Customer Reviews

Your Divorce Advisor : A Lawyer and a Psychologist GuideYou Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce

5 star:		(13)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I bought this book post divorce, a mistake equivalent to waiting until after a bad operation to check out your doctor's credentials with the AMA or state medical board.

It hardly needs be said that as far as life altering events go, both marriage and divorce present potential short/long term repercussions. To move into either of these arenas without having first educated yourself to the negative implications is probably the most common mistake made in our society today.

Still, while the typical no-fault divorce in a joint property jurisdiction is a cut and dry event, there are areas - emotional, intellectual, and financial, that you need to explore in advance and this book can help you to accomplish that. Even if there are painful or unresolved issues that linger after the decree is final, you can gain insights here as to legal strategies that may help, or other practical guidance if acceptance is the only option.

Unlike some of the other books I've read on this subject, "Your Divorce Advisor" does not appear to have a gender bias or other transparent agendas. Working together, Mercer and Pruett help you to gain a bit of distance from your own situation, while offering objective advice toward gaining fair and effective closure.

This book does a fine job of capturing the circumstances that I imagine might be faced by 90% of all respondents. Even if you have a very unusual situation, the general advice available here is valuable. I had particular concerns when I bought the book, and I found viable answers and explanations contained therein. They may not have been what I was hoping for, but as the basic theme of this book expounds, getting realistic about divorce and its aftermath is step one in the mutli-part process of a successful separation.

I found the combination of interweaving comments from an attorney and a psychologist to be very effective and was very encouraged as I began reading. As I progressed, however, I became somewhat disappointed for several different reasons and these reasons may not apply to other people (so take my rating with a grain of salt). First, a huge proportion of the book is dedicated to issues of childcare and child custody so for those of us without children, it's as if we bought a book that only has 60% of its content directed towards us. In this light, I thought that some of the financial issues were shortchanged a bit. Second, it seemed like a disproportionate amount of the material was directed specifically (or at least primarily) towards wives. Finally, I would have liked to have seen more attention paid to situations where there may be substantial issues of emotional problems and/or mental illness. Those exceptions aside, though, I thought this was a very well-done book.

I bought this book after reading 5 or 6 other books, and none of those other books covered divorce from start to finish as well as this one did. From the finances to figuring out whether you're emotionally ready to deal with the issues, I found it really helpful. Definitely worth the price. I even lent it to my lawyer.

Don't leave home without this book. The multifarious problems,challenges &legalities an individual faces before the pen hits the paper is enough to paralize the strongest. During the divorce process the client feels overwhelmed trying to take on the whole picture and can't focus. They have more questions than answers. This book is 24 hour help written in plain english. A must before Calling your attorney or therapist. Barbara Holstein a court advocate NH.

This is absolutely, positively the best divorce book on the market, and I've read them all! I'm a divorce lawyer from Lexington, KY and thought I'd write a book on divorce that would help clients with both the emotional and the legal process....and then I found Your Divorce Advisor. There's no more thorough treatment of the subject anywhere else. I actually bought a case of these books to give to clients. I can't recommend it more highly.

After reading many, many studies on the subject of divorce, support and custody, and also personally being a single father for 13 years with sole custody of 3 children and also being a non-custodial parent of one younger child I feel I can comment objectively on this book.

First off, it is clearly very well written, covers almost all aspects of its subject and uniquely combines views from an emotional point of view as well as legal point of view. It also strives to be unbiased and provide clear representation of both parents. I do recommend this book but do so with one caveat (hence my rating of 3 stars rather than 5).

The book is riddled with hidden biases in favor of Mom rather than Dad and the reader should be cognizant of that. Also, it is not clear that all aspects of studies are clearly represented. i.e., both sides. The tricky thing is that both sides are mentioned but even when there is a preponderance of studies favoring one side, it seems the authors may lean towards the other side. A fairer presentation of studies supporting both sides would be really beneficial (particularly on child custody, visitation, overnights, bonding, etc.). Many of the studies are represented in summary form and as such remove a lot of important context.

A good example of a hidden bias:

"The Paradox requires that parents take into careful consideration how well their children are able to tolerate separation from their mother, the child's temperament, and the strength of the father-child bond prior to divorce, and weigh all this against the likelihood of the father staying in the child's life...." Page 203 - determining custody arrangements.

This seems like a very objective statement but upon closer examination it is clear that the authors are concerned with whether the child(ren) can tolerate separation from mom but never question whether or not the child(ren) can handle the separation from dad or what that impact might be. In addition, it questions the father-child bond but never suggestions that the mother-child bond should be evaluated as well in such a determination. The phrase ends with us weighing all of this against whether or not it is likely that dad will stay in the picture - again, what about mom. Studies are increasingly showing that even when mom has full custody of her children she can be less than a model parent for a variety of reasons.

Here's another:

"The amount of time between father and child is important because it facilitates a closer parent child relationship. But time does not automatically equal closeness. The quality of time spent and the level of involvement .... are ... more important." Also Page 203 - determining custody arrangements.

Again - sounds objective enough but actually why is this represented only in terms of dad. Isn't this statement true for moms as well? Phrased as written there is an assumption that mother time does equal closeness and that it is automatically quality otherwise why point this out only for fathers during a discussion on custody which should be gender neutral. If the term was written with parent in place of father then it would be truly objective. As written it supports the notion that moms are custodial parents and dads are visitors - and not to worry about the amount of time dads spend - but worry about the quality of time they spend. So to be fair, don't worry about the time mom spends with the children, just the quality of time she spends - thereby freeing up large amounts of time for dad and children.

These are only 2 examples but please read this book with caution, such biases are sprinkled all through out the book (perhaps because the authors are both moms) and amongst a backdrop of authority, general objectivity and mastery of the subject matter which makes them all the more dangerous.

"Your Marriage Advisor: A Lawyer and Psychologist Guide You Through the Emotional Landscape of Divorce" by Diane Mercer and Marsha Klein Pruitt is arguably the most respectable and comprehensive guidebook on Divorce out there in the market place. The co-authored divorce guide, written by a divorce mediator and a research scientist in child study, takes you on an informative and rational ride through the entire divorce process, both the legal and psychological aspects of it. Imbued with positive energy, the authors breathed a much needed breeze of fresh air in an area where bickering and revenge is rife, highlighting that "the best strategy is to take care of yourself and your family, especially your children...this is truly your mantra".

Complete with case studies and extensive discussion from the A-Z of all that you need to know on the divorce procedure/psyche, the book is well-balanced where the authors weighed the pros and cons of oft-repeated tactics, not least stressing ad nauseam that retaliation and lying to get your way as non-viable options. It is one of those rare self-help books where the humanity and sterling character of the authors shined through as readers are constantly reminded how divorce is a no-win scenario to all and how one should best move on from the unpalatable situation in one piece. This book is a gem amidst the universe of divorce guides advocating revenge, male/female bashing and dirty tricks. Equipped with knowledge from this book, readers could save their sanity and their children's, not least money on oftentimes deficient advice from attorneys who have their own agendas to meet. This book is good place to start when confronted by the "D" word and is placed right on top of the priority must-read list if you have just time for one.

Divorce is one of the most grueling experiences anyone can go through, and this book is a great guide for easing the challenges. The book is packed with information on the legal and emotional issues that are likely to arise -- and how to deal with them. The topics span the board, from making the initial decision, to preparing for trial, to how to talk with the kids about it all.

THe authors have a section on negotiating with your spouse, and I think that that is essential. They mention the work of Harvard's Roger Fisher, who just published a new book that you don't want to miss if you're dealing with divorce. The book is 'Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as you Negotiate.' (The chapters on autonomy and appreciation struck a chord with me and offered great advice.)

Your Divorce Advisor is the most comprehensive and accessible guidebook designed to help those navigate the turbulent waters of divorce. An experienced lawyer and very wise psychologist, who is a recognized expert on child development issues, combine to share their wisdom on how best to anticipate and manage the emotional, financial and legal challenges of divorce. Your Divorce Advisor is both accessible to the lay reader and very helpful to the professional. It not only warns of the common pitfalls in the process but incorporates the hope and optimism that divorce, properly managed, can be a difficult passage on the way to a brighter chapter in the lives of the individuals involved.

My cousin gave me this book. What a relief! Not only did it give me tons of practical advice for managing my very difficult life circumstance, but also made me feel better - like what I'm going through isn't so abnormal. Once I picked it up, I couldn't put it down. During this divorce crisis for my family, I am beleagured by well-meaning, but upsetting friends. However, this book is the best objective pal I can rely on.