Customer Reviews

You Don't Have to Be Gay: Hope and Freedom for Males Struggling With Homosexuality or for Those Who Know of Someone Who Is

5 star:		(16)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(9)

 

 

I found this book to ring true in everything he said except that I happen to see the Gospel a little differently than he, but that is nothing compared to what he found that set him free from something that had become oppression for him, and I celebrate his freedom with him.

You can't fault a person for what he has experienced and found to be true in his own life. If you cannot accept his findings, then live with your own and see where they lead. If you are content, then be content.

The presentation is excellent for a non-threatening approach to unraveling the twisted perspective that had become his through his upbringing, and exposes and explains the lies that many with inordinate same-sex attraction fall prey to.

This is a book I would like to have many copies of to share, but alas, it is no longer available.

I realize that this book was originally written in 1987 and at that time, the studies cited by this amateur author weren't so grossly out of date as they are now. However, this book is in its 4th printing (2000) and a good scholar, rather than someone with a moral agenda to push, would have updated their research.

Even in 1987, the studies cited were outdated, clearly biased and/or lacking any scientific validity whatsoever (psychoanalytic "studies" from the 1960's), or blatantly misrepresented (John Money's "success" of gender socialization? Read "As Nature Made Him" by John Colapinto for the real story).

Gender orientation and sexual orientation are NOT the same thing; homosexuality is not a "symptom" of a "damaged" gender identity. Neither gender nor sexual orientation is 100% socialization, as Konrad tries to claim; there IS an inborn component, which he would have learned had he done some current research - but of course, that would only happen if he had actually wanted to give a fair and balanced study of the topic, which is clearly not his purpose.

Konrad's use of "science" is a joke at best and dangerous at worst as he tries to push the idea that homosexuality is a disorder, a symptom, and not only a "choice" but the WRONG choice. This book should've died in the 80's where it belongs.

This author is amazing. Great testimony that YOU DONT HAVE TO BE GAY IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE! Great read for anyone, not just gays and people who know gays. Youll get a real good understanding of that community and who they are and know they are people too looking for the same thing that we all are.

You can be born left handed but learn to write right handed. Just because you continue to write with your right hand does not make you right-handed. In fact it can be very detrimental to other aspects of your psychology.

This is disgusting. I am absolutely mortified this book is still condoned in this day and age. If you're gay, accept it and be gay. It's 2011, it's perfectly FINE to be gay, you were born that way!

I am a gay man. Three months ago, I heard about all of these claims that gay people can become heterosexual. So, I decided to have an open mind and decide for myself, despite the fact that the gay community says that such stuff is nonsense. I read this book with great interest within 5 days. It is an enjoyable, easy read. The author is very sincere in his writing and is not a bigot at all, but the stuff he believes about gay people is very old-fashioned and, I believe, debunked.

He says that in high school, he had a big crush on a girl but was too shy to do anything about it or was hurt by her. He then got a boyfriend and, at first, was "disgusted" at the idea of kissing him. This tells me that the author was either bi-sexual, heterosexual, or 90% heterosexual to begin with. As a gay man, I have never had an attraction to a girl, and the idea of kissing a man I loved was wonderful to me and still is.

Is it possible that heterosexuals could engage in gay behavior and really not be truly gay? I never thought much about this possibility until I read this book. This seems very likely to me now. Also, I do not doubt their claim that they are FUNCTIONING as heterosexuals, but perhaps they, again, are really bi-sexual and are supressing the gay side, or, they were never gay to begin with.

In a nutshell, this book suggests that gay people can become heterosexual by developing male bonding with straight people and by having a lot of straight friends, i.e., doing "guy stuff". I find this to be foolish and simplistic, although, again, this could work for bi-sexuals by having them reorient their behavior. But the true orientation doesn't change.

The most frustrating thing about being gay is that many people do not take me at my word. When I say that I cannot change, accept what I am telling you. I am not deceived or lost. Do not second-guess me or the millions of other gay people who are sincerely telling you that they cannot change and are making the best of their lives. It is very disrespectful of fundamentalists in particular who berate gay people as though they were little children with their simplistic mantras which claim that, "Oh, you just haven't tried the right thing yet" blablablabla.

Again, I do in no way doubt the author's sincerity, but his experience is NOT that of most gay people. IT is very likely the experience of a person who was born heterosexual but engaged in homosexual behavior as the result of being hurt by a girl in high school. It is understandable why he would then believe that people are homosexual as the result of some "hurt" or "something gone wrong" or that ALL gay people have had his experience. This is not true.

Gay people are some of society's most creative, loving persons and it is wrong to constantly harp on them by claiming that change is a choice that can be made by them. For those that are truly homosexual, it is not.

You can doubt me if you wish, but I strongly believe that the people who REALLY need to change are those heterosexuals who have a neurotic reaction to the existence of gay people among us...those who simply cannot exist with ease in the knowledge that some people live happy (yes, happy) lives while following the beat of a different drummer...by doing what is natural to them.

In the future, enlightened people will look back on books like this and will simply shake their heads in amazement. Ironically, this book actually helped me accept who I am.

My advice to gay people who are having a struggle with it is this: accept two things; accept who you are, and accept that most human beings will never (in your lifetime) understand nor accept the path that they foolishly believe you have "chosen" in life. Accept that you will, in life, often be confronted by intellectual neanderthals who think they know God's will and that it is their job to inform you of it.

To the fundamentalist religious person, I say this: stop pontificating about something that you really don't know anything about. You are in no position to give advise to gay people on how to "change" nor are you morally justified in urging them to change their lot in life. Jesus Christ said, "Before you look at the speck in your brother's eye, remove the plank from your own".

He also said, "Judge not, lest ye be judged". Are you folks reading the same Bible that I'm reading? How can you claim that you are not absolutely sitting in judgement of homosexuals? Don't pass it off on the Bible. There are numerous and many varied interpretations of the scriptures which you believe so clearly condemn homosexuality.

Christians, recognize that the Bible has been repeatedly abused throughout history to justify everything from slavery to beating children, and that the gospel directs you to keep your eyes on Christ, not upon the lives of others. Jesus never said anything about homosexuals, and you should try to model yourself more closely after Him. Live your life they way you feel is right, but recognize that others deserve the same respect.

HERE ARE THE FACTS:
NEW YORK -- The American Psychological Association declared Wednesday that mental health professionals should not tell gay clients they can become straight through therapy or other treatments.

Instead, the APA urged therapists to consider multiple options - that could range from celibacy to switching churches - for helping clients whose sexual orientation and religious faith conflict.

In a resolution adopted on a 125-to-4 vote by the APA's governing council, and in a comprehensive report based on two years of research, the 150,000-member association put itself firmly on record in opposition of so-called "reparative therapy" which seeks to change sexual orientation.

No solid evidence exists that such change is likely, says the report, and some research suggests that efforts to produce change could be harmful, inducing depression and suicidal tendencies.

The APA had criticized reparative therapy in the past, but a six-member task force added weight to this position by examining 83 studies on sexual orientation change conducted since 1960. Its comprehensive report was endorsed by the APA's governing council in Toronto, where the association's annual meeting is being held this weekend.

THIS BOOK IS DANGEROUS. SAME SEX ORIENTATION IS A NATURAL PART OF THE SEXUAL CONTINUUM AND CANNOT BE CHANGED. REMEMBER: GAY AND TRANSGENDER INDIVIDUALS HAVE EXTREMELY HIGH RATES OF SUICIDE AND BOOKS THAT OFFER BIGOTED POINTS LIKE THIS CONTRIBUTE TO THIS.

This is a well received book by ex-gays. "If it was some one I really cared about and wanted to help I would give them a copy of YOU DONT HAVE TO BE GAY by Konrad."

We who are ex gay appreciate the work Konrad and others have done. Please IGNORE THE HATE WRITERS. They are hypocrites: they say they want the freedom to choose how they want to live, but tell others how they must live.

They use fear tactics like labeling anyone who disagrees with them as "homophobic"-- which has nothing to do with a free society where one can believe what they hold to be true and have convictions in their beliefs.

It is hypocritical to claim freedom of lifestyle but tell others they cannot have freedom of lifestyle. There is No evidence that it is harmful to be ex gay. It is all a hypocritical lie propagated by those who want to live a gay life. If you want too, that's your choice but leave those who do not want to alone.

Ex Gay and Happy!

I would recommend this work to anyone who struggles with an unwanted same-sex attraction. I wouldn't hesitate for a minute. Jeff Konrad writes in such a way that you feel like he really is your buddy, a partner on a long and painful journey. He also shares insightful quotes and, if you check out the Bibliography, you'll see that there's a lot of research that went into this, but it's simply and lovingly conveyed.

Serving those in the homosexual community is part of my profession. As such, I have cause to read/review many books dealing with the subject. Konrad's "You Don't Have To Be Gay" is one of the most insightful, personal literary works in this field. As the reader is invited into the world of a male struggler, he will be challenged, informed and equipped in his own life's journey. Many questions will be answered and myths dispelled. "You Don't Have To Be Gay" is a MUST READ!!