Customer Reviews

Your Own Worst Enemy: Breaking the Habit of Adult Underachievement

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

And when I finally did, I have to say I learned a lot. The part that frightened me was his descriptions of different types of procrastinators. I saw myself using a variety of delay tactics. I had to put down the book and compose myself.

Chapter 4 was probably the most difficult to get through. It was a little too "text bookish" for me and didn't make all that much sense. As a recovering procrastinator, I almost used this chapter as my reason to justify quitting. I've completed most of the activities and found areas that I needed to drastically change or explore further. It has been a very good experience.

There were a few negatives about the book. This includes Chapter 4 and the many errors in writing. Some editor should be put on probation. One of the examples referred to someone named Litton and in the very next paragraph and a few pages later he was named Lifton. And why people write 280 page books on how to stop procrastinating is beyond me... A good summary at the end of each chapter with the main points would have been helpful for going back to review. The 15 Tasks were helpful, but close to the end of the book he summarizes 10 of them. What happened to the other 5? Are they not that important? Plus, at the end of the book he talks of meditation and few other things... He hadn't mentioned these throughout the book! The book appeared to be pieced together rather than one cohesive piece of work.

Again, the information was very helpful, but someone please have a talk with the editor.

I bought this book from Amazon.com at the recommendation of a lifelong friend who has done her best over the years to shake me out of my comfortable lethargy of just "getting by". While I have never doubted the sincerity of her support or her good will, I always harbored the secret pride/shame that my failure to grab life and make the most of it was unique to me -- special, since no one else was really in my situation.

Dr. Christian has ripped the lid off my complacent excuses in his compassionate and wonderfully compelling book. While I have always found a kind of perverse satisfaction in excusing my unwillingness to truly engage in my own life, at the same time I have always felt a pervasive disappointment in my failure to do so.

For the first time since I was young, I have the feeling that it may not be too late for me to accomplish some of the things that I at first "put off" and then did my best to convince myself (and those around me -- except for my friend) were beyond my reach.

What I liked most in reading Dr. Christian's book was his down to earth humility in relating recent incidents from his own life to the principles he espouses.

I love this book and have found it of great value. Until I read "Your Own Worst Enemy" I'd never seen the phenomenon of underachievement so clearly identified and explained. So often creative people fail to corral their gifts and use them in a productive way. I've encountered talented people who begin to make a film, but when they run into a few obstacles or get scared, they give up, and inevitably become bitter.

Dr. Christian's analysis of the reasons why people don't fulfil their potential and his practical suggestions for
re-orientation are excellent. He's absolutely right when he speaks of the pitfalls that can still occur even after you meet with success. He tells Stacy's story: how she would always derail herself. But then she applied his exercises and got herself on track, cultivating her deepest interests. This led to her making a documentary film. Along the way, she was filled with exhilaration but also with fear. What if she failed? But she didn't bail out; she kept working hard and along the way got offers of help. For the first time in her life, she was taken seriously as an artist.

This book shows that change is truly possible and tells you how you can bring it about if you follow the specifics. It's inspiring: you learn that it's never too late to break old, negative habits and consciously form fresh, productive ones. He offers a concrete guide that anyone can apply: sensible, unique, in-depth exercises for jump-starting your career.

I think this book is useful for everyone. Whether you're just starting out or have hit a roadblock, this book makes you ponder your unique answers to essential questions: "What do I really respond to? What gives me joy and passion?" I recommend this book to anyone who has a dream but whose self-defeating habits have interfered with making it come true.

Susan Froemke
Chief Administrator and Principal Filmmaker
Maysles Film Inc.

Can a book change your life in a lasting and meaningful way? Maybe. I suppose it depends on the book. Even some of the most well-intentioned books leave no footprints in the sands of my memory. Some purport to help you change, but it's nothing lasting - it's like the five or ten pounds that you lose over and over - but never for good. Well, as contrite as it may sound: a book changed my life.

Crazy thing is I never really knew I needed it. I certainly never looked for it. Unlike those ever-anticipating overachievers who, once they identify the possibility...or inkling, of a need for information on this or that, proceed to call the ten closest bookstores to try to attach a name and author to some ambiguous dilemma, I, on the other hand, opened the book because I was intrigued by the cover.

One quiet Friday night as I sat in a way-too-comfortable chair at Barnes and Noble (yes, that's where I was), having myself a pity party over some domestic drama, I stumbled upon the book that changed my life. I twisted over the side of my chair to the nearest bookshelf and pulled the interesting-looking book from amid its fellow shiny-covered books. The cover was made to resemble a ransom note. You know the kind: letters cut or torn from various newspapers and magazines and glued to a white sheet of paper in order to mask the identity of the sender. It intrigued me and I began to read it. Three hours later, when the announcement came over the intercom that the store would be closing in 15 minutes, I looked up from the book. I had become so engrossed in the book as to have completely forgotten where I was. My first realization was that I was sitting rather indelicately with one leg flopped over the arm of the chair. My second realization was that I had stumbled upon something that I identified with so closely it gave me a feeling of divine intervention.

In "Your Own Worst Enemy" by Dr. Kenneth W. Christian, Dr. Christian tells of lost souls, misspent lives, manic geniuses - all unable to regain the promise and momentum of their youth: persons paralyzingly unable to motivate themselves into completing, essentially, their lives. With key pieces of the learning process missing, they were unable to break through - to see the finish line - to stay the course: to finish what they started. I felt sad for them, or should I say, I felt sad "for us". Shortly thereafter, I committed myself to change.

After long months of reading, meditating, praying and writing, I have identified and returned to what I have always loved and wanted to do. I want to work directly with people as a paralegal. I want to be their advocate, to listen and to help. I don't want to be so bound by time constraints, that I cannot help in a meaningful way. I want to give of my time and talents, and of them, generously. Completing my goals will allow me the privilege of being of service to God, doing the kind of work that I would enjoy most. A most gratifying goal that I now, more than at any other time in my life, see myself completing--all because of a book that changed my life.

It's amazing that what might at first seem like an ordinary self-help book could have had such an extraordinary effect on my productivity, my personal relationships and yes, my happiness. One important problem I didn't know I had, that the book brought to light for me, was that I had been engaging thoughts and feelings that sapped my confidence. Since I noticed and turned off negative self-talk I've been able to achieve things I never dreamed I had the right to hope for. What was the turning point? Maybe that Dr. Christian starts his step-by-step plan by recommending... pleasure!

As I read this book I was amazed at how consistently "underachievers" think, act and do. Being an underachiever is like belonging to a seperate species, who seem to think and approach life in a way which drags them down, holds them back and makes their lives into dim shadows of what they might be.

This book is not easy but it's possible. It's fair. There are explanations, exercizes, and constantly fair minded level headed encouragement.

I'll ask you, are you sick and tired yet? If you're sick and tired of waking up and thinking, "Another day". If you're tired of going to another family reunion and staring at your shoes while your peers and younger relations talk about their good jobs and their kids run between your feet and the people who beleived in you quietly accepting what you are today. If you're tired of banging your head against a stone wall and wondering if you're really just "broken and defective" and then five minutes later forgetting what it was you were upset about, and then a few hours later are again applying your crown to stone... If you wake up one day with grey hair, look out your door and see a vibrant dynamic world where you don't belong, have never belonged and wonder, just wonder, if you could belong...

This is one way out. This isn't an [spendy]book, in fact for the value, Dr. Christian is giving it away. The real deal is getting it, reading it and using it. Each thing that you do makes life easier and smoother.

You help yourself. Dr. Christian gets you started. Get going!

Dr. Christian's over 20 years of great success in helping chronic "underachievers" begin to finally truly LIVE life is reflected in every page of this wise and well-written book. Reading "Your Own Worst Enemy" is really like having a heart-felt open and honest conversation with a very wise, very close friend, who knows you better than you know yourself--warts and all---yet who, nevertheless, has only your best interests at heart.

At the same time, Dr. Christian is clearly a brilliant psychologist, who has grappled for many years with the multi-faceted mystery of why so many "brillant' young people end up being failures in their later lives.

So, this very valuable book combines the insight he has gained from his ability to deeply empathise with "underachieving high potential people" on an emotional level, with his more detached scientific assessment of what people like us need to do to get out of the disheartening spiral of progressive underachievement.

A caution though: to benefit from this book, you actually need to DO the exercises Dr. Christian lays out. As all my fellow underachievers so painfully know, that is a tall order to expect us to do. Dr. Christian understands this very well too, so the exercises are dolloped out at just the right tempo, and at just the right progressive level of difficulty, that even we underachievers are likely to complete them!

I have read over a hundred "self-help" books over the years; this is the only one that has resulted in an immediate, enduring, very positive change in every aspect of my life. I cannot recommend it highly enough!

I wrote my original review of this book several years ago, and since that time, I have had occasion to read it a couple of times more. It was great the first time, but has only gotten even better, and more enriching, with each additional reading, as I have picked up additional nuances and understood gentle comments that I had missed in my first reading.

The title of this book struck a chord with me, as I've always felt that I undermine my own ability to achieve to my fullest potential, and I have never really understood why. The author provides a convincing argument for the causes of "self-limiting" behavior and describes how it manifests itself in a variety of ways, using fascinating anecdotes and case studies of people who will remind you of yourself. Following this is a set of practical exercises that will convince you that changing this pattern of behavior is possible. Not easy, but possible. This is an inspiring book that was enjoyable to read, and the exercises provided are substantive. When you finish it you will feel like you have a set of tools with which to build real change.

Exploring how people, even those with exceptional ability, can limit themselves, Dr. Christian details patterns of thinking and behavior that block or interfere with achievement, but can be changed. He uses as examples some well-known people in real life, and characters such as the golfer played by Kevin Costner in the film "Tin Cup" who "takes unnecessary risks to avoid success he is not ready for" and squanders his chance to win a major tournament.

With experience as a therapist and corporate consultant, Christian articulates how we can "etch enduring pathways over time by repeating characteristic self-defeating methods that can evolve into a general self-limiting style." One style: "Sleepers lack accurate information about themselves, the extent of their talent, and ways to express it." His descriptions of these styles are illuminating.

The book also includes many concrete exercises to define and replace self-limiting beliefs and actions. As Dr. Christian writes, "You are continually perfecting behaviors that are either self-defeating or self-enhancing." This is a helpful resource toward greater and healthier achievement.

If you already believe you need to change your habits in order to lead a more fulfilling life, this book will provide insight and impetus to do so.
I found this book to be non-accusatory (yet no-excuses), and common sense results-oriented. Christian doesn't create his own patented system of categorization for people with a prescription for each. He recognizes that we are all individuals and will need to use methods from each of the "remedies" in order to find our best path. It's clear throughout the book that he really believes in our abilities to find our best selves.

The writing is creative yet straightforward and makes room for plateaus, setbacks, and internal resistance. That was one of the key elements for me, the recognition that we have resisted movement for years and years for various reasons (the explanations of which are fascinating), so it will take time, energy and intentionality to change our behaviors.

I have not even finished the book, but I have already found it to be more practically valuable than any other "self-help" type book I've read. Perhaps I started reading it at the right time in my life, or perhaps it's just that good. I recommend people at least give it a chance to see if they can learn something about what holds them back, and some day (if they choose) change those things.

Best to everyone in their journeys.

--J