Customer Reviews

Your Child's Strengths: A Guide for Parents and Teachers

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As a career middle school teacher, I know how challenging it can be to manage a classroom full of diverse learners. It is easy to focus on "fixing" what is wrong with kids. What Fox does in this book is offer a practical program to build on students' strengths. She shows us how to discover them with great activities and exercises and also makes a strong case that building on student strengths lays the groundwork for students to improve their performance overall. In this age of standardization, this book provides a refreshing reminder to teachers and parents that kids are not problems to be solved but mysteries to be discovered. I, for one, am looking forward to sharing this book with the parents of kids I teach and using the exercises and ideas in it to partner with them to see our students in a new light. Great book, groundbreaking.

I love this book. This is the refreshing voice that we need leading the way of reform for education for our children. One of the perspectives that I really appreciate is that we are making a mistake in assuming that learning differences are an issue for the child only. It is very often a mismatch of environment and learning style that create the struggle.
On a different note, Amazon has this book listed as frequently bought with Your Child's Strengths: Discover Them, Develop Them, and Use Them. These are the same book, one in hardcover, one in paperback. I have contacted Amazon several times to get them to clear up the confusion on the listing but have not yet seen results. I purchased both books at their recommendation and want to help others avoid the same duplication.

What an excellent book for parents, educators, and just about everyone else too. "Your Child's Strengths" by Jenifer Fox is a well-structured, logical, and methodical plan for bringing out the best in children, while inculcating resiliance and responsibility to help them face the ups and downs ahead of them.

Fox uses well thought-out plans, exercises, and examples to help her target audience learn how to re-focus their senses to work WITH children rather than trying to work ON children. Her approach is designed to assist the parent or educator in acting as a guide to the child who discovers their own strengths. I'm sure anyone who has ever had or worked with a child can verify that truths which come from within are much more powerful and have much more staying power than those others 'teach' TO us. Learning to recognize your own strengths vice talents can be compared to recognizing small epiphanies that occur in your life when you are happy, pleased, and self-confident. In this respect, the book is a manual for recognizing personal strengths in ourselves as well as enabling our children to learn to recognize and work with their strengths.
Fox is careful to explain the both the concepts behind this strategy and the actions needed to carry it out. The first part of the book explains the reasoning and successes of this method. The second portion provides descriptions and examples for recognizing strengths and how to delve deeper than mere words by utilizing all our senses to pick up what children can't or won't say. The final chapters are literally a textbook with exercises, suggestions, and charts each reader can use.

Even the appendices have structure and use as they detail lists and writings to implement this process individually, in the family, in groups, and grade-by-grade in schools. There are also success stories and contacts available for readers.

As both a mother and an educator, I'm very encouraged after reading "Your Child's Strengths". Both parents looking for guidance and educators screaming for help (although maybe I should phrase that the other way around!) can use the truths laid out so diligently in Jenifer Fox's book to combat the negativity so prevalent around us and infecting our children. I'll certainly be recommending it to my fellow educators and close friends. After all, with so much to learn the target audience need not be restricted to parents and educators. Personal growth is not, and should not be, only a childhood experience.

Jenifer Fox's stories are SO interesting and enlightening...pick up the book and randomly read and you'll find fascinating, easy to understand real-life parables.

As Fox says, "Simply put, strengths are tasks you do that make you feel energized, empowered and strong. Strengths do not neccessarily turn into talents thru practice. They exist well beyond what you like to do or have a preference for...when strengths are tied to interests or affininties, children can develop skills because they are inclined to practice longer....

"Strengths allow "flow" --the act of being so absorbed in an activity that you lose your sense of time and place. Talent and skill have the opportunity to develop to their greatest potential when a person is in a state of flow...you need to understand what your (true) strengths are and develop them."

It has a workbook w/ questions to guide you to "epiphanies" of understanding. Even such things as household tasks you hate vs. those you actually enjoy.

Applied: i.e., I thought I hated housework, but I don't really. I just hate cleaning bathrooms, organizing paper. But for some reason I enjoy laundry! And making beds! (so much payoff for such little effort)...but I hate bill paying, doing the taxes (dreaded paperwork). Yet I LOVE emailing/writing doing book reviews on Amazon. Meanwhile, my husband loves cooking...and my distractable daughter who is terrible at "chores" happily makes beautiful, elaborate salads for dinner.
Why have I not been valuing that and trading that task for bed-making/laundry? It IS a fair trade that can make us both feel happy/empowered.

The book will help you recognize/discover, not just your child's strengths, but your own, your spouse's at home and in the workplace.

For me, it explained why after so many different jobs in 20 years, I finally found my "flow" at the last one where the vast majority of the day I spent playing to my strengths (writing, editing, graphic/text formatting, reading interesting stuff, interviewing interesting people, listening to interesting talking heads' observations/ideas/beliefs, emailing, researching online) and very little time doing the things I'm so very bad at (organizing paperwork, public speaking, politicking, being "succinct" :)

Fox's book explains why things go so much smoother when our family is dividing labor according to our strengths not by "shoulds". When our work tasks match our strengths, we happily work long hours without looking at the clock, we're in a "flow-state." (I'm in flow as I enthusiastically write this book review).

For me, an amazing discovery from her book: grocery shopping is a "strength" for me. My son, who has autism and is the reason I picked up the book in the first place, is on a difficult diet (no dairy/wheat). I must read all food labels. I can hardly go to grocery store w/out spending 2 hrs there! I always thought this was a big weakness.(WHY does it take me so long to shop??! I beat myself up.) Now I realize it
is actually a strength. It is so liberating to value something I once thought was a weakness. I actually love reading labels and rejecting all foods with partially hydrogenated oils/high fructose corn syrup that are bad for his little brain ...I feel like careful food-shopping is a gift I'm giving my whole family by providing healthy foods...it is no longer a "waste" of my time that I can't shop as fast as my husband or friends. Not only is it ok. It is a strength!

I'm buying this book --originally I got it from the library--to share with friends at a weeklong ski reunion we have planned. I want to spread it's great suggestions and because it suggests doing exercises w/ a buddy to discover both your strengths. I hope the "strengths movement", as Fox calls it, catches on. As I heard Magic Johnson say in an interview on his new book, "We shouldn't waste a lot of time perfecting our weaknesses... we should find other people (hire or negotiate w/ other family members, friends, coworkers) to get those tasks done and offer up our own strengths to help them."
When we play to our strengths--our children's strengths, our spouse's strengths--we're all happier, more successful, empowered, energized.

A lot of people are job-hunting right now, the book offers great advice for the laid off, for stay at home moms reentering workforce, for parents leaving the workforce to stay at home. You all now have opportunity to change your career to a better match. No more wasting time applying for jobs that don't play to your strengths.

Fox is a principal at a girls boarding school but she notes that these concepts are working w/ businesses too. She shares the roots of her understanding w/ her personal story of how she almost failed H.S. b/c she couldn't "get" algebra...yet went on to an extremely successful career based on the encouragement of ONE teacher who recognized her creativity/insight (strengths!) in FIRST grade and inspired her to build on that....in face of her great failures in math. That one teacher's recognition sustained her and spurred her on to great success...we all have that teacher to thank for this book.

Last anecdote: Fox explains how a "weakness" of hers (inability to look people in the eye at the same time she is listening) almost underminded a strength (being a great listener!) until she EXPLAINED to parents/coworkers/family members who thought she wasn't listening that looking away was the only way she could concentrate on LISTENING. This revelation was late in coming, but came to her when she realized her own father WAS listening to her, even as he looked away from her, as she told him a long story. She was feeling dissed that HE wasn't looking into HER eyes until later she realized she does the same thing. And he WAS listening to every word. Fascinating stories by an astute student of human nature.

Read this book. It will help you spread JOY, EMPOWERMENT, ENERGY to people you care about...and you'll find yourself being more patient in dealing with other's (and your own) weaknesses ... appreciating the strengths you have in your life that help you to get around your weakenesses.

"The need to develop children's strengths is a story that cuts across economic lines and knows no racial, gender, or cultural boundaries," writes Jenifer Fox in How to Discover and Develop Your Child's Strengths. Fox, an experienced teacher and school administrator, says "I write this book with the hope that it can offer a clear and well-lit path to a new way of teaching and raising children."

One of the most crucial pieces of advice I gleaned from this book is this: "The language parents and teachers use with and in front of children is critical to developing strength or focusing on weakness. Children need to know that adults believe in them even if their actions are not always strong." This spoke to me at a very personal level. My second son is extremely speech delayed. I get so frustrated with him after working on the same color for several months. I call him "slow" and "behind" when discussing him with others. Fox made me consider this: what if by labeling him slow, I am only adding to his problems? I need to discover my son's strengths rather than focus only on where he is failing.

The last portion of Fox's book is a "Create Your Future, Play to Your Strengths" Workbook. She offers numerous activities for parents and educators to use with their children. One of my favorite activities involves displaying a variety of photos of people doing things. I did this with my four-year-old daughter. I would ask her which of the activities she found most appealing and why and which was the least appealing. This was a great way to stimulate discussion as well as get her to think critically about what she does and does not like and the reasons behind her preferences.

How to Discover and Develop Your Child's Strengths by Jenifer Fox is an invaluable resource for every parent and a useful tool for every teacher. I learned a lot and will keep it handy as a ready reference. Check out this book and learn how you can unearth your children's hidden strengths and polish them so that they can lead the most successful and happy lives possible.

by Jennifer Melville
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women

The older we get, the more we realize that life is a journey of discover into who we are; and those who help guide us along that path are called our most honored teachers. In this easy to read tutorial, educator Jenifer Fox relies on stories from her life and her life's work with children to demonstrate the importance of integrating that process into your child's education and then provides the how-to-do manual.

Arguing persuasively against systems that place all comers into a common box and then looks to identify failure (weakness) as the path to growth, Fox reminds us that we are all unique, individual beings with both weaknesses and strengths. Recognizing that our weaknesses are most often the underside of a powerful strength, educator Fox shows us how to use this strength base as a foundation for growth and learning - starting not when we are adults, but starting from an early age by incorporating this concept into our educational institutions. Recognizing that this strength positioning applies not just to students, but also to the teachers, Fox created an Affinities Program as an alternative to standardized teaching and testing methodologies.

Applying the well accepted "Head, Heart, & Hands" framework to strength understanding, Fox categorizes children's (adults too, for that matter) strengths as Learning, Relational, or Activity based, and provides examples and discovery techniques for each. If you have done any introspective analysis yourself, you will appreciate that a book cannot give the answers to your child's strengths, but this one will surely help you start them on that journey and integrate it into their educational development.

Do not be off-put by the nearly 350 pages. The book takes only 160 pages to present the usual problem/solution argument - an easy two sitting read. The next 75 pages are the how-to-do application piece for working with the child - a worthwhile book in its own right. By including the Affinities curriculum as an appendix to the book, Fox expanded the book beyond the usual < 250 page limit for the easy read designation - consider this your free gift when you buy the book.

This book is highly recommended for anyone who loves a child.

Dennis DeWilde, Author of "The Performance Connection"

This book by Jenifer Fox offers a unique view on the development and education of your children. Rather than depending on a rigid school curriculum and then using test results to pinpoint weaknesses, she advocates finding the child's strengths and interests and building upon these to improve their overall academic performance.

The book provides a guide to finding a child's main strengths - Activity Strengths (tasks that a child is good at, and enjoys doing); Relationship Strengths (things a child does for or with others that strengthens a relationship) and Learning Strengths (the way a child approaches and assimilates information)

The first part of the book provides a background to the strengths-based curriculum developed by the author, with real life examples, suggestions, and advice on how a parent can help a child to identify individual strengths through a series of simple non-invasive questions.

The second part is a comprehensive workbook for educators and parents, with a series of exercises to be completed with children and young adults of ages from four to eighteen. Though time consuming, a little daunting, and requiring a lot of input, there are some exercises that can be easily adopted to fit your personal family schedule. It is recommended that the exercises be done in the order laid out in the book, but you don't have to complete every single one before moving on to the next.

If used properly, this book could be the key to improving your child's all around performance, but be warned that it will take a lot of time and commitment on both sides.





Amanda Richards, August 24, 2008

Your Child's Strengths: Discover Them, Develop Them, Use Them
This book has been an excellent aid for me. It has helped me to understand and to know my children better and to see them through a different lens. This book has given me a tool to help my children understand what I have known all along - they have individual strenths that sometimes the schools do not recognize or reward. Knowing their strengths will prove invaluable to them in shaping a better future.

Our schools are simply not a one-size fits all. Too many of our children end up feeling bad about themselves because their strengths do not align with what is required of them in a school setting. As an educator it has helped me to look at my students according to their strengths.
I am recommending this book to all my colleagues and to all my friends with children.

Education isn't getting much play in the 2008 presidential election coverage. I suspect that with all the hoopla around the politics of politics, as well as the state of the economy, the Iraq war and Eliot Spitzer's future career plans, there won't be a lot of campaign coverage about how to create better schools that meet the needs of our kids.

So, as with many things, looking out for the best interests of our kids' education is up to us parents.

One author is trying to lend us a hand on that front with her new book, Your Child's Strengths.

Author Jenifer Fox has presented a theme I really agree with -- old ways aren't always the best. Old ways in teaching our children, old ways in preparing curricula, old ways in not worrying whether we inspire our children or focus on what they're best at when they're at school because teachers are too focused "the test."

For the most part, we, as parents, don't really have a role in choosing things that impact our children's formal learning. And with outdated ways of assessing children's strengths at school (if they are assessed at all), how are parents supposed to help?

Your Child's Strengths confirms what I suspected -- that the atmosphere in schoolrooms, with standardized testing and the No Child Left Behind mandates -- are doing a lot to kill our kids' natural love of learning and sense of curiosity. And isn't that precisely the information anyone needs to figure out where our individual strengths lie?

If we want to give our kids a shot are being something more than learning automatons, parents need to play a more active role in figuring out what our kids are good at and what makes them excited and inspired. I n her book, Fox gives us a new arsenal of tools to do that.

Some of her advice is common sense -- spend time with your children, focus on what they love, then nurture and encourage those strengths. If your child is a bit more inscrutable about revealing their passions, she's got a series of questions, tasks and activities that can help discover the things that energize and engage our children.

Initially some of the advice may seem overwhelming, but on second glance, much of it is based on parental assessment that comes from everyday life. For example, what household tasks do your kids do and not complain about or really like? I'm not sure what this says about her, but PunditGirl LOVES to mop the kitchen floor (am I a lucky mom, or what?!)

While some of the self-reflection required to do the suggested activities and assessments may be harder for some children than others, we as parents can use this advice to become more tuned in to the clues and signals our kids send us that we can then use to steer them toward things that will make them excited about learning.

As for eight-year-old PunditGirl, we're having a hard time narrowing things down at the moment -- but I think she's leaning toward being a poet, an Olympic ice skater, a babysitter or a pirate.

I enjoyed the way this book was written. Some books are dry but this writer is a story teller in which a message is woven. It helped me to see my child in a new light. This book is great for teachers of any subject and parents of all children and even managers or business owners. It reminds you that everyone has value but it is how you shine light on either their strengths or their weaknesses that will set up a person to be successful or a failure.