The Zombie-Wilson Diaries [Paperback]

Timothy W. Long (Author), Rhiannon Frater (Editor)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 5, 2010

It should have been the perfect vacation. A beautiful island without a soul in sight. Blue sea so clear I can see the reef. Palm trees swaying in the wind, and a girl with barely a scrap of clothing on.

There is only one problem. She is a zombie and she wants to eat me.

That's right. My only companion is a creature with a hunger for human flesh. I should bash in her brains and toss her in the ocean but I don't have a volleyball to talk to.

All I have is this diary and my own Zombie-Wilson.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Long, a prolific horror author, writes with graphic glee - repulsive details and way off-color jokes abound. If this were a movie, it would be rated R for revolting but it's revolting in a cheerful kind of way.

Barbara McMichael
--Tacoma News Tribune

Zombie Wilson is the most fun you'll ever have with a corpse in a coconut bra ... and that's saying something.

Trish Martin - horrornews.net
--Horror News

On the whole, I'd call this one a triumph. It's quirky, fast paced, and good to the last withered drop.

Scott A. Johnson - dreadcentral.com

--Dread Central

A dog-rough zomedy that'll have you laughing your (undead) ass off from start to finish. Daniel Defoe fans beware!

Author of Flu --Wayne Simmons

I fell in love with the story, so the five stars were well earned. I highly recommend this to anyone who is looking for something a little bit different to add to their zombie repertoire.

--Tonia Brown - author of Lucky Stiff

From the Author

I Hate Coconuts

Apparently, there are multiple ways to spell coconut. There is the version without an 'A' henceforth known as "The Coconut." Then there is the little sucker with an 'A' that makes it sound like it should be in a tall mocha. Don't get me wrong, coconuts are great. Without coconut, German chocolate cake would be layers of cake surrounded by a puddle of syrup.

We wouldn't get coconut cream pie - it would just be cream pie and that is only good for throwing at clowns. Think of all the wonderful Thai dishes that rely on coconut milk. Now imagine those made with goat milk and you will imagine a world in peril.

A fancy drink at a tropical getaway is very fine in a coconut shell, but let's be honest here. You could toss the coconut shell and just mix the stuff in a coffee mug and it would get you just as buzzed.

Now, according to Wiki - the online source I do ALL of my important research on - the reason coconut is sometimes spelled as cocoanut is "That is the old fashioned form of the word." Really? That's the best that the world authority of unverified information can come up with?

No wonder I had to go through this manuscript with a fine tooth comb and correct all the misspellings of coconut. I now hate the word. It can burn in the nine pits of hell with all the words that end with some variation of -ible and -able. Those snide little monkeys that have a life of their own and frequently run around with "I before E" words.

So, I hate coconuts. And cocoanuts, for that matter.

For the purposes of this manuscript I have chosen to use the spelling of coconut. I apologize to the old fashioned people in advance.

-Timothy W. Long

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: CreateSpace (February 5, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1450542565
• ISBN-13: 978-1450542562
• Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 4.9 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,622,939 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Timothy W. Long has been writing tales and stories since he could hold a crayon and has also read enough books to choke a landfill. He has a fascination with all things zombies, a predilection for weird literature, and a deep-seated need to jot words on paper and thrust them at people.

Tim is the author of the horror novels Beyond the Barriers, Among the Living, and the forthcoming sequel - Among the Dead. His other works include the deserted island 'zombedy', The Zombie Wilson Diaries. He also co-wrote the post-apocalyptic novel Wacktards of the Apocalypse with Sir Jonathan Moon. This book was recently named the preferred version of the end of the world by a consortium of rapture survivors. True story.

Tim can be found tooling around his website at:

http://timothywlong.com

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Beats a volleyball any old day., February 10, 2010

By 

Tonia A. Brown "and her dirty mind" (Shelby, NC) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Zombie-Wilson Diaries (Paperback)

Alone, on a deserted island, with nothing but a zombie for company? What is a lonely young man to do?
Bash in her brains or keep her alive? Have company for dinner or become dinner? The choice is a hard one, a ridiculous one, and as it would turn out a hilarious one.

Mr. Long's book takes the tired concept of the classic 'Robinson Crusoe' wreckage and breaths new live into it. Or rather new death. With his addition of a zombie as the main character's only companion he gives us a complex set of moral questions that, although he doesn't answer all of them, are way funnier than you would expect them to be.

Written in 'journal' format, the book can be a bit annoying at times with it's deliberate misspellings and grammar issues. Yet these purposeful mistakes lend an air of believability to the diary style, and as you settle into reading it they all but disappear in the face of the protagonist's struggle against zombie husbands and zombie sharks.

Yes you read that right. Zombie sharks.

The main character is both obnoxious and charming. One moment you hope he is rescued, the next you find yourself rooting for Zombie Wilson to just take a chunk out of his head so he will shut the heck up and quit his whining! The sexual tension is laugh out loud funny, with the lead character reminding himself more than once that the while the zombie is female, she is indeed dead. Mr. Long employs the stereo type that a man will bed anything that moves not just for a laugh, but to reiterate that his lead male is all too human.

If I had any complaint it would be the font. I understand it was an attempt to make it look handwritten, but in the long run it is a bit harsh on the eyes. While I can normally read for long periods of time, I had to give this one a break every now and again just to let my eyes rest.

I had to give Mr. Long five stars just for the idea alone. After I received this book in the mail, I spent the entire night toting it around my work place, showing it off while explaining the concept to very confused coworkers. After reading it cover to cover I fell in love with the story, so the five stars were well earned. I highly recommend this to anyone who is looking for something a little bit different to add to their zombie repertoire.

The Zombie-Wilson Diaries is as funny as a story about tying a dead girl to a tree and talking to her can get.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars My girlfriend is a zombie, February 17, 2010

By 

Patrick S. Dorazio "Author of The Dark Trilogy" (Cincinnati, Ohio) - See all my reviews
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Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: The Zombie-Wilson Diaries (Paperback)

And thus we set the tone for this intimate look at a man and his undead island-mate.

The Zombie Wilson Diaries plays on the castaway scenario replacing the volleyball named Wilson from the Tom Hanks film with a zombie girl who is quite a bit more animated and a whole lot more bitey than a ball with a bloody hand print for a face. Our nameless narrator begins his diary while on a business trip to the islands, which turns into a plane crash which lands him on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean with one of the other passengers, who apparently floated up to the island alive, just like him, but made the unfortunate decision to eat some exotic berries that have turned her from a hottie model type into a rottie gooey type. But fear not, our narrator decides to take her under his wing instead of bashing her skull in with a big rock because she keeps him company on a island lacking in others to socially interact with. Oh, we do get the occasional interloper, like our fair lady's dead rotting hubby and a few natives who have canoed over from another island, but for the most part, this tale of a fateful trip is all about a man and his zombie.

A nice touch with this book is the appearance of handwritten text and the hand scrawled stick drawings that the narrator puts at the front of each chapter, which added to the personal diary feel of this story.

It is an intriguing relationship that this deluded and desperate man has with a creature that I found hard to define as far as what her role was. Each chapter starts with "My girlfriend..." but it becomes clear that the zombie in this story plays multiple parts, and girlfriend, it seems, is probably the least of them. Desperate for companionship, it is almost as if she is his pet or willful child, as he takes care of her and keeps her from getting into trouble, while at the same time she snaps at him and generally acts like a brat, but there are moments when it seems that his girl, undead Friday, seems to recognize and even relies on him, especially when there are thunderstorms and undead sharks trying to snap her in half.

The comedy here is dark and should be appreciated by a fan of the zombie genre for certain, as well as those who like a bit of a twisted tale in general. The self-induced torture that this castaway goes through as he debates, on a daily basis, whether it would just be better to kill this creature even though she provides him with a shred of human contact, is a wickedly humorous conflict. I'm not really sure whether I liked this guy or I just wanted to smack some sense into him, but I know one thing for sure, this book was an entertaining journey into the surreal.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Funniest Zombie Read in Years, October 5, 2010

By 

Shannon Jones (Sylvania, Ohio United States) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Zombie-Wilson Diaries (Paperback)

This book is funny from the first word. How could it not be? A man trapped on a deserted isle with only a zombie for company. I guess it's a good thing it's a female zombie. I opened this book expecting more of the same old zombie attacks humans and got instead a romping tale of a man who's only company is a zombie. I like the diary format because it allows the reader to get inside the characters thoughts in a way a regular novel couldn't have done. You know what this man is thinking and feeling and you learn a lot about how he feels towards his zombie roommate. If you haven't read this yet you should.