We Love Each Other, but... Simple Secrets to Strengthen Your Relationship and Make Love Last [Paperback]

Dr. Ellen F. Wachtel (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 14, 2000

We Love Each Other, But...offers simple, practical tips that will help you restore and strengthen a relationship that has gone off track. It lays out the nuts and bolts of building relationships so they continue to be gratifying over the long haul. Dr. Ellen Wachtel shows how, even when you feel like giving up on a relationship or marriage, you can recapture why you fell in love in the first place. Dr. Wachtel promises that there is more and suggests simple ways to keep vitality in relationships. In fact, she shows you and your partner how you can stay interested in each other for the rest of your lives.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"What a gift from an expert in the field. We Love Each Other, But... is as warm as it is wise. In fact, it was hard to put down. Dr. Ellen Wachtel's ideas can be put into practice immediately and will help couples in all stages of marriage. You don't need to have problems to benefit--this book will make a good relationship even better. It's the kind of solid, commonsensical advice couples need in today's fast-paced world." --Sharyn Wolf, author of Guerrila Dating Tactics and How to Stay Lovers For Life

"A wonderful accessible, and practical guide for couples seeking to avoid affairs, make good sense out of those shaky moments that inevitably challenge even the healthiest relationships, and last the course happily together." --Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, author of After the Affair

"Dr. Ellen Wachten is special in the field of family therapy, and this book shows her at her best. She is a highly skilled professional, but more than being smart, she is wise. Best of all, she meets her readers as she does her clients, with true personal openness and candor. In addition to learning important skills, readers of this enjoyable book will be able to address their problems with the help of a comforting, reassuring friend." --Donald A. Bloch, M.D., president of American Family Therapy Academy

About the Author

Dr. Ellen Wachtel, author of two highly influential books for professional therapists, is widely known in the field of marriage and family therapy. She has a Ph.D. in psychology and a law degree from Harvard Law School. She has taught at the Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy, New York University, the City University of New York, and New York City's St. Luke's-Roosevelt Hospital. Married for more than thirty years and the mother of two grown children, she lives in New York City.

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin (February 14, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312254709
• ISBN-13: 978-0312254704
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #243,832 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

31 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Book To Read With Your Significant Other, March 9, 2000

By 

Gabriella Ibieta (Philadelphia, PA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: We Love Each Other, but... Simple Secrets to Strengthen Your Relationship and Make Love Last (Paperback)

"We love each other, but... we could use some expert advice so that we can keep on loving." If you have ever thought about your relationship in these terms, then this is a must-read book for you and your partner. Dr. Wachtel knows about the perils of co-navigating a marriage, both from her professional experience as a researcher and family therapist (she has "worked with close to one thousand couples"), and from her own life (she has been married to the same man "for more than thirty years"). Her book is accessible and fun to read, integrating brief, illustrative case histories with keen (and also brief!) psychological analyses, followed by sensible suggestions for couples to work out their problems. Dr. Wachtel organizes her material into eight chapters on such topics as decision-making, arguing, raising children, and having a satisfactory sex life (while doing all of the above!). I particularly like how she addresses the reader, simply and directly, throughout her narrative; for example, in her discussion of "harmful words" during arguments, she tells us: "Even if you apologize and explain that you didn't mean what you said, your partner may still be hurt. . . . Your partner not only feels wounded by your words but by the fact that you wanted to be so hurtful." Occasional references to her personal experiences enrich the narrative, allowing the reader to envision the author as a real person, herself struggling with life's challenges, as when she discusses some minor and major differences between her and her husband: "Poking around in flea markets is a real treat for me, but he becomes restless. . . . We differ even on such fundamentals as child-rearing philosophies and religious convictions." The book's last chapter, titled "We Love Each Other and We Get Along Well, But... Is This It?", offers the author's view of relationships as ongoing, developing, fluid processes. It is not enough just to learn how to deal with conflict within a stable, friendly marriage. After all, don't we also want to have fun, to share life's joys with our partner? Dr. Wachtel knows the importance of passion and romance in relationships. "Continue to surprise yourself and your spouse," she tells us, "Have little adventures together and apart. . . . Start to tell jokes. Take up swing dancing. . . ." And enjoy reading this book with your significant other, I tell you--it is definitely worth it!

21 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars IF YOU WANT A BETTER MARRIAGE, READ THIS!, September 25, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: We Love Each Other, But . . .: A Leading Couples Therapist Shares the Simple Secrets That Will Help Save Your Relationship (Hardcover)

This is an absolute gem of a book. The author writes clearly and simply, and if you follow her good advice your marriage or relationship will take one huge leap forward. This is a quick read and terrifically helpful, espeically if one or both people in the relationship feels angry, criticized, unapprecated,r ignored, or hopeless..

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic, August 17, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: We Love Each Other, but... Simple Secrets to Strengthen Your Relationship and Make Love Last (Paperback)

Here's a relationship book that doesn't blab, it's good info, great solutions and well written. Many relationship books babble on and on and promise many solutions yet don't deliver. This book delivers. The solutions are extremely helpful and easy to apply. My boyfriend, who is not into relationship books loved this book. It tapped into his way of thinking. I definitely recommend this book!