Customer Reviews

How Your Church Family Works: Understanding Congregations As Emotional Systems

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

In this text and its companion volume, `Healthy Congregations', Peter Steinke puts together a wonderful aid to ministers and congregational leaders who struggle to understand the dynamics of their congregations. Large or small, urban or rural, all congregations experience tensions, conflicts, emotions and situations that require careful dealing and compassionate understanding.

Human interactions are among the most complex things possible for study - they do follow patterns on micro- and macro-scopic levels, but there are so many variables that it is impossible to predict and plan with total accuracy (and so much the better, many would hold, including this author). Yet the application of field theory types of paradigms to understanding congregational dynamics is worthwhile. There is a self-perpetuation and internal cohesion to many of the processes, and they often seem `to take a life of their own', in other words, are somehow self-generating.

We tend to think of churches as places of holiness and justice, forgetting that because they are comprised of human beings at all levels, they are just as susceptible to corruption, pettiness, and the petty place-seeking and unhealthy dynamics of any other human organisation. That this should not be so is granted - that it is often so is a sad reality. It is not denominationally-specific, either - even those denominations that pride themselves on fairness, justice, rationality, or any other positive quality can find itself falling victim to its own people.

The church is not a family. Steinke says this very directly. However, there are significant patterns that parallel family dynamics, and in many metaphoric senses, church communities are meant to be a family. Thus, looking at the emotional dynamics of family units gives some insight.

This book combines personal and congregational stories with theoretical ideas. The first part of the book concentrates on looking at the different concepts of family dynamics and emotional systems theory - anxiety and reactivity, separateness and closeness, stability and change, and clarity and compassion. These draw on psychological theory, historical and literary examples, biblical theory, and even neurophysiological research.

The second part of the text builds these theories into practical situations by incorporating stories. These stories are short and to the point; they illustrate points well, and help to drive home the ways in which leaders and congregation members can work together. These stories can help both the ministers and congregation members recognise when dysfunctions are occurring, as well as possible solutions that look to the wider system rather than individuals.

There are charts, tables, genograms and other tools to use; these may be new to the reader, but they are explained in sufficient manner to be useful. There are also little touches that are useful, even preachable, as examples of the concepts.

The final chapter talks about the importance of interrelationships (something systems theory and biblical stories have in common), as well as the importance of vision - those who don't know where they want to go will probably never get there.

In all, this is a wonderful book, full of insight and inspiration.

Peter Steinke is a Lutheran pastor and director of the Interfaith Pastoral Counseling Center in suburban Chicago. His career has been one of studying and advising the dynamics of disfunctional churches and counseling pastors who have been hurt by said churches. "How Your Church Family Works" is an introduction to systems theory as it relates to interpersonal dynamics within a church and has been very helpful for this reader.

Steinke begins by introducing the concept of systems--that every unit in a system effects and is effected by every other unit in that system. He then covers how systems work--always seeking to remain stable, even if that stability harms most or all the people in that system. He then moves into a discussion of forces that stabilize or change a system (anxiety, closeness, etc.). Finally, after weaving theory and example to the point that the reader has a fuller understanding of systems theory, Steinke shows how individuals within a system can effect change for the better.

The overriding theme in in "How Your Church Family Works" can be "knowledge is power." Steinke accurately describes the "tunnel vision," the pressure to conform to others' idea of what your role in a system should be, and the tendency of people within a system to focus on other people in that system and blame them. However, through understanding systems, the way they work, their flaws, and how to be an angent of change, one can make an ineffecient, stifling system a productive, nurturing system. They key is knowledge and "big picture" thinking, and defining one's self.

In all, this book has been incredibly helpful as I continue to reflect upon my experiences at a church with a dangerously crushing emotional system. Steinke's book empowers one to be agents of positive change in situations that may be difficult to understand, let alone control. Highly recommended.

As a former lay worker in a mainline denominational church and a mediation coordinator for a Christian mediation service, I found this book to be extremely helpful. Writing in a clear, non-jargon filled style, Mr. Steinke addresses some of the problems that happen within church systems and why they happen. I especially found his discussion of the concept of "displaced anxiety" to be helpful in understanding why some congregations seem to become so bitter toward a once admired pastor. This book is a must for every church library.

This volume by Pete Steinke, a Christian gentleman and long-time student of the late Ed Friedman (who wrote the foreword), clarifies many of the concepts from Friedman's classic "Generation to Generation." Steinke describes how congregations function as emotional systems. In "How Your Church Family Works," Steinke explains the role of cultural and congregational anxiety in church conflict, and describes behaviors that intensify anxiety and those that minimize anxiety and contribute to congregational health. The two charts, "Self-Differentiation: Healthy Behaviors for Leaders in Conflict," and "Mature vs. Immature Behaviors in Conflict" are worth getting the rest of the book just to know how to apply the charts. Steinke's sequel to this book, "Healthy Congregations," is also valuable.

I recomend this book more than any other for help in understanding church conflict and how to deal with it. This systems aproach reveals powerful keys to unraveling crises that are escalating. I especially benefitted from his discussion regarding a church's healthy immune system.

I was the pastor of a troubled church and was relocated after 20 months. This book provided me with much understanding of the dynamics of church life. I wished I had it when dealing with my struggles. Now that I am in a new church, I am writing a thesis based on my former church using this book and others to do a case study.
A great read for clergy and lay alike.

This is a great feat - to take such a complex situation as a disfunctional church and explain clearly and simply the dynamics that may be at play. A few things I thought were very helpful:
* a discussion of the brain's capacity to function at different levels according to stress and anxiety levels
* the nature of anxiety and its role in a family system/congregational system (particularly when shared around)
* ways to reduce anxiety so that we can function at our problem-solving best
* the role of pain in moving us forward in better directions

So much of what has happened in my past and present congregations was resolved in me by reading this book. It is helping improve my leadership greatly.

I would hightly recommend this book because it gets the the heart of the issue about how conflict develops between church members as a result of our family background. Steinke gives practical insight into our own ways of looking at church situations through the lens of the family systems theory. Even though it is a short book it is packed with good things and definitely a must read, especially for church leaders.

Steinke's system approach to congregational life is helpful regardless of the reader's current situation. My only wish is that his style was a little less technical. Regardless, it is a worthwhile read!

Murray Bowen caused a stir in the fields of psychitry and psychotherapy when he suggested that families were emotional systems, and that only by stdying the system could one begin to understand the behavior of individuals within the system. Now that his ideas have gained wider acceptance, many thinkers in this field, like pastor and psychologist Peter L. Stienke, have begun to explore the application of systems theory in other contexts. This book presents an excellent introduction to systems theory in the context of a church or synagogue congregation, which function as their own emotional systems much like extended families. Steinke does an excellnt job of introducing systems theory for pastors, church leaders, and others who may want to better understand the way that emotional reactivity influences not just individual congregants, but the whole congregation. Those who have little background in this area will find Stienke's book clear and approachable.