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Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal Paperback – August 25, 2009


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Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal + Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction + Mending a Shattered Heart: A Guide for Partners of Sex Addicts
Price for all three: $40.12

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: New Horizon Press; 8.11.2009 edition (August 25, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0882823094
  • ISBN-13: 978-0882823096
  • Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (70 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #18,971 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

This book was very informative and very easy to relate to.
Akalucy
It makes you feel like you're not alone, it makes you feel understood, and it makes you feel like you have a right to feel everything you're feeling.
Krista
This is a book that all spouses of sex addicts should have and read.
Otis G. Smith jr

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

97 of 98 people found the following review helpful By Bernie on March 15, 2010
Format: Paperback
I was so grateful to read this book. It's definitely the missing-link in treatment for the spouses of sex addicts. Unlike the traditional Patrick Carnes model, this book is about recognizing and treating trauma in spouses.

As the spouse of a sex addict, the co-addict label has never felt 'true' to me. Each of us are different, in recovery, but unlike so many people that I know, I've never had a big discovery moment before, or found porn or anything. My discovery was truly the shock of my life. I love this book because it recognizes the trauma for what it is, and details many of the symptoms I have had, like PTSD. It doesn't call me codependent, and doesn't tell me that I am to blame for part of what's happened. (how would I have known?) It does address some of the beginnings of the deep emotional abuse it's taken my husband to use, to keep me in the dark about his addiction.

Don't buy this book for your husband to read, or for you to understand him. (Most of us do that anyway.) Make this the one book you buy for YOU-- and take it to your therapist too. Your trauma needs to be heard and validated, so that you can begin to heal these deep and painful wounds. With or without your husband, you deserve healing, and a life free from the weight of what he has done.
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89 of 92 people found the following review helpful By Jessi on August 30, 2009
Format: Paperback
Oh-my-goodness! I'm only on page 93, but just realized that for the past 5 years I have felt like I've been living like I'm in a front-loading washing machine and no one can really see me, no one knows I'm here, but they don't look. I can see out, but I remain alone. I had an amazing counselor who saw me. Thank You God for him. But I finally feel like there is someone IN here, WITH me. Someone understands where I have lived the last 5 years, and prior. Thank you Marsha and Barb. Thank You. From a partner of a sex addict, great guy, but doesn't connect with me, yet blames me for my efforts to remain safe in an emotionally unsafe marriage, I can't stress enough that this is a must read for partners and those who want a window into partners' souls. Counselors - please, please, I beg you, read this. Understanding, validation and affirmation have been the MOST soothing and healing things I have experienced on my path toward healing this traumatic, deep pain. Please read this and if you can afford to, give copies to those you know who live in their own isolation, and those who try to support them. This has been like a bubble bath with candles and soft music to my soul.

If you work with or know someone who is a partner of a sex addict, please, please read this book to see into their wounded soul. If you have lived this betrayal, the validation in this gift of a book and the hope to heal that it offers is salve for your weeping, bleeding heart. Barb and Marsha, I thank God for you. Peace.
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52 of 52 people found the following review helpful By Bless 1 Another on December 13, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Well, they say WE, the devastated are to read everything we can get our hands on to understand THEIR DISEASE. So, I did that. I read and read, with what felt like two broken legs, two broken arms, an eye patch, a brain injury, cracked sternum, and perforated heart. (Emotionally speaking that is..........) All that came of the books I read on this subject was even MORE TRAUMA. This is the ONLY book out there folks to read if you are feeling the lowest low of your life due to the betrayal. If you are sitting there with an STD and a heart made of swiss cheese, an addict that is still righteous in their wrongness "crazymaking", who looked on line at things that you didn't even know existed? If you can barely get your kids to school, remember where you put your keys, don't care to put makeup on or go to the grocery store to trigger off a darned magazine cover- if this is you, ...............buy this book. Actually, buy atleast three if you can afford it, and I will say why: The first one, you will probably mark up and underline to death.(don't want our addict to see how much we despise them in our notes- (or we would be called shaming, and toxic) If you are triggering off the whole world after disclosure you need this to validate that you are exactly where you are supposed to be in this stage of grief and trauma. The second one, you will want your addict to read in helping them GET IT - which will also aide them in their fourth step - which is where they are supposed to be able to see what all they have done, and with whose blood they paid the bill with - (which some never will, but we try don't we- when we have kids to these folks and arent sure if we do or don't have the strength to stay in this hell?Read more ›
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57 of 61 people found the following review helpful By Real Life on November 4, 2009
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Affects of sexual addiction are devastating, from the first surge of shock through the speechless terror, riding the wave of disassociation, from this is really only a bad dream to reality; you are never the same. This book covers it. It validates your deep painful wounds, explains the trauma, chemical reactions in your body, gives you concrete recommendations, and does not skirt the physical / psychological reality of harm and priority of safety. Awesome reality checks to pastors and counselors as well as in depth bibliography if you choose to go deeper.

Kudos to Barbara and Marsha, for shifting the paradigm and giving many such a powerful concise tools to deal with the obliteration of their security and trust; personally your timing has been perfect.

Buy two because someone you know or don't know through a third party has been traumatized and could use it.
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