Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal [Paperback]

Barbara Steffens (Author), Marsha Means (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 25, 2009

Sexual addictions and compulsive sexual behavior are growing societal problems, with as many as three to six percent of the world population affected. Your Sexually Addicted Partner shatters the stigma and shame that millions of men and women carry when their partners are sexually addicted. They receive little empathy for their pain, which means they suffer alone, often shocked and isolated by the trauma. Barbara Steffens' groundbreaking new research shows that partners are not codependents but post-traumatic stress victims, while Marsha Means' personal experience provides insights, strategies, and critical steps to recognize, deal with, and heal partners of sexually addicted relationships. Firsthand accounts and stories reveal the impact of this addiction on survivors' lives. Chapters end with “On a Personal Note” questions and propose new paths that lead from trauma to empowerment, health, and hope. Useful appendices list health and mental health care providers and clergy.

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: New Horizon Press (August 25, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0882823094
• ISBN-13: 978-0882823096
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #11,842 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #3 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Recovery > Sexual
  • #44 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Recovery > Substance Abuse

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

48 of 49 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A window to my soul and salve to my heart, August 30, 2009

By 

Jessi - See all my reviews

This review is from: Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal (Paperback)

Oh-my-goodness! I'm only on page 93, but just realized that for the past 5 years I have felt like I've been living like I'm in a front-loading washing machine and no one can really see me, no one knows I'm here, but they don't look. I can see out, but I remain alone. I had an amazing counselor who saw me. Thank You God for him. But I finally feel like there is someone IN here, WITH me. Someone understands where I have lived the last 5 years, and prior. Thank you Marsha and Barb. Thank You. From a partner of a sex addict, great guy, but doesn't connect with me, yet blames me for my efforts to remain safe in an emotionally unsafe marriage, I can't stress enough that this is a must read for partners and those who want a window into partners' souls. Counselors - please, please, I beg you, read this. Understanding, validation and affirmation have been the MOST soothing and healing things I have experienced on my path toward healing this traumatic, deep pain. Please read this and if you can afford to, give copies to those you know who live in their own isolation, and those who try to support them. This has been like a bubble bath with candles and soft music to my soul.

If you work with or know someone who is a partner of a sex addict, please, please read this book to see into their wounded soul. If you have lived this betrayal, the validation in this gift of a book and the hope to heal that it offers is salve for your weeping, bleeding heart. Barb and Marsha, I thank God for you. Peace.

36 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Finally, a book that addresses the trauma a spouse goes through, March 15, 2010

By 

Bernie "Bernie" (California) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal (Paperback)

I was so grateful to read this book. It's definitely the missing-link in treatment for the spouses of sex addicts. Unlike the traditional Patrick Carnes model, this book is about recognizing and treating trauma in spouses.

As the spouse of a sex addict, the co-addict label has never felt 'true' to me. Each of us are different, in recovery, but unlike so many people that I know, I've never had a big discovery moment before, or found porn or anything. My discovery was truly the shock of my life. I love this book because it recognizes the trauma for what it is, and details many of the symptoms I have had, like PTSD. It doesn't call me codependent, and doesn't tell me that I am to blame for part of what's happened. (how would I have known?) It does address some of the beginnings of the deep emotional abuse it's taken my husband to use, to keep me in the dark about his addiction.

Don't buy this book for your husband to read, or for you to understand him. (Most of us do that anyway.) Make this the one book you buy for YOU-- and take it to your therapist too. Your trauma needs to be heard and validated, so that you can begin to heal these deep and painful wounds. With or without your husband, you deserve healing, and a life free from the weight of what he has done.

25 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Why it hurts so bad and how to deal with it., November 4, 2009

By 

Real Life - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal (Paperback)

Affects of sexual addiction are devastating, from the first surge of shock through the speechless terror, riding the wave of disassociation, from this is really only a bad dream to reality; you are never the same. This book covers it. It validates your deep painful wounds, explains the trauma, chemical reactions in your body, gives you concrete recommendations, and does not skirt the physical / psychological reality of harm and priority of safety. Awesome reality checks to pastors and counselors as well as in depth bibliography if you choose to go deeper.

Kudos to Barbara and Marsha, for shifting the paradigm and giving many such a powerful concise tools to deal with the obliteration of their security and trust; personally your timing has been perfect.

Buy two because someone you know or don't know through a third party has been traumatized and could use it.