Customer Reviews

If You Really Loved Me: 100 Questions on Dating, Relationships and Sexual Purity

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I don't write reviews (this being my first) but I MUST make an exception for this book. I agree with the last reviewer's title, "Don't listen to Moral Realtivists." This book is replete with Scriptural references and Catholic Theology but it is applicable to all theists of every denomination and religion. Mind you, the book is speaking of morality from the Christian perspective so if you don't like Christianity or believe in moral absolutes then I don't recommend that you put pointless reviews on the site.

I am mass-purchasing a copy of this book for everyone I know in relationships because it's been of great benefit for me. If you have teenage/young adult children or are a teenager/young adult yourself, this books is primarily directed to you regardless of denomination or religion. Evert has taken 100 of the most commonly asked questions/objections and answered them with keen insight using logic, Scripture, papal encyclicals and exhortations, theologians (such as C.S. Lewis and G.K. Chesterton), and many modern day resources (including internet links).

I can not recommend this book highly enough. It is also very effectual against America's modern-day morality (or lack thereof). The chapters are divided as such:

1. Chastity and the Meaning of Sex
2. Dating and Courtship
3. Preparing for Marriage
4. How Far is Too Far?
5. Pornography and Masturbation
6. Homosexuality
7. Contraception
8. Sexually Transmitted Diseases
9. Purity Renewed
10. How to Stay Pure
11. Vocations

The Bibliography is integrated with the footnotes and is listed at the back of the book. It's a great one!

Evert answers such questions as:

1. Why is premarital sex bad?
2. Can't we accept that people have different values when it comes to sex? We need to be realistic--times have changes since the Bible was written.
3. How do you know if you really love a girl/guy?
4. How do you know if a girl/guy really loves you?
5. What's the difference between dating and courtship?
6. Where can I find a good guy/girl?
7. Hidden and secret relationships.
8. I've decided to save sex for marriage but I am unsure about being completely chaste with my boyfriend. Any advice?
9. My boyfriend has a lot of problems...my friends say he is bad news. We've been pretty physical but I want to stay in the relationship. What should I do?
10. How do you know if you should break up with a guy you are dating?
11. My girlfriend of 2 years just broke up with me. I thought that she was the one, and I feel crushed. I am not sleeping well, I have lost my appetite, and I can not understand why God would let this happen.
12. How do you know if you should marry the person you are dating?
13. What role does physical attraction play in a decision to date someone?
14. I really like the dating scene and the freedom to see different women without having to settle down and get married. Is that okay?
15. Should I move in with my boyfriend before we get married? It seems like a smart move, because you want to really know a person before you commit to life together.
16. If an unmarried couple gets pregnant, should they get married?
17. I am in college and met a great woman, but she is already married and divorced. Is it wrong to date her?
18. Is oral sex okay?
19. What can my girlfriend and I do on dates so that we do not end up going too far?
20. If you are on a date and things are going too far, how do you stop suddenly and tell him "no"?
21. What if another pregnancy could put the wife's life at risk? Does the Church say that the couple can not use contraception even for her sake?
22. I have formed a real habit of masturbation and do not know how to stop. What would you say is the best way to overcome this?
23. If two people of the same sex really love each other and are willing to stay faithful for life, why can't they get married?
24. Why doesn't the Church allow married couples to use contraception?
25. What is wrong with looking at pornography? It's not like you are getting a girl pregnant or spreading STDs.

And 75 more! If you have any questions about the Chapter titles above or wonder the answer to any of the above questions then I recommend this for you.

Also, I'm trying to recommend another book in addition to this one but I can't find the button for it so I'll mention it here. It's primarily for mature relationships, marriages, and those considering such. It gives very understandable and clear reasons for the Catholic Church's teachings on Marriage, the Family, the Covenant and how it relates to the Trinity. I highly recommend Kimberly Hahn's "Life-Giving Love".

When I first started reading the book, I must admit that I was skeptical and mocking (mostly because my dad insisted on me reading it and i am a rebel; i listen to no parent) but as I read on i started to be emotionally touched by Jason Evert's words. Not only did he answer many of my questions, he also brought up some good points that I could not help but pay attention to and that I had never even thought of (being 19 of course I thought I knew everything there was to know about sex). He explains everything concisely and to the point and does not beat around the bush about anything. His explanations truly touched my heart. And to the reviewer that thinks Jason Evert is a big liar trying to win everybody to his side, I suggest that he FIRST read the book and then tell me if "his side" isn't worth being on to be truly happy and fulfilled.

Finally! This is a wonderful book explaining and defending the proper way of looking at human sexuality and what the Catholic church teaches about sex and why.
I only wish this book had been printed and circulated 30-40 years ago! Maybe we wouldn't be have so many failed marriages, fatherless families, and mixed up notions about what God intended when he created us as sexual beings.
Sex isn't bad or dirty, it's sacred and holy in the context of a marriage between a husband and wife.
This should be required reading for all teenagers!
Thanks, Jason!

This book helps to explain all the nuances of sexuality, and how a person should be treated, and treat others, based on his or her intrinsic personhood -Catholic or non-Catholic. This means to not treat people as objects for our own personal pleasure.

Jason Evert discusses such subjects of sexuality from the Catholic Church's persepective, which, under scrutiny, live up to all guidelines for a moral and logical human sexuality. This shows the peerless rationality of Catholicism.

Evert is not just giving his point of view, which would make it invalid foolery, but that of a Church always modern and applicable to humanity, something truthful throughout all ages and thought.

As a "cradle catholic" I always heard "no..." but I never got the "why". As you get older (esp. with hormones in the mix) it gets harder to follow rules when you don't know "why". Deep down we know right from wrong but his book puts into words what we all know to be true in our hearts. The author has a great way of directly answering questions that you have always wondered about but didn't know who to ask. He clearly answers the questions and backs it up with several sources. I gave a copy to all the young people in my life, including my brothers who are 17 and 21 years old. This book would be great for parents trying to find the words to explain all the "no's". I think that his book is also a "must read" for anyone who would like to date or have a happy marriage. (Everyone!) Get two or more copies...you'll want everyone to read it.

As a teenager, this book has helped me develop a better relationship with God and myself. It may seem like a book that tells you to save sex for marriage but its way more than that. It answers a lot of questions that teenagers face everyday & are afraid to ask their parents. Jason Evert explains things so well and in a matter that teenagers can understand. I highly recommend this book for every Catholic teenager.

This book is strongly Catholic based, which I am not, but it is still an incredible book for anyone of any Christian faith. It goes over questions that the author has been asked and even if those questions are now your own the literature under each is very inspirational and uplifitng. This book is also an amazing reader, and I hate reading! This has been one of very few books I have ever read voluntarily, seriously!

I adore this book. I am a female in my 20's and was introduced to this book several years ago by the mother of a boy I had a crush on (a little awkward, but whatever). It changed my life.

I have tried reading other Christian books before, but they always made me feel bad about myself (I was a wild child, who hates to read). This book was different. Not only did I get through the book without feeling like a sinner, but I finally understood why I've made questionable decisions throughout my young-adult life. It also showed me how and why to make the right decisions in the future. I finally believed that I'm not a bad person, and that if I love someone, and they love me back, we'll want nothing but the best for each other.

Since my first read, I've given it to my friends, parents, sisters, boyfriends, co-workers, and have referred back to it any time I need an lift. No matter what your age, gender, marital status, religion, or sexual history, this book will help you learn to love in a totally different way.

Thanks Jason!

We gave each of our three oldest sons a copy of this wonderful book by Jason Evert. The author has a unique, humorous and special way of communicating the truth in love. This book is especially helpful for the teen years, but I would strongly recommend it for young adults as well. I also highly recommend his video "Romance Without Regret."

Ellen Gable Hrkach
award-winning author
In Name Only

This review refers to the edition revised in 2008

Jason Evert's goal in this book is to provide "guidance where there is uncertainty, encouragement where there is despair, healing where there are wounds, and a deep sense of the joy and peace that come from offering to God everything we are, and everything we do." He opens with examples of the sort of advice "the world" gives in relation to sexual practices. He cites Newsweek's suggestion that promiscuity, on which many female zoo animals seem to thrive, may be beneficial to women as well.

Evert holds degrees in counseling and theology and is a staff apologist for Catholic Answers. His views are based on the Bible and writings of saints, physicians, philosophers, theologians, and marriage counselors. If You Really Loved Me is based on questions raised during his talks to roughly 100,000 students per year. Many clearly relate to individual concerns with personal behavior, but others address more common issues such as pornography and married priests.

Eight pages are devoted to the pornography question. The problem with using pornography, Evert states, is that it "emasculates men, degrades women, destroys marriage, and offends the Lord." He elaborates on these points and highlights fallacies in common defenses of pornography use.

The book's final question is about the effect of celibacy requirements on priestly vocations. Evert explains that priestly celibacy is "not an unchangeable aspect of the priesthood," but the Church is unlikely to rescind the rule any time soon. "Celibacy is an enormous blessing to the Church, not a burden," he writes. His statistics show that between 1978 and 2006 the number of seminarians increased nearly 80 percent. However, he points out, the number of Catholics has grown more rapidly in that time, leaving some areas with a shortage of priests. After citing scripture passages on the virtue of celibacy, Evert suggests that lack of vocations follows from the breakdown of the family. "Yet where parents are generous in welcoming life, children will be more likely to be generous when it comes to the question of offering themselves to God."