Your Six-Year-Old: Loving and Defiant [Paperback]

Louise Bates Ames (Author), Frances L. Ilg (Author)

Book Description

Release date: April 15, 1981

The six-year-old is a complex child, entirely  different from the five-year-old. Though many of the  changes are for the good -- Six is growing more  mature, more independent, more daring and  adventurous -- this is not necessarily an easy time for the  little girl or boy. Relationships with mothers are  troubled -- most of the time Six adores mother,  but whenever things go wrong, it's her fault. It  used to be, at Five, that she was the center of the  child's universe; now, the child is the center of  his own universe.

Parents need the expert  advice of Drs. Ames and Ilg during this difficult  year, to explain parent-child relations,  friendships with peers, what six-year-olds excel at, how  they see the world, what it feels like to be  entering the first grade. Children need patience and  understanding to help make this transition easier.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

The six-year-old is a complex child, entirely different from the five-year-old. Though many of the changes are for the good -- Six is growing more mature, more independent, more daring and adventurous -- this is not necessarily an easy time for the little girl or boy. Relationships with mothers are troubled -- most of the time Six adores mother, but whenever things go wrong, it's her fault. It used to be, at Five, that she was the center of the child's universe; now, the child is the center of his own universe.

Parents need the expert advice of Drs. Ames and Ilg during this difficult year, to explain parent-child relations, friendships with peers, what six-year-olds excel at, how they see the world, what it feels like to be entering the first grade. Children need patience and understanding to help make this transition easier.

From the Inside Flap

The six-year-old is a complex child, entirely  different from the five-year-old. Though many of the  changes are for the good -- Six is growing more  mature, more independent, more daring and  adventurous -- this is not necessarily an easy time for the  little girl or boy. Relationships with mothers are  troubled -- most of the time Six adores mother,  but whenever things go wrong, it's her fault. It  used to be, at Five, that she was the center of the  child's universe; now, the child is the center of  his own universe.

Parents need the expert  advice of Drs. Ames and Ilg during this difficult  year, to explain parent-child relations,  friendships with peers, what six-year-olds excel at, how  they see the world, what it feels like to be  entering the first grade. Children need patience and  understanding to help make this transition easier.

Product Details

• Paperback: 144 pages
• Publisher: Dell (April 15, 1981)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0440506743
• ISBN-13: 978-0440506744
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.4 x 8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #37,436 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

112 of 114 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Good insights if you can bridge the gap from 1979-2003 September 23, 2003

By Steve McConnell

Format:Paperback

Overall, I liked the book. I was really looking for the 6-year-old version of "What to Expect: The Toddler Years." It didn't go into that degree of detail, but what it did cover was useful. The overriding message is that the time from 6.0-6.5 is volatile and often not much fun. Children are going through a lot of changes, very unsure of themselves, and need lots of reassurance (even when they're misbehaving terribly). The authors make the point that kids at that age typically aren't ready for advanced tutoring in morals, and suggest that simply ignoring a lot of the bad table manners, lying, pilfering, attitude, etc. can be the best approach. They observe that you can typically accomplish the same things better at age 7.

I found the discussion of emotional development, mental development, and physical development -- and how to support each of those -- good background material. The part where I think I made the most mental notes on my personal "to do" list was in the "Techniques" chapter. The authors suggest several general techniques including

1. Praise -- Sixes need more affirmation than other ages and are more fragile
2. Chances -- Say, "you've used up one chance. I'll give you two more chances to do ___"
3. Counting -- Say, "Let's see if you can do this before I count to 10."
4. SIdestep -- change the subject, change mode of interaction, etc.
5. Bargain -- "If you play nicely with your brother until lunch, I'll let you watch Scooby Doo while he's napping."
6. Give in -- think of yourself as modeling the behavior of compromising
7. Isolation -- Good old time out -- physically transporting the 6 to timeout if necessary
8.... Ignoring -- Say, "I can't hear whining" or "I can't hear potty talk," i.e., let them know you're ignoring them
9. Not noticing -- just let the little stuff slide because it isn't all that productive at this age to try to reign it in

The book is somewhat dated -- not updated much since 1979 except for some of the recommended reading. This undermines the book cosmetically and to a lesser degree substantively. On the cosmetic level, the authors talk about TV as though shows come on at particular times or you miss them. They talk about being careful with records going onto record players, etc. On a more substantitive level, the roles attributed to fathers and mothers are traditional, with mom at home and dad not all that involved in the kids' lives. They pay lip service to mom's working, but that concept isn't really integrated into the overall discussion very well. Since much of the discussion is about the intensity of 6's relationship with mom, I had to do some reading between the lines to apply those ideas to my situation. Similarly, much of the discussion about 6's dad seems based on the idea that dad is not physically around very much and is not all that accessible even when he's home, which I think is a lot less common today than it was 25 years ago.

Overall, this is a short book (125 pages), and despite being a little dated, I thought it provided numerous good insights. Read more ›

33 of 33 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Good reference May 3, 1999

By A Customer

Format:Paperback

Another in the useful series "Your 'X' Year Old" from the Gesell Institute. The "techniques" section -- for how to get through daily tasks with your six-year-old -- is helpful and on-target. The book is at its best when describing the conversation and actions of "typical" six-year-olds. Occasionally the opinions expressed are quirky. For example, the authors establish that six-year-olds are often both clumsy and moody, and say that this can make mealtimes less than pleasant. They then suggest that the solution is to seat the child close to Mother and as far from Father as possible. (Presumably Mother can prevent accidents and soothe the child, while Father must not be disturbed!) For the reader who can skip over such occasional bits of nonsense, Your Six-Year-Old is a useful reference and helpful companion to the parent trying to understand and guide a child of six.

26 of 26 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars The Series Is Good June 13, 2000

By Quaker Annie

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

When my then 5 1/2 year old was behaving much differently than he had at age 5, and I thought I must have lost all of my parenting skills, my mother pulled out an old hardcover version of the Gesell Institute Books and - oh my! - much of the changes seemed to be quite common among 5 1/2 year olds!

These are 'old' books (I'm one of the earliest of the baby boomers, though my child is now nearly 9), but they are still useful.

This book and all in the series are little paperbacks, quick to read. Our society has changed since they were written, so a bit of the book may seem dated if you don't like 'traditional roles. However, there is much good information and wisdom in here, unencumbered by the modern day concerns about ADD and such. In expensive, a good investment to ease a parent's mind. A nice gift from grandparents to their own children, and for young parents, just nice to have on the shelf for those days when we forget that kids behaviors and interests change as they grow up.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Thanks Gessel Institute! July 13, 2002

By A Customer

Format:Paperback

The book gave my wife and me an accurate insight on the behavior of our six year old. It seemed like the book was talking about our daughter. We felt very comforted to know that the behavior that we see in our child is not uncommon. We have followed the advice given by the Gessel Institute to avoid and treat tampers. Overall, it is a great guide for parents.

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Your 6 Year Old June 15, 2001

By Tra's Vision

Format:Paperback

A classic and must have for parents. It helps to know that you are not alone and going insane when such normal situations occur within your family.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Your Six-Year-Old: Loving and Defiant May 12, 2007

By Texas Grami

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I have read all of this series of books beginning with Your Two-Year-Old: Terrible or Tender by Louise Bates Ames and Frances L. Ilg. (The books start with the one-year-old.) Their insight into the characteristics, behavior, and development of children is awesome. It seems sometimes that my daughter changes overnight from a loving, caring child into a "monster." I then go back and re-read and find comfort as she goes through this difficult or demanding stage that it is all very "normal"--that other children behave in the same way. The techniques given are so helpful and have worked every time when addapted to my daughter's personality. Dr. Ames states very clearly in the Foreword of each book that "ever child is an individual, different in many ways from every other child living--even from his or her own idential twin," and that no child is truly "average." Techniques are so simple, but in the heat of the problem something hard to think of on my own. Because of the difference at which children reach certain stages, I recomment that each book be read before the child reaches the age of a certain book. I urge every parent of one-year-olds through fourteen-year-olds to read these books and keep them handy for quick reference.