Start reading If You Stay (Beautifully Broken Book 1) on the free Kindle Reading App or on your Kindle in under a minute. Don't have a Kindle? Get your Kindle here.
This title is not currently available for purchase
Sorry, this item is not available in
Image not available for
Image not available

If You Stay (Beautifully Broken Book 1) [Kindle Edition]

Courtney Cole
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (711 customer reviews)

Pricing information not available.

Free Kindle Reading App Anybody can read Kindle books—even without a Kindle device—with the FREE Kindle app for smartphones, tablets and computers.

To get the free app, enter your email address or mobile phone number.


Amazon Price New from Used from
Kindle Edition $7.99  
Paperback $10.90  
Audible Audio Edition, Unabridged $0.00 Free with Audible trial
Hero Quick Promo
Today Only: Up to 80% Off Popular Summer Reads on Kindle
Today only, get books by Jhumpa Lahiri, Brad Meltzer, Amy Tan, Jane Green, and more at up to 80% off. Learn more

Book Description

24-year old Pax Tate is an asshole.


He’s a tattooed, rock-hard bad-boy with a bad attitude to match.
But he’s got his reasons.

His mother died when Pax was seven, leaving a hole in his heart filled with guilt although he doesn’t understand why. What he does know is that he and his dad are left alone and with more issues than they can count.

As Pax grew up, he tried to be the kid his father always wanted; the perfect golden boy, but it didn’t work. His dad couldn’t overcome his grief long enough to notice and Pax couldn’t keep up the impossible perfect façade.
So he slipped far, far from it.

Now, he uses drugs and women to cope with the ugliness, the black void that he doesn’t want to deal with. If he pretends that the emptiness isn’t there, then it isn’t, right?

And it’s never more apparent than when he meets Mila.

Sweet, beautiful Mila Hill is the fresh air to his hardened frown, the beauty to his ugly heart. He doesn’t know how to not hurt her, but he quickly realizes that he'd better figure it out because he needs her to breathe.

When memories of his mother’s death resurface from where he’s repressed them for so long, Mila is there to catch him when the guilt starts making sense. Mila is the one…the one who can save him from his broken troubled heart; from his issues, from the emptiness.

But only if he can stop being an asshole long enough to allow it.

He knows that. And he’s working on it.

But is that enough to make her stay?

**Please note: If You Stay contains mature subject matter such as drug use and sexual situations. It is intended for mature audiences.**

Editorial Reviews


If you haven't read this book, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU WAITING FOR? It's raw and passionate and Pax is amazingly flawed yet intensely lovable. It really is an incredible story M. Leighton, New York Times bestselling author of Down to You Very real and raw USA Today on IF YOU STAY

About the Author

Courtney Cole is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author who lives near Lake Michigan with her family.  She's always working on her next project... or staring dreamily out her office window.  To learn more about her, please visit

Product Details

  • File Size: 3198 KB
  • Print Length: 352 pages
  • Publisher: Lakehouse Press (February 7, 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B00BD9HOY2
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #546,057 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
  •  Would you like to give feedback on images?

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
89 of 96 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars LOVED LOVED LOVED this book!!!!!! February 9, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition
First, I have to say a HUGE THANK YOU again to Courtney Cole for providing me an ARC copy of her book. I was lucky enough to win an autographed copy in one of her contest and to say I was excited is an understatement!!

I LOVED Pax. He immediately grabs at your heart strings. He is broken and makes you want to fix him. He is sexy as hell too! And oh, some of the things he says and does in the book! There are a few favorites I have. One is nude painting. Then there is the big bad wolf. And one of my favorite lines..

"You've seen me at my worst. Maybe you should see me at my best."
"When are you at your best?"
"In bed."

But Pax is far from perfect. He is a seriously f'ed up individual. He uses drugs and women to numb the emptiness he feels. But I will give him credit for being honest about it. Make no mistake, he is in your face honest and makes no apologies for it.

Mila is the light in Pax's dark world. From the moment he meets her, he begins to make some serious changes in his life. At first, she is scared to pursue whatever this thing between them is. She knows about the drugs and women, she has seen both up close and personal, and is scared of what a relationship with Pax would mean for her.

I loved the chemistry between Pax and Mila. I read so many stories where there is this instant attraction between the characters and it jut doesn't seem believable. I am not sure if it was the circumstances in which Pax and Mila meet or not, but I could feel the connection with them. And I appreciated the fact that she wasn't trying to fix him. She wanted him to be the one to fix himself. I think that was important because anyone in Pax's situation has to want to make changes in order for them to stick.
Read more ›
Was this review helpful to you?
22 of 24 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars It was good. February 12, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
It was hard to like Pax, the bad-boy-trust-fund slacker, when we first meet him. On the very first page, he's strung out on coke and pills and JD and a girl whose name he can't remember is giving him a BJ in his car. Mila finds him shortly thereafter, OD'ing in his car and saves his life. Truthfully, I give her huge props because I don't know how she did CPR with orange vomit all over him. Ugh!

So you'd think after this, he'll have an epiphany of some kind and become worthy of Mila but he doesn't. In fact, his behavior doesn't get much better for a while. It was pretty off-putting to me. It wasn't really clear what Mila saw in him. He was totally hot--she kept saying how beautiful he was. But it didn't seem like that was enough for good-girl Mila to give such a total screw-up a shot (more than once).

Anyway, if we choose to ignore the implausibility of that, the rest is okay. Each chapter switches back and forth between their perspectives, which I always like, and was well done here. Their relationship progresses pretty well, sex scenes are good without being as medically detailed as in some books. I even thought the disclosure and handling of Pax's past was done realistically and in an exciting way. That chapter was definitely a page-turner. Though his recovery seemed somewhat quick. Of course, it was a short book (only 85% of the kindle file is this book--don't know what that translates to in pages). So I guess they had to wrap things up.

It was a quick read, I read it in a few hours. But it seemed like something was missing. I'm not sure what it was--but there were very few characters. I came away with the impression that this small town was actually minuscule.
Read more ›
Was this review helpful to you?
21 of 27 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Love Pax February 9, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition
I have read every single book that Courtney Cole has written and loved every single one of them. If you Stay tops the list, hands down. I was excited when she decided to start writing NA and fell in love with Pax immediately. He's not your typical book boyfriend. You know the one you fall for immediately because he sweeps the girl off her feet. I fell in love with Pax from the beginning even when he was an ass. I think that's part of the draw to him. The bad boy who uses to cope and hides behind the façade of being an douche, but the thing is like Mila saw there's always something amazing hiding underneath.
This book was raw and emotional. Absolutely perfect not to mention something completely new and unexpected from Courtney Cole, I LOVE IT!

"Even when I can count on nothing else, I can always count on this."

We are introduced to Pax in a pretty effed up state. He's getting busy in his car with some chick he doesn't remember her name till later on. Mila stumbles upon him at the worst time but the best possible time as well. She happens to save his life. Pax doesn't think he's good enough for Mila and Mila thinks Pax is going to break her heart. But they both take the chance. They plunge into the unknown with open arms because their attraction only intensified.
"The stars twinkle overhead, the lake is soundless and calm to our left

and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I feel like I'm home."

So what do they do? They date. It a beautiful disaster but a learning process for the both of them. Pax is starting to have nightmares and Mila wants to do whatever it takes to help him. So what happens? Does Pax get passed his coping mechanisms? Can Mila learn to trust Pax enough to know he won't her...again?
Read more ›
Comment | 
Was this review helpful to you?
Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Great Story!
This book has been sitting on my kindle for quite a long time, and I finally picked it up. I really enjoyed this story, but felt as if some things were a little too rushed. Read more
Published 1 month ago by chrissycf
5.0 out of 5 stars amazing book
I absolutely loved this book, the characters, and the message behind it all. Stay in the light and love never fails.
Published 1 month ago by Maggie
4.0 out of 5 stars Great writing! Thoroughly captured me
What a heartbreaking story. This one sucked me in immediately. Pax is self-destructing with no one there to help him out of it, until Mila comes along. Read more
Published 2 months ago by The Tale Temptress
3.0 out of 5 stars Almost stopped reading after the first page, glad I didn't. Can be a...
I have to say, that I almost stopped reading this book after basically the first paragraph. Pax is in the middle of an act with a woman who he doesn't even know her name. Read more
Published 3 months ago by 3bunnies
5.0 out of 5 stars great book!!
I couldn't put the book down, it was such a great story!! I would definitely recommend this book, it's a tear jerker!
Published 3 months ago by Lonna
2.0 out of 5 stars meh
I have never written a review before. But I feel inclined to do so, because I bought this book based on so many 4/5 star reviews. Look, it should be said that I am an easy reader. Read more
Published 3 months ago by alex
3.0 out of 5 stars entertaining
A little amateurish, modern day fairytale with shades of grey. But, light reading and entertaining until the end. I'm not sure I'd run out and tell everyone about it.
Published 4 months ago by Marie
5.0 out of 5 stars If You Stay
Really enjoyed this book. Cried with the end, but it was happy with the happy ending!! Thank You Courtney for sharing with us!!!!!!!
Published 4 months ago by Thelma Wood
4.0 out of 5 stars Great contemporary
I enjoyed reading If You Stay, fast read and not too angst-filled. Mila stumbles upon Pax passed out in his car. He's high on drugs and alcohol and barely breathing. Read more
Published 4 months ago by T. Geo
5.0 out of 5 stars P A X = 😍😍
I fell in love reading the very first sentence.
Published 4 months ago by Cassie2010
Search Customer Reviews

More About the Author

Courtney Cole is a New York Times and USA Today Bestselling novelist who would rather write than eat chocolate. She holds a Bachelor's degree in Business, but no amount of working in the corporate world could quell her urge to write.

Courtney was born and raised in Kansas, home of incredibly friendly people and the most horrendous weather on the planet. Because summer days were so hot, she grew up reading stacks of books... and when she didn't like the ending, she wrote her own.

Courtney has relocated to Florida where she writes beneath palm trees. To learn more about her, please visit her website, To sign up for her newsletter and receive exclusive sneak peeks and super-fan perks, go here:

What Other Items Do Customers Buy After Viewing This Item?


There are no discussions about this product yet.
Be the first to discuss this product with the community.
Start a new discussion
First post:
Prompts for sign-in

Look for Similar Items by Category