Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships (Paperback)

by Robert E. Alberti (Author), Michael L. Emmons (Author)

Editorial Reviews

Review
"...5-star Highly Recommended rating... Some... professionals call (it) 'the assertiveness bible,' they think so highly of it... excellent self-help book." -- --THE AUTHORITATIVE GUIDE TO SELF-HELP BOOKS

"...filled with a wealth of examples on how to cope with everyday situations... counters feelings of futility." -- --LOS ANGELES TIMES

"...long regarded as the A-T bible..." -- --HUMAN BEHAVIOR

"...show[s] you when to be assertive and when to keep your mouth shut!" -- --Phyllis Straughan THE WEST ORANGE TIMES, Florida

"...without a peer in the field... truly a classic." -- --Aaron Beck, M.D., Psychiatrist, Author, LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH

"An interesting, readable, and practical manual..." -- --CONTEMPORARY PSYCHOLOGY

"Not only is it the best book on assertiveness, it sets the standard for self-help books in general." -- --Gary Emery, Ph.D., Psychologist, Author, OVERCOMING DEPRESSION

"The bible of assertive training..." -- --JOURNAL OF COUNSELING & DEVELOPMENT

"There are many practical guides to assertive living but this is without question, the best." -- --Cyril M. Franks, Ph.D., Psychologist, Editor, CHILD AND FAMILY BEHAVIOR THERAPY

"YOUR PERFECT RIGHT is the gold standard... for self-help..." -- --Allen Fay, M.D., Psychiatrist, Author, I CAN IF I WANT TO and PQR

Product Description
The thirtieth anniversary (eighth) edition of the most widely recommended assertiveness training book helps readers step-by-step to develop more effective self-expression. Emphasizes equal-relationship assertiveness -- not the all-too-common "me-first" attitude. Packed with detailed procedures, examples, and exercises. The eighth edition is completely revised and updated, and includes new material on what it means to be assertive in the 21st century, living in a multicultural society, making the decision to express yourself assertively, appropriate anger expression, and treatment for social anxiety and phobia.

With over one-and-a-quarter million copies sold, YOUR PERFECT RIGHT ranked 5th among all self-help books in a national survey of psychologists, as reported in AMERICAN JOURNAL OF PSYCHOTHERAPY, PSYCHOLOGY TODAY, and THE NEW YORK TIMES. It ranked 12th among the "best self-help books" in a national survey reported in THE AUTHORITATIVE GUIDE TO SELF-HELP BOOKS (1994).

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Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Impact Publishers; 8th edition (May 20, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1886230285
• ISBN-13: 978-1886230286
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars See all reviews (18 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #89,970 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

101 of 101 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Art of Choosing How You Respond, February 5, 2003

By	Cricket in the Corner (Virtual North Woods) - See all my reviews

Alberti and Emmons offer commonsense alternatives to the feelings of powerlessness that come from failing to express what we really want. Their practical solutions can be applied to family and social situations, in intimate and sexual relationships, at work, as consumers, when dealing with difficult people, and within our 21st-century realities in a multicultural, pluralistic, politically volatile world.

This is a highly motivating guide for learning how to act in your own best interests without behaving in an obnoxious Me First manner. Designed as a step-by-step AT (Assertiveness Training) program, the activities and exercises encourage proactive behavior that invites mutual openness. Benefits include getting over your anxiety in dealing with others, boosting your self-confidence, coping with anger and fear, improving decision-making skills, and reducing stress. Because the authors take a holistic-eclectic approach, blending psychological techniques with physical, spiritual, and environmental factors, they suggest you might even be able to relieve certain physical complaints that may be related to underdeveloped assertive talents.

Even the most socially timid reader will find Alberti and Emmons' focus on gradual, realistic progress an energizing method. Start with the Assertiveness Inventory, then follow the guidelines for determining how components like eye contact, body posture, gestures, facial expression, voice tone, inflection, and the thinking process itself fit into your assertiveness quotient. You'll learn to judge what really happened, how much it matters to you, what your priorities and options are, what the consequences might be, and -- most importantly -- whether assertion will make a difference. The book's appendices offer helpful Assertiveness Practice Situations and a list of references and recommendations for further reading.

Since assertiveness is an acquired skill and not an inborn trait, this can be tricky territory. It's easier (and sometimes safer) to respond politely or nonassertively -- even when that means stressing yourself out over an upsetting situation. The other extreme is to confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness. This book is not about bullying or manipulating people to get your way. It's about choosing how to respond, exercising personal rights without denying the rights of others, with the win-win result of making all your relationships more equal.

26 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Assertive behavior is more than defending your rights!, April 2, 2003

By	Pamela Fischer (Oklahoma City, OK) - See all my reviews

This book goes beyond the standard publications on assertiveness. It defines assertive behavior not only as an effective communication style, but as a way of being in the world. Assertive behavior allows one to be self-expressive of ideas and opinions without denying the rights of others. It also means being able to communicate feelings of warmth and love to others. The authors' step-by-step process for increasing assertiveness is invaluable in helping both men and women understand the concept of assertive behavior and practically apply it to life situations.

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Powerfully helpful book, June 27, 2006

By	Jennifer K. Paweleck-Bellingrodt, Psy.D. (Phoenix, Arizona) - See all my reviews

of all the books on my bookshelf, this is probably the one that i have recommended the most. the authors do an excellent job of motivating people to assertiveness, describing the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness (something i repeatedly do with patients because these concepts were not well defined for them in the past), and providing a practical guide for people to improve their assertiveness. the end of the book has a helpful section on deciding when to be assertive and reviews various questions to consider at the time you are trying to decide if the current situation is a battle worth picking.

i have found that many patients feel very challenged by the notion of abrasive or offensive people scaring them into submission. this book has a chapter on dealing with difficult people that helps with this fear. the section, true to form, gives a very practical strategy for tackling even the toughest, most narcissistic individuals.

for individuals wanting to conduct assertiveness training in a group format, the book can easily be tailored to this goal. the practical, step-by-step approach makes creating weekly lessons and discussion groups quite simple.

my only complaint about the book has to do with the discussion of anger. i don't agree with some of the authors' concepts in this area. for example, they don't see anger as something that builds and could be expressed negatively and disproportionately when the straw breaks the camel's back. i believe in concepts such as anger displacement and think that one person can only take so much. also, the authors state that anger is a feeling like sadness, happiness, fear, etc. i believe, though, that anger is a cover for other emotions such as sadness, anxiety, fear, guilt, shame, etc. when i've worked with patients on anger, they are nearly always able to see this and explore what their anger is truly about. that is, while anger is a valid emotion, it also tends to be superficial. while it often gets us the reactions we want (e.g. getting others to back off, getting people to do things our way), it is motivated by other emotions in my opinion.

another great reference is smith's When I Say No, I Feel Guilty. this book focuses more on overcoming guilt and feelings of low self-worth as the primary obstacles to being assertive and self-respecting.