Your Child: Bully or Victim? Understanding and Ending Schoolyard Tyranny [Paperback]

Peter Sheras (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 23, 2002

What can you say to a son who comes home day after day complaining of being threatened or hit or worse? What if your daughter is clearly the victim of vicious teasing but doesn't even want to talk about it? What should you do when you suspect your child may, in fact, be the bully? "Your Child: Bully or Victim?" offers hands-on help for parents to stop bullying before it becomes serious, including how to:

Recognize the many forms abuse can take -- from playground name-calling to chat room cyber-slamming

Detect whether your child is a victim of bullying and empower him to protect himself

Combat such common (and dangerous) myths as "Boys will be boys..." and "Just ignore them and they'll go away"

Help your child know what to do when he witnesses an incident

Know when it's time to step in and talk to other parents or teachers in order to protect your child -- what to say and how to say it

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Despite what many well-meaning adults advise, nothing fans a bully's fire brighter than a victim who tries to "just ignore it." Be it insults, punches, ostracism, or sexual labeling, such misplaced anger requires swift and smart intervention. In Your Child: Bully or Victim?, Peter Sheras examines bullying from many angles and provides thoughtful, practical advice for all parents of school-age children. The study begins with a hard look at childhood aggression. Sheras shows how bullying results from a child's inability to express anger in socially acceptable ways, and how this tendency escalates (and mutates) as the child grows older. When an explosive child connects with a weaker child--one who perhaps has been advised to run, hide, or fight back--the results are quite predictable. Sheras maintains that the parents' duty is not to ignore or belittle these situations, but to arm themselves--and their children--with the means to handle them confidently. Behavioral cues and physical clues that might signal a child's distress; talking points for discussing abuse with children; and guidelines for seeking help from school staff, counselors, and if necessary, legal advisors complete this useful addition to the family library. --Liane Emory Thomas

From Library Journal

Until relatively recently, most people probably believed that bullying was undesirable but inevitable. In this insightful yet easy-to-read handbook, Sheras challenges such myths and presents an action plan to improve the social climate among youth. Drawing on research and clinical practice, he reviews basic concepts related to aggression and the dynamics of a wide range of childhood abuse, from physical and verbal harassment to online "flaming." He then suggests communication techniques suited to serious discussions with children of various ages and ways to foster peacekeeping behavior. Specific tools to use against bullying are highlighted in the text, including coping mechanisms for hostile encounters at school and on the bus, strategies for confronting the parents of bullies, and legal, therapeutic, and community remedies. A clinician and professor of clinical/social psychology at the University of Virginia, Sheras clearly addresses his realistic but hopeful message to parents. However, the book would also be useful for school officials and others concerned about the damaging effects of aggressive behavior. Highly recommended for public library parenting collections, where it would complement Dan Olweus's acclaimed Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do. Antoinette Brinkman, MLS, Evansville, IN
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Fireside (April 23, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0743229231
• ISBN-13: 978-0743229234
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.6 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,432,250 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Essential for all parents, October 13, 2003

By 

Judith "judithantigua" (St. Louis, MO United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Your Child: Bully or Victim? Understanding and Ending Schoolyard Tyranny (Paperback)

Peter Sheras, a prominent psychotherapist and expert on youth and schools, has provided us with a practical, research-based, accessible guide to dealing with bullies and bullying. Parents and children will resonate with the vivid examples of the variety of situations in which children and adolescents experience bullying. These examples are so true-to-life that one case of parents seeking the support of other parents in addressing their child's victimization was identical to the experience of my friends. In this example (and with my friends), the parents of the witness refused to enlist their child's help in support of the victim. Peter Sheras offers practical and developmentally appropriate advice for the parents and educators of victims, bullies, and bystanders. I particularly liked the chapter on child empowerment, because it provides strategies for optimal child development that would help children cope with all of life's challenges, not just bullying. I would highly recommend this book to ALL parents and teachers. It is likely that the majority of children today will witness or experience tyranny or harassment and this book provides not only understanding of the situation but procedures to deal with it effectively.

3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Valuable book for parents and teachers, September 22, 2005

By 

P. Mcintire (Virginia) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Your Child: Bully or Victim? Understanding and Ending Schoolyard Tyranny (Paperback)

This is a wonderful book to help parents, teachers, principals, and community members understand and address bullying problems. I appreciated the knowledgeable and thoughtful approach so different from the "one size fits all" technique books. This comprehensive book covers everything from how to talk to your child about bullying, how to empower your child to handle bullies, to talking to the school personnel, when it is time to remove your child from the problem situation, and how to work on bullying problems at the community level. I especially loved the "myths about bullying section."