You're Not Very Important [Paperback]

Douglas W. Texter (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 15, 2005

Douglas Texter takes his readers on a whirlwind tour of the practice of self-betterment through the ages in this biting parody of self-help literature. He carefully explores the Big 12 myths of self-improvement, and at the same time, delivers a devastating, sardonic social and political commentary: The Myth of Planning shows you how sales-rep Tiffany Johnson secures the 2000-student adoption of the outrageously expensive textbook To Market, To Market by using the techniques she learned in Ninety Seven Habits of Really Rapacious People. In The Myth of Education, you'll attend gym class with Winston Nebbish and learn how our education system creates and unleashes over-achievers who do incredible damage. You'll also discover the secrets behind dodge ball and the fine art of giving a wedgie. The Myth of Work takes you behind the scenes at Ishmael's Caffeine Machine, America's hottest new high-end coffee retailer. Peeking out from behind the flaps of the sweat lodge that CEO Martha Little Sympathy has built, you'll witness the birth of the Moby Dick product line. You'll accompany marketing guru Lisa Jones to a focus-group meeting and the strangest worker-empowerment session you'll ever see. In The Myth of Mythology, you'll bear witness to the way in which belief in God enables medieval pickpocket Raoul, who faces a choice between a hanging and a holy war, to find the courage to lead fifteen thousand mercenaries on the First Crusade. Our world has never been the same. The Myth of Self-Actualization takes you to a meeting of "The Formula," where, along with former pot head Michael Ginley, you'll learn how to GET IT, how to BE IT, and, most important of all, how to PAY FOR IT. The Myth of Creativity gives you an advance screening of Saving Private Ryan's Credit Rating, the MFA project of Frederick P. Zalston. You'll accompany the members of the 241st Extraction Brigade as they fight their way through a barrage of product placements to deliver an overdue American Express bill. In The Myth of Self-Denial, you'll see how your favorite vampire finds the courage to take a bite out of life (and everybody else). Young Vlad the Caresser discovers that knowing how to make a good quiche doesn't cut the mustard when you're trying to protect your homeland. This is the Dracula story that Bram Stoker didn't have the stomach to tell. The Myth of Diversity lets you view the results of CEO J. B. Downing's decision to create a truly diverse workplace. Wanting to melt down human resources into ingots of profit, Downing tells HR manager Bob De Lucca to "bring me Wobblies and bring me Wookies. Bring me all of this and more." J. B.'s Worktopia initiative is diversity unlike anything you've ever seen. In The Myth of Philosophy, you'll sit one cubicle over from intern Carrie Hoofsnagle as she helps the Right Thinking Institute to engage in some of the most convoluted cognition that you're likely ever to witness. You'll discover what happens when RTI applies flawless reasoning and free alcohol to the problem of getting architect and Civil War re-enactor Joseph Legucci to build the Mall of Northern Aggression. The Myth of Social Activism shows you how Judge Jack Lovell embroils young dirt farmer Walter Smith in the War to End all Wars. Speeding off with Walter to Camp Xenophobia, you'll see how the Great War made the world safe for the American way of life and the not-very-flattering house dresses worn by J. Edgar Hoover. The Myth of Vision returns to the dawn of time so that you can see the very first "Aha!" moment. You'll be standing by the flip chart when the planet's original idea man, Oog, partners up with his cave mate of indeterminate gender, Boog, to start a mastodon-extermination company. And, finally, The Myth of Sisyphus ties together everything you've learned and sends you back to your room, exactly the place where you can do the least harm.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Do your part to save to save the world. Buy this book, then immediately quit your job. -- Nick Mamatas, author of Northern Gothic and 3000 MPH In Every Direction At Once

Texter may not be very important, but he's very, very funny. This wickedly delicious book skewers all we hold dear. -- Robert Darden, Senior Editor,

From the Publisher

Liaison Press (an imprint of CGP) is pleased to present its contribution to the self-help world. Almost-Dr. Douglas Texter takes his readers on a whirlwind tour of the practice of self-betterment throughout the ages in this biting parody of self-help literature. He carefully explores the Big 12 myths of self-improvement, and at the same time, delivers a devastating, sardonic social and political commentary.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Creative Guy Publishing (May 15, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1894953207
• ISBN-13: 978-1894953207
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,249,133 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4.0 out of 5 stars You're Not Very Important, October 13, 2011

By 

BigAl (With Carmen Sandiego) - See all my reviews
(TOP 500 REVIEWER)   

This review is from: You're Not Very Important (Paperback)

"You're Not Very Important" skewers self-help books and many of the people and organizations that purport to help make you a better, happier person. Most chapters are organized with an explanation of a particular quality encouraged by many self-improvement gurus with some stories demonstrating why this quality is bad. This is followed by a table of examples where a well known person has done as suggested and the negative consequences. The chapter ends with a list of specific items for you not to do to avoid the negative repercussions.

For example, many self-help books advise making a plan. Texter tells a story of a textbook salesperson who wanted to convince a community college to choose the book represented by her company. She makes a plan that starts with lying about how good her company's book is and ends with cutting the brake cable on the competing sales representative's car. Good plan. Needless to say, the ending wasn't pretty. There is then a table with examples of "to-do" lists and their consequences. One sample list from a date in 1492 for Christopher Columbus includes saying hi to the nice short guy on the beach, which resulted in Native Americans being exposed to European diseases and twenty million deaths, and offering a ride on a boat to another short guy which started the slave trade in North America.

I found "You're Not Important" to be quite funny. Most of the jokes, references, and absurd logic leading to the conclusion that a particular self-help technique was bad had the desired effect of getting a laugh or tickling my funny bone. Some of the references might be obscure for all but the older reader (40-50 and up), but I don't think there are enough of these to ruin the book for anyone since no one will understand every reference. (An example that might be obscure for younger readers is a reference to George Wallace, not the comedian, but the right-wing politician who was the Governor of Alabama and onetime candidate for President of the United States.) If you'd like a book to lighten things up and serve as an antidote for a fast track life, this is what you're looking for.

**Originally written for "Books and Pals" book blog. May have received a free review copy. **

4.0 out of 5 stars How To Lower Your Self-Esteem and Be Happier!, November 13, 2009

By 

Regis Schilken "Rege" (Bethel Park, Pennsylvania) - See all my reviews

This review is from: You're Not Very Important (Paperback)

You're Not Very Important explodes the myth that if people raise their level of self-esteem, the world will somehow be better off. It claims that ideals and "dreams aren't worth getting out of bed for." Why such tongue-in-cheek negativity? Texter feels that raising your own self-esteem can only lead to the downfall or ruination of others leaving the world more screwed up than it already is. In You're Not Very Important, he suggests viable ways to minimize self-esteem and improve today's troubled world.

Good planning should be avoided, particularly if you're one of those methodic, task-oriented persons who must write down your plans. Unwritten plans are more easily forgotten. For the same reason, Daytimers, To-Do lists, and calendars should be trashed immediately. Not completing tasks is a surefire way to leave well-enough alone while not screwing up things for others.

Avoid education at all costs. An unenlightened society will be unable to produce most, if not all of the ideas which led to so-called improvements that caused the world's problems in the first place -- cancer being an example. In an uneducated society, there would be little cancer because heavy industry, which produces cancer-causing agents, would dry up.

If you cannot live off your parents and must work to support yourself, rather than wasting your life by working hard, carefully plan a work-related accident. It will provide monetary compensation for the rest of your life and provide employment for another person.
Shuck everything that hints of God or religion, says You're Not Very Important. Self-esteem built on religion is a powder keg. A simple glance at past history, regardless of its holy books, music, and beliefs, reveals the hypnotic horrors of an inspirational belief system.

Texter would recommend avoiding everyone who might con you into an organized belief system. This includes writers who author self-help manuals to raise esteem when it is obvious the world is screwed up as is. There is no reason for you to make it worse.

Indulging your creative imagination and developing your talents could be considered downright tyranny over others because they'll feel compelled to copy or out-perform you. "People learn by imitation," says Texter, so by all means don't inspire them. Avoid books, movies, and anything motivational lest you become monkey-like and copy their tripe.

You're Not Very Important insists that you should spend whatever money you have. Don't bother saving it. The more you and everyone else spend, the quicker the economy will implode. Texter estimates it will take about twenty minutes. After all, saving money "is a way to get yourself out of the situation you're in." There is no reason to deny yourself anything because when the economy collapses, everyone will be in the same low-esteem situation.

If certain diverse people, their ideas, and their life styles bother or inconvenience you avoid these obnoxious folks. When traveling, stick with package tours because they filter out these undesirables for you. Why witness poverty and distended bellies when you can stay in grand hotel suites or even penthouses? At home, move to a gated community where rubbing elbows with the poor is kept to a bare minimum. Furthermore, stay clear of volunteerism.
People are asked to volunteer because the organizations that work with the destitute are so poor themselves they cannot afford to pay you. Low self-esteem will keep you unmotivated.

Monumental problems can occur when people begin reading, writing, and speaking. These three avenues of communication need to be shackled, lest you learn about someone else's failed philosophy and unwittingly write about it, or even converse about it, adding your own hare-brained ideas to trip up possible followers. What you read, write or talk about, unless it is the weather, isn't worth the effort because it might cause damaging ideas and wild-eyed schemes.

There is no sense discoursing about innovation. You don't need a "new sense of vision" if previous innovation has failed. General ignorance in most cases is desirable. It is dangerous to read about the ills in foreign countries where people are being victimized and brutalized, because of the hypnotic desire to help. If you don't learn about such places, your life will remain unfocused, bland, and unsuspicious. After all, what better way to live than to block out the problems of others and revel in your own joy and self-complacency?

You're Not Very Important pokes fun at everything most people hold sacred. It provides a nonsense look into modern life and its problems yet suggests equally comical ways for dealing with them. I would highly recommend the book to a reader as a comical satire on our political, economic, religious, scientific, and educational systems today.

For my own enjoyment, I read each chapter, then deliberately waited a while, sometimes another day, before reading the next chapter. This kept the comedy of the book from becoming slapstick and tedious. I would recommend that readers do the same so they can reduce their own self-esteem and become like tiny ants, oblivious to the rest of the world.

Review written by Regis Schilken
Author of:
Tears of Deceit

Interesting material:
Healing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame
Creating Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence DVD
Mind Mastery For Self Esteem (DVD & CD)