You Don't Have to Be Gay: Hope and Freedom for Males Struggling With Homosexuality or for Those Who Know of Someone Who Is [Paperback]

Jeff Konrad (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 1, 1987

A non-technical, true-to-life book that shatters the myths about homosexuality, its causes and cures. Not based on simple pat answers, you Don’t Have To Be Gay gives clear instruction, well-documented argumentation, heartening encouragement, honest self-analysis and practical suggestions. Perfect for all who desire to understand homosexuality and its root causes.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Non-clinical though it may be, there's more therapeutic value in this book than in twenty of its analytic predecessors. -- Joe Dallas author of Desires in Conflict

Straight-forward insights into homosexuality that will be life-changing to any reader who is willing to put them into practice. -- Bob Davies, co-author of Coming Out of Homosexuality

Unspeakably enriching and power filled! -- Dr. John White Associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Manitoba

Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Pacific Pub House; 1987 edition (November 1, 1987)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0942817087
• ISBN-13: 978-0942817089
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.4 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (32 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #734,462 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

89 of 141 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars Faulty "research" = invalid conclusions September 10, 2007

By Clementine Kruczynski

Format:Paperback

I realize that this book was originally written in 1987 and at that time, the studies cited by this amateur author weren't so grossly out of date as they are now. However, this book is in its 4th printing (2000) and a good scholar, rather than someone with a moral agenda to push, would have updated their research.

Even in 1987, the studies cited were outdated, clearly biased and/or lacking any scientific validity whatsoever (psychoanalytic "studies" from the 1960's), or blatantly misrepresented (John Money's "success" of gender socialization? Read "As Nature Made Him" by John Colapinto for the real story).

Gender orientation and sexual orientation are NOT the same thing; homosexuality is not a "symptom" of a "damaged" gender identity. Neither gender nor sexual orientation is 100% socialization, as Konrad tries to claim; there IS an inborn component, which he would have learned had he done some current research - but of course, that would only happen if he had actually wanted to give a fair and balanced study of the topic, which is clearly not his purpose.

Konrad's use of "science" is a joke at best and dangerous at worst as he tries to push the idea that homosexuality is a disorder, a symptom, and not only a "choice" but the WRONG choice. This book should've died in the 80's where it belongs.

4 of 7 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars Barking up the wrong tree March 18, 2012

By othoniaboys

Format:Paperback

The recipient of these letters was introduced to homosexuality by a pedophile at age 11, and this relationship continued well into his teens. He then graduated into regular homosexuality, if only because he didn't know any better. Compare this with the Steven Stayner trajectory: kidnapped at age 7, had sex every night with his kidnapper for 7 years, then left, went back home, married, became a father, and died in a traffic accident. Seven years of this stuff didn't turn Stayner into a homosexual, but it turned Mike into one. Interesting. In any case, I am a 68-year-old gay man who was a virgin until the age of 25. Nothing happened to me to turn me into something I wasn't. I remember a incident when I was 9, where I was rebuffed by another boy when I embraced him while we were both shirtless. At that time I also knew a weird boy of 9 called Paul. He had already developed the body language and mannerisms of an effeminate homosexual. I'm sure that no pedophile had done this to him, for he was remarkably ugly. I am willing to give Mike the benefit of the doubt, and assume that he was headed for heterosexuality until the pedophile came along. But pedophilia is not the cause of homosexuality. Maybe a failure of his father to relate to him may have pushed him into the pedophile's arms, but Stayner didn't turn gay even after 3,000 nights with Kenneth Parnell. So my guess is that Mike wasn't really gay, and therefore he simply returned to his original heterosexuality after a 12-year detour. This is not the same thing as transforming a homosexual into a heterosexual. It doesn't prove anything about other men.

4 of 7 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars You don't have to seem gay November 10, 2011

By rhinoryan

Format:Paperback

You can be born left handed but learn to write right handed. Just because you continue to write with your right hand does not make you right-handed. In fact it can be very detrimental to other aspects of your psychology.

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Outstandingly informative! February 24, 2013

By Dale R. Young

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

The format of the book is very unique in that Mr. Konrad is writing to a friend. The friend has saved all his letters and put them into book form. Mr. Konrad has some extraordinary wisdom regarding this subject; not as one who is writing from the sidelines and is a so-called 'expert', but as one who has experienced every word he wrote and the truth is real in his personal life. He described me to a 'T', as the saying goes. The entire book was written as if he was walking around in my mind, soul,and heart. I received much light and illumination from the LORD about how I interpreted many things the wrong way. It has given me an opportunity to go back to my childhood and repent of my skewed misinterpretations and receive forgiveness at the cross of Christ. This book is a must-read for anyone seeking direction and answers. It is amazing to me how the content is so relevant now, just as it was when it was written twenty years ago. The truth will set you free from the bondage and slavery of homosexuality! P.S. Be a good Dad to your kids!

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars the sexual truth has arrived... September 27, 2012

By Jerome F. Reiter

Format:Paperback

The author said he first had a crush on a girl and found the idea of kissing a boy "disgusting." He was never gay to begin with, but he made money the easy way - claiming to be an ex-gay for pay. But, really, who says gays can't change? Every science-based medical association and the ex-gay leaders themselves. Google Exodus admits gays can't change

150 of 245 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars Sincere but misguided June 20, 2001

By Christopher Lamparello

Format:Paperback

I am a gay man. Three months ago, I heard about all of these claims that gay people can become heterosexual. So, I decided to have an open mind and decide for myself, despite the fact that the gay community says that such stuff is nonsense. I read this book with great interest within 5 days. It is an enjoyable, easy read. The author is very sincere in his writing and is not a bigot at all, but the stuff he believes about gay people is very old-fashioned and, I believe, debunked.

He says that in high school, he had a big crush on a girl but was too shy to do anything about it or was hurt by her. He then got a boyfriend and, at first, was "disgusted" at the idea of kissing him. This tells me that the author was either bi-sexual, heterosexual, or 90% heterosexual to begin with. As a gay man, I have never had an attraction to a girl, and the idea of kissing a man I loved was wonderful to me and still is.

Is it possible that heterosexuals could engage in gay behavior and really not be truly gay? I never thought much about this possibility until I read this book. This seems very likely to me now. Also, I do not doubt their claim that they are FUNCTIONING as heterosexuals, but perhaps they, again, are really bi-sexual and are supressing the gay side, or, they were never gay to begin with.

In a nutshell, this book suggests that gay people can become heterosexual by developing male bonding with straight people and by having a lot of straight friends, i.e., doing "guy stuff". I find this to be foolish and simplistic, although, again, this could work for bi-sexuals by having them reorient their behavior. But the true orientation doesn't change.

The most frustrating thing about being gay is that many people do not take me at my word.... When I say that I cannot change, accept what I am telling you. I am not deceived or lost. Do not second-guess me or the millions of other gay people who are sincerely telling you that they cannot change and are making the best of their lives. It is very disrespectful of fundamentalists in particular who berate gay people as though they were little children with their simplistic mantras which claim that, "Oh, you just haven't tried the right thing yet" blablablabla.

Again, I do in no way doubt the author's sincerity, but his experience is NOT that of most gay people. IT is very likely the experience of a person who was born heterosexual but engaged in homosexual behavior as the result of being hurt by a girl in high school. It is understandable why he would then believe that people are homosexual as the result of some "hurt" or "something gone wrong" or that ALL gay people have had his experience. This is not true.

Gay people are some of society's most creative, loving persons and it is wrong to constantly harp on them by claiming that change is a choice that can be made by them. For those that are truly homosexual, it is not.

You can doubt me if you wish, but I strongly believe that the people who REALLY need to change are those heterosexuals who have a neurotic reaction to the existence of gay people among us...those who simply cannot exist with ease in the knowledge that some people live happy (yes, happy) lives while following the beat of a different drummer...by doing what is natural to them.

In the future, enlightened people will look back on books like this and will simply shake their heads in amazement. Ironically, this book actually helped me accept who I am.

My advice to gay people who are having a struggle with it is this: accept two things; accept who you are, and accept that most human beings will never (in your lifetime) understand nor accept the path that they foolishly believe you have "chosen" in life. Accept that you will, in life, often be confronted by intellectual neanderthals who think they know God's will and that it is their job to inform you of it.

To the fundamentalist religious person, I say this: stop pontificating about something that you really don't know anything about. You are in no position to give advise to gay people on how to "change" nor are you morally justified in urging them to change their lot in life. Jesus Christ said, "Before you look at the speck in your brother's eye, remove the plank from your own".

He also said, "Judge not, lest ye be judged". Are you folks reading the same Bible that I'm reading? How can you claim that you are not absolutely sitting in judgement of homosexuals? Don't pass it off on the Bible. There are numerous and many varied interpretations of the scriptures which you believe so clearly condemn homosexuality.

Christians, recognize that the Bible has been repeatedly abused throughout history to justify everything from slavery to beating children, and that the gospel directs you to keep your eyes on Christ, not upon the lives of others. Jesus never said anything about homosexuals, and you should try to model yourself more closely after Him. Live your life they way you feel is right, but recognize that others deserve the same respect. Read more ›