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You're On Your Own (But I'm Here if You Need Me) : Mentoring Your Child During the College Years (Fireside Books (Fireside)) Paperback – Bargain Price, July 8, 2003

26 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Savage, who has worked with parents and students at the University of Minnesota for a decade (she's now the director of its parent-liaison program), addresses the sometimes tough issues facing parents and their college-age kids, as the latter seek independence (but still rely on counsel from Mom and Dad) and the former try to figure out just how involved they should be in Jr.'s undergraduate experience. In 12 chapters that span the summer before college, the culture shock of school (and the corresponding empty-nest shake-up for parents), the freshman 15, course loads, extracurricular activities, risky or defiant behaviors and life beyond the BA, Savage gives parents clear and seasoned advice-and offers tips for students as well. Illustrating her points through anecdotes, charts and bullet-pointed lists, she crafts a readable, if sometimes very commonsensical, guide to establishing the right level of parental involvement. For nervous parents, this should be a reassuring and helpful book.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Booklist

Based on 10 years of experience working as a liaison between parents and the University of Minnesota, Savage offers sound advice on how parents can balance their continued involvement and their college student's need for independence. She notes that technology has helped to maintain contact between parents and students, but what hasn't changed are issues of how much autonomy to grant, when to let go, and when and how to help as the parent-child relationship is redefined. Savage offers strategies for everything from dealing with complaints about the food, to resisting the temptation to decorate the dorm room, to monitoring students' health, and teaching them to take responsibility for their finances. Savage includes anecdotes and advice from parents and university staff members on how to equip students on their journey toward their degrees and how to measure the campus social scene against the family's values. Parents with children in college or headed to college will appreciate Savage's support and advice. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

  • Series: Fireside Books (Fireside)
  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Fireside (July 8, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0743229126
  • ASIN: B0002OUQOO
  • Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,810,509 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

48 of 49 people found the following review helpful By Alice Everson on March 6, 2004
Format: Paperback
I got more out of the first chapter of this book than I did from two days of Parent Orientation at my son's college! The author obviously empathizes with college students as well as with their parents. Kids who are starting college can do some pretty bizarre things that parents can't always understand. This book explains things from the parents' point of view as well as the students'. It just makes sense. And it gives me a lot of hope.
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45 of 47 people found the following review helpful By Dawn Houghton on May 24, 2005
Format: Paperback
This is a great book for parents of high school seniors to help prepare for eventual empty nesting. Sending your kid to college is like potty training, you know you have to do it, but you aren't so sure if you'll live through it. But of course they do learn to use the toilet and they move away to college as well (hopefully in that order)!

Marjorie is very thorough in explaining what to expect every step of the way. It prepares you for orientation, moving, visits home, etc., so you can do your best to help you and your "child" navigate the college maze. She covers all angles, so if junior will be commuting or moving to the other side of the country, you'll get guidance.

I now have two daughters at University of Minnesota where Marjorie heads the University of Minnesota parent office and does a super job. My friends have kids at other universities and they are amazed at how in touch I am with the happenings on campus because of the weekly update U-MN parents get. It's so much easier to have a conversation with your kid if you are enlightened. She makes sure we know what they need to do when (like registering or paying bills) so we don't have to nag the kid. At U-MN we are lucky to have her, now everyone can benefit from her insight and wisdom.
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28 of 29 people found the following review helpful By Thea on March 8, 2008
Format: Paperback
If you buy only one book to help prepare for your child going off to college, this is it. The book starts out with the changes to expect the summer before college and how to prepare. It then goes on, chapter by chapter, following the process of adjusting to new life roles, parenting from a distance, how to offer support academically, socially, financially, and emotionally each step of the way. It even has a few chapters on post-college adjustment. In the back of the book is a handy four-year calendar detailing the main issues to be addressed, and, oh yes, at the end of each chapter are helpful tips for the student. As a result of this book I have now prepared a plastic file box with carrying handle for each of my graduating children. I put seven hanging file folders inside and labeled them: academic, financial, housing, auto, health, and computer so they have a place to store important information and can quickly retrieve it when needed. The seventh folder has "quick tips" which I gleaned form the end of each chapter and which I think will come in handy for my kids.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful By Mrs. M on October 21, 2009
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I heard about this book through the university my daughter was planning to attend. I got the book and I was really pleased with how helpful it was. I found out that I was as ready to send my daughter away to college as I was to become a mom when she first was born. How can people know what to do when these major life changes occur? Well, this book helped me. It covered so much information. The author explains what things parents should do to help their child be prepared for college and what things they should have their child do on their own. In addition, there are so many explanations about why college students behave the way they do (or will behave in the future). The explanations of your child's behavior helps the parent deal with issues that come up and I appreciated knowing that I shouldn't make all of my child's college adjustment issues, my issues. I also liked that the book looked at the different behaviors that could be expected throughout all four years of college. In addition, the book provides a good overview on how to prepare your child for their first home away from home. There are suggestions on how to prepare your child to manage their own finances, how to talk about using some self-control when they're on their own, how to work up to college standards, and last minute advice for taking care of yourself. I've already bought two books for friends of mine and they've really appreciated them.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Co-editors Nancy Gray and Dennis Field on April 18, 2011
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
As a parent of a 17 year old who is heading to university this fall and also co-editor of the book "First Year University: A Survival Guide", which involved two years of visiting various university campuses and talking to students, the subject of preparing for university and making the most of it while there interests me greatly. So I bought a few different books on the subject, some for my son and some for me. This book was the best for parents, I believe.

I'm sure that I am not the only parent who struggles with finding the balance between 'letting go' vs 'assisting' as your kids grow up. It's a different age than when I went to university. Then, parents were not as involved as today. I can't recall my parents helping me to decide on residences or meal plans (well, they didn't have those then) or courses, or even for that matter driving the six hour drive to visit me except to drop me off my first year and come to my graduation my last year. But, as I said earlier, it's a different age and kids today involve their parents much more in their lives.

Thus learning to promote self-advocacy, encourage independence and empower your kids while supporting them through the challenges they will face as they move to adulthood is vital. This book offers suggestions on how exactly to do this. By explaining both parent and student perspective on every challenge and issue you can imagine from the summer before university right through to graduation, the book gave me a very good feel for how to prepare my son and myself.
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