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You're Only Old Once!: A Book for Obsolete Children (Classic Seuss) [Hardcover]

Dr. Seuss
4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (110 customer reviews)

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Book Description

February 12, 1986 Classic Seuss
If laughter is the best medicine, then You’re Only Old Once! is a delightful new defense against aging. Anyone who has ever submitted to a battery of medical tests will empathize with Dr. Seuss’s Everyman as we follow him through his checkup with the experts at the Golden Years Clinic. From the initial Eyesight and Solvency Test through all the stops along Stethoscope Row to finally being “properly pilled” and “properly billed,” Dr. Seuss lightens the aches and pains of growing old with his inimitable wit and wisdom. A perfect gift for anyone over 50!

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You're Only Old Once!: A Book for Obsolete Children (Classic Seuss) + Oh, the Places You'll Go!
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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Subtitled A Book for Obsolete Children, this unusual item in the Seuss canon doesn't really belong among the children's books. Written to celebrate the nonsense master's 82nd birthday, it follows "you" (an elderly gent in a suit and white moustache) through a physical check-up in some fiendish geriatric clinic. You are measured, prodded, and subjected to all the medical indignities familiar and unfamiliar to the elderly. "You must see Dr. Pollen, our Allergy Whiz, who knows every sniffle and itch that there is... He will check your reactions to thumbtacks and glue, catcher's mitts, leaf mould, and cardigans too. Nasturtiums and marble cake, white and blue chalks, anthracite coal and the feathers of hawks." It's clear that the process is going to be long, but much shorter than the bill. The blurb on the back says it all: "Is this a children's book? Well... not immediately. You buy a copy for your child now and you give it to him on his 70th birthday." Actually, it would make an amusing gift for anyone over 40. --Richard Farr

From the Inside Flap

Dr. Seuss lightens the aches and pains of growing old with his inimitable wit and wisdom. In this new defense against aging, we follow our hapless hero through his checkup with the experts at the Golden Years Clinic.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 48 pages
  • Publisher: Random House; 1st edition (February 12, 1986)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0394551907
  • ISBN-13: 978-0394551906
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 0.4 x 11.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (110 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,029 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

"A person's a person, no matter how small," Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, would say. "Children want the same things we want. To laugh, to be challenged, to be entertained and delighted."

Brilliant, playful, and always respectful of children, Dr. Seuss charmed his way into the consciousness of four generations of youngsters and parents. In the process, he helped millions of kids learn to read.

Dr. Seuss was born Theodor Geisel in Springfield, Massachusetts, on March 2, 1904. After graduating from Dartmouth College in 1925, he went to Oxford University, intending to acquire a doctorate in literature. At Oxford, Geisel met Helen Palmer, whom he wed in 1927. Upon his return to America later that year, Geisel published cartoons and humorous articles for Judge, the leading humor magazine in America at that time. His cartoons also appeared in major magazines such as Life, Vanity Fair, and Liberty. Geisel gained national exposure when he won an advertising contract for an insecticide called Flit. He coined the phrase, "Quick, Henry, the Flit!" which became a popular expression.

Geisel published his first children's book, And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street, in 1937, after 27 publishers rejected it.

Winner of the Pulitzer Prize in 1984, an Academy Award, three Emmy Awards, three Grammy Awards, and three Caldecott Honors, Geisel wrote and illustrated 44 books. While Theodor Geisel died on September 24, 1991, Dr. Seuss lives on, inspiring generations of children of all ages to explore the joys of reading.

Amazon Author Rankbeta 

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#68 Overall (See top 100 authors)
#63 in Books
#63 in Books

Customer Reviews

I loved reading Dr. Seuss to my kids. bsfergen  |  11 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
85 of 87 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
I sometimes think that retirement is when you stop going to work full time so that you can go to doctors full time. Dr. Seuss seems to agree with that observation in this witty, beautifully illustrated book.

The book starts off like most Dr. Seuss books, beckoning you towards a far distant, wonderful land. In this case, the land is Fotta-fa-Zee where there's "no smelly bad traffic," you feel fine at 103, and your teeth and hair are kept strong by chewing nuts from the Tutt-a-Tutt Tree.

Then reality sets in. You've just been reading National Geographic about Fotta-fa-Zee while sitting in the Golden Years Clinic waiting for the physical that no one should ever have. The high point of this whole experience is talking with the fish in the aquarium as you wait, and wait, and wait for the next part of the exam. Naturally, no one will tell you anything about what they have learned from the tests. You have to see more doctors first, and take more tests.

One of my favorite parts is the eye exam near the beginning, where you get both a "eyesight and solvency test." You have to be able to see and pay for the exam to pass.

Pretty soon all of your clothes have been replaced with a gown, and you cannot easily escape even though that seems like the right thing to do. Each test seems worse than the last. The stress test adds stress as well as measuring it. You smell foods, and any that smell good are taken off your diet.

At some point, you make such an impression with your test results that they wheel you around in a wheelchair.

Pretty soon you've got so many prescriptions it takes two pages of poetry to cover all of the directions....

Before you can escape you have to fill out more forms so that the bills will be paid by your estate if you don't survive.

Dr. Seuss concludes with "you're in pretty good shape for the shape you are in." That's the most we can hope for from America's answer to afternoon tea for the Medicare set.

Having been through such check-ups myself and having a father whose retirement consists of keeping doctors in business at 84 (he calls it 21 for the 4th time), I can definitely appreciate the humor here. Hopefully, you will too.

I just wish we had stayed in Fotta-fa-Zee rather than the Doctor's office.

The satirical concept is great, but the poetry, whimsy, and illustrations make it all even better. It should cheer up anyone who spends a lot of time visiting doctors.

Banish your misconception stalls about aging and medical care with humor!

Read more ›

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19 of 19 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars So entertaining for our "older" friends January 11, 1999
Format:Hardcover
I read this book while waiting for my husband at a Cardiologist's office. I work for a senior center, and my husband & I AREN'T getting younger. I love the way it recognizes some of the worries of elders & entertains. My copy will go to our senior center's library.
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30 of 33 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Seuss for Adults May 10, 2000
Format:Hardcover
Yes, this really is a book for adults. It has page after page of insights about the clinic "Beckoner," and the waiting room fish, and your gratitude that you're, " . . . not quite as deaf as a post." For most of us, it has been far too long (since childhood?) since anyone read to us just to read to us, rather than pass along information. So for something very special, if you are over 50 or so, read YOU'RE ONLY OLD ONCE to your Significant Other. You'll probably end up hugging each other while you chuckle.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars You're Only Old Once February 25, 2002
By A Customer
Format:Hardcover
I purchased this book for one of my best friends who was turning 40. I showed his wife the book, who decided the theme of the party should be "You're Only Old Once". She even scanned the cover of the book and a few of the pages to make the invitations.

We left the book out so that the guests could sign it if they wished to next to many of the funny pictures.

The book was a big hit! Even with my friend who turned 40.

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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Hardcover
Call me crazy, but I love the Seuss-meister. His
work is so often overlooked in the world of satire, and too often plunked into the children's book catagories.
This book was not written for kids! How quaint; how rare! He's written for gram and even gramp-air! "Only Old Once" addresses adult fears of doctors in the unique Seuss way, without being distinctly childish. He mocks the testing methods and treatments that many of us don't even want to think about.
Another Seuss gem in a similar vein, is "Daisey-Head Mayzie", who also endures the poking and prodding of modern medicine, all because she was different.
If you haven't read Seuss since your youngest child entered middle school, shame on you; consider yourself properly rebuked, and go get a few Cat in the Hat logoed volumes. Then curl up with a plate of green eggs and ham and let yourself go!
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book June 21, 2001
Format:Hardcover
Purchased this for my 90 year old grandfather at Christmas. It was just perfect! It contained all the little cliches and complaints he always has himself. You couldn't ask for a more real yet funny book. Great gift for grandparents or anyone. Really an ageless laugh!
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Fun and zany and all adult November 1, 1998
By A Customer
Format:Hardcover
A delightful and delightfully written book. But take care - this is not a book to read to your children; it is completely an ADULT book.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Seussisms July 30, 2007
By Bob
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
This is a great gift for all your friends turning 50!
Lets them know exactly what to expect in the coming years.
No one could say it better than Dr. Suess.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars As described
This book was purchased as a replacement for one my daughter had spilled something on. Item was just as described and arrived in a timely manner.
Published 1 day ago by B. Frederick
4.0 out of 5 stars Birthday gift
A joke birthday gift - not totally up to the old Seuss, but fun nevertheless! The younger generation appreciates it, also.
Published 8 days ago by Marce
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book for anyone feeling their age!
I loved reading Dr. Seuss to my kids. Even children's book have a message for adults. However, "You're Only Old Once! Read more
Published 8 days ago by bsfergen
4.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious!
Bought on of these for a friend, and we're talking about getting many more of them for gifts! (Seems most of our friends are 'older', for some reason... Read more
Published 11 days ago by Dave Harnish
4.0 out of 5 stars 60th Birthday Present
Purchased this as a "gag" gift for Dad's 60th. Not sure he will ever acutally read it as it is quite wordy, but it was entertaining for everyone to see. Read more
Published 13 days ago by Sweet Dee
5.0 out of 5 stars Great 70's gift
Purchased this book to give to my hubby on his 70th birthday. It is hilarious--it tells about a visit to the Golder Years Clinic. Read more
Published 16 days ago by Frances E Loyd
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book
I love Dr. Seuss books and this is another great one. I purchased this for my mother for her birthday and we all got a good laugh reading it. Read more
Published 27 days ago by R. Gibby
5.0 out of 5 stars Great gift idea
Know someone retiring from the working world? This is an excellent choice for a gift! Of course, anymore, who REALLY retires?
Published 28 days ago by weatherflute
5.0 out of 5 stars Yep, Yep.
Thank you. I enjoy reading and having this book in my collection. It was received in excellent condition. Thank you very much.
Published 1 month ago by nutmeg3
5.0 out of 5 stars My 40 yr B-day gift
I get this for every brother/cousin/aunt that hits forty. It's always a big hit. Seuss is the master after all!
Published 1 month ago by Jen
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