You're On Your Own (But I'm Here if You Need Me) : Mentoring Your Child During the College Years [Paperback]

Marjorie Savage (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 8, 2003 | Series: Fireside Books (Fireside)

Realistic and practical advice for parents of college-age kids

Parents whose kids are away at college have a tough tightrope to walk: they naturally want to stay connected to their children, yet they also need to let go. What's more, kids often send mixed messages: they crave space, but they rely on their parents' advice and assistance. Not surprisingly, it's hard to know when it's appropriate to get involved in your child's life and when it's better to back off.

You're On Your Own (But I'm Here If You Need Me) helps parents identify the boundaries between necessary involvement and respect for their child's independence. Marjorie Savage, who as a parent herself empathizes with moms and dads, but who as a student services professional understands kids, offers advice on wide-ranging issues, including:

• How to cope with your family's mood changes in the months before move-in day on campus

• Why students complain about the food but still manage to gain fifteen pounds their first year

• How to teach basic financial responsibility, including the handling of credit cards and academic expenses

• When parental intervention is critical

With anecdotes and suggestions from experienced parents and college staffs nationwide, the strategies and tips provided throughout will help you to create a loving, supportive partnership responsive to the needs of both you and your children.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Savage, who has worked with parents and students at the University of Minnesota for a decade (she's now the director of its parent-liaison program), addresses the sometimes tough issues facing parents and their college-age kids, as the latter seek independence (but still rely on counsel from Mom and Dad) and the former try to figure out just how involved they should be in Jr.'s undergraduate experience. In 12 chapters that span the summer before college, the culture shock of school (and the corresponding empty-nest shake-up for parents), the freshman 15, course loads, extracurricular activities, risky or defiant behaviors and life beyond the BA, Savage gives parents clear and seasoned advice-and offers tips for students as well. Illustrating her points through anecdotes, charts and bullet-pointed lists, she crafts a readable, if sometimes very commonsensical, guide to establishing the right level of parental involvement. For nervous parents, this should be a reassuring and helpful book.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist

Based on 10 years of experience working as a liaison between parents and the University of Minnesota, Savage offers sound advice on how parents can balance their continued involvement and their college student's need for independence. She notes that technology has helped to maintain contact between parents and students, but what hasn't changed are issues of how much autonomy to grant, when to let go, and when and how to help as the parent-child relationship is redefined. Savage offers strategies for everything from dealing with complaints about the food, to resisting the temptation to decorate the dorm room, to monitoring students' health, and teaching them to take responsibility for their finances. Savage includes anecdotes and advice from parents and university staff members on how to equip students on their journey toward their degrees and how to measure the campus social scene against the family's values. Parents with children in college or headed to college will appreciate Savage's support and advice. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 259 pages
• Publisher: Fireside (July 8, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0743229126
• ISBN-13: 978-0743229128
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.4 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #830,217 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

40 of 40 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Must Read For Moms and Dads of HS Grads, May 24, 2005

By 

Dawn Houghton "hohohoughton" (Wisconsin) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: You're On Your Own (But I'm Here if You Need Me) : Mentoring Your Child During the College Years (Paperback)

This is a great book for parents of high school seniors to help prepare for eventual empty nesting. Sending your kid to college is like potty training, you know you have to do it, but you aren't so sure if you'll live through it. But of course they do learn to use the toilet and they move away to college as well (hopefully in that order)!

Marjorie is very thorough in explaining what to expect every step of the way. It prepares you for orientation, moving, visits home, etc., so you can do your best to help you and your "child" navigate the college maze. She covers all angles, so if junior will be commuting or moving to the other side of the country, you'll get guidance.

I now have two daughters at University of Minnesota where Marjorie heads the University of Minnesota parent office and does a super job. My friends have kids at other universities and they are amazed at how in touch I am with the happenings on campus because of the weekly update U-MN parents get. It's so much easier to have a conversation with your kid if you are enlightened. She makes sure we know what they need to do when (like registering or paying bills) so we don't have to nag the kid. At U-MN we are lucky to have her, now everyone can benefit from her insight and wisdom.

42 of 43 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Even Better than Parent Orientation, March 6, 2004

By 

Alice Everson (Burlington, VT) - See all my reviews

This review is from: You're On Your Own (But I'm Here if You Need Me) : Mentoring Your Child During the College Years (Paperback)

I got more out of the first chapter of this book than I did from two days of Parent Orientation at my son's college! The author obviously empathizes with college students as well as with their parents. Kids who are starting college can do some pretty bizarre things that parents can't always understand. This book explains things from the parents' point of view as well as the students'. It just makes sense. And it gives me a lot of hope.

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Much more than I ever expected....., March 8, 2008

By 

Thea (United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: You're On Your Own (But I'm Here if You Need Me) : Mentoring Your Child During the College Years (Paperback)

If you buy only one book to help prepare for your child going off to college, this is it. The book starts out with the changes to expect the summer before college and how to prepare. It then goes on, chapter by chapter, following the process of adjusting to new life roles, parenting from a distance, how to offer support academically, socially, financially, and emotionally each step of the way. It even has a few chapters on post-college adjustment. In the back of the book is a handy four-year calendar detailing the main issues to be addressed, and, oh yes, at the end of each chapter are helpful tips for the student. As a result of this book I have now prepared a plastic file box with carrying handle for each of my graduating children. I put seven hanging file folders inside and labeled them: academic, financial, housing, auto, health, and computer so they have a place to store important information and can quickly retrieve it when needed. The seventh folder has "quick tips" which I gleaned form the end of each chapter and which I think will come in handy for my kids.