Customer Reviews

Your Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Okay, so the books are dated. The books we are currently reading, will be in 20 years also.

The reason these books are still in print is that the BEHAVIOURAL information is GENERALLY on target.

I have found them to be the clearest and most concise behavioral information out there. They are meant to help parents discern when their child's behavior is "within normal limits/range" and when alarm bells should start to ring.

But any parent and many books with tell you the golden rule is: TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! You know your child. Don't ignore the little voice that says something isn't right. This is a HELP book not an ANSWER book.

One person went so far as to say the books have no relation to the behavior she has seen in her 3 year olds, or anyone else's. All I know is that the authors did their best to go about their research scientifically, and I am sure their data was not extracted soley from abused, maladjusted children.

I am not a behavioral scientist, but I've found their results to be GENERALLY accurate. And I too teach children and have a few of my own.

I use many resources and I have not found Geselle Institute's books to be useless.

In spite of much dated material, the heart of it, the BEHAVIORAL information has been VERY useful. That is why I purchased these books.

For child "rearing" I go to my other sources (Playful Parenting, How to Talk so Your Children Will Listen, Siblings Without Rivalry, Parent Effectiveness Training, etc.)

Someone mentioned that children having violent fantasy's is abnormal and Giselle says that it is normal. I don't think Geselle meant continual, obsessive, gratuitously violent fantasies. At least I did not take it this way. Children do express violent thoughts sometimes.

Kids are not tabula rasa as once presumed. They don't have to be exposed to violence to have violent thought. They don't need an abusive parent to hit when someone grabs their toy.

They can hear a curse word once on the street or at school and apply it quite accurately and forcefully even if the parents never curse.

So:
If you want to know what to do when your kid curses or bites their nails, DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK!!!

But if you want to know if you are the reason your child bites their nails or if it is fairly common behavior for their age range DO BUY THIS BOOK!!!

When you know what behaviors are "normal" for your child's age you can relax, stop the worry, and focus on appropriate solutions. This whole series of books accurately defines the ages and stages of children. These books keep your expectations realistic and allow you to avoid anger caused by a lack of understanding of your child's developmental stages.

Some parts were very helpful, but I had issues with some parts. It was difficult to come up with a rating. I guess if I took the helpful parts and ignored the problem areas I would still say I learned things from the book and it was helpful.

I will write about the parts that I disagree with, in no special order:

1. Swearing is considered normal behavior, there are several references, and two are found on page 25 and 34. I disagree that this is normal. I feel the children will act and speak as they are spoken to, but the authors never state this. The recommendation is to ignore such talk completely. I feel this is the first of several areas where the role of the environment (family life, preschool, etc.) are completely ignored. Sometimes it seems as if the children are being evaluated in isolation instead of considering their environment. I'd rather have seen something said to the effect that if the child is exposed to profanity then they might repeat it so parents should not use language that they don't want their children to use.

2. Spanking is mentioned as one option for punishment methods. I feel this is an out of date recommendation as now child psychologists, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and other experts are advising not to spank or use other such pain-inflicting methods as punishment.

3. TV viewing is pushed as a "great new things society has to offer for the preschooler". The authors write in a patronizing manner stating the stay at home mother has too much to do and can't possibly do it all so let the child watch TV. They state on page 32 that "it can be one of the best techniques for filling some of the day and for meeting Four's high demand for excitement, activity, and drama." They then go on to gently guide toward not showing programs that go beyond his comprehension but that shows that "attempts to teach letters and numbers or sizes and shapes, and he responds to this teaching, let his interest be your guide. It won't make him smarter, and it probably won't make him read any earlier than he otherwise would have." I was just surprised at the idea of having the child watch meaningless programs as fine but then to even hint that an educational program won't make him smarter? Huh? Is this really the writing of an M.D. and a PhD? Also these TV recommendations are not in line with the current policy recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics which has strong things to say about limiting TV viewing and to what type of content. Pages 56-7 also discuss using TV as a babysitter and with a patronizing manner toward parents but advocate its use since "it keeps him quiet and entertained".

4. A horrible section states that mothers at home are incapable of providing enough stimulation for their child on pages 22-24. The authors state that preschool and even daycare providers can do a better job at giving the four-year-old adequate stimulation. "Teachers, unlike mothers, are not looking after the child in the midst of other duties." And it goes on from there. I beg to differ, how would a mother with one or more children compare with watching over her own children as compared to a preschool teacher who may have 20 students to watch out for? I feel a child of age four should definitely be able to play alone or with their siblings long enough for their mother to get some things done that she'd prefer to do alone (some cooking, etc.) I disagree with the implication that the child must rely on the parent to constantly engage them and entertain them. I feel that a child can happily do this while mother is doing something else in the same room or even the next room over.
5. I found the section about this age child telling violent stories including death, murder, etc. as strange. I disagree that all children of this age make up their own stories of horrible murder, etc. I feel that if a child is telling such stories they must be seeing them on TV, movies, heard stories in books on the subject, or have some horrible experience in their lives going on to then tell such atrocious stories. I feel that such angry stories must have a root somewhere and just don't appear out of nowhere in a child with a healthy living environment who does not have any kind of abuse inflicted on them, including spanking.
6. The chapter titled "individuality" is based on Dr. William H. Sheldon's theory as written in "Varities of Temperament". I disagree with both the chapter title and the theme here as they mean opposite things. The gist is that there are (only) three different types, endomorph, ectomorph, and mesomorph. Each category is supposed to act a certain way regarding eating, sleeping, emotions, and other issues. My own child is all over the place with regard to these categories so I disagree with the general theory. The author's intent to have a chapter on individuality is smashed by the application of Dr. Sheldon's theory! I don't see any benefit to this entire chapter and feel that some parents may worry that their child is not falling into one proper category as Dr. Sheldon has created.
7. I would like to see more about whining (a behavior my four-year-old suddenly developed out of nowhere). The only mention was on page 114 where a mother wrote a letter asking for help with whining. The reply was to spend time with the child and do less housework when the child was not in preschool, which I agree with. They then suggest getting a babysitter for two afternoons a week since he is less likely to whine to a babysitter. I find the two statements contradictory. If the child needs more attention from mother when not in preschool then he should get it.

Postscript: Immediately after reading this book I read "Playful Parenting" by Lawrence Cohen PhD, a play psychologist. Cohen feels the negative behaviors described in the above book are signs the child is in need of connection and love from his parents. Once given, by playing with the child, these negative behaviors disappear. It sounds too easy to be true but it does work. Check out "Playful Parenting" for solutions!

My own four-year-old is now five. I read this book around the time he turned 4 so it's been a little while, but after reading the prior review I had to comment.

Swearing and violent stories ARE totally normal for this age -- at least for boys -- even when there are no "horrible experiences" or other negative influences that the child has been exposed to. My son has never been spanked, watches almost no TV or movies, and has limited exposure to "four letter words"; this is also true of almost all of my friends' similar-age children and my son's preschool classmates. But I found the book's description of the child's fascination with violence and exaggeration of his own capabilities to be spot on. And something of a relief, as other reviewers have mentioned, precisely because so many people have the judgmental attitude that any child who likes to talk about "killing bad men" must be in a violent home.

As for the chapter on temperament being determined by body type, I found it completely bizarre. I have to assume this is just another example (along with recommending "rubber pants" for bedwetters and so on) of how dated these books are; perhaps this theory had some currency then? My advice to anyone who reads this book now is to just skip that entire chapter. It makes no sense at all and seriously detracts from the rest of the book. If you want to read about temperament in connection with children's discipline and education, check out Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's books.

I wouldn't call this book a must-have but if you, like myself, are a voracious reader of parenting books, it's worth adding to your library at the appropriate time. Most other books for this age group focus on some particular aspect or issue -- nutrition, discipline, whatever -- and this is one of the few that give a good overall developmental picture. Just translate some of the dated ideas (substitute pull-up style overnight diapers for rubber pants) and skip the wacko body-type chapter, and it's a handy, quickly-read introduction to the next year of your child's life.

I love these line of books by Frances L. Ilg. This book is worth it just for the advice on what sort of birthday party to throw for your child. The birthday party recommendation section is definitely my favorite. She explains exactly the sort of party a child this age can manage. I've bought this book every year before my child's respective birthday, and each party I've planned according to this book has been a great success.

These books pretty much take you through the personality of your child by telling you how a typical child this age acts. She's pretty accurate in her assessments, and it's a great guide on how to react to different situations. It also takes away the worry about your child's many mood changes.

I remembered this series from its assitance in raising my "first litter" of kids, who are now in their mid and late twenties. I have just finished re-reading this title in honour of my four year old youngest.

I gave the book four stars rather than five because, as other reviewers have noted, the book is 30 years old and in some places it's obvious that it hasn't been updated since then. I was occasionally really surprised at the flashbacks I got in reading what was once the "gold standard" in child development advice and realizing how odd it soudns today. There are places, especially in the second half of the book, where observation gives way to opinion and advice that is a relic of its time. (TV is good, kids 'need' to be ghettoized in schools 'for their own developmental good', and a goodly dose of "girls behave this way and boys behave that way, and you can predict behavior based on body type [whaaa?!?!].)

But kids themselves don't change that much -- kids develop today much the same way they developed 30 years ago and 300 years ago. (Oh, their interests and our expectations have changed a lot, but kids and their development patterns haven't.)

So if you're a reader who can sort observation from the opinions based on those observations, I would still recommend this book as a really good primer on what to expect from your child's physical, emotional, and intellectual development over the course of the fourth year. She pegs the changes in the developing child very accurately -- even if her ideas about what that means are sometimes a little wierd.

I am a stay at home mom of three older children and a four year old boy and I loved this book. I had a lot of worries about my lovable and intelligent son and this book was just a sigh of relief. Almost everything I read in this book described my son perfectly. He has a lot of positive qualites, but also his share of negative qualities (all of which were covered in this book) and it was refreshing to read that he is normal and will grow out of most of these things by the time he is five.

Although this book was written in a European style, and many years ago in 1976, I still feel it is relevant to today. Kids change some, but not too much. Although I in no way advocate severe child rearing practices, I think today's child rearing recommendations are way too lax and touchy feely and haven't even worked for me. This book gave me good, positive ideas for caring for my son (that I may actually be able to do!) and also gave me the confidence to realize that most of what he does and says is normal.

I own each of these books (there is one for each year of age until age 10, at which point the group combines the ages 10-14 in one last book). Being a new parent and needing a brief summary of what each age stage would be like emotionally, psychologically - these books have been a tremendous help. I have given them as gifts and each recipient has gone on to purchase the entire series. Do your friends, wives, and daughters a favor: buy one, and buy them when their child is young. I think this book was the only thing that helped explain my two year old to me and helped me know what was "normal". Sometimes, particularly for a new parent, "generalities" may be just the thing to provide reassurance. This book does it in a quick, concise, meaningful manner. Buy these books!

My wife and I are both college grads. Our son is now 4½. My wife works part-time as a librarian, so we have access to just about any book in print. Around the time our son turned 3, we were "bewildered" as to how our sweet little boy could be turning into someone we did not recognize (or even like!). My wife brought home a vast collection of parenting books. She grabbed all of the popular ones (Dobson, Sears, Spock, etc), plus some more obscure or even controversial ones.

This book series ("Friend or Enemy" in particular) is the one that most adequately described our son and the changes he was going thru. We didn't find the theories or material "dated" at all. In fact, their references to the body types ("somatotypes") developed by William Sheldon (in the 1940's, I believe) helped us successfully alter our approach towards dealing with our son's mood swings.

We are so glad we found this book series! We recommend this book series (most often "3-Friend or Enemy" and "4-Wild and Wonderful") to anyone who asks.

This series of books is still the best in helping parents to understand the behaviors, and underlying causes and feelings, of their child at each age. Based upon sound research, they document the "average" child, but identify the range of possibilities. If nothing else, these have helped me to understand what is coming and different ways that I can deal with it, as opposed to simply dealing with behavior as isolated instaces.

These books are a must for the considered parent. There is no need to read an endless pile of books - simply get one of these books for each year and you will be far better equipped to be the best possible parent you can be for your child. It's a great investment in your child (and your own sanity, trust me ...:-)