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Your Six-Year-Old: Loving and Defiant Paperback – April 15, 1981


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Your Six-Year-Old: Loving and Defiant + Your Five-Year-Old: Sunny and Serene + Your Seven-Year-Old: Life in a Minor Key
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 144 pages
  • Publisher: Dell (April 15, 1981)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0440506743
  • ISBN-13: 978-0440506744
  • Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.4 x 0.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (43 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #37,979 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

The six-year-old is a complex child, entirely different from the five-year-old. Though many of the changes are for the good -- Six is growing more mature, more independent, more daring and adventurous -- this is not necessarily an easy time for the little girl or boy. Relationships with mothers are troubled -- most of the time Six adores mother, but whenever things go wrong, it's her fault. It used to be, at Five, that she was the center of the child's universe; now, the child is the center of his own universe.

Parents need the expert advice of Drs. Ames and Ilg during this difficult year, to explain parent-child relations, friendships with peers, what six-year-olds excel at, how they see the world, what it feels like to be entering the first grade. Children need patience and understanding to help make this transition easier.

From the Inside Flap

The six-year-old is a complex child, entirely  different from the five-year-old. Though many of the  changes are for the good -- Six is growing more  mature, more independent, more daring and  adventurous -- this is not necessarily an easy time for the  little girl or boy. Relationships with mothers are  troubled -- most of the time Six adores mother,  but whenever things go wrong, it's her fault. It  used to be, at Five, that she was the center of the  child's universe; now, the child is the center of  his own universe.

Parents need the expert  advice of Drs. Ames and Ilg during this difficult  year, to explain parent-child relations,  friendships with peers, what six-year-olds excel at, how  they see the world, what it feels like to be  entering the first grade. Children need patience and  understanding to help make this transition easier.

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Customer Reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
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I really enjoyed this book because I read it in one sitting.
John Smith
Understanding why children behave the ways they do make it much easier to face any negative behaviors with a smile and a hug.
WYMEVT
Overall, this is a short book (125 pages), and despite being a little dated, I thought it provided numerous good insights.
Steve McConnell

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

122 of 124 people found the following review helpful By Steve McConnell on September 23, 2003
Format: Paperback
Overall, I liked the book. I was really looking for the 6-year-old version of "What to Expect: The Toddler Years." It didn't go into that degree of detail, but what it did cover was useful. The overriding message is that the time from 6.0-6.5 is volatile and often not much fun. Children are going through a lot of changes, very unsure of themselves, and need lots of reassurance (even when they're misbehaving terribly). The authors make the point that kids at that age typically aren't ready for advanced tutoring in morals, and suggest that simply ignoring a lot of the bad table manners, lying, pilfering, attitude, etc. can be the best approach. They observe that you can typically accomplish the same things better at age 7.
I found the discussion of emotional development, mental development, and physical development -- and how to support each of those -- good background material. The part where I think I made the most mental notes on my personal "to do" list was in the "Techniques" chapter. The authors suggest several general techniques including
1. Praise -- Sixes need more affirmation than other ages and are more fragile
2. Chances -- Say, "you've used up one chance. I'll give you two more chances to do ___"
3. Counting -- Say, "Let's see if you can do this before I count to 10."
4. SIdestep -- change the subject, change mode of interaction, etc.
5. Bargain -- "If you play nicely with your brother until lunch, I'll let you watch Scooby Doo while he's napping."
6. Give in -- think of yourself as modeling the behavior of compromising
7. Isolation -- Good old time out -- physically transporting the 6 to timeout if necessary
8.
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35 of 36 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on May 3, 1999
Format: Paperback
Another in the useful series "Your 'X' Year Old" from the Gesell Institute. The "techniques" section -- for how to get through daily tasks with your six-year-old -- is helpful and on-target. The book is at its best when describing the conversation and actions of "typical" six-year-olds. Occasionally the opinions expressed are quirky. For example, the authors establish that six-year-olds are often both clumsy and moody, and say that this can make mealtimes less than pleasant. They then suggest that the solution is to seat the child close to Mother and as far from Father as possible. (Presumably Mother can prevent accidents and soothe the child, while Father must not be disturbed!) For the reader who can skip over such occasional bits of nonsense, Your Six-Year-Old is a useful reference and helpful companion to the parent trying to understand and guide a child of six.
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28 of 29 people found the following review helpful By Quaker Annie on June 13, 2000
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
When my then 5 1/2 year old was behaving much differently than he had at age 5, and I thought I must have lost all of my parenting skills, my mother pulled out an old hardcover version of the Gesell Institute Books and - oh my! - much of the changes seemed to be quite common among 5 1/2 year olds!
These are 'old' books (I'm one of the earliest of the baby boomers, though my child is now nearly 9), but they are still useful.
This book and all in the series are little paperbacks, quick to read. Our society has changed since they were written, so a bit of the book may seem dated if you don't like 'traditional roles. However, there is much good information and wisdom in here, unencumbered by the modern day concerns about ADD and such. In expensive, a good investment to ease a parent's mind. A nice gift from grandparents to their own children, and for young parents, just nice to have on the shelf for those days when we forget that kids behaviors and interests change as they grow up.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on July 13, 2002
Format: Paperback
The book gave my wife and me an accurate insight on the behavior of our six year old. It seemed like the book was talking about our daughter. We felt very comforted to know that the behavior that we see in our child is not uncommon. We have followed the advice given by the Gessel Institute to avoid and treat tampers. Overall, it is a great guide for parents.
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful By Tra's Vision on June 15, 2001
Format: Paperback
A classic and must have for parents. It helps to know that you are not alone and going insane when such normal situations occur within your family.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on February 25, 2006
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I must say that this book is very accurate with respect to a 6 year old's behavior... In fact, there were many times when I laughed out of relief when I realized that the little one's behavior is "normal" for a six year old.

This book was recommended to me by a clinical psychologist friend.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on October 17, 2006
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I am now buying these books for friends who have kids this age. When my kids were small and would behave in a way I couldn't understand or find frustrating, I would open the age-appropriate book and --bang--there it was every time, detailing the behavior and explaining how it fit into the child's development. I read a lot of child development books but I thought these were by far the most realistic and helpful because they were researched with actual observation of the age group.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By txjanet on May 24, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I have all of these books up to "your six-year-old", and I find them very useful. I look to these to find out if what I notice going on with my child is, indeed, a (usually novel) age-related behavior/thought pattern, etc. and they have been very helpful for this. If you just page thru them, you may think they are a bit dated (the pics especially) but I see this as a good thing. The writers aren't writing from the perspective of the latest fad or "discovery" in studies of children, or just a book of pretty pictures, but are giving information based on years of observation of what children do at different stages. This is why it's useful to me--it's classic, easy-to-read, useful information that usually reassures me that my child is in the same stage of development that many others have passed through, and gives helpful advice for working with your child and easing conflicts. I appreciate that the "techniques" section is not just behavior modification techniques for immediate results (time outs, counting to ten, losing a toy temporarily, etc) but ideas to work WITH your child and understand their motivations. A great addition to your parenting library.
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