Customer Reviews

You Got Nothing Coming: Notes From a Prison Fish

5 star:		(101)
4 star:		(24)
3 star:		(8)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(10)

 

 

I'm a prosecuting attorney, and I teach an undergraduate class about the Corrections System. I have read many books purporting to describe the "prison experience." Lerner's book is one of the best I have ever read. It doesn't sensationalize the experience, nor does it try to idealize it. Lerner shows prison life to be what it is: boring, tedious and one surrounded with pathetic losers. The book itself becomes tedious in the last 1/4 when Lerner explains how he ended up killing the man that led to his sentence of incarceration. His justification for the killing is a bit too self-serving. I have no sympathy for an alcoholic who decides to go on a road trip to Las Vegas with a guy he met at an AA meeting who he knows to be a lying, violent methamphetamine addict, and who he ends up having to kill in (admittedly) self-defense. Compared to the lame "The Hothouse" this book is a winner. Interesting factoid: Lerner's cubicle at Pacific Bell Telephone was once adjacent to that of Scott Adams, the creator of "Dilbert." This explains a lot.

This is a sad, funny and diabolically authentic memoir about his life in prison (and how he got there) by a natural born, sideways-talkin' wordsmith writing with skill, verve and a kind of disarming warmth replete with a lot of "out of the side of his neck" irony. Lerner, a one-time nice Jewish boy from New York finds himself the cell mate of Kansas, a six-foot-six, three-hundred pound "Nazi Low Rider" with a swastika tattooed on his neck, a prison con who can bench press something like four-hundred pounds, a guy who controls the inner prison culture and enterprises with an iron fist. What's a fish to do? Lerner uses corporate skills, honed during 19 years at Ma Bell, to make friends and influence people. A nice irony throughout is the way Lerner compares the culture of the corporate structure with that of the prison, finding them similar except for the terminology. Lerner manages to weave corporate gobbledygook about "market repositioning" and the "pursuance of outside opportunities" into the prison narrative. He sees that the rake the "Yard Rats" and the "skinhead Phone Posse" charge the fish for using the public phone as "the same economic principle we employed at the phone company by charging customers for both access...and usage." (p. 152)

As far as the structure of this book goes I believe it was originally written in a straight-forward manner beginning with the earliest events and ending with the latest. But somewhere during development it was decided to begin in the middle as Lerner enters prison. This was an effective and tantalizing change for two significant reasons. One, the utter shock of being immediately immersed into convict culture carries the narrative practically by itself, and Two, we are enticed to read on to the end wondering just how such a person as "O.G." Lerner ever got himself to manslaughter in the first place.

Lerner's ear for the language of the convicts is something close to amazing. His absorption of their largely primitive and tribal culture is so complete that as the book ends we see him as one of them in action, inclination and loyalty as he bangs on his cell and yells out on command his blood curdling cat's meow to the disconcertion of the attack dogs of the "Dirt" (that's "Disciplinary Intervention and Response Team, and they ain't nothin' nice") and to the joy of his fellow "dawgs."

But Lerner's story is fascinating in itself. He is an alcoholic and a drug imbiber who after being attacked by "the monster" (as he calls his drug-addled, "Soldier of Fortune"-reading "friend" Dwayne Hassleman) fights back and through righteous rage and superior adrenaline flow manages to subdue and then kill his adversary. The Monster is such a degenerate beast of stupidity and animalistic hate and rage that we strongly identify with Lerner and are entirely pleased that Dwayne is no longer with us.

However, this is to accept Lerner's version of the crime which is not a twit removed from self-defense, a version that the jury apparently did not entirely accept. But as I used to tell my students, the one thing that all autobiographers have in common is that somewhere along the way they bend the truth to their advantage. This is just human nature, some of it unconscious, some of it intentional. It is amazingly difficult to tell the whole, unvarnished truth about ourselves. No matter how honestly our desire to confess all, when driven to autobiography or memoir, we will ever so slightly misrepresent the strict letter of the truth.

But no matter. What counts is that the overall story be told in a vivid and convincing manner allowing us to take the fine points of blame or behavior on advisement, as it were, secure in the impression that, as Huck Finn observed about Mark Twain, "he told the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth."

We can see, however, by reading between the lines that Lerner (although I believe he too told mainly the truth) is more compromised that he lets on. His continued association with the dangerous and crazy Dwayne, who threatens murder and mayhem while alluding jealously to Lerner's "precious little girlie family" (p. 354), suggests not so much forgiveness, loneliness and a big heart, but perhaps something closer to the fact that Dwayne as a drug dealer has "store," the kind of store Lerner thought he needed to get from one day to the next. We can also see that Lerner becomes not only a "righteous, stand-up con" but a pretty tough guy despite the fact that his nickname "O.G." stands as much for "Old Guy" as it does for "original gangsta" (see pages 49-50). The fact that he wins just about all his battles, physical and otherwise, and never rats anybody out, and is true to his code throughout, may suggest some selective memory device at work.

But again Lerner's ability to spin the tale and make it as vivid as new-found terror allows us to give him his self-image and hope that he will at long last kick the booze and the drugs and be the kind of father that his two girls can look up to. This book is a step in the right direction. Lerner has a brilliant gift for character, narrative and dialogue that will surely make this tome recommended reading at writers' workshops while being the kind of book professional writers can admire.

Incidentally, the title "You Got Nothing Coming" is the witch-cold, hopeless phrase used on convicts as a kind of sadistic way of saying "no" to whatever the request is, as in "you ain't got NOTHIN' comin', dawg--ever."

Jimmy Lerner takes us on journey to a dark place beyond the imaginations of most of us. This true account of prison is nothing like what we see in the movies, read in books, or even watch the HBO show, OZ. It is infinitely worse. Gangs, Nazis, teenaged crank addicts that kill their families, relentlessly sadistic guards, and, for comic relief, charaters like Scud, who have a talent for propelling a snot missiles from their nose into the chow hall soup cannister.

The author pulls us into his tiny cell with him, this 8 x 6 concrete and steel box that he is forced to share with Kansas, the Nazi skinhead gang leader. Kansas can't read his neo-Nazi literature because he is illiterate. No problem. Mr. Lerner, a former Corporate executive and a Jew (which he wisely keeps to himself) reads it to him. And even explains it. Lerner even manages to win the confidence and friendship of this maniac and this makes for a fascinating and hilarious sub-plot.

The satirical accounts of our 12-Step culture and his skewering of Alcoholics Anonymous are both politically incorrect and delightfully accurate. I only hope the author survives to provide us with a sequel!!

This is without a doubt one of the best books I have ever read!!

I devoured this book in a day. Thankfully, that was before I read the article in the NY Times Book Review. Lerner can write and weaves a narrative that alternates between funny and horrific. It's fast and entertaining.

Nevertheless, even before ascertaining the facts from the Times article, I was struck by the unlikely description of the incident that landed Lerner in jail. The "Monster," an "eyelash" away from carving up the author - who claims to be backed into a wall - ceases his knife attack to whip Mr. Lerner with his belt? Lanky Mr. Lerner then kicks the 6'3" "Monster," a mass of rippling muscle, in his stomach with such force that the blade goes flying out of the "Monster's" hand? And to top it off, Mr. Lerner then manages to grab the belt, cinch it around the "Monster's" massive neck and break that neck with one pull? I don't think so.

Problem is, if I can't buy into the veracity of the description of Lerner's crime, I can't buy into the truthfulness of his account of prison life.

And after all that, when the FACTS come to light (i.e., the "Monster was considerably smaller and weighed considerably less than Lerner; the combat-style knife was a Swiss Army knife that may have been planted near the corpse and not weilded by the victim; Lerner not only pummeled his victim until the bones protruded from his face but secured a plastic bag around his head and choked him with a belt while he sat on his chest), I feel a bit sick knowing that I initially empathized with Lerner.

I may have liked Mr. Lerner a heck of a lot less had he stuck to the truth, but I might believe his description of prison life which forms the core of the book.

Next time you land in the can, Mr. Lerner, and decide to make some capital out of your experience, dispense with the fictionalized account of your crime entirely OR - here's a novel thought - tell the truth.

Mr. Lerner has found his true calling in life: story-teller. This is a true, gut-wrenching, extraordinarily witty, hard-hitting account of Mr. Lerner's first year or so in the Nevada State Penitentiary. When sentenced there in 1998 for voluntary manslaughter (he explains all this and is open in discussing his alcohol and drug problems that lead to the crime that put him in prison), he was a 47 year old, MBA-toting, cubicle-occupying solid member of the middle class with a recently divorced wife and two adolescent daughters. The shock -- cultural and physical -- that comes with the destruction of that world and the entry into the off-world character of prison life is wonderfully portrayed in this true-story account. How he survives and copes and learns the lingo in prison, and his accounts of daily life there, are riveting. Mr. Lerner's sense of humor pervades his account, and it delights. Nonetheless, this isn't just a funny prison story. It's a story about the human condition, the ability to survive great adversity, and the pathos of human suffering. I could not put down this book.

Whew! From the very first sentence to the last page this incredible story hijacks your mind and heart! Jimmy Lerner's frightening, unbelievable incarceration in a circle of American Hell - a U.S. prison - is a powerful and profound tale of survival and ultimately, redemption.

From his initiation by his Nazi cellmate, "Kansas" in how things in prison work, to his absurd job as a "green jello scooper" in the prison chow hall, this story is a non-stop emotional rollercoaster. At various times I bit my nails, or laughed or felt like weeping. I found myself pulled so deeply into this bizarre and savage world that 2 days after finishing the book I still feel hungover from its effects.

Jimmy Lerner brings a unique middle-class, soccer Dad, corporate executive perspective to telling this prison tale. We have never heard anything like this for the simple reason we have never had this talented a writer go through this hell and be able to report back to us with wisdom and insight and a remarkable sense of humor.

I read there will be a movie starring Ben Stiller and I think he will be just perfect for the tragic-comedy touch the role will require. As the author would say: "Come on wid it, dawg!"

As a certified S.O.B (Seriously Obsessive Bibliophile), i have to say that this one qualifies with flying colors as a major "cantputdowner".
Jail? Doin' time? There's a big selection of books out there about this dark issue. Many of them very good. "You got nothing coming" beats them all in my humble opinion, not because:
-its story is original
-you'll read anything in here you havent heard, read, or seen in movies about the prison system before

but for reasons unpredicted when picking up a book about incarceration, such as:
-its beyond top-level humor and sarcasm
-its mix of corporate training and jail code to survive

But more to the specifics. Reading a book written by a former (or current) convict is usually a bitter, heartbreaking experience. It's bound to be. Being in prison doesnt normally inspire the most optimistic feelings on behalf of the author if you know what I mean.
Jimmy Lerner (the author), up until the moment of landing in a hardcore Nevada prison, is a constantly recovering alcoholic, part time prescription drug addict, hard trying loving father, formerly married, hard working (professionally "succesful") corporate man who is about to even make it to the big time.
All this becomes a not so distant blur of the past as his precariously balanced life takes a turn for the worst, when he winds up strangling a drug dealer in -more than obvious- self defense.
Perhaps predictably, the system isnt too impressed with his crudentials and he lands a sentence of 2 to 12 years.

As if that wasnt going to be enough of a shock, his very first cellmate is a heavy-framed nazi skinhead who also happens to be a major play-caller in the prison. All around him, the environs dont look much better as the "population" is made up of all kinds of gangs with an ominous set of issues. And he - the author- is the "fish" who along with the rest of the convicts "has nothin' comin'". Clueless, at first, to the realities, the bizzare code, the surreal "morals" and everyday horrors of life in prison, as well as the the impending threat to one's bodily safety if not overall existence, the "fish" begins an upward struggle to survive using...psychology techniques he learned in the corporate seminars he'd attended (where he was paying attention as he admits).

Does it work? Most of the time it shockingly does allthough he seems to be "lucky" in his misfortune as more than once he has uncomfortably close brushes with seriously unpleasant experiences (such as being stabbed in broad daylight in the "yard", or, coming close to being run over by a 250 pound con who feels he's been "disrespected"). Oh, and all that, without his nazi skinhead cellmate having discovered that J.Lerner is a ...Jew.

Written in hilarious style, with incredible (considering the circumstances) humor and wit, "You got nothing coming" shouldnt be regarded as just another prison story novel, but rather, as one of the most powerful true-story novels to have come out in recent memory.

Indeed, I couldnt point to another book that has the ability to keep you contineously suspended between terror and laughter. That would be because it would take incredible talent from the part of the author. Lerner not only possesses that talent but he does so in abundance.
At the same time, Lerner emerges as a powerful human being. Not in the muscle sense most of his inmates are but inside. He deals with a situation, which, considering the circumstances, would lead other men (or women) to their ultimate downfall, with intelligence, mental but mostly emotional.

It's not exactly simple to feel like you're dealing with a crowd of psychos (or soon to be psychos), may they be inmates or guards, while you are their sole "therapist". Lerner might not sense it that way, but thats what he ultimately does: he functions as a psychologist treating simoultaneously 300 patients.
Miraculously (for his own sake) it seems to work.
I read "You got nothing coming" in a period of little of 2 days (over 360 pages of it) simply because once i started it i found it to be so gripping and compelling i couldnt bring myself to put it down. Funny as hell and more hellish than hell, dark enough to put the lights out in your most illuminated optimisms, threatening in an omnipresent way and bitter the way only prison books can be, this book is nothing less than a msterpiece in its own right.
One of the most impacting books I've ever layed my eyes on.

Jimmy Lerner's astonishing and entertaining memoir as a "reluctant guest" of the Nevada State Prison system reveals not just his MBA and corporate background, but his clear familiarity (and mastery) of a long literary tradition - that of the outsider using humor and a razor-wire (pardon the pun) wit to demolish the pretentions and inherent deceit of the system in power.

Lerner thematically weaves in the grand Establishments of Corporate America (The Phone Company - AT&T), The Military (he was a sergeant in the U.S. Army) and the Nevada State Prison to illuminate the essential aburdity and moral bankruptcy of these hierarchial monstrosities that thrive on bureaucratic paralysis, infighting, trivia and endless procedural inanities.

Most importantly, Mr. Lerner tells an absolutely riveting tale, for after all,to paraphrase The Bard, the story is the thing! His nightmarish (gives new meaning to Irony!) situation of being a middle-class, highly educated Jew forced to share a cell with a hardened convict and neo-Nazi (swastika tattoo included) makes for a fabulous dramatic tension that does not release us until the very end.

We follow this new inmate's, this Fishes progress from trembling newcomer to the O.G. - Original Gangsta - who teaches skinheaded murderers the finer points of European geography and how to use fractions to facilitate drug deals.

Lerner withholds until near the end the circumstances of his crime and his timing is exquisite. The final section of the book serves to ratchet up the tension and drama even further, a not inconsiderable accomplishment for a memoir that demands your attention and earns your feverish interest one sentence, one page at a time!

Bravo, kudos and bravissimo, Mr. Lerner!

Lerner's account is an interesting tale of an unlikely convict dumped into the hell of Nevada's prison system. A neophyte in a system of experienced and hard-core cons, Lerner must learn the ropes and rely on the most basic human instinct; survival. What I find most appealing about the book is it's human touch. Lerner makes few excuses for his actions and seems to honestly recount the progression of the crime that landed him in prison. The chapters that tell this tale are artfully interspersed throughout the novel and are interesting asides to the the central aim of the story.

Lerner manages to endear himself to a large segment of the prison's most undesirables. And while he is never fooled or ignorant of their violents past(s) and tendencies, the pictures painted in this book are of human beings. Lerner is able to portray at once the viciousness and sensitivities of his fellow inmates and in doing so he manipulates the reader's own attitudes to bring them into his hell.

In portions of the book the reader almost feels sorry for Lerner and his fellow inmates. Almost. It is difficult to ignore the crimes that landed these people in prison and Lerner (intentionally?) points these crimes out in various parts of the book.

This is certainly a worthy read, but not an introspective. While he ultimately becomes a player in the greater prison drama, Lerner is not a career con and his view remains skewed. Don't read this book expecting a tell-all of prison life. But, as most good books are, this is a story of an unlikely protagonist who must adapt to his surroundings and do little more than survive.

Yes, a very funny story about life in prison. Hard as that is
to believe, I laughed more at Lerner's story than at most
humor books. It takes a very unusual gift to find that much
to laugh about while serving a prison sentence, especially in
a place so full of repression and hatred as where he was confined. Note I am talking about the attitude and treatment of
the "guards", not the inmates; it's too bad every state legislator can't be made to read this story so they can see what
a failure our prison systems are. The states continue to send
more and more people to prison, as they treat them worse as time
goes by, and they have created systems where relatively ordinary
people are either terrorized or indoctrinated into the criminal
lifestyle, and genuine criminals are transformed into more vicious, depraved people, then all are released into society
worse than they entered the system.

This author coped far better than most would have, and this
funny, entertaining book is the result.

Everyone who has ever worked in a cubicle, or attended some
required corporate training, will find much to laugh at, because
Lerner constantly finds, and points out, parallels between his
training at Pacific Bell and the situations he encounters in
his Nevada prison. And his corporate training helps him through
many periods of doubt and crises. Who would have thought?

Some readers carp at the author's explanation of his presence
in prison. Who cares? It does detract a bit from an otherwise
funny story, but he is not writing a Supreme Court brief or
submitting an affidavit in support thereof, so why should the
reader tear apart his explanation. His pre-prison story is
rather ordinary, but one he felt he had to tell, so we should
accept it for what it's worth and then go back to the "fun and
games."

We should all hope we never get personally acquainted with the
culture of prison, but if we do, we will be lucky if we make
as many friends, or have as many good stories, as this author.

His story of how he copes, and how he manages to find something
worthwhile out of a miserable, wasted existence, can be inspiring. We have to make the best of what we have, and more
of us can learn something useful from this story, while being
entertained at the same time, than we think. Most of us will
benefit from reading this man's story.