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71 of 77 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars made me feel better
I read this book in one night. I wish I had researched NPD thirty years ago. My whole life would've been better, and I would've understood why mother criticizes my looks (even things I cannot control, like the shape of my lips), ALWAYS sides with my boyfriends and becomes friends with them after we break up (even the mean, abusive one, who she was particularly fond of),...
Published 16 months ago by Christine

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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Dealing with narcissist mothers
The first few chapters were very informative. In my opinion her solutions are aimed at dealing with a rational mother of some kind. My experience with a narcissistic mother is there is no logical conversation that you can have with them. When you try to talk to them about relationship issues they accuse you of having problems. My mother is very smart and at 84 she is...
Published 6 months ago by Fermur Keith


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71 of 77 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars made me feel better, May 22, 2013
This review is from: You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother!: Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (Paperback)
I read this book in one night. I wish I had researched NPD thirty years ago. My whole life would've been better, and I would've understood why mother criticizes my looks (even things I cannot control, like the shape of my lips), ALWAYS sides with my boyfriends and becomes friends with them after we break up (even the mean, abusive one, who she was particularly fond of), bad mouths me to people, had my cat put to sleep one day when I was at school (and later told me she did that because I am so self-centered), gets excited when people have a terminal illness, attends way too many funerals, tries to recruit people to her side, criticizes me in front of people, is constantly having "heart attacks" and "nervous breakdowns" and calling the ambulance to come help her, and even has convinced my father that I'm the bad person who has ruined her life.

Now I understand why my brother left home twenty years ago and cut off all contact with my parents. He tried to convince me several years ago that there's something wrong with them. He picked up on their behavior when we were in high school, but I never understood what he meant. I wish I had the strength to have No Contact with them, like he does. Maybe I will be able to do that one day.

In the meantime, reading this book has actually taken quite a load off my shoulders, and me realize that none of this was even my fault. Her behavior towards me is probably the reason I have such low confidence and depression. I'm going to try some of the Self Help Techniques listed here. I already feel better after reading this book, just knowing that I'm NOT the crazy one, as my mother has tried instilling in my head for years now.
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57 of 64 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A very well written, down to earth book, May 11, 2013
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This review is from: You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother!: Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (Paperback)
I'm a member of Danu's forum, and also aware of the stuff that was said about her, though I came into all this after everything had already been blown over, so I was willing to give this woman, her forum and her book, a try. I've already read a few books in regards to Narcissistic mothers, and I have to be honest, Danu's book resonated with me the most. I have read "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyl McBride, which I found great and also read "Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in their Struggle for Self by Elan Golomb, which was also great. Neither really gave me the peace I needed, though I did gain a lot of information from them.

Danu makes no claims to being a psychologist, and to be honest, I have found that sometimes the authors who are psychologists can get bogged down in technical terms and be too much of a therapist in their books, rather than getting down to the nitty gritty, and that is what Danu's book does.

Danu is a daughter of a Narcissistic mother and the book reads like you are sitting down with her, cup of coffee in hand and listening to someone tell it like it is. I just found the writing style was very down to earth and conversational almost. Danu wants the reader to understand what they are going through and how to cope with it. Because Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental disease, does that mean only psychologists can talk about it? If I'm overweight and lose weight, can I not share my story, even though I'm not a dietician or doctor?

I like the writing style, it's refreshing and personal. You have those 'aha' moments where you know someone else is out there that has been through this, understands it, and is willing to share the tools they had to make your life better too.

I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking answers regarding their Narcissistic mothers and wanting the tools to make their life better.
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27 of 30 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Validating! A MUST Read!, June 20, 2013
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This review is from: You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother!: Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (Paperback)
I read this book in 1 sitting. I had always known I was damaged by my NM, but never realized all of the ways I had been damaged until I saw them listed in this book. They all resonated with me. I remember telling my husband, "I can't quite decide if I'm an overachiever or an underachiever" and he thought I was joking. In my mind, I don't know. But, it turns out, I'm an overachiever, who has no confidence. I really saw myself. It was shocking! At the same time, it was validating to know that I have overcome a LOT of the issues my NM has put on me. And it's also good to know that I can't do anything to change her. Because, I've tried. Finally, at the age of 50 years old, after trying for YEARS to get my NM to do activities with me, and coming up with unique activities and having her dismiss them ALL, I finally had an epiphany, which was: she doesn't want to. Just those 4 little words freed me. So, I say to you, all DONM's, read this book and become free. Free of guilt, free of hope that she will ever change. As an added bonus, this book tells you what not to do! I could have used this book a long time ago. If only!

I found this book as I came across the author's forum. I read every definition, etc. I didn't spend any time in the forums, and I would like to say, whatever the issues going on there, don't be swayed in one direction or the other. Buy this book and see for yourself.

I wasn't keen on EFT before I read the book, but now I feel I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by trying it.
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Dealing with narcissist mothers, February 25, 2014
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This review is from: You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother!: Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (Paperback)
The first few chapters were very informative. In my opinion her solutions are aimed at dealing with a rational mother of some kind. My experience with a narcissistic mother is there is no logical conversation that you can have with them. When you try to talk to them about relationship issues they accuse you of having problems. My mother is very smart and at 84 she is never wrong and always the victim. I gave this book to my sister when I finished it and she drew the same conclusion.
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14 of 15 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A do-it-yourself guide by a layperson, July 30, 2013
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This review is from: You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother!: Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (Paperback)
As background, I have read a lot of books about narcissists and sociopaths, to try to understand how they think. This book pretty much skips over any insight into that. Instead, it's a mixture of the author's sharing her personal journey, with generalizations presumably based on experience from the Internet message board she operates. (The Amazon reviews say the author throws people off her message board when they learn to think for themselves, that behavior makes me nervous.) The book itself is great as an immediate response to, "Help, my mother is driving me crazy, what do I do?" The author boils down your options in a very practical way, then sort of commiserates with how living through this has injured you ("warped your view of normality" is what she is getting at). So, the book is helpful for that, although it omits one of the most powerful techniques: re-framing a situation, so that YOU think about it differently. A lot of the hurt feelings in dealing with a narcissist arise from one's own expectations and hopes being unmet - well, those expectations and hopes were unrealistic for a narcissist, so just re-frame as your own mistake in thinking you were interacting with a fully functional human adult - you weren't as narc/socios have defective emotional intelligence. I was disappointed in that the book provides scant understanding into WHY the narcissistic mother is the way she is, other than to say she is really still a child herself and will not grow. If you want an example of a narcissist/sociopath in action, read LADY SUSAN by Jane Austen. Narcissists and sociopaths (1 in 25 people, according to Martha Stout's wonderful THE SOCIOPATH NEXT DOOR, that should be of interest to everyone!) never actually "recover" or "grow" into normal neurotic-type people, although they can learn to inflict damage less carelessly if they have a reason to want to be more careful. The strategy for the rest of us is really just to identify the narcissists and sociopaths (clues: they say one thing yet do another ("cognitive dissonance"), they lie - sometimes just for the pleasure of lying, they are not supportive of others except in the initial grooming phase), and then protect ourselves by running away or asserting rock-solid boundaries (always always ensure you are getting what you want, because that's what they're doing, and you will be roadkill if you don't play by their rules). On the bright side, the book seems to have been carefully edited so that what was once the author's insufferably bossy advice (maybe it worked for her, but that doesn't mean she should force her choices onto all of us) has been toned down into "here is what I did, and you can do as you wish". In short, this book will do no harm, and it may do a lot of good, so even if you get only one helpful tidbit, it's worth buying and reading the book.
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28 of 33 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Loved it, April 26, 2013
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This review is from: You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother!: Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (Paperback)
I have been suffering with my mother verbal abuse for 50 years. This book helped me resolve and I finally realized she doesn't love me.
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26 of 33 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Most Honest Book about Narcissistic Mother, January 5, 2013
This review is from: You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother!: Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (Paperback)
This is a frank and honest book about what narcisstic mothers are REALLY like. Other books available on this subject give such mothers the benefit of the doubt and are too mild. I keep this book by my bed to ensure I not longer fall for any of her tricks.
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Poignant, painful and freeing., November 26, 2013
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This review is from: You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother!: Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (Paperback)
This book has changed my life. I was finally given the keys to unlocking the greatest mystery of my life - understanding why I never felt loved by my mother. I spent 60 years thinking something was wrong with me that made me unlovable. I would have never identified her as a narcissist, but it all fits. Danu Morrigan must have been a fly on the wall in my childhood home. I felt validated for the first time in my life. The subtle emotional abuse inflicted by a narcissist really does murder your soul, little by little. If you wrestle with low self esteem despite all your accomplishments, read this book. The truth has set me free and I have finally found peace. I will be eternally grateful.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Eye opening, life changing, cathartic, April 1, 2014
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This review is from: You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother!: Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (Paperback)
For anyone who's suffering from having been raised by someone with NPD, this book is the one that finally gives the "Aha" that's needed to start healing and moving on. For me, there have been other books that have described what NPD is, but Danu Morrigan, having lived it herself, gives us what it feels like, what it does to our minds and emotions and what to do about it (a first, for sure). I felt like she reached into me and spilled my life out on the pages, which is exactly what I needed to see the truth. This is a must read if you really want to dig deep and finally heal.
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14 of 19 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Simply: Life changing, February 5, 2013
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This review is from: You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother!: Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (Paperback)
This insightful book answered questions I've always had about my Mother, the whole family dynamic...and my seemingly assigned roles of scapegoat/doormat. While reading, I experienced a breakthrough gaining deeper knowledge into the mind=body connection and to the severity of the abuse I was forced to tolerate. I shared the breakthrough with my Clinical Therapist who in turn helped to make the breakthrough into a life changing moment. I highly recommend this book to all who have a Narcissistic Mother and don't know where to start to make sense of it all. The author never leaves your side as you begin to learn, understand, deal with and heal from the toxic effects of having been raised by a Narcissist . The author left me feeling validated and empowered. I hope the same for all who read this book.
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You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother!: Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
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