Customer Reviews

You'll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again: One Woman's Painfully Funny Quest to Give It Up

5 star:		(39)
4 star:		(13)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(6)
1 star:		(25)

 

 

Let me save you the [...] and time it'll take to read this book and do NOT buy it. Here's a summary:
"Hi, my name is Heather, and I went to USC, and I was in a sorority, and I talked about it for the first 6 chapters of the book. I'm only willing to dry hump rich, successful, rich, handsome, rich, tall, rich men. If you're none of these, you're insignificant and worthless. I think I'm cute and beautiful and sexy beyond belief, and never miss an opportunity to talk about how wonderful I am. I'm also better than you. All I care about is getting married and having babies, and when I meet any man who meets my unrealistic and shallow requirements, I have crazy psycho-like fantasies in my mind of our life together. When I finally do manage to sink my teeth into someone and have my babies, I talk about how perfect and awesome my life is for the remainder of the book." If you think this book is going to be half as good as Chelsea Handler's, it's not. Not even close. Don't bother reading this diary unless you feel like wasting your time & money and rolling your eyes. To be perfectly honest, it's not that funny, either.

I never write reviews, but if I can help someone save their money it is worth it. Chelsea Handler is hilarious and I am a huge fan, however this book was not funny. It was hard to relate to unless you grew up a valley girl. I could see the parts were Heather McDonald was attempting to be funny but it just came across as shallow. If you are looking for a good laugh out loud book read any of Chelsea Handler's, or Sarah Siverman's Bedwetter.

Let met start by saying that I haven't finished the book yet, which is an indication of how uninterested I am with it.
Like so many other reviewers, I am a HUGE Chelsea Handler fan! HUGE!! I knew this book wouldn't be as funny as any of Chelsea's, but I guess my expectations were still too high.
To be honest, there were times in the first couple chapters where I felt like throwing the book across the room. It's only recently (after forcing myself to just get through it), that I can actually stand Heather. Not only is she completely self absorbed and stuck up, but some of her attempts at jokes came off as trying too hard and even offensive. I'm also not a fan of the way she goes off on tangents in the middle of chapters. Sometimes these tangents would begin with an awkward transition in relation to the story line and then go on for several pages, which started to get annoying after the third random tangent.
Eventually, I got used to the overall style of the book and was able to get through most of it. I even found myself laughing at parts. I plan to finish it, but probably not until I finish reading 'My Horizontal Life' for the second (or third?) time.

I could forgive the bad writing and sloppy editing ( this book is riddled with factual, grammatical and spelling errors) and I could forgive the author's vapid and repellent persona IF the book was funny.

It is not.

As you read this, you'll hope the author matures as she ages in the book. She does not.

As you read, you'll hope the book gets funny. It does not.

I hope that the real life author does not much resemble her self portrayal, because " Book Heather" is unbearable, a shallow sorority girl who, long after most people grow up and mature , clings to her memories of college life.


I read the whole thing because I always finish every book I start, but I'm sorry I started this one. I'll read about 400 books this year, and I can say with confidence that this one will appear on my personal top 10 worst books list for this year.

Synopsis: Comedienne Heather McDonald, best known for her appearances on the hit TV show Chelsea Lately, was a virgin until she was 27 years old. Sure she had lots of boyfriends, was a sorority sister, and went on plenty of dates, but the idealistic California girl was holding out for Mr. Right, while simultaneously holding out on everyone else. McDonald recounts her sexless youth and how she finally "gave it up."

Review: I wish I had not read this book and there are two reasons for that. First, because I disliked this book so much, I wanted and still want my money back. This memoir was a waste of words and paper. The reason I feel that way is the second reason I wish I had not read this book: it made me severely dislike Heather McDonald. I used to really enjoy her appearances on the round table on Chelsea Lately and I thought she was pretty funny. Having read her book, I now find her nauseating.

Throughout her memoir, McDonald makes continual references to her appearance, i.e., how cute she is, how she is too cute to date a certain guy, how a certain guy should be glad someone as cute as she is is dating him, etc. Also, she placed a strange amount of importance on the fact that she was in a sorority in college, and having been in one seemed to continue to affect her present life. Both these things together made McDonald come off as extremely shallow. I did not go into this book with the expectation that McDonald was the deepest, most thought-provoking person in the world. But the excessive shallowness was a complete turn off for me and prevented me from enjoying this book.

Instead of being what could have been a pretty funny memoir, the author was so distasteful as a person that the book was ruined. I would not recommend this memoir to anyone.

This book is an embarrassing memoir of someone who lacks self awareness. It would be slightly more bearable if it were written by someone who was half as attractive as she thinks she's is, because sadly even her jokes failed.

This book was a total waste of time and I wish I had read the reviews before purchasing. Poorly written with frequent grammatical errors and she constantly went off-topic during every story. Heather's stand-up is actually pretty funny but her writing sucks.

This book was incredibly boring. I ended up just skimming the second half because I just wanted to get the book over with.

I feel like a 5th grader wrote this book. The grammar is horrible and there are actually typos (don't editors check things like this before publishing a book??). I'm only halfway through, and to be honest, I'm not sure if I can finish the rest. It's mildly entertaining at times, but if I wasn't also from the Valley and wasn't able to personally identify with many of the places she discusses, I would have definitely given up by now. I love the Chelsea books (minus the last one - wasn't as great, but still a fun and easy read) so I took a chance with this one, figuring Chelsea wouldn't promote anything too awful. Overall, there is no story or point to the book, which can be fine if the little stories were interesting, but they are not.

I think I heard about this book on one of the morning talk shows and read an excerpt online before I bought it. I only bought it because I'd be too mortified to borrow it from the library. What a waste. I thought it was going to be a funny, light, slightly raunchy summer read. I gave up after the first few chapters, because I couldn't stand the random tangents that had me bouncing all over the place and were not nearly as witty as the author seemed to think they were. It was just really lame stand-up comedy blurbs. And I thought the book would be about her quest for the right guy to lose her virginity to, but it really wasn't at all. I skimmed the last several chapters because I felt like I deserved to know how and with whom she did it and it was really just a small mention buried in a paragraph several chapters from the end.