Young at Heart : The Mature Woman's Guide to Finding and Keeping Romance [Paperback]

Rachelle Zukerman (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 10, 2001

This insightful guide is written for mature women who are having trouble finding a compatible man to date or who are already in relationships but have burning questions. Dr. Zukerman offers refreshingly honest advice based on her clinical, academic, and personal experience, accompanied by true stories. In a practical and realistic way, the book answers all the questions mature women have about the contemporary dating scene. It covers issues such as meeting people on-line and though personal ads, safety concerns, where to go on your dates, how to attract men and how to protect yourself and your assets. It includes a few true cautionary stories as well as many more true success stories of people who found fulfilling relationships after age 50.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Single women over 50 who are confident that the best is yet to come will be pleased to find a dating book just for them. Written in a upbeat, practical style that is both reassuring and motivating, Young at Heart: The Mature Woman's Guide to Finding and Keeping Romance addresses a full spectrum of issues including sexuality and intimacy at an older age. Psychologist Rachelle Zukerman, an expert on aging and author of a column that appears in several Southern California newspapers, guides women in dealing with the emotions, children and financial arrangements left from previous relationships, firmly convinced that finding lasting love helps people live longer. Agent, Sheree Bykofsky.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

About the Author

Rachelle Zukerman has a Ph.D. and is a tenured professor at UCLA specializing in issues of aging. She writes a column that is online at TodaysSeniors.com and is syndicated by Mature Features called "Young at Heart" that appears in several community newspapers and newsletters in California, Chicago, Detroit, Indianapolis, and Northern Michigan. She speaks and conducts workshops on the topic at all kinds of venues from the Learning Annex to community colleges to cruise lines, and best of all, met and married her own current husband after her 51st birthday. So she speaks as an expert and from personal experience. She has also done some television, including doing guest spots on Women to Women (CBS).

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill Companies; 1 edition (April 10, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0809297663
• ISBN-13: 978-0809297665
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,145,341 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Discover books, learn about writers, read author blogs, and more.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Gut up, and go for it! This book will get you up & humming!, October 13, 2003

By A Customer

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Young at Heart : The Mature Woman's Guide to Finding and Keeping Romance (Paperback)

This is a fresh, "can-do," no-stress, no-frills approach to women finding love and male companionship after the age of 50. I picked it up and read the whole thing in four hours, I couldn't put it down. I've read about fifty books on dating, relationships, and "mature women," and this book has got the jump on the majority. First of all, there are no Prerequisites to getting started. You don't have to be a body-Nazi losing two pounds a week to make yourself presentable to a man, you don't have to have perfect teeth or a trouble-free personal life, and best of all--you don't even have to have Self-Esteem, the magic key to success that is rated first and foremost everywhere else. I mean, isn't that most of us? Don't most single women over 50 suffer from doubts about their appearance, financial and emotional problems following a messy divorce or never having married? Many women over 50 are a little "too fat" by popular Madonna standards, frequently have money problems caused by lousy divorce settlements, relatively low-paid jobs (men in general make 50% more than women do in America), and suffer in loneliness from the stigma of being Older and Female. What a relief! You mean I can just begin dating right where I am now? Sure thing!

Dr. Zukerman doesn't impose a lot of rules on the hopeful reader. In my own experience, "The Rules" only works in the sense that nobody, whether male or female, should become obsessed over another to the point of wearing them out; a little distance is what most normal people want in a relationship. It's really not necessary, as "The Rules" would have you believe, to play mind games and jerk men around in order to "catch" a man. Unless that's the sort of lifestyle you admire... Women over fifty don't have much time left to play mind games, they just want some love and companionship, and "in the end, only Kindness matters," as the popular song goes. It's true! However there are a few important tips: don't make a dating relationship a forum for airing out your dark secrets and awful stories about your past love life. You don't want to wear him out with bad images, but create a light and cheery identity right away, and keep it like that until you really know the man. Isn't that what you would have done if you were thirty years younger? Total disclosure is for bankruptcy, and that's where you'll be if you gross men out with horror stories and wild revelations at the beginning.

Guess what: after fifty, you don't have to wait to make the first advance! Many men after fifty have been bit a number of times, and will hold back to protect themselves against further relationship disasters. So you have to get yourself out there and flirt with lots of them, even if you get rejected-just gut up and go for it! You have a goal-to find love, and a limited amount of time to find it. You can even ask a man out! You can even take steps to search out an old boyfriend. But steel yourself for rejection, and prepare yourself for some surprises: many men at this age will warm up to a woman who is flirty and friendly. Women, too, are skeptical about landing a dud once again, but too much critical pondering and shopping-list evaluation, and you will severely limit who you can stand to be with, and miss the chance of getting to know a man as a complex person, just like you are. All of us are awkward on the first few dates, men and women, and project a skewed image of ourselves without intending to: it's important to give the man several chances to show what kind of person he really can be before writing him off. Do not Interrogate! Get to know him slowly, in a light-hearted manner. And keep a stash of name cards (not business cards) ready to hand out to friendly men!

Sex: women over fifty can get AIDS like everybody else, so you want to be cautious with that one. No jumping into bed before you really get to know the guy. That's just common sense. Money: women need to keep their own money separate, because statistically, after 65 they're twice as likely as men to be poor; at the same time, there needs to be a common "pot": the "mine," "yours," and "ours" checking accounts are a great idea! Weird matches: Dr. Zukerman discusses the ins and outs of relationships that are complicated: married men, priests, Alzheimer's husbands, gay & bisexual, distance, inter-ethnic, older/younger, and she devotes a particularly revealing section to polygynous (one man, two or more women) situations which I haven't seen elsewhere.

The only small thing I found slightly objectionable was a paragraph on pp. 31-32 which might be misinterpreted to make women think that exercise and working out at the gym should not be a major priority in their agenda to attract a man. It's true that really fat women can sometimes attract men, but it usually grosses them out. Miriam Nelson ("Strong Women Stay Young") is a Tufts physician who has demonstrated that exercise and weight lifting can help women lose weight, regain balance and bone density, and be a whole lot healthier and more energetic, all the way into their 90s. It's important to present an image of glowing health, even if you are a bit overweight. Everybody can benefit from going to the gym, and you can meet some men there, as well, which wasn't pointed out in this book. Dr. Zukerman, a sociologist, points out that women over fifty can wind up with "a whole set of musculoskeletal problems," which may be true for the body-Nazi, but not for women who go about a regular routine of workouts three days a week, according to Dr. Nelson, who is a medical doctor.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Perfect Gift for Your Single Women Friends!, October 2, 2001

By 

Carol Akright, (New Mexico) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Young at Heart : The Mature Woman's Guide to Finding and Keeping Romance (Paperback)

At last, a book that I love to give to my single women friends! YOUNG AT HEART is a delightful, inspiring guide to mid-life women everywhere who are looking for a wonderful man to share their lives. As a married friend to many singles, I have seen my women friends despair of the dating process and give up altogether, convinced that there are no good men left, or at least not ones they can find. Dr. Zukerman's book takes the dread, the dreariness, and the devastation out of dating, rejection, trying anew, and finally honing in on a person you can enjoy, honor, cherish, and befriend in your later years. She also takes the chance out of finding romance by making you accountable to put yourself where the men are and approaching them first--with class and better-than-good results! We all learn by example, and YOUNG AT HEART is sprinkled with real people stories about women who have made mistakes, tried again, and learned how to get themselves back out in the romance arena. Zukerman, thankfully, shows you that you don't have to be a gorgeous, perfect, fault-free woman to find a loving man. She details how you can pay attention to chemistry cues, 'love maps,' and lend an aura of 'lightness' to your dating style. With practical tips and 'bottom line' summaries, she gives women ample tools to better your chances of looking before leaping, deciding how compatible you are before you let chemistry take over, practical tips on smiling, 'lingering looks,' and other ways to show that you are both interestED in and interestING to the men you want to meet and date. YOUNG AT HEART, however, is more than a practical guide to dating. It gets to the heart of what women yearn for in mid-to-later life--someone to share the reacquired freedom after child-raising years are done, someone whose character traits complement your own, and someone whose sense of adventure and passion have not only not diminished but can be renewed in the crucible of a new-found love with you. With the studied expertise of a sociologist and her personal insights of a newly married woman, who dated many years before choosing her soulmate, Dr. Zukerman suggests that you widen your view of what kind of man might be right for you. She believes strongly in giving a first-date flounder a second chance to 'wow' you. Also, she offers with clarity, compassion and without judgment a decision-making process for appraising a potential partner who may not fit the mold--someone quite older, quite younger, or someone your friends tell you is not the guy for you. Is there an old flame you want to look up? Are you not sure how to get your "I am looking for romance" message out there? Zukerman gives you pragmatic ways to puruse the man/men you're trying to find--from singles ads to dating services to web sites to find a lost 'first love' from high school. I think one of the best chapters in YOUNG AT HEART is that on dating, mid-life romance, and money. As a financial advisor who works with many women who are single yet considering new relationships or marriage, I find that money issues can often detroy what otherwise would be a wonderful new romance. Zukerman insists that you examine your (and his) money attitudes BEFORE you get too involved (much less married). Her 'Financial Compatibility Scoring' is a unique and valuable technique--a must for those women who've found their romantic mate but have issues to resolve around finances. Her idea of having 'Yours, Mine, and Ours' checking accounts is brilliant--I am going to suggest it now to all my couple clients! Her suggestion that women with children from earlier marriages keep your adult kids in the financial information loop about your new romance is essential--I've seen happy couples made miserable when children worry that HE will get THEIR money. Finally, what better endorsement is there for this useful, easy-to-read book than the feedback I've already gotten from single friends I have given it to as gifts? One widow, age 53, says YOUNG AT HEART has given her new hope that she can move beyond mourning her husband (deceased seven years now)and begin to dust off her dancing shoes, show up for singles events, and see if a second, incredible man is out there for her. So, now I know what my holiday gifts will be this year for every single woman friend I have! In fact, it might be a good book to give my single men friends as well! Think what they'll learn about picking up on cues from women who want to find romance with them!

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars "Young at Heart" by Rachelle Zuckerman, Ph. D., March 12, 2002

By 

La Verna W. (WA State United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Young at Heart : The Mature Woman's Guide to Finding and Keeping Romance (Paperback)

I've always felt young at heart even after turning 52..but never knew the ins and out of finding and keeping romance. Tom Blake recommended I read, "Young at Heart." This book is Great! I've read it once, twice, and now again so that the messages become ingrained and spontanious.I can't beleive how nieve and stupid I've been about my relationships with men. So many errors and mistakes. If you're a single, divorced or widow woman approaching 50 or 50+ you've gotta read this book! Keep it near your nite table for review. Dr. Zukerman Thanks a million for writing a book that women "redating again for the first time can truely use!" "This book gets a 10+ from me."