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Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy Paperback – August 15, 1980


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Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy + Your Two-Year-Old: Terrible or Tender + Your Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful
Price for all three: $32.08

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 176 pages
  • Publisher: Dell; English Language edition (August 15, 1980)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0440506492
  • ISBN-13: 978-0440506492
  • Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.4 x 0.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (73 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #26,536 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Louise Bates Ames is a lecturer at the Yale Child Study Center and assistant professor emeritus at Yale University. She is co-founder of the Gesell Institute of Child Development and collaborator or co-author of three dozen or so books, including The First Five Years of Life, Infant and Child in the Culture of Today, Child Rorschach Responses, and the series Your One-Year-Old through Your Ten- to Fourteen-Year-Old. She has one child, three grandchildren, and four great-grandchildren.
 
Frances L. Ilg wrote numerous books, including The Child from Five to Ten, Youth: The Years from Ten to Sixteen, and Child Behavior, before her death in 1981. She was also a co-founder of the Gesell Institute of Child Development at Yale.

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Customer Reviews

Great book that was easy to read.
S. Gallagher
They don't give a lot of advice and some of the information is dated, but the overall information about children has been great.
Maurena Grossman
Don't ignore the little voice that says something isn't right.
amazonbuyer

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

107 of 107 people found the following review helpful By LL Cool Jack on April 1, 2006
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Other reviews have cited a lack of helpful hints in this book. Please know before buying, this is not a "how to" book. You won't find formulas for parenting. What you will find is an excellent study on the behavior and development of your child at any given age. This book is outdated in its look and in some of the scenarios presented. However, the observations and information laid out are timeless. A three year old is a three year - in 1972 or 2022. I see parenting as an adventure and a challenge, where each child is unique. It's my job to tailor the rearing of my child to suit him and these books help me do just that. This series has made me a more informed parent. For instance, in the 2 year old book I read that children at this age have a very hard time sticking to a decision. They want a drink, so you give them a drink. You then hear, "I don't want a drink!". So you take it back. Whereupon your child wails that he wants his drink. This can go on for an exasperating long while. The more informed I am on what's age appropriate behavior, the more I'm able to separate my reactions from the emotional frustration that might otherwise erupt. I can then spend more time thinking rationally about how I can help him through this, rather than becoming angry. I love these books and think that all parents would benefit from reading. As I stated above, these books won't show you HOW to be a better parent, just as reading a book on art history won't show you HOW to be a museum curator. But knowing and understanding art history is a must in order to be a great curator. Same with kids and same with these books.
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113 of 117 people found the following review helpful By amazonbuyer on January 4, 2006
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Okay, so the books are dated. The books we are currently reading, will be in 20 years also.

The reason these books are still in print is that the BEHAVIOURAL information is GENERALLY on target.

I have found them to be the clearest and most concise behavioral information out there. They are meant to help parents discern when their child's behavior is "within normal limits/range" and when alarm bells should start to ring.

But any parent and many books with tell you the golden rule is: TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! You know your child. Don't ignore the little voice that says something isn't right. This is a HELP book not an ANSWER book.

One person went so far as to say the books have no relation to the behavior she has seen in her 3 year olds, or anyone else's. All I know is that the authors did their best to go about their research scientifically, and I am sure their data was not extracted soley from abused, maladjusted children.

I am not a behavioral scientist, but I've found their results to be GENERALLY accurate. And I too teach children and have a few of my own.

I use many resources and I have not found Geselle Institute's books to be useless.

In spite of much dated material, the heart of it, the BEHAVIORAL information has been VERY useful. That is why I purchased these books.

For child "rearing" I go to my other sources (Playful Parenting, How to Talk so Your Children Will Listen, Siblings Without Rivalry, Parent Effectiveness Training, etc.)

Someone mentioned that children having violent fantasies is abnormal and Giselle says that it is normal. I don't think Geselle meant continual, obsessive, gratuitously violent fantasy's. At least I did not take it this way.
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29 of 30 people found the following review helpful By Keith Sandberg on March 14, 2006
Format: Paperback
My wife and I are both college grads. Our son is now 4˝. My wife works part-time as a librarian, so we have access to just about any book in print. Around the time our son turned 3, we were "bewildered" as to how our sweet little boy could be turning into someone we did not recognize (or even like!). My wife brought home a vast collection of parenting books. She grabbed all of the popular ones (Dobson, Sears, Spock, etc), plus some more obscure or even controversial ones.

This book series ("Friend or Enemy" in particular) is the one that most adequately described our son and the changes he was going thru. We didn't find the theories or material "dated" at all. In fact, their references to the body types ("somatotypes") developed by William Sheldon (in the 1940's, I believe) helped us successfully alter our approach towards dealing with our son's mood swings.

We are so glad we found this book series! We recommend this book series (most often "3-Friend or Enemy" and "4-Wild and Wonderful") to anyone who asks.
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64 of 73 people found the following review helpful By Elizabeth Pantley on January 24, 1999
Format: Paperback
When you know what behaviors are "normal" for your child's age you can relax, stop the worry, and focus on appropriate solutions. This whole series of books accurately defines the ages and stages of children. These books keep your expectations realistic and allow you to avoid anger caused by a lack of understanding of your child's developmental stages.
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51 of 61 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 16, 1999
Format: Paperback
I'm giving this book a mixed review. I thought the developmental information was extremely helpful - it was great to know my son was behaving like a "typical" 3.5-year-old rather than a sociopath in the making. However, the solutions offered by the authors are less than stellar. They basically encourage parents to dump the kid off at the babysitter's or daycare as much as possible until they straighten up. Excuse me? The last chapter, which had supposedly "real" questions from parents, was laughable at best and mildly horrifying at worst. I'd love to see the authors update this book, because it is really outdated.
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