Customer Reviews

Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

Okay, so the books are dated. The books we are currently reading, will be in 20 years also.

The reason these books are still in print is that the BEHAVIOURAL information is GENERALLY on target.

I have found them to be the clearest and most concise behavioral information out there. They are meant to help parents discern when their child's behavior is "within normal limits/range" and when alarm bells should start to ring.

But any parent and many books with tell you the golden rule is: TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! You know your child. Don't ignore the little voice that says something isn't right. This is a HELP book not an ANSWER book.

One person went so far as to say the books have no relation to the behavior she has seen in her 3 year olds, or anyone else's. All I know is that the authors did their best to go about their research scientifically, and I am sure their data was not extracted soley from abused, maladjusted children.

I am not a behavioral scientist, but I've found their results to be GENERALLY accurate. And I too teach children and have a few of my own.

I use many resources and I have not found Geselle Institute's books to be useless.

In spite of much dated material, the heart of it, the BEHAVIORAL information has been VERY useful. That is why I purchased these books.

For child "rearing" I go to my other sources (Playful Parenting, How to Talk so Your Children Will Listen, Siblings Without Rivalry, Parent Effectiveness Training, etc.)

Someone mentioned that children having violent fantasies is abnormal and Giselle says that it is normal. I don't think Geselle meant continual, obsessive, gratuitously violent fantasy's. At least I did not take it this way. Children do express violent thoughts sometimes.

Kids are not tabula rasa as once presumed. They don't have to be exposed to violence to have violent thought. They don't need an abusive parent to hit when someone grabs their toy.

They can hear a curse word once on the street or at school and apply it quite accurately and forcefully even if the parents never curse.

So:
If you want to know what to do when your kid curses or bites their nails, DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK!!!

But if you want to know if you are the reason your child bites their nails or if it is fairly common behavior for their age range DO BUY THIS BOOK!!!

Other reviews have cited a lack of helpful hints in this book. Please know before buying, this is not a "how to" book. You won't find formulas for parenting. What you will find is an excellent study on the behavior and development of your child at any given age. This book is outdated in its look and in some of the scenarios presented. However, the observations and information laid out are timeless. A three year old is a three year - in 1972 or 2022. I see parenting as an adventure and a challenge, where each child is unique. It's my job to tailor the rearing of my child to suit him and these books help me do just that. This series has made me a more informed parent. For instance, in the 2 year old book I read that children at this age have a very hard time sticking to a decision. They want a drink, so you give them a drink. You then hear, "I don't want a drink!". So you take it back. Whereupon your child wails that he wants his drink. This can go on for an exasperating long while. The more informed I am on what's age appropriate behavior, the more I'm able to separate my reactions from the emotional frustration that might otherwise erupt. I can then spend more time thinking rationally about how I can help him through this, rather than becoming angry. I love these books and think that all parents would benefit from reading. As I stated above, these books won't show you HOW to be a better parent, just as reading a book on art history won't show you HOW to be a museum curator. But knowing and understanding art history is a must in order to be a great curator. Same with kids and same with these books.

When you know what behaviors are "normal" for your child's age you can relax, stop the worry, and focus on appropriate solutions. This whole series of books accurately defines the ages and stages of children. These books keep your expectations realistic and allow you to avoid anger caused by a lack of understanding of your child's developmental stages.

I'm giving this book a mixed review. I thought the developmental information was extremely helpful - it was great to know my son was behaving like a "typical" 3.5-year-old rather than a sociopath in the making. However, the solutions offered by the authors are less than stellar. They basically encourage parents to dump the kid off at the babysitter's or daycare as much as possible until they straighten up. Excuse me? The last chapter, which had supposedly "real" questions from parents, was laughable at best and mildly horrifying at worst. I'd love to see the authors update this book, because it is really outdated.

My wife and I are both college grads. Our son is now 4½. My wife works part-time as a librarian, so we have access to just about any book in print. Around the time our son turned 3, we were "bewildered" as to how our sweet little boy could be turning into someone we did not recognize (or even like!). My wife brought home a vast collection of parenting books. She grabbed all of the popular ones (Dobson, Sears, Spock, etc), plus some more obscure or even controversial ones.

This book series ("Friend or Enemy" in particular) is the one that most adequately described our son and the changes he was going thru. We didn't find the theories or material "dated" at all. In fact, their references to the body types ("somatotypes") developed by William Sheldon (in the 1940's, I believe) helped us successfully alter our approach towards dealing with our son's mood swings.

We are so glad we found this book series! We recommend this book series (most often "3-Friend or Enemy" and "4-Wild and Wonderful") to anyone who asks.

I borrowed this book from a friend and really thought it helped me understand where my 3-year-old daughter was coming from. I agree with reviewers who said that it was more of a developmental awareness type of book, rather than a how-to-deal-with-your-kid book. If you want how-to, I recommend How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber. Anyway, I read over some of the negative reviews and felt that though I agree that the book was outdated, I think these people were excessively harsh. The authors do suggest that someone besides mom might have an easier time dealing with a 3 1/2 year old... but I read that as "help should be welcome at this age". They didn't ever suggest outright that you put your kid in all-day daycare and forget them. They suggest picking your battles (things that really mean a lot - like bathing, clothes, hairbrushing) and don't sweat the small stuff - like going back to close a door or making their bed just-so. I got from this book that the defiant age passes, and if you can get help during the tough times do it for your own sanity. My personal update - enlist dad to help. It's true that they treat dads as family police who just enforce rules. Realize that the book is outdated somewhat, but still has pearls of wisdom that do help understand what's happening with your child.

Finally! A book that helped me understand the turmoil my three year old is living with. I instantly became more compassioante and accepting of my little sprite. I hope more parents will read this book to learn about the challenges their growing preschooler faces and will learn compassion, discipline through gentle teaching, how to become life long mentors and support for their children.

I really enjoyed this book. It was recommended to me by two different parents in one week, so I thought it would be worthwhile. Many children's books seem to be written by people who want to go on the lecture circuit, and describe faddish theories; and give parents annoying steps to follow to reach "perfection."

But, this book concretely describes what happens at various stages of 3-year old development. It does not prescribe methodology as much as tout the theory that children's development happens on its own for the large part. Parents can gain understanding into their kids' growth and then decide for themselves what to do about it.

This is not one of those "do X to solve your child's Y problem." It basically just lets you know what is going on with your 3 and 3.5 year old. The researchers observed 1000's of three year olds over several years and this book is the culmination of their research - in an easy to read format, as well. They do offer general advice - take it with a grain of salt because some of it is REALLY outdated. But the insights on what is going on, what to expect, what's "normal", and the list of toys and books appropriate for three year olds is invaluable. AND, at under 150 pages it is a quick read (since most parents of three year olds don't have much time to do so).

I have a VERY active 3-year-old little girl. I've always been troubled by making sure she's operating within the normal parameters of her age. And this book certainly helped put my mind at ease. As many reviewers have said, this is not a book for people seeking parenting "advise" per se, but is excellent at outlining the typical range of behaviors for the age. As must have for the nervous parent