Children Are from Heaven: Positive Parenting Skills for Raising Cooperative, Confident, and Compassionate Children (Paperback)

~ John Gray (Author) "All children are born innocent and good..." (more)
Key Phrases: five positive messages, giving children permission, receptive children, Lauren Beth (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Psychologist John Gray (he of Men Are from Mars... fame) cites a need to shift from "fear-based parenting" (a punitive and oppressive approach to child rearing) to "love-based parenting" (which accepts children's desires and negative emotions while still setting reasonable limits). With child and teen violence increasing, rampant low self-esteem, substance abuse, teen pregnancy, and attention deficit disorder, he says, "the Western free world is experiencing a crisis in parenting. Almost all parents today are questioning both the old and the new ways of parenting. Nothing seems to be working."

He suggests "Five Messages of Positive Parenting" that will facilitate such a shift:

1. It's okay to be different.
2. It's okay to make mistakes.
3. It's okay to express negative emotions.
4. It's okay to want more.
5. It's okay to say no, but remember mom and dad are the bosses.

Although his parenting philosophy is not necessarily revolutionary (think "positive discipline"), Gray manages to keep this parenting primer contemporary by weaving in specific challenges of new-millennium families--such as our tendency to be consumer-driven and overscheduled. "When parents learn what their children really need, they are less motivated to create money to acquire things and more motivated to create time to enjoy their family," Gray writes. "The greatest wealth for a parent today is time." --Gail Hudson --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

"All children are born innocent and good," asserts Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Getting them to cooperate is merely a matter of arousing their natural desire to please their parents, without breaking their fragile will in the process. Five skills of positive parenting induce cooperation, supported by their five underlying messages, one of which is the author's mantra: "It's o.k. to say no, but remember Mom and Dad are the bosses." In a synthesis of old-fashioned authoritarianism and modern psychological sensitivity ("soft love"), parents are urged to view a child's resistance as natural and healthy, and to listen, empathize and finally assert their authority firmly and unemotionally. If this approach sounds unrealistic, it certainly feels right in the context of Gray's penetrating (and often historically minded) psychological explanations. In the hypnotic style of a therapist, Gray gradually replaces parental advice with empathy, and an emphasis on obedience with an emphaisis on cooperation, supplying a new repertoire of one-liners and age-, gender- and temperament-specific suggestions along the way. While placing the entire responsibility for children's behavior on their parents' shoulders, this book essentially simplifies the business of parenting in order to enable children to grow into their strongest, most responsible selves. (Oct.)
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 400 pages
• Publisher: Harper Paperbacks (December 26, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060930993
• ISBN-13: 978-0060930998
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.3 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (44 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #170,128 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

27 of 29 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Good advice....hidden in 350 pages of poor editing., October 28, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Children Are From Heaven (Hardcover)

I am a huge fan of John Gray's. His books on adult relationships are wonderful. This one confuses me - it's not up to his standards. There are good points made, but the book is a chore to read. Also some conflicting advice throughout. I wish he'd re-think this and re-write it. In the meantime, if you want a good book on positive parenting try one of these: Positive Discipline, Kid Cooperation, The Discipline Book, Perfect Parenting.

18 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A MUST-READ FOR ALL PARENTS, July 20, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Children Are From Heaven (Hardcover)

I saw IMMEDIATE results when i applied the principles of John Gray's "Children are from Heaven" to my 2-year old daughter. Although I was skeptical Gray's techniques would work, not only did my 2-year old respond, but I became a happier, more relaxed, and more confident mother. I finally had an alternative to the "hard" discipline on which I was raised and the "soft" discipline that was obviously not working on my 2-year old. My pediatrician recommended this book to me and I have been spreading the word ever since! Thank you John Gray!

34 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Too Many Words - Nothing New?, January 4, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Children Are From Heaven (Hardcover)

I knew for sure this would be the best parenting book yet. How in the world did it get so much publicity? I am the mother of 5 and it's nothing new and sad to see so much confusion throughout the book by every little thing being repeated over and over. We received another book with much clearer and tried and true kid proof skills, Mommy-CEO, is bascially the same message but much more user friendly. Moms with many children want consise, simple and workable plans and we want it now!