Most Helpful Customer Reviews
223 of 225 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
DO NOT WEAR WITH THREE WOLF MOON T-SHIRT!, June 4, 2009
This review is from: Zubaz Pants (Apparel)
Having recently moved into an upscale manufactured housing facility thanks to the luck conveyed upon me by my Three Wolf Moon t-shirt, I stumbled upon the Zubaz pants here at Amazon and decided that these would complement the crisp, confident, and rugged image conveyed by the T-shirt. Black Zebra naturally, as these are the sartorial equivalent of the red power tie or a navy blazer with bright buttons. My buddy has an original pair that I always admired. I should warn that in direct sunlight the high contrast pattern of these pants, if viewed directly, can cause dizziness and disorientation. That's why I keep my Oakley Blades on a leash around my neck, just in case. I had just returned to my humble abode from the pheresis donation center when the UPS driver pulled up with my package. Realizing what was being delivered I grabbed the box, thanked the driver and mostly ran up the five steps to my double wide. Hopping on one foot while trying to get my acid washed jeans over my boots, I simultaneously opened the box with what pass for my teeth. As I pulled the silky polyester over my legs I was simultaneously struck by a sense of awe and wonder. That's when I fell over and nearly knocked myself out on the rear projection television in the living room. In hindsight I should have realized that this was the first sign of trouble. After putting the pants on and admiring them for a few hours, I went down to the Wal-Mart to get some scratch and wins. I went over to Arbys and smoked half a pack of Marlboro Light Menthols down to the filter while I went carefully through the lottery tickets, rubbing each one on the Moon for luck. After 25 tickets, I hadn't even won $2!!!!! Perhaps it was the nicotine, perhaps it was the sheer awesomeness of my attire which overwhelmed me, but I didn't realize that this was another sign that things were not altogether correct. In the next 48 hours I misplaced my keys, lost my job at Waffle House, was rejected by four women I tried to pick up, chipped my remaining front tooth when I botched a flying roundhouse kick breaking up a fight at the roadhouse, and even spilled ketchup on my Three Wolf Moon t-shirt while eating a chili-dog. To add insult to injury, someone keyed my Camaro. Three days later I found myself face down in a puddle of my own sick, choking back the tears of a wasted youth. I don't know how to explain it but the awesome factor of the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt is not in fact multiplied by the Zubaz pants. It's like Cold Fusion - once you bring two multifarious confidence and testosterone factors into play, the inverse coalition of chronological extremes dipolarizes the original fulcrum. That is to say, not only do they cancel each other out, you're screwed. I've burned the pants, bought another Three Wolf Moon T-shirt and even tried the Breakthrough Wolf T-Shirt. Nothing has restored my Mojo. Upon quiet reflection I've come to accept my fate. Don't let this happen to you! Now to settle back for a tall glass of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl ozYou might enjoy it's nourishing and self defense properties as described in my recent review....
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
430 of 451 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Who's the man??, May 9, 2009
This review is from: Zubaz Pants (Apparel)
I was searching for clothes that speak to me.. These pants not only spoke to me, they entered my soul and transformed me. When I get out of my bitchin 78 camaro wearing these bad boys, there's no question who the boss man is.. You can easily go commando in these and feel even more manly. Your junk swings freely and using the restroom is that much easier.. Accessories to consider: Flannel shirt with the sleeves cut off. The "don't mess with me" look. flip flops - The casual "I'm too lazy to get fully dressed" look. baseball helmet with two beer can holders on the sides. Ball cap worn backwards or to the side. You know I'm coooool. These pants will get the ladies. There are many many places these can be worn to attract the female species: Tractor pull Walmart NASCAR events Your local neighborhood crack houses. The drug rehab rec room Any place in the state of IOWA. I recommend buying multiple pairs. Keep an extra pair in the trunk of your car.. You never know where you will wake up in the morning but you will always have a clean pair of these bad boys with you..
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
219 of 235 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Confidence Building. Inspiring., May 8, 2009
This review is from: Zubaz Pants (Apparel)
I call these my Cock Fight pants. I know what you are thinking, why Cock Fight? Why not Zebra Fight pants? Here, let me explain: The first time I wore these pants, I tried to capture the spirit of the animal print from which they came: the Zebracorn (50% Zebra / 50% Unicorn = 100% real. See Google). I would wear these pants with nothing more than Crocs on my feet and hair on my chest, and prance around the block like the mighty, legendary Zebracorn. It was kind of like skipping, using an intermittent hop, kind of a gallop. Yes, definitely a gallop. And I held my hands in front of my chest like I wasn't exactly sure what to do with them. People would ask if I was gay as I pranced around. I'd smile, wave, and wish them a happy day too. Then one day my friend explained to me that those people used a redefined meaning of that word. I didn't know they did that! (Change word meanings, I mean.) So I got worried. No more prancing around the block. To help protect myself from the block bullies who changed words, I decided to take Capoeira lessons. I wore these pants to every lesson. For years worth of lessons, my pants never failed me. They didn't fade, and the stripe lines never blurred. My confidence roared, like a Zebracorn! I was so elite that I entered every Street Fighter contest and won! I became so confident that people began to call me "cocky". I tried to get them to call me "Corny" in respect to the legendary Zebracorn, but it didn't work. Eventually the name "Cocky" grew on me. I decided to officially adopt it and took on the street fighting name of Giant Cock. My logo was a Cock with a pirate's eye patch. I shaved it into my chest hair! It looked so good with these pants. The women flocked to me like Hens. I asked if they wanted to be my towel girls. They said yes! They were so proud to be able to towel the sweat off the Giant Cock after a fight. In my youth I was strong and stood tall. But after years of fighting, and just plain old age, I had problems staying up against almost any opponent and would get knocked out easily. Usually less than one round. I had to retire. As a sign of my past life behind, I burned my Cock Fight pants at sea. There were no ashes, just melted goop. Now, after breakthroughs in science and bad economies, I'm so happy to see these pants make a come back. I've been going through physical therapy, taking steroids, and have started fighting again. I couldn't find a Cock t-shirt to symbolize the rebirth of my career, but I found a wolf one! Breakthrough Wolf T-Shirt - Available in Various Sizes But I still wasn't complete without my Zubaz! I ordered a pair, and am waiting for delivery. Very soon the Giant Cock shall return! Order a pair of Zubaz pants and you too can be a Giant Cock! Pros: Turns you into a Giant Cock. Doesn't burn easily. Cons: None!
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
2115|R18VPDXVRWAEBZ;2115|RY879UHG574C7;2115|R13XY77JMZVTSU;
|