Customer Reviews

If You Don't Know Me by Now: A Memoir of Love, Secrets and Lies in Wolverhampton

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I have been reading Sathnam's weekly columns for the last couple of years since he was at the FT and now at The Times, so I was very excited to get my hands on his book and, after reading it, was not disappointed.

I found this book to be an insightful, very personal, sometimes sad and often humourous account of his life and that of his immediate family - Punjabi immigrants in Wolverhampton, UK. In addition to covering themes similar to those found in stories of other UK-based Punjabi families, such as in the book "Anita and Me" by Meera Syal or even anecdotally in movies like "Bend It Like Beckham", Sathnam's memoir also addresses the challenges of dealing with the mental illness of loved ones - challenges further compounded by poverty, illiteracy and lack of knowledge of the language of one's country of residence. This book also served as a tribute to Sathnam's mother, who has endured so much in her life, but has come through in fine form. I cannot recall the last time I polished off a book in such a short time. I recommend to everyone.

I've been reading Sathnam's columns (FT, Times) for a couple of years now and he always makes me laugh, about serious stuff, so when I saw he'd written a book I had to give it a go. This is a brilliant tale of his life so far - growing up with his family in the Punjabi community in Wolverhampton in the '80s. I've found it amusing and insightful, sad and very loving (about his family). It had me laughing out loud and has taught me more about cultural differences than a million hours of A level General Studies could ever do.

When Sathnam is a young boy his life becomes shaped when his mother tells him of her visit to a fortune teller. "Your son will lift the family out of poverty and misery." This becomes Sathnams self-fulfilling prophecy.

From an early age Sathnam is lovingly brainwashed by his all-powerful, superstitious, Sikh mother. He is not allowed to look at girl, (especially a white girl,) not allowed to cut his hair, or wash it on Saturday or Tuesday, and the list goes on. But the most damming thing Sathnam could ever do to his self-sacrificing mother would be to marry outside his caste and religion. This becomes a problem when he grows into a man and finds himself falling in love with the "taboo" white woman.

For me this was a gripping story as it pushed many emotional buttons; falling in love with someone of a different culture and religion, hoping to be accepted by ones mother in law, and leading a double life in order to play "happy families."

This is the beautiful story of a Sikh immigrant family, in this case, the poorer, the better as it adds such dramatic contrast to the moment when Sathnam is accepted into Wolverhampton Grammar School, and then the almighty Cambridge.

Lurking behind Sathnams bright star is his beloved father who comes across as the Jolly Green Giant, but without the jolly. Another journey of this book is through the kaleidoscope of mental illness and it affects on everyone in the family. Gut wrenchingly depressing, but lovingly overcome when surrounded by a supportive Sikh family.

This book is highly recommended for anyone who has ever been afraid or affected by mental illness, anyone wanting to be successful in life, those who value the importance and duty of the family unit, and most poignantly for those wanting to follow your heart.....this book tastes all of life's spicy flavours.

I loved this book. I have been reading Sathnam Sanghera's column in The Times for some time and find his writings amusing and thoughtful, as is this book. His journey from near illiterate, non English speaking family poverty in Wolverhampton, to grammar school, university and journalism is remarkable. It is obvious that his family is profoundly important to him. The love and respect for them through the most challenging situations, including the realisation that his father and sister suffer from schizophrenia, is extremely touching. The following quote from the book "Know where you come from, but don't let it stop you becoming who you want to be" just about sums it up. It is enlightening, humorous, and very moving. I recommend this book to everyone.

Very intrusive and indepth account of life growing up as a Punjabi immigrant in Wolverhampton, UK. Really tugs at the heart strings - recommended this book to a lot of my friends.