but honest fashion about getting her heart broken. She was jilted twice by two different men after long-term relationships. Ross dumped her right before their wedding (a few days after she had moved to Boston to be with him), and previously Jack blew her off after a couple years of a one-sided love affair. A long period of darkness followed each of these endings. Writing, community, Christ, and French fries (not necessarily in that order) helped her deal with these twin blows.

Ms. Harris promises in the Author's Note to "not offer empty advice or any lame how-to's" on getting over a significant other. She mostly adheres to that vow in a humorous, insightful, and vulnerable way. I was impressed with her openness, including admission of desperate actions like calling Jack's work phone late at night just to hear his voice on the answering machine. I also liked getting a woman's perspective on romantic relationships, such as her expectations that a solid Christian man would take the lead in limiting the physical stuff. In addition, Ms. Harris discusses how unrealistic expectations sabotage relationships. There's even some exploration of the methods we use to meet someone special. I could relate to her skepticism about a certain unnamed online matchmaking website (cough*eHarmony*cough). Overall, I appreciated the realistic Biblically based wisdom on dealing relational issues sprinkled throughout "You Didn't Complete Me." And even a Yankee male like me could identify (or at least sympathize) with her emotional responses to rejection.

However, I did have a couple of minor issues. First, it was a bit much to read about how absolutely perfect her girlfriends are. I'm glad she has some solid comrades, since that fits with her advocation of community for bearing one's burdens. But c'mon - everybody's screwed up some way, and it bugs me to see folks portrayed as so great that Christ could've outsourced His crucifixion to them. That bit of sugarcoating detracted from the book's honesty. Also, her stream-of-consciousness writing style and girly-girl tangents took some getting used to. Too much personality can be, well, too much. Finally, I wish she had spent a chapter on the dating vs. courting controversy within the church - her insights on that topic would have been welcome.

Despite her relational tribulations, it appears that Ms. Harris' difficult romantic saga had a happy ending. According to her self-named website, she got married on July 4th (an ironic step to take on Independence Day). After what she's been through, I'm glad she finally made it to the alter, and I wish her the best. A sequel about her marriage would be interesting, so I hope that's in the works.

I consider "You Didn't Complete Me" to be part of my "dealing with getting dumped" Christian trilogy. The two other helpful books are: "Loves Me, Loves Me Not," by Laura Smit (a more scholarly treatment of unrequited love), and "Let's Just Be Friends," by H. Norman Wright (a solid guide to handling rejection).

"Chick Lit" is a term we often use to describe breezy, female-centric fiction. While reading JoAnna Harris's book, YOU DIDN'T COMPLETE ME: When "The One" Turns Out To Be Just Someone, the idea occurred to me that maybe we should start expanding the term to include nonfiction. If ever a book screamed "Chick Lit" it's YOU DIDN'T COMPLETE ME.

JoAnna's missive to the lovelorn masses was born out of her own heartache. Two major breakups set the stage: Jack, college best friend, said he wanted to grow old with her but couldn't marry her because she wasn't pretty enough; Ross, fiancée, bailed out two months before their wedding and less than one week after she had left her life in Nashville to be with him in Boston. Ouch. Double ouch.

Of the day Ross calls it quits, she writes: "That night when he leaves he hugs me. It feels like hugging a stranger or an acquaintance that sorta creeps you out. Like dancing with the weird guy at the wedding because it's the wedding party dance and he's your wedding party counterpart. His arms are wrapped tightly around you and you can't escape without making a scene so you do your best to throw your head back, hoping to appear as if you're laughing but really you're trying to flee gracefully. I want to hug him and feel good. To feel like I once did. To feel safe and loved and together. Instead it feels wooden. Artificial. And I know it's over."

Joanna pairs such in-the-moment, heart-on-your-sleeve candor with humor and spot-on observations about navigating our own and society's expectations about love.

"When I was engaged it made me feel like a celebrity. Made me exciting to strangers. Made people sit up and take notice. Hey everybody, look at me! Somebody loves me! A boy thinks I'm pretty! I remember buying stationary at a card shop and the salesclerk oohing and aahing over my engagement ring and wanting to know all about my dress and the flowers and the cake and ... oh yeah, the guy. If I went in today, she would tell me my total and hand me a receipt."

JoAnna chronicles her romantic misadventures with a "just between us girls" sensibility, and just like one of your girlfriends, she can ramble a bit. And be inconsistent. And tell you things that are kinda embarrassing in the light of day. But you listen anyway because she's your friend, and if you're honest, she reminds you a bit of yourself, warts and all.

When all is said and done, JoAnna finds a wholeness in Christ that isn't cliché or trite, but is sufficient. If you've been unlucky in love, have a friend going through a painful breakup, or you just want to have a good gabfest (well, she's gabbing) about love, then I definitely recommend YOU DIDN'T COMPLETE ME.

--- Reviewed by Lisa Ann Cockrel

JoAnna Harris has a unique down-to-earth way of describing the heartache of loosing "the other half" of her life, yet emerging as a joyous and delightful "whole" individual. It is very refreshing to read her description of "loosing the love of her life" and finding that the "true love of her life, Christ Jesus" is still there. This truly is a day when young people need to know that unless they know the "true heavenly love of their live" they will never find the earthly "love of their life". Unique, refreshing, funny. This book makes you laugh, cry, hurt, rejoyce. Great job!
Beverlee Kirk
Louisville, KY

I did not know this book was Christian. If I had, I wouldn't have bought it. This book turned out to be amazing despite this. 80% of the book has nothing to do with Christians or God.

The book is really an account of the way this incredibly nice woman, closing in on 30, accounts some of her truly awful relationships with men-especially a recently destroyed engagement where the guy brutally dumped her by ignoring her after she quit her job and her entire life and moved to be with him-- and subsequent depressions after the relationships implode. The level of candor, and way she expresses herself, is very striking somehow, and very relatable. Every woman out there can sympathize with the insecurities that she very bluntly describes, and how men can be both cowardly and misleading.

What is unique to me about this book is that so many writers who write about men are funny, and sarcastic, and cynical, and this writer isn't. She is genuinely astonished when these men break her heart, ignore her, tell her she isn't pretty enough to be their wife, etc. (She tries to be funny in places, but overall, it isn't a "funny" book.)So I think this is a book that lets you really empathize with the pain of a bad relationship. Ultimately, this woman comes to term with self-acceptance, in her case through Jesus. But, I think you can come to the non-Christian interpretation of it, which is that you have to accept yourself and that if these men are too commitment phobic/cruel/cowardly/not ready, etc. then it's still their loss and you have to move forward with your life and accept yourself for who you are.

I would be curious to see this writer struggle with the issue of why these very Christian men in her life are such louses, and the fact that going to Church and being involved in Christian activities obviously doesn't make you a good person.

This is a fabulous book, with a very real and understandable message. Just finished reading it, after a bad breakup. And I WILL read it again. A must for anyone who struggles to understand her identity in Christ and feeling loveable after severe heart trauma.

Ms. Harris is a brillant writer with the uncanny ability to really hit the nail on the head in terms of today's dating. Great book for both men and women.

If you have a daughter or young lady you care about, GET THEM THIS BOOK!

This is one of my all time favorite books. I read it when I went through a devastating breakup. I can't tell you how much it helped me. I laughed and cried all the way through. She's devastatingly honest. I don't know how she had the courage to write it.

I bought this book for my college daughter who is recovering from a recent break up with her boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. I decided to read the book myself before I gave it to her and I'm so glad I did. Although Joanna's experiences are honest and humorous, I found them also very depressing. It was the pattern of her relationships that bothered me. I don't want my daughter to think this is the first in a long line of heartbreaks ahead.

I read this book when I went through the most painful breakup of my life. Since then, I have lent it to various girlfriends who have experienced the same situation. Time and time again I hear how wonderful the book is. How it said what their hearts wanted to say. How it was just nice to know someone else has gone through it and made it out ok. Wonderful book.

JoAnna's book hit so close to home with me. I just recently broke up with my boyfriend (a little over 3 wks ago), whom I thought I was going to marry. I've just recently gotten to the point to where I can talk about it without crying. Her book was just what I needed. Her wit and humor really helped to ease the pain. I know other girls go through this too, but had no idea how similar the cases may be. It was comforting to hear that JoAnna had gone through the same ordeal and was able to pick herself back up...something I am slowly being able to do for myself. Her book was such an encouragement and I would recommend it to anyone who is thinking about dating, is dating, or has just experienced a...umm...loss :) Like JoAnna, through this exerience, the hurt, the tears, the support from friends, my mom, a daily devotional, an now her book, I know I am a stronger person and am only complete in Him! I am not a reader and rarely find joy in reading a book, but I finished this book in 2 days...a record! So, thank you JoAnna for being brave enough to share your hurts to help the hurting. You truly are a blessing!