You Suck: A Love Story [Hardcover]

Christopher Moore (Author)

Book Description

Release date: January 16, 2007

"You bitch, you killed me. You suck!"

Being dead sucks. Make that being undead sucks.

Literally. Just ask Thomas C. Flood. Waking up after a fantastic night unlike anything he's ever experienced, he discovers that his girlfriend, Jody—the woman of his dreams—is a vampire. And surprise! Now he's one, too.

For some couples, the whole biting-and-blood thing would have been a deal breaker. But Tommy and Jody are in love, and they vow to work through their issues. Like how much Jody should teach Tommy about his new superpowers (and how much he needs to learn on his own). Plus there's Tommy's cute new minion, sixteen-year-old goth girl Abby Normal. (Well, someone has to run errands during daylight hours!)

Making the relationship work, however, is the least of Jody and Tommy's problems. Word has it that the vampire who nibbled on Jody wasn't supposed to be recruiting any new members into the club. Even worse, Tommy's erstwhile turkey-bowling pals are out to get him, at the urging of a blue-dyed Las Vegas call girl named (duh) Blue.

And that really sucks.

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. Moore's latest (after 2006's A Dirty Job) is a cheerfully perverse, gut-busting tale of young vampires in love. Nineteen-year-old Tommy is a bewildered hipster recently relocated to San Francisco from Incontinence, Ind. His sarcastic redhead (and bloodsucking) girlfriend, Jody, brings him into the fold of the undead ("I wanted us to be together," she says). Tommy, understandably, has mixed feelings; vampirism has its perks (you can turn to mist, live forever and the sex is awesome), but sunlight is death and blood hunger makes you do some pretty foul things. Also, the duo is hunted by Elijah, the ancient vampire who "turned" Jody and wants her back, and a band of Safeway stock boys/amateur vampire hunters known as the Animals (with whom pre–dark side Tommy once rolled). With the assistance of their devoted minion, goth girl Abby Normal, whose hilarious diary entries form part of the narrative, Tommy and Jody evade their pursuers, feeding at night and conking out at dawn, all the while learning how vampirism complicates love. Moore writes with the jittery energy of a brilliant, charming class clown, mixing sex and gore and a potty mouth with a goofy-sweet sensibility to deliver laughs on nearly every page. (Jan.)
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From Booklist

Moore revives the stars of his last "love story," Bloodsucking Fiends (1995)--literally. Redheaded stunner--and vampire--Jody had been sealed in a bronze body cast by her lover C. Thomas Flood. She escaped, though, because Tommy drilled ear holes so she could hear his heartsick regrets. She used her vampire powers to go all misty, drift out of the cast, rematerialize, and "turn" Tommy, who has just waked as a vampire as our story opens. "You bitch, you killed me!" he remonstrates, "You suck!" Of course, and, now, so must he, but not before some "hot monkey love," which greatly reconciles the 19-year-old to his fate. The lovers must go on the lam, however, since they promised the two San Francisco cops hip to them to get out of town immediately. Tommy finds a minion in morbid but perky teenager Abby Normal, who fills the bill handily and writes her doings up in valley-girl-teenybopper-hip-hop slang in her journal, which Moore excerpts throughout. Good thing Abby's so effective, too, since per usual in Moore's dark-fantasy lampoons, a small army is soon in pursuit of Jody and Tommy. Happy endings for pretty much everybody conclude Moore's hilarious mockery of the pursuit of the appetites. Ray Olson
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 336 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow; 1 edition (January 16, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060590297
• ISBN-13: 978-0060590291
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.2 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (197 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #293,941 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Christopher Moore is the author of eleven previous novels: Practical Demonkeeping, Coyote Blue, Bloodsucking Fiends, Island of the Sequined Love Nun, The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove, Lamb, Fluke, The Stupidest Angel, A Dirty Job, You Suck, and Fool. He lives in San Francisco.

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#74 in Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Horror

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

18 of 20 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Doesn't Suck January 25, 2007

By The Spinozanator VINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

Christopher Moore treats us to stereotyped outlandish and hilarious human (and vampire) behavior. The main characters are all budding comedians with a streetwise flair - one grows to appreciate the extravagant neurotic nuances of each personality. There are many large reality stretches, but we ARE talking vampires.

If you appreciate your limitations (daytime, feeding urges), it's not too bad being a vampire:

*superpowers - superhot redhead Jody feels a newfound freedom to roam the streets at night wearing very little, despite juvenile catcalls by potentially threatening testosterone-ridden gawker-groups. Safety worries? - not a problem, a nice one to shed. "She slipped comfortably into the new slot the night had made for her, like tumblers of a lock slipping into place."

*enhanced senses - as in Gibson's "What Women Want," there is far more to be ascertained about people you meet when you are from the world of the undead.

*sex - every event is the incredible best.

Perhaps the best character is Abby Normal, the hip-hop goth queen who wants to be "taken" to the other world and becomes the vampires' minion. She's "not inclined to use hip-hop vernacular often, but there are times when, like French, it just better expresses the sentiment of the moment." As in his other books, the high spots are the saucy dialogues between characters.

This is only my 4rth CM book and I'm on my way to becoming an addict. "You Suck" is a winner.

46 of 57 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars A weak effort from a talented writer March 25, 2007

By Jessica Lux

Format:Hardcover

In You Suck, Christopher Moore returns to the characters who made him famous nearly a decade earlier in his absurdist vampire tale Bloodsucking Fiends. Young newbie vampire couple Jody and C. Thomas Flood are still in the Bay Area, trying to move out of town after imprisoning the 800 year-old-vampire Elijah Ben Sapir in a bronze cast to keep him out of the way. The Animals from Thomas's old stockboy days are still causing trouble, this time with a Vegas call girl of expensive tastes whose skin is dyed blue.

The highlight of the novel is the new character Abby Normal, a moody teenage vampire wannabe who identifies Thomas's otherworldly nature in a drugstore and becomes his minion. Abby is refreshingly naive and eager-to-please as she speaks in gothic prose with her Dark Lord and his Countess Jody. The most winning chapters are told in her gangster/Olde English/squealing teenage voice from her diary.

As a longtime fan, I'm disappointed in Moore's latest effort. The biggest failing is that it is entirely without a plot. The book's entire premise is "a sequel to Bloodsucking Fiends," and one must wonder what kind of cash Moore got from his publishers to take the task on. The only driving force is Jody and Thomas's need to leave San Francisco after promising the homicide cops from the first book that they would do so. The hijinks of the novel center on this flimsy premise, and the effort falls flat. No longer are the absurd situations, darkly humorous banter, and bloodlust perks of great fiction; rather, they are all this novel has, and even the banter gets tiring. Jody and Thomas are constantly "fighting" and making up. Abby Normal is the saving grace of the novel, but even she can't carry it all on her own.

Moore fans will delight in the return of the old detective pair from Bloodsucking Fiends and Practical Demonkeeping, as well as a cameo by Charlie Asher of A Dirty Job. Newbies should definitely choose the masterpiece Lamb as a first Moore work, and then try out his vampire works.

19 of 22 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Great Start - Sucky Ending March 2, 2007

By Steven R. McEvoy TOP 1000 REVIEWER

Format:Hardcover

Have you ever been reading a book and completely loved it, only to have the author make a boneheaded twist in the plot and you went from loving the book to hating it? Unfortunately, that is what happened with this book. This book started off so well - the first words in the book are: "You bitch, you killed me! You Suck!" This book is a sequel to Bloodsucking Fiends. Our hero is Tommy Flood, known by his pen name C. Thomas Flood.

In the previous book, he was in love with a vampire, a tall sultry red- head who woke up one day a vampire, and Tommy was in love with her and her protector. This book begins with Tommy waking up and he is now a vampire also. At first he thinks it is cool. But his conscience gets the best of him. He likes the power, and the greater abilities, but he does not like the taking of life, or even just taking blood.

This book also overlaps with Moore's A Dirty Job. The focus of this story is the changing life of Thomas Flood and his girlfriend Jody, and there is a second parallel story of Abby Normal, vampire wannabe, who is a servant of the vampire flood. She fetches coffee, finds new lairs and such.

It's hard to write a hate-it review, when what you hate is the ending of the book, without spoiling it for those who are reading it or will read it. But I can state with all sincerity, that of all of Moore's books, this is not more fun, it is not more entertaining and it is not more Moore. It was in fact far, far less.

Like most of Moore's books, this one is at times incredibly witty and always funny. But without spoiling the ending, the last chapter makes me hate this book. There are so many other ways he could have ended the book, yet he chose a cheap and easy way out. The end of this book is so poor that you regret having spent the time and effort reading it. What should have been a light fun romp through the nightlife of San Francisco, becomes a flop because of the ending.

(First Published in Imprint 2007-03-02 as 'Hate It' from the 'Love it/Hate it' book review column.)