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Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy
 
 
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Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy [Paperback]

Louise Bates Ames (Author), Frances L. Ilg (Author)
3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (45 customer reviews)

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Book Description

August 15, 1980
A three-year-old is a real puzzle to parents, sometimes anxious to please and befriend, sometimes strong-willed and difficult to get along with. At the heart of the three-year-old’s personality is often an emotional insecurity—and this causes a host of problems for parents! Drs. Ames and Ilg, recognized authorities on child behavior and development, help parents understand what’s going on inside that three-year-old head, what problems children have, and how to cope with the toddler who is sometimes friend, sometimes enemy.
 
Included in this book:
• Jealousy of a new sibling
• Toilet training
• How to improve a child’s eating habits
• Friendships with peers
• Common fears
• Developing language skills
• Nursery school
• Books for parents and three-year-olds
 
“Louise Bates Ames and her colleagues synthesize a lifetime of observation of children, consultation, and discussion with parents. These books will help parents to better understand their children and will guide them through the fascinating and sometimes trying experiences of modern parenthood.”—Donald J. Cohen, M.D., Director, Yale Child Study Center, Irving B. Harris Professor of Child Psychiatry, Pediatrics, and Psychology, Yale School of Medicine

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Louise Bates Ames is a lecturer at the Yale Child Study Center and assistant professor emeritus at Yale University. She is co-founder of the Gesell Institute of Child Development and collaborator or co-author of three dozen or so books, including The First Five Years of Life, Infant and Child in the Culture of Today, Child Rorschach Responses, and the series Your One-Year-Old through Your Ten- to Fourteen-Year-Old. She has one child, three grandchildren, and four great-grandchildren.
 
Frances L. Ilg wrote numerous books, including The Child from Five to Ten, Youth: The Years from Ten to Sixteen, and Child Behavior, before her death in 1981. She was also a co-founder of the Gesell Institute of Child Development at Yale.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 176 pages
  • Publisher: Dell (August 15, 1980)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0440506492
  • ISBN-13: 978-0440506492
  • Product Dimensions: 5.4 x 0.4 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (45 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #6,141 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
91 of 94 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
Okay, so the books are dated. The books we are currently reading, will be in 20 years also.

The reason these books are still in print is that the BEHAVIOURAL information is GENERALLY on target.

I have found them to be the clearest and most concise behavioral information out there. They are meant to help parents discern when their child's behavior is "within normal limits/range" and when alarm bells should start to ring.

But any parent and many books with tell you the golden rule is: TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! You know your child. Don't ignore the little voice that says something isn't right. This is a HELP book not an ANSWER book.

One person went so far as to say the books have no relation to the behavior she has seen in her 3 year olds, or anyone else's. All I know is that the authors did their best to go about their research scientifically, and I am sure their data was not extracted soley from abused, maladjusted children.

I am not a behavioral scientist, but I've found their results to be GENERALLY accurate. And I too teach children and have a few of my own.

I use many resources and I have not found Geselle Institute's books to be useless.

In spite of much dated material, the heart of it, the BEHAVIORAL information has been VERY useful. That is why I purchased these books.

For child "rearing" I go to my other sources (Playful Parenting, How to Talk so Your Children Will Listen, Siblings Without Rivalry, Parent Effectiveness Training, etc.)

Someone mentioned that children having violent fantasies is abnormal and Giselle says that it is normal. I don't think Geselle meant continual, obsessive, gratuitously violent fantasy's. At least I did not take it this way. Children do express violent thoughts sometimes.

Kids are not tabula rasa as once presumed. They don't have to be exposed to violence to have violent thought. They don't need an abusive parent to hit when someone grabs their toy.

They can hear a curse word once on the street or at school and apply it quite accurately and forcefully even if the parents never curse.

So:
If you want to know what to do when your kid curses or bites their nails, DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK!!!

But if you want to know if you are the reason your child bites their nails or if it is fairly common behavior for their age range DO BUY THIS BOOK!!!
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55 of 55 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
Other reviews have cited a lack of helpful hints in this book. Please know before buying, this is not a "how to" book. You won't find formulas for parenting. What you will find is an excellent study on the behavior and development of your child at any given age. This book is outdated in its look and in some of the scenarios presented. However, the observations and information laid out are timeless. A three year old is a three year - in 1972 or 2022. I see parenting as an adventure and a challenge, where each child is unique. It's my job to tailor the rearing of my child to suit him and these books help me do just that. This series has made me a more informed parent. For instance, in the 2 year old book I read that children at this age have a very hard time sticking to a decision. They want a drink, so you give them a drink. You then hear, "I don't want a drink!". So you take it back. Whereupon your child wails that he wants his drink. This can go on for an exasperating long while. The more informed I am on what's age appropriate behavior, the more I'm able to separate my reactions from the emotional frustration that might otherwise erupt. I can then spend more time thinking rationally about how I can help him through this, rather than becoming angry. I love these books and think that all parents would benefit from reading. As I stated above, these books won't show you HOW to be a better parent, just as reading a book on art history won't show you HOW to be a museum curator. But knowing and understanding art history is a must in order to be a great curator. Same with kids and same with these books.
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52 of 59 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
When you know what behaviors are "normal" for your child's age you can relax, stop the worry, and focus on appropriate solutions. This whole series of books accurately defines the ages and stages of children. These books keep your expectations realistic and allow you to avoid anger caused by a lack of understanding of your child's developmental stages.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Outdated, offensive even
Like most other one-star reviews on here, I'm appalled at how unsound the "advice" being given in this book is. Read more
Published 1 day ago by Goosemama
Great Book
I bought this book for my daughter. but I read it myself before I gave it to her. It has some very useful information about their emotional and physical limitations during all... Read more
Published 1 day ago by Lisa M. Green
Great book.
This is a great book for everybody who has a child from 3 to 4 year old. It has information about most common behavior and child's reactions at this age. Read more
Published 3 months ago by katriina
help at last
This book was a God-send for this Grandma. The pearls of information made many behaviors we hadn't seen in such a long time clear. Read more
Published 12 months ago by B. Hines
Very helpful if your three-year old has a temper
What a relief to find out that my child was 'normal', at least not the only one who could pitch a fit! Full of great ideas what to expect and how to deal with it. Read more
Published 16 months ago by Anne Kliveston
Very Helpful
This book is great. Confirmed a lot of my thoughts, really helped us to understand why our 3 year old acts the way she does.
Published 17 months ago by D. Peterson
Just have someone else raise your kid! It's that easy!
Well I was considering getting this book, but just reading the first couple of chapters online convinced me not to. It tells you to have someone else take care of your child. Read more
Published 18 months ago by Jennifer Dunfee
raising children
A good friend says these are the best books to help you with your child!
Published 18 months ago by S. ANDERSON
Great book
I wish I had read this book before my son had turned 3. He is almost 4 now and his teacher recommended to buy the book, so I did and I also bought the next one from the same... Read more
Published 21 months ago by tica mami
what a relief!
This book has been extremely helpful! I would highly recommend it to anyone with a 3 year old! Now that I understand better what is going on developmentally, I have been able to... Read more
Published 21 months ago by deborah
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Inside This Book (learn more)
First Sentence:
librium and of no longer looking back. In fact, by Three, many children seem to be developing a rather good self-concept, seem to have a solid set of feelings about themselves. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Real Life, The Child's Mind, Most Three-year-olds, Arnold Gesell
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Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Index | Surprise Me!
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