Customer Reviews

Your Six-Year-Old: Loving and Defiant

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(8)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Overall, I liked the book. I was really looking for the 6-year-old version of "What to Expect: The Toddler Years." It didn't go into that degree of detail, but what it did cover was useful. The overriding message is that the time from 6.0-6.5 is volatile and often not much fun. Children are going through a lot of changes, very unsure of themselves, and need lots of reassurance (even when they're misbehaving terribly). The authors make the point that kids at that age typically aren't ready for advanced tutoring in morals, and suggest that simply ignoring a lot of the bad table manners, lying, pilfering, attitude, etc. can be the best approach. They observe that you can typically accomplish the same things better at age 7.

I found the discussion of emotional development, mental development, and physical development -- and how to support each of those -- good background material. The part where I think I made the most mental notes on my personal "to do" list was in the "Techniques" chapter. The authors suggest several general techniques including

1. Praise -- Sixes need more affirmation than other ages and are more fragile
2. Chances -- Say, "you've used up one chance. I'll give you two more chances to do ___"
3. Counting -- Say, "Let's see if you can do this before I count to 10."
4. SIdestep -- change the subject, change mode of interaction, etc.
5. Bargain -- "If you play nicely with your brother until lunch, I'll let you watch Scooby Doo while he's napping."
6. Give in -- think of yourself as modeling the behavior of compromising
7. Isolation -- Good old time out -- physically transporting the 6 to timeout if necessary
8. Ignoring -- Say, "I can't hear whining" or "I can't hear potty talk," i.e., let them know you're ignoring them
9. Not noticing -- just let the little stuff slide because it isn't all that productive at this age to try to reign it in

The book is somewhat dated -- not updated much since 1979 except for some of the recommended reading. This undermines the book cosmetically and to a lesser degree substantively. On the cosmetic level, the authors talk about TV as though shows come on at particular times or you miss them. They talk about being careful with records going onto record players, etc. On a more substantitive level, the roles attributed to fathers and mothers are traditional, with mom at home and dad not all that involved in the kids' lives. They pay lip service to mom's working, but that concept isn't really integrated into the overall discussion very well. Since much of the discussion is about the intensity of 6's relationship with mom, I had to do some reading between the lines to apply those ideas to my situation. Similarly, much of the discussion about 6's dad seems based on the idea that dad is not physically around very much and is not all that accessible even when he's home, which I think is a lot less common today than it was 25 years ago.

Overall, this is a short book (125 pages), and despite being a little dated, I thought it provided numerous good insights.

Another in the useful series "Your 'X' Year Old" from the Gesell Institute. The "techniques" section -- for how to get through daily tasks with your six-year-old -- is helpful and on-target. The book is at its best when describing the conversation and actions of "typical" six-year-olds. Occasionally the opinions expressed are quirky. For example, the authors establish that six-year-olds are often both clumsy and moody, and say that this can make mealtimes less than pleasant. They then suggest that the solution is to seat the child close to Mother and as far from Father as possible. (Presumably Mother can prevent accidents and soothe the child, while Father must not be disturbed!) For the reader who can skip over such occasional bits of nonsense, Your Six-Year-Old is a useful reference and helpful companion to the parent trying to understand and guide a child of six.

When my then 5 1/2 year old was behaving much differently than he had at age 5, and I thought I must have lost all of my parenting skills, my mother pulled out an old hardcover version of the Gesell Institute Books and - oh my! - much of the changes seemed to be quite common among 5 1/2 year olds!

These are 'old' books (I'm one of the earliest of the baby boomers, though my child is now nearly 9), but they are still useful.

This book and all in the series are little paperbacks, quick to read. Our society has changed since they were written, so a bit of the book may seem dated if you don't like 'traditional roles. However, there is much good information and wisdom in here, unencumbered by the modern day concerns about ADD and such. In expensive, a good investment to ease a parent's mind. A nice gift from grandparents to their own children, and for young parents, just nice to have on the shelf for those days when we forget that kids behaviors and interests change as they grow up.

The book gave my wife and me an accurate insight on the behavior of our six year old. It seemed like the book was talking about our daughter. We felt very comforted to know that the behavior that we see in our child is not uncommon. We have followed the advice given by the Gessel Institute to avoid and treat tampers. Overall, it is a great guide for parents.

A classic and must have for parents. It helps to know that you are not alone and going insane when such normal situations occur within your family.

I have read all of this series of books beginning with Your Two-Year-Old: Terrible or Tender by Louise Bates Ames and Frances L. Ilg. (The books start with the one-year-old.) Their insight into the characteristics, behavior, and development of children is awesome. It seems sometimes that my daughter changes overnight from a loving, caring child into a "monster." I then go back and re-read and find comfort as she goes through this difficult or demanding stage that it is all very "normal"--that other children behave in the same way. The techniques given are so helpful and have worked every time when addapted to my daughter's personality. Dr. Ames states very clearly in the Foreword of each book that "ever child is an individual, different in many ways from every other child living--even from his or her own idential twin," and that no child is truly "average." Techniques are so simple, but in the heat of the problem something hard to think of on my own. Because of the difference at which children reach certain stages, I recomment that each book be read before the child reaches the age of a certain book. I urge every parent of one-year-olds through fourteen-year-olds to read these books and keep them handy for quick reference.

"It's just a phase," characterizes most of childhood, but some phases are harder than others. And that's where I found myself with my six-year-old. Overnight she became whiny, clingy, and defiant one minute and her normal good-natured self the next.

Reading this book gave me great insight into her behavior and reassured me that this phase too will pass.

I am now buying these books for friends who have kids this age. When my kids were small and would behave in a way I couldn't understand or find frustrating, I would open the age-appropriate book and --bang--there it was every time, detailing the behavior and explaining how it fit into the child's development. I read a lot of child development books but I thought these were by far the most realistic and helpful because they were researched with actual observation of the age group.

I found a few Gesell books in my MILs storage shed when my now [..]daughter was about three. I thought they were hilariously outdated, but read them anyway. However, they were DEAD on accurate about where she was developmentally and where she was going to be. Consistently, I found myself coming back to "You're Three Year Old" and "Your Four Year Old" and then finding and buying the other books as they went along.

Yes, much of the informations and attitudes are outdated, but understanding that some behaviors are age appropriate and better to deal with at another time is invaluable. Additionally, some advice never gets old.

My younger child is now about to be 6, and I've misplaced my books, but I value the information enough to buy it again.

I must say that this book is very accurate with respect to a 6 year old's behavior... In fact, there were many times when I laughed out of relief when I realized that the little one's behavior is "normal" for a six year old.

This book was recommended to me by a clinical psychologist friend.