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You Want Me to Do What?

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Caregivers are society's quiet sufferers. As sole supporters of an elderly parent, a disabled child, or other dependent, they sometimes struggle for years on end with the responsibilities of a nurse, therapist, provider, and friend. The result of such long-term self-sacrifice can range anywhere from depression to emotional exhaustion.
As a former caregiver herself, B. Lynn Goodwin, author, Writer Advice website creator (http://www.writeradvice.com/index.html), and former teacher, understands the pressure of caring for a dependent family member. She knows the feelings of helplessness and rage associated with long-term caregiving. Where is the relief? With her new book You Want Me to Do What? Goodwin takes a hands-on approach to offering relief through journaling.
Why journal? According to research conducted at universities across the country, Goodwin explains, journaling "reduces feelings of powerlessness. . . and enhances mental stability." For writers and non-writers alike, it can "heal wounds. . . and strengthen your relationship with yourself," while at the same time reducing stress and "opening up perspective."
In this half how-to, half DIY handbook, Goodwin shows her readers how to find the words that won't come ("Look around the room for an image or sensory detail. . ."), and then gives them the benefit of prompts in order to jumpstart their entries. With sentence-starts such as, "I'm teetering on. . ." and "I usually don't talk about. . .", the writer can then follow his or her intuition and let the pen take it from there. And if you're stuck? "Write, `Stuck, stuck, stuck,' until something else comes out."
According to Goodwin, a little can go a long way, and it often does. The ultimate goal of You Want Me to Do What?, however, is to grow out of the handbook and into the caregiver's own roomier spiral notebook. No matter who you are, Goodwin points out, "your story is buried treasure."

Author B. Lynn Goodwin is a fellow book reviewer at WriterAdvice.com. When she became the primary caregiver of her elderly mother, she turned to writing as a form of therapy. In her book, You Want Me To Do What? Journaling for Caregivers, she seeks to bring others the same form of release.

Goodwin cites the research of James W. Pennebaker, professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. He studied the effects of journaling and found that putting thoughts and feelings on paper is powerful.

Journaling empowers the writer, who feels heard and acknowledged. It opens up perspective and insight. It reduces feelings of powerlessness. Journaling heals wounds and enhances mental stability.


Goodwin cared for her mother from 1994 through 2001. She knows firsthand what it is like when the parent-child relationship is reversed. Basic tasks can no longer be accomplished. Privacy is diminished. Confusion and embarrassment ensue. While acts of caregiving are rooted in love, frustration can lead to guilt. Goodwin understands the danger of succumbing to raw emotions. Instead of bottling them up, she suggests giving their expression free rein through writing.

The book provides several sentence starters broken down into four sections entitled "Thoughts about Me," "Thoughts about Caregiving," "Thoughts about the One I Care For," and "Thoughts about Reclaiming Myself." Prompts include "I wish I didn't resent...," "When I want to escape...," "I feel burned out when...," "I love you, but..." and "I forget what it feels like to..." These beginnings are followed by blank lines so that the reader can write a response in the book itself, although Goodwin encourages writing in a separate journal in order to fully explore each topic.

There are no rules for using the book. Goodwin suggests skipping items that do not particularly move the reader and focusing on those that open a cathartic doorway. She encourages caregivers who have hang-ups about writing to put away their insecurities. No judgments are made on writing ability. The key is to start writing regardless of one's level of expertise. Goodwin even suggests drawing for those who feel intimidated or creatively blocked by the act of writing.

The reader is not left hanging upon reaching the book's final page. At Goodwin's website, WriterAdvice.com there is information about writing with other caregivers, sample prompts, writings of those who have tried the process, booklists and more. She encourages caregivers to develop their journal entries into letters, essays, short stories, poems, memoirs and plays. Through her book, she provides an access point for caregivers to share their stories with each other and examine the healing power of the written word.

Overall, this book helps a caregiver sort out frustration and love from medications and bed pans.

Asked "What do you need?" most caregivers would respond readily: rest; solitude; privacy; companionship; recreation; freedom from interruption, worry, frustration, anger, grief, depression.

Author B. Lynn Goodwin, who spent seven years doing "Mom Care," says caregivers need a lifeline. In You Want Me to Do What?: Journaling for Caregivers, she offers that lifeline--journal writing.

Referencing research done by Professor James W. Pennebaker and others into the effects of writing on the mind and the body, Goodwin says writing "heals wounds and enhances mental stability."

"One of the simplest, most private places to write," says Goodwin, "is in a journal. It allows you to vent, delve into issues, and untangle messes. It lets you analyze or celebrate. It allows you to finish a thought without interruption. Journaling releases mental toxins and deepens awareness. It enables you to strip away the daily debris and let the strong, safe, sane, healthy, hopeful parts of you emerge."

The guidelines Goodwin lays out are similar to those advocated by Julia Cameron, Natalie Goldberg, and others who teach writing as a practice: write daily for at least fifteen minutes ("a goal, not a mandate"), write about anything, write fast, don't stop, don't judge.

What sets Goodwin's book apart is that it functions as a journal. Each of the core chapters contains approximately twenty-five pages of sentence prompts: "The truth is..."; "Today, I don't want..."; "I usually don't talk about..." Each prompt is followed by space for the caregiver to finish the sentence and continue the journal entry.

Prompts are carefully sequenced. In line with Goodwin's advice to "start where you are," the caregiver begins with "Thoughts About Me," and then moves outward to "Thoughts About Caregiving," and "Thoughts About the One I Care For." Prompts allow the writer to describe challenges ("I feel burned out when...." ) as well as joys and rewards ("Today my best moments are..." ). Some prompts are specific ("I wish I didn't resent..."), while others are open-ended ("When..."). Some invite analysis of the complex relationship between caregiver and patient ("I have trouble telling you..."). Finally, in "Thoughts About Reclaiming Myself," Goodwin encourages the writer to look to a future beyond caregiving ("I promise myself..."; "My healing..."; "I am ready to explore...").

The author sets aside two blank pages for writers to compose their own sentence prompts. She ends by offering suggestions for turning entries into other formats, such as letters or essays, and for learning more about the writing process.

You Want Me to Do What? is a small but powerful book. Telling the truth is hard. People in conflict, those on the edge of burn-out, may read about the healing power of writing but fail to follow through. Goodwin, by using a "workbook" format, provides an automatic transition from theory to practice, from reading to writing. It is exactly the right book for its target audience. In fact, the only drawback I see is that the tight binding doesn't allow the book to lie flat. Once the writer has become comfortable with the process, however, she's likely to switch from the workbook to a different format with room for longer entries.

Like Goodwin, I spent many years doing "Mom Care." A copy of You Want Me to Do What? would have helped me get through some difficult times. It would make a fine gift for any caregiver.

Writing itself, says Goodwin, is a gift. "Get your story, your nuances, your frustrations, your hopes, and your love on the page," she encourages. "Your story is buried treasure."

by Kathy Waller
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women

B. Lynn Goodwin's YOU WANT ME TO DO WANT? is truly a beautiful gift for anyone who is a caregiver. Whether the caregiver is a professional or a volunteer or a family member or a friend, he/she deserves safe space to vent and de-stress and rejuvenate. This book is a journal for caregivers, offering 200 sentence starts (such as "I don't like to brag, but..."). Venting and honoring the self and beneficiaries with pen.

"You Want Me To Do What? Journaling for
Caregivers" is about the same size as a little golden book and absolutely golden in the help it can give caregivers under stress.

In the title of this book, the author anticipates the reaction that one might hear from a harried caregiver when told that journaling can be a life-giving aspect for successful healing. In all the daily hubbub--the comings-and-goings of one's regular duties in addition to the responsibility of caring for another--it is easy to forget to give attention to one's self.

Written to appeal to someone who has never written or journaled before, this book will nonetheless find its place as a treasure on the shelves of experienced writers. There are prompts, and pages for notes and quotations. There is also hope, love, and--yes--caring. It may be the perfect dose of inspiration for a caregiver--experienced writer or not.
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Vine reviewer Carolyn Howard-Johnson's first novel, This Is The Place, a book based on her own journals, won eight awards.

Lynn Goodwin has developed a brilliantly simple concept: a pocket-sized journal that allows overstressed caregivers to jot down their thoughts in pilfered moments: waiting in doctor's offices, sitting by hospital bedsides, or over a cup of tea at midnight. Her simple yet insightful writing prompts can help caregivers locate inner feelings that have long been pasted over with to-do lists.

The journal exercises in this book allow caregivers to focus on themselves and their needs if only for a moment. And with that focus comes insight and understanding. As Goodwin writes in her introduction, journaling "can strengthen your relationship with yourself." Research shows that journaling can also relieve stress to help caregivers stay healthy. And, it doesn't take much time. Godwin asks her readers to give it 15 minutes a day. Even the most harrowed caregiver owes herself that much.

I wish I'd had this book to give to my mother as she tended my father almost around-the-clock during the last four years of his life. I wish I'd had this book for myself as I flew back and forth across the country feeling guilty and helpless.

Goodwin's writing prompts apply to anyone caught in the web of caring for a chronically ill friend or family member. I think the prompts - and the journaling process - could be equally beneficial to the patients as well. I highly recommend this book.

Caregiving can be very isolating (decreased contact with others, withdrawal from our former lives, etc.), and it often feels as if nobody can really empathize. Or, we'd rather not burden others when we're feeling totally overwhelmed and beaten down by the unpredictable, relentless stresses of being a caregiver. So, to whom can we turn to share these myriad feelings--to vent or to try to find a solution for our various challenges? Private journaling is a unique and wonderful way to process our thoughts. It's not only an excellent stress reliever and defuser, but it can also satisfy our creative side.

Journaling is an activity that's easily done by anyone. There's no right or wrong way to write down one's thoughts, but perhaps you aren't certain how to begin. This book provides encouragement and many ideas to get you started. Lynn Goodwin has carefully created prompts that will resonate with those of us in the midst of caregiving. If journaling is as natural as walking, just think of YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT? as a little guide to some very satisfying hiking trails. An excellent book!

Once a caregiver to my dear friend with Alzheimer's, I wrote to keep my sanity. I wished at that time I had had this book. I watched my dear friend lose herself to a disease no one knew anything about. I wrote my feelings; would I wake up tomorrow to care for my friend? Would there ever be a tomorrow without Alzheimer's? Would I get sick, and not be able to care for my friend? Writing kept me together, able to go on past that life of Alzheimer's.

In so doing, I found writing a must for me to live, to wake up each morning. If I would have had "You want me to do What?" years ago when I was caregiver, I would have started writing sooner, before depression came an made me write, knowing I was still alive. Yes, journaling is a great tool to keep ones Self intact. I highly recommend this book for anyone, caring for another human being.

The author gives sentence prompts. Some I like are: The eyes in the mirror....If I were my own guardian angel....I wish you knew....
This is just an example of what's ahead of you when you open b. lynn goodwin's book. She helps you write what's deep inside yourself, working it out into the open, so you can see more clearly.

Write your story with the help of, "You want me to do What" as your guide. The author says it simply, `Caregiving is a gift. So is writing.
I eventually wrote my story entitled, "Just a Word" how friends encounter Alzheimer's.

This is a great resource! As a teacher of therapeutic journal writing, mother of a disabled son, and former 9-year caregiver for a husband with a brain tumor, I can say that the words of wisdom and open-ended journal prompts in this book are right on target. The author's voice is companionable and emphathetic, and she adds just enough of her personal history to engage the reader right away. A gem: the perfect size to tuck into a purse or wheelchair bag, to be used when a moment calls for it. Highly recommended! Mary Lee Moser, Certified Instructor for "Journal to the Self" Author:There and Back: A Journal Companion for Special Needs Parents

I am the primary caregiver of my Mom, who like the author's mother is proud, stubborn, witty and guards her independence with an iron fist. This book is the perfect book for caregivers! There are days when we're overwhelmed with joy, there are days when we're overwhelmed with sorrow and there are days when we're just plain overwhelmed! But B. Lynn Goodwin helps us in a loving way to sort through our own self and encourages us to take a moment just to take a breath and write what's going on in our heads to sort out the thoughts and see that we don't lose ourselves along the way.
The book is compassionate toward the ones we care for as well as for the caregiver and reminds us to be patient with ourselves and have compassion for ourselves despite what's happening "in the moment."