Sitting in a homestead in northern British Columbia my thirty-six year old nephew was talking to a young college graduate and her boyfriend about his, my nephew's, family. He said all the sleeping around is fine but the next real step in life was having kids, and now that he was a father he realized that, as with his parents, his children would never love him as much as he loves them. Tim Ward's book illustrates this beautifully. We hear about all the dysfunction of families: controlling men, rebellious children, angry ex-spouses. It is that not some of this was not present in Tim Ward's life, but that by inviting his college aged son to climb a challenging mountain with him he created a pressure cooker in which to heal the inevitable misunderstandings and awkwardness that accompany growing up and family life.
While father and son climb, the father shares some of his thoughts about life and tries to explain what happened to the marriage that created the boy, while the son, in turn, tells his father what it was like to experience the breakup of the family and his life with his separated parents. It is a challenge for each to listen to the other without becoming defensive. I, for one, would not wanted to hear about my parents' sex life. But the telling was healing for Tim and his son. And Tim understands how, despite his best intentions, he recreated for his son some of what had been so hard for himself as a boy. So many of us find that while we thought we were running in the opposite direction from our parents, we nonetheless carried them in us.
Although the personal aspects of the books were the ones which most grabbed me I found speculations about memes and thoughts on the fate of the environment interesting. The mountain, with its natural background and the physical effort of climbing, give life and context to these discussions.
Fathers and sons is precious topic. I was touched by the book and think other readers will get inspiration from it.
Charlie Fisher author of "Dismantling Discontent: Buddha's Way Through Darwin's World," available on Amazon