Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy [Paperback]

Louise Bates Ames (Author), Frances L. Ilg (Author)

Book Description

Release date: August 15, 1980

A three-year-old is a real puzzle to parents, sometimes anxious to please and befriend, sometimes strong-willed and difficult to get along with. At the heart of the three-year-old’s personality is often an emotional insecurity—and this causes a host of problems for parents! Drs. Ames and Ilg, recognized authorities on child behavior and development, help parents understand what’s going on inside that three-year-old head, what problems children have, and how to cope with the toddler who is sometimes friend, sometimes enemy.
 
Included in this book:
• Jealousy of a new sibling
• Toilet training
• How to improve a child’s eating habits
• Friendships with peers
• Common fears
• Developing language skills
• Nursery school
• Books for parents and three-year-olds
 
“Louise Bates Ames and her colleagues synthesize a lifetime of observation of children, consultation, and discussion with parents. These books will help parents to better understand their children and will guide them through the fascinating and sometimes trying experiences of modern parenthood.”—Donald J. Cohen, M.D., Director, Yale Child Study Center, Irving B. Harris Professor of Child Psychiatry, Pediatrics, and Psychology, Yale School of Medicine

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Louise Bates Ames is a lecturer at the Yale Child Study Center and assistant professor emeritus at Yale University. She is co-founder of the Gesell Institute of Child Development and collaborator or co-author of three dozen or so books, including The First Five Years of Life, Infant and Child in the Culture of Today, Child Rorschach Responses, and the series Your One-Year-Old through Your Ten- to Fourteen-Year-Old. She has one child, three grandchildren, and four great-grandchildren.
 
Frances L. Ilg wrote numerous books, including The Child from Five to Ten, Youth: The Years from Ten to Sixteen, and Child Behavior, before her death in 1981. She was also a co-founder of the Gesell Institute of Child Development at Yale.

Product Details

• Paperback: 176 pages
• Publisher: Dell; Later Printing; Later Printing edition (August 15, 1980)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0440506492
• ISBN-13: 978-0440506492
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.4 x 8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (58 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #23,930 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

73 of 73 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic Book - Helps parents understand why their children do what they do April 1, 2006

By LL Cool Jack

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Other reviews have cited a lack of helpful hints in this book. Please know before buying, this is not a "how to" book. You won't find formulas for parenting. What you will find is an excellent study on the behavior and development of your child at any given age. This book is outdated in its look and in some of the scenarios presented. However, the observations and information laid out are timeless. A three year old is a three year - in 1972 or 2022. I see parenting as an adventure and a challenge, where each child is unique. It's my job to tailor the rearing of my child to suit him and these books help me do just that. This series has made me a more informed parent. For instance, in the 2 year old book I read that children at this age have a very hard time sticking to a decision. They want a drink, so you give them a drink. You then hear, "I don't want a drink!". So you take it back. Whereupon your child wails that he wants his drink. This can go on for an exasperating long while. The more informed I am on what's age appropriate behavior, the more I'm able to separate my reactions from the emotional frustration that might otherwise erupt. I can then spend more time thinking rationally about how I can help him through this, rather than becoming angry. I love these books and think that all parents would benefit from reading. As I stated above, these books won't show you HOW to be a better parent, just as reading a book on art history won't show you HOW to be a museum curator. But knowing and understanding art history is a must in order to be a great curator. Same with kids and same with these books.

107 of 110 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Not the be all to end all but helpful in context January 4, 2006

By amazonbuyer

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Okay, so the books are dated. The books we are currently reading, will be in 20 years also.

The reason these books are still in print is that the BEHAVIOURAL information is GENERALLY on target.

I have found them to be the clearest and most concise behavioral information out there. They are meant to help parents discern when their child's behavior is "within normal limits/range" and when alarm bells should start to ring.

But any parent and many books with tell you the golden rule is: TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! You know your child. Don't ignore the little voice that says something isn't right. This is a HELP book not an ANSWER book.

One person went so far as to say the books have no relation to the behavior she has seen in her 3 year olds, or anyone else's. All I know is that the authors did their best to go about their research scientifically, and I am sure their data was not extracted soley from abused, maladjusted children.

I am not a behavioral scientist, but I've found their results to be GENERALLY accurate. And I too teach children and have a few of my own.

I use many resources and I have not found Geselle Institute's books to be useless.

In spite of much dated material, the heart of it, the BEHAVIORAL information has been VERY useful. That is why I purchased these books.

For child "rearing" I go to my other sources (Playful Parenting, How to Talk so Your Children Will Listen, Siblings Without Rivalry, Parent Effectiveness Training, etc.)

Someone mentioned that children having violent fantasies is abnormal and Giselle says that it is normal. I don't think Geselle meant continual, obsessive, gratuitously violent fantasy's. At least I did not take it this way. Children do express violent thoughts sometimes.

Kids are not tabula rasa as once presumed. They don't have to be exposed to violence to have violent thought. They don't need an abusive parent to hit when someone grabs their toy.

They can hear a curse word once on the street or at school and apply it quite accurately and forcefully even if the parents never curse.

So:
If you want to know what to do when your kid curses or bites their nails, DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK!!!

But if you want to know if you are the reason your child bites their nails or if it is fairly common behavior for their age range DO BUY THIS BOOK!!!

60 of 68 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Practical, helpful information. January 24, 1999

By Elizabeth Pantley

Format:Paperback

When you know what behaviors are "normal" for your child's age you can relax, stop the worry, and focus on appropriate solutions. This whole series of books accurately defines the ages and stages of children. These books keep your expectations realistic and allow you to avoid anger caused by a lack of understanding of your child's developmental stages.