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Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Broadway Books (February 8, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0307463788
  • ISBN-13: 978-0307463784
  • Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.3 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (37 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #138,759 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Married for 13 years, Gurwitch and Kahn look back with laughter at the highs, the lows, and their different marital needs. Writer-actor Kahn (Curb Your Enthusiasm) won an Emmy for scripting The Ben Stiller Show; actress Gurwitch (Seinfeld) produced a documentary adapted from her 2006 book Fired! Tales of the Canned, Canceled, Downsized, & Dismissed. By teaming for this equally merry marriage memoir, the duo doubles the giggles and guffaws. Over many months, they have been doing readings and performances from this book in progress, when it had the working title, How Not to Have a Marriage Like Ours. The book includes alternating He Says/She Says sections. Opening with Jeff's pursuit of Annabelle, they write in a lighthearted fashion about dating, cats, living together, marriage, the honeymoon, and lots of sex: In the beginning, there was sex and it was good. In the middle, it became something to schedule like a tennis lesson and flu shot. A genuine crisis interrupted their comedic conflicts when their son was born with birth defects, a situation that affected their marriage: We became each other's psychological punching bags. In the concluding chapter, they speculate on the future direction of their marriage, possibly like the bonds of emperor penguins and Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas. Readers will hope they stay together to write more heartfelt, funny books like this one. (Feb. 14)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up: A Love Story shows how hectic, hard and hilarious married life can be. Spanning friendship, courtship, marriage and parenthood, Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn’s "he said/she said" memoir at times reads like a mix of couples therapy and "Real World" confessionals for grown-ups. Only funnier and heavier.”—The Washington Post

“This book is a must-read for couples and singles alike. Finally, a married couple that doesn't hide behind such tedious traits as personal loyalty, good taste, and an overall sense of decorum.  You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up tells people what marriage is really like!”—Liz Tucillo, co-author of  He’s Just Not That Into You and author of How to Be Single
 
“So funny because it is so accurate. Kahn and Gurwitch illuminate the insanity of marriage.  They make you want to embrace your spouse for the same reason you want to strangle them.”—Ben Stiller
 
“Although after eleven and a half years of pure, uninterrupted marital bliss I don’t relate at all to the subject matter, I still found Jeff and Annabelle’s book to be hilarious.”—Judd Apatow
 
“As someone who has never married or ever understood why anyone would,would, I feel I can say with authority that this is the finest, funniest, most insightful book I’ve ever read about a subject I’m completely unqualified to comment about.”—Bill Maher
 
“The far right believes that marriage should only be one man plus one woman. But they are oh so wrong. Marriage should only be between two funny people, and Jeff and Annabelle are the shining examples of this new marriage movement.”—Carol Leifer
 
“Damn, marriage isn’t supposed to be this much fun! If anyone is going to save marriage, it won’t be James Dobson—it’ll be Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn.”—Barbara Ehrenreich, author of Nickel and Dimed
 
“Oh, now I get it. This whole sham of a marriage was not just for tax purposes, it was also to write and sell this immediately engaging book! I remember when Jeff first told me about Annabelle and the hazy, humid thermal cloud she wrapped his head in. I thought he was nuts. Turns out I was right (see pages 1–250). After reading this book, I feel sorry for both of them now. And that’s quite an accomplishment.”—David Cross, author of I Drink for a Reason
 
“He said tomato, she said shut up, and I took a Vicodin to ease the pain from laughing so hard.”
—Sandra Tsing Loh, author of Mother on Fire and A Year in Van Nuys

"We're just not that into us."--Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn


From the Hardcover edition.

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Customer Reviews

I can't count the number of times I have laughed out loud reading this book.
Laura L. Grace
The charachters were not detailed as much as I wanted, but they would be fun to converse with at a party, I didn't feel like I got to really know them.
L. Hansen
I was surprised, though, since the tone of the book goes from comedy to a very harsh reality.
Jeremy

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful By Alexsandra Sukhoy on November 4, 2010
Format: Hardcover
Jeff Kahn and Annabelle Gurwitch got it right. Marriage is funny, it's tough, it's work, it's intimate, it's distant and a thousand other contradicting adjectives. While so many couples obsesses over the perfect wedding, how many really think about what it means to grow up and grow old with someone you are legally and emotionally bound to, good and bad, day after day? In today's post-feminist universe, is marriage even a sustainable union? Jeff and Annabelle open the Pandora's box, let us in and generously provide the reality check to what this institution holds in store, especially when two people genuinely love each other and want to be a part of the world. You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up should be THE mandatory reading to anyone and everyone who is even mildly considering one day saying, "I do."
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful By SpicyGuy on February 23, 2010
Format: Hardcover
Wow. I had expected this book to be funny: I'm a big fan of THE BEN STILLER SHOW and have read Gurwitch in the past (FIRED!) and seen her Showtime special. But, what I didn't expect was how true, poignant, moving this book turned out to be. Yes, it's a "warts and all," laugh-out-loud comedy book about marriage: the most dysfunctional marriage you've ever seen. But, it's also the story of two parents who love their son and (in their own bizarre way) each other very much.

If this isn't turned into a movie or tv show, Hollywood has no idea what they're doing. I hear that they may turn it into a two-person show. Based on the video they made to promote the book, I'd go see that play in a heatbeat.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful By nashvillegirl VINE VOICE on March 7, 2010
Format: Hardcover
This is one of the funniest, yet touching, books on marriage that I have ever read and I would recommend it to anyone who wants to read an honest book about marriage.

The book is set up so each chapter is loosely organized by theme, such as pets, dating, childbirth, in-laws, etc. Either Annabelle or Jeff presents their view first (in short essay format), and then the other one follows. I really enjoyed the "getting both sides to the story" aspect of the book. It is also mostly in chronological order, so it is pretty easy to tell where they are in their relationship when they are discussing each theme. They deal with most things that any married couple would deal with, yet you also receive some interesting insights into the Hollywood/LA/creative profession culture that they both reside in.

Many of the essays are incredibly funny, and there are some that are also very touching when discussing a serious subject, such as the birth defects of their son. The book doesn't pretend that marriage is easy, but at the same time, you can tell that they really care about each other.

Additionally, I found this to be a fast-moving, easy read and perfect for those days when you only have time to read a few pages, because of the divided-eassay format.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By Gentle Reader on February 25, 2010
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
This is one of the most laser-precise books on marriage, sex, kids, LIFE that I have ever read. I laughed my ass off, then would suddenly get caught off-guard and find tears welling in my eyes. The laugh lines are abundant and so are the moving moments, especially with their son's diagnosis with VACTERL. iIt's a true honor that Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn would open their hearts up to us readers. A wonderful wonderful book. Highly recommend.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By H. Lichtenfeld on May 25, 2010
Format: Hardcover
This was the best Valentine's Day gift I have ever gotten. If you and your partner have a sense of humor and like to laugh together I highly recommend this as a gift. And if I ever have the pleasure of getting together with Annabelle and Jeff, now that I know what they do with their oven mitts, I will certainly suggest we go out to eat.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Lori A. Griswell on May 14, 2010
Format: Hardcover
`You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up' by Gurwitch / Kahn caught my eye because like many spouses I find myself in love with someone who equally fascinates & frustrates me. My typical reading involves history or politics so I was looking for a break from that and possibly ideas on dealing with spouse differences (OK, to be fair - for validation that my way of thinking is superior, LOL). The `his versus her' layout of the book held my attention & one night I couldn't stifle my laughs & did wake my husband of 24 years. He's long been used to me reading after the house is asleep; that respite of book lovers & harried spouses / parents. As a woman of similar age, I can definitely relate to Annabelle's thought processes and behaviors while simultaneously relating to Jeff's sarcastic wit as they take on daily married life & how they've evolved through sharing space, work, sex, & raising a child, etc. I recommend this book for anyone who loves their spouse while also acknowledging that same person at times drives them crazy. Successful couples know that love can transcend the hardships & absurdities of life but it's the ability to laugh at ourselves & each other - the use of humor to cope that may be the secret to wedded longevity. I sincerely wish both authors continued success in their marriage, parenting and careers and look forward to any possible future book collaborations. (Lori Hypes Griswell)
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By V. Taylor on February 25, 2010
Format: Hardcover
Hilarious, touching and more than a little bit twisted, Annabelle and Jeff's book is a multi-level memoir about the journey that has made up their relationship. Both the difficulties and the victories they have faced - as individuals, as a couple, and as parents - are recounted in a candid memoir that doesn't hesitate to go places where other books would fear to tread. And the best bonus? The hilarious stories that unexpectedly provide a punchline in each chapter, whether it's "A Tale of Two Kitties" or the parenting group that wasn't as normal as it appeared at first glance. As parents, Jeff and Annabelle are both absolutely devoted to their son, Ezra, born in 1998 with complications but thanks to their parenting and some amazing doctors, doing incredibly well today.

While this book definitely has its share of raunchy and hilarious stories, it's also touching and personal as well. Would make a great gift for the married (or newlywed!) couple with a good sense of humor.
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