Customer Reviews

Your Self-Confident Baby: How to Encourage Your Child's Natural Abilities from the Very Start

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This book explores the "proper" method to raise a child who is self-confident and respectful. I know there is no "right" way to raise a child but I feel the more informed I am the better my decisions will be. This book employs a philisophy the author terms RIE (pronounce WRY)-Resources for Infant Educarers. RIE adheres to the following principles:

* Basic trust in the child to be an initiator, an explorer, and a self-learner

* Time for uninterrupted play

* An environmnet for the child that is physically safe, cognitively challenging, and emotionally nurturing

* Involvement of the child in all caregiving activities to allow it to become an active participant rather than a passive recipient

* Sensitive observation of the child in order to understand her needs

* Consistency and clearly defined limits and expectations to develop discipline

A couple of examples given in the book covers getting your child to sleep and communication. RIE recommends that you always put your child to bed awake. Why? Babies are aware of their surroundings. If a baby is lying in the living room and wakes up in a bed, it is confusing for the child. Another example is talking to your child. When you are going to change a diaper, it's recommended that you communicate this to your child and ask for her cooperation. This allows the child the opportunity to process this information and prepare for the activity as well as enable them to become a participant rather than a recipient.

I finished this book and found it extremely illuminating. For me, the things that stood out (i.e., things I didn't think about while around babies) are:

* Talk to the Baby, not about it

* Treat the Baby as a person not as an object. They have feelings and those feelings should be respected. If you want to do something to the baby, ask first. By asking, you are able to establish a routine (an area where children thrive) and they know exactly what to expect.

* Crying is Okay! Babies can't talk so they must cry to communicate. Instead of "hushing" or "quieting" a crying baby, let the baby cry and try to observe what is wrong with it. By immediately picking up the child, you are telling the child that what is really wrong (e.g., you are grumpy) is not important and being quiet is.

I am sure that some will disagree with this book and some will agree. I found this book right on in its approach and have decided to employ this philosophy with our first child. Gerber writes in a converstaional tone with easy-to-understand wording and structure. I highly recommend this book for anyone interested in parenting!

I read this book when my son was 14 months old and began implementing Magda Gerber's philosphy of respect for infants and toddler's. It is amazing to my husband and myself how easy it was to gain the cooperation of our little boy just by explaining what we would be doing and giving him time to participate in his own care.

Primary times for interacting with your child are diapering, feeding and bathing. These times are no longer tasks to be hurried through, but moments of communication and interaction that set the stage for a lifetime of relating.

The book also addresses the needs of parents. It is the first book I have read that truly deals with the family as a unit. Realizing that parents also have needs and are better at parenting when these needs for rest and time apart from the infant are met was very helpful.

Also helpful were the ideas around creating safe areas for Noah to play in ... both indoors and out as a way for him to have space and time alone.

Allowing Noah to have his feelings when something comes up that doesn't suit him was another area that the book deals with. It is ok to be mad or upset or uncomfortable...and as a parent not to distract my son from being upset, which seems to be a knee-jerk response at times. It never occurred to me that just acknowleging Noah's feelings was enough. I didn't have to give in to all the demands to keep peace in the house. In fact, our home is very peaceful since implementing Gerber's ideas.

This is more than just a parenting book. It has helped me be more present with my son.

I only wish I would have discovered this book before we had our son so that I could have done some of the things she suggests earlier in Noah's life.

It is a book that I enthusiastically recommend.

Nearly everyday my husband thanks me for having discovered this book (and the RIE approach). It has taught us to be more patient, trusting, and "present" parents. In my desire to be the perfect mother, I could easily see myself doing everything for my son, but this book helped me see how that was exactly NOT what my son wants from me. Learning to offer choices and explaining consequences has given us a positive model for teaching and discipling. And unlike anything else I've read, this approach has taught me that it's perfectly ok if my son and I don't agree on everything -- I can still do what I need/want to do and he can have his own feelings about it without me needing to distract him out what he is expressing (geez, what a complicated way of saying that if he wants to cry while I take a shower, that's ok for both of us!) By modeling respect (most of the time), we are teaching our child how important and capable he is. And so far the "terrible twos" are anything but!! Thank you Magda for devoting your life to infants -- and thank you Allison for sharing her theories with us! I have given or lent this book to every new parent I know with the full confidence that they will pick up at least one thing that will forever affect the way they raise their precious new baby!!

Magda Gerber's basic idea is that kids and babies need to be respected as people. This is a great starting point and in the first few pages I thought this was going to be a great book, because I agree with that idea. This book did have a few little bits of wisdom, for example to talk to your baby and explain what you're doing so that they aren't passive objects having everything done to them without involving them at all~ although I have to say if one did this for every single act in an entire day it gets kind of tedious. I also like her ideas about not needing to do anything to encourage a baby's development, that it happens pretty much on its own given the right conditions. In America and other places parents feel this overwhelming need to "do" things to get their baby to develop, when in fact this is not needed and can even be invasive. However, Gerber takes this to the extreme that you should never ever put a baby in any position he or she wouldn't be able to get into on their own. Come on!

Most of her philosophy and ideas do not fit with an attachment parenting lifestyle. I had a hard time continuing reading after she advocated the Ferber method of "cry it out" ~ leaving a baby to cry alone at night in its crib. She also more or less believes that playing with your baby is somehow compromising his or her integrity, and suggests always just leaving the baby alone and watching. I do think attachment parents can tend to be somewhat invasive or smothery, and even babies do at times need their own space. So I appreciate that. But Magda Gerber believes this is the truth at all times and therefore babies should not be carried, picked up when crying, sit with adults while eating, co-slept with and played with. Huh? I could not disagree more. I find this approach very cold and distant, and for anyone who is even doing some of the attachment parenting principles this way will not be for you. There are so many better books than this one.

This book is the best introduction to the RIE method of respect in caring for children and yourself, and an absolute essential for new parents and grandparents. This philosophy is summed up in "do less, observe more," and it's the observing that's the key. We tried the RIE philosophy when our son was four months old, and wished we had done it sooner! It's made a huge difference in our household. I had been driving myself crazy reading What to Expect and Baby and Child, trying to do it all. Talk to him this way, give him that kind of toy or mobile, sit him up in the right kind of seat, carry him around whenever possible, take him out to see the world, never just let him be so he can assimilate that world and choose what he needs to work on next. And then I felt guilty any time I did just let him be so that I could have some downtime, even when it was obvious that he was perfectly busy doing his own thing. After beginning to use the RIE way, I feel like I'm a much better mother and that my husband and I are both enjoying our baby and our lives so much more. The best thing has been the level of peace that descended, in all of us, and we still have a very active boy. He's standing and "cruising" at eight months!

The difference using RIE has made became very clear when we visited the grandparents this month, and I watched my mother change him. She rushed through it, trying to get him clean and changed without him squirming off the table or kicking his messy diaper and bottom. He almost went off the table, ended up arching his back so that she was holding him completely off the table except for the top of his head, and cried the whole time. When I change him, I tell him each thing I'm going to do, and I do it slowly, enjoying the quiet time we have together. He looks me in the eyes, smiles, lifts up his legs so I can clean him when I ask him to, then puts them down again. I never would have believed it before reading this book.

We have also read Dear Parent and Trees Make the Best Mobiles. Dear Parent is a collection of essays and speeches that cover the same ground but not as coherently nor as thoroughly, and with an occasionally annoying tone. Trees is cute, soundbites of the same material, useful for new parents with little time and less sleep. I recommend it as a companion to Self-Confident Baby.

While I enjoyed parts of this book and thought SOME of the suggestions and advise were good, the overall tone of the book bothered me. She seems to be suggesting that we should be striving to make our babies as independent as possible, as early as possible. She claims that her philosophy is the most natural way to raise a child, but she encourages parents to stop relying on their natural instinct. For example, she is against picking up a crying baby. She is against cosleeping. She is against babywearing.

However, her suggestions to observe your child and to let your child reach her developmental milestones on her own seem to be good ones.

I have a now 3.3 year old and this book WORKED for us. I used the key principles of this book with my son when he was an infant and now I have an incredibly confident, self assured child. He walks into rooms and greets people pleasantly, is not affected by those who don't speak back and keeps on trekking. Recently someone described him as a "pistol"---meaning no one will ever call him a doormat. He is confident in what he does and even when he isn't we use some of the tried and true techniques and he is fine and moves through that transition time well.

This book is a must have....this along with Dorothy Einon's "Learning Early" and "You are Your Child's first Teacher. I firmly believe that this combination when followed in a modified fashion helped my child develop into this really cool preschooler who is fun to be around.

This is the best book I have read so far on parenting (and I've read quite a lot). This is a book that defends a very simplistic and baby-focused style of parenting. Sometimes the theory is a little over the top, but the basic tenets are right on target...or at least I think so. First of all, the author suggests that you think of those times when you feed, change and bathe your baby as opportunities to bond with her. Also, she suggests that you constantly talk to your baby, narrating everything that you do, asking permission, and expressing your expectations for baby. (Even if you think your baby won't understand, my 5 1/2 month old has a sense of what I'm saying and it helps.) She also suggests that you observe, but not interrupt your child's learning process, unless of course the baby is going to hurt herself.

To demonstrate her point, I'll give you my own example with my baby that I found just fascinating. I put him down on the gymini mat (without any toys dangling). Since my baby is the master drooler, as most babies at this stage, I put receiving blankets on top of the mat and just gave him a cup to play with. He played with the cup for a while, but then dropped it. As he reached for it, he inadvertently pushed it away. (My inclination was to give the cup back to him, but after reading this book, I decided not to.) When he realized he couldn't reach it, he turned over toward the cup, getting a little closer. He reached for it, but just pushed the cup away further. This time, he grabbed the receiving blanket and pulled, finally bringing the cup closer...cool, huh???

This is a "must have" book. Every new parent is afraid they are doing it wrong and even though we try not to compare our children, we all do. This book helped me relax and realize that my child will do things when HE is ready and that I can't make him crawl or walk, etc. What I can do is give him opportunities and a safe environment then sit back, watch and enjoy. I loved her philosphy about not using a high chair. She said a child should have a table and chair that he can get into and out of and not be propped up and strapped into highchairs and booster seats. This way, when he is done with his meal he can leave signaling that he is done. My son now goes to the table when he is hungry. Letting them eat at a table of their height shows respect and that you realize they are a smaller person and need smaller chairs. She also talks about when children are having conflicts, let them work it out themselves (unless they are hurting each other) so that they can figure out how to work out their differences in the future. She talked about problem solving and gave an example of a ball that rolls under the table. Our first response it to get it for our crawling or walking child but we need to let the child figure out how to get it themselves. I'm not doing this book justice but I can guarantee you, if you purchase this book, you will not be sorry. I am passing it around my baby group and am proud to do so. My son is a happy, social baby with a lot of independence and freedom and he probably would not have been if I didn't learn this philosophy.

It is often said, "When you don't know what to do, you do what you know." Without the RIE approach, I would have repeated many of the very serious mistakes my mother made.

This book so articulately describes the "how to's" and "why's" of child-rearing. There are very few unanswered questions. It is a wonderful guide book not only for raising children, but for relating to people of all ages. Magda Gerber reminds us that frustration, anxiety, fear and other stresses are normal experiences for parents and children. Even with the struggles life dishes out, one can realistically build a life-long relationship with your infant by modeling respect.

One of the many of the messages I came away with from reading this book is that aside from the obvious fact that parenting is hard work, it also can be fun and we have the right to relax and enjoy it. Magda Gerber presents guidelines that really work because they are so logical. The experiental aspects of the RIE approach in raising an infant are described in a clear, understandable and applicable way. I wish it were required reading for all parents.

This book is now the gift I give to all my friends who are parents or soon-to-be parents. My only criticizm is that the book ended.

Wendy Kronick - Los Angeles, CA.