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You'll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again: One Woman's Painfully Funny Quest to Give It Up Paperback – June 8, 2010
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—Kim, Kourtney, & Khloe Kardashian
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Top Customer Reviews
Here's a summary: "Hi, my name is Heather, and I went to USC, and I was in a sorority, and I talk about it for the first 6 chapters of the book. I'm only willing to dry hump rich, successful, rich, handsome, rich, tall, rich men. If you're none of these, you're insignificant and worthless and not worthy of my precious princess time. I think I'm cute and beautiful and sexy beyond belief, and never miss an opportunity to talk about how wonderful I think I am. I'm also better than you. All I care about is getting married and having babies, and when I meet any man who meets my unrealistic and shallow requirements, I have crazy psycho-like fantasies in my mind of our life together. When I finally do manage to sink my teeth into someone and have my babies, I talk about how perfect and awesome my life is for the remainder of the book. And also, I'm better than you and everyone you know."
I have bought and read all of Chelsea Handler's books (ALL of which are 5 star wonderfully entertaining), so maybe its my fault for setting my expectations too high for her round table buddy. If you make the same mistake as me and assume that it's going to be just as good as Chelsea's books, you're wrong.
PLEASE don't bother reading this glorified diary unless you feel like wasting your time & money and want to roll your eyes at her stupid tangents and continuous shallow selfishness. The only funny thing about this book is how much money she's probably making from us. I want my money back.
Like so many other reviewers, I am a HUGE Chelsea Handler fan! HUGE!! I knew this book wouldn't be as funny as any of Chelsea's, but I guess my expectations were still too high.
To be honest, there were times in the first couple chapters where I felt like throwing the book across the room. It's only recently (after forcing myself to just get through it), that I can actually stand Heather. Not only is she completely self absorbed and stuck up, but some of her attempts at jokes came off as trying too hard and even offensive. I'm also not a fan of the way she goes off on tangents in the middle of chapters. Sometimes these tangents would begin with an awkward transition in relation to the story line and then go on for several pages, which started to get annoying after the third random tangent.
Eventually, I got used to the overall style of the book and was able to get through most of it. I even found myself laughing at parts. I plan to finish it, but probably not until I finish reading 'My Horizontal Life' for the second (or third?) time.
Review: I wish I had not read this book and there are two reasons for that. First, because I disliked this book so much, I wanted and still want my money back. This memoir was a waste of words and paper. The reason I feel that way is the second reason I wish I had not read this book: it made me severely dislike Heather McDonald. I used to really enjoy her appearances on the round table on Chelsea Lately and I thought she was pretty funny. Having read her book, I now find her nauseating.
Throughout her memoir, McDonald makes continual references to her appearance, i.e., how cute she is, how she is too cute to date a certain guy, how a certain guy should be glad someone as cute as she is is dating him, etc. Also, she placed a strange amount of importance on the fact that she was in a sorority in college, and having been in one seemed to continue to affect her present life. Both these things together made McDonald come off as extremely shallow. I did not go into this book with the expectation that McDonald was the deepest, most thought-provoking person in the world. But the excessive shallowness was a complete turn off for me and prevented me from enjoying this book.
Instead of being what could have been a pretty funny memoir, the author was so distasteful as a person that the book was ruined. I would not recommend this memoir to anyone.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Love this book! I found out about Ms. McDonald on allthingspodcast.com She was a guest host for Heather DuBrow then I heard she had her own podcast on this page. Read morePublished 18 days ago by Rebecca
An okay book, entertaining but not complex. It's a fun read, but great literature it's not.Published 1 month ago by Judy Evans
Not a bad book, certainly could be better, but their is quite a bit of humor infused in it and overall was an interesting read.Published 5 months ago by Mr.94
Heather McDonald is hilarious, but one really needs to be interested in her not-so-interesting private life to get into this book.Published 11 months ago by B. E. Shaw
I think Heather McDonald writes a lots of C. Handlers stuff; pretty ho-humish in a vulgar sort of way.Published 12 months ago by James E. Zucker
Absolutely loved this book. Always gave me a great laugh and gave me hope to have a white fence with a white Lexus and a wonderful husband.Published 14 months ago by Alyssa
Yes Heather we get it you made a bunch of mistakes. I couldn't finish this awful book.Published 15 months ago by Amber R