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Leaving Home: The Art of Separating from Your Difficult Family Paperback – September 6, 2011

4.7 out of 5 stars 27 customer reviews

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The Rainbow Comes and Goes: A Mother and Son On Life, Love, and Loss by Anderson Cooper
The Rainbow Comes and Goes
The popular new release from Anderson Cooper & Gloria Vanderbilt. Learn more | See author page
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 176 pages
  • Publisher: Columbia University Press; Reprint edition (September 6, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0231134770
  • ISBN-13: 978-0231134774
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.5 x 8.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (27 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #589,120 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Hardcover
I've been in therapy for 4 years and it takes a long time to come to terms with things you never knew existed in your life until now. My whole life I've been pretty much either sad or depressed. Had overwhelming feelings of inferiority and never feeling loved. Except I could never identify the feelings or understand where they were coming from.

My therapist recommended this book, telling me that this book is really good at explaining neglect (emotional) and its affects. For me its done what 4 years of therapy could not do and that is really make me face and realize why I am the way I am. Its because of therapy that I can read this book and understand, but this book is kind of like the icing on the cake, just pulling everything together and making it very clear.

I think I'm still trying to understand the part in the book the previous reviewer was talking about which is the hopeful self and the wounded self, the hopeful self which needs to give up trying to get love from a parent that never was able to give love to you your whole life.

One thing I have to say is that although he does acknowledge that this book is not just about people physically living at home, but also using at a metaphor for people who are still emotionally tied or poeple who maybe have no contact w/ family but recreate this family w/ new relationships. I'm in the last category having felt that I had limited my relationship w/ my parent as much as possible and I don't harbor too much hope for love from her, but I feel as if I have recreated that relationship w/ other people. I wish he had talked more about this and not so much about people who are are tied to the home in more blatant, obvious ways such as living there or calling home everyday.
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I devoured this book in one sitting. My situation seems to be exactly what he is addressing (although I do not physically live with my parents). If your parents have somehow refused to give you equal stature with them, and you are trying to work through how to be an adult, this book will help you alot. There are 2 children warring inside you. The first thinks it will all get better, and one day they will love you. (This is the same sort of thinking that sends abused women back to their abusers, the woman saying, "It will all be better now.") The other child in you is hurt and angry, and recalls quite clearly everything they ever did to hurt you. It wants revenge. Have you ever heard an adult child throwing verbal barbs at their parent? That's what was going on. It's ugly, and it will keep you tied to them, and stunted, until you can let go of it. Read the book.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Thank you for the gift of this book! I cut off communication with my family of origin 3 years ago (I am now 31 yrs old) with the help and guidance of my psychologist, but have longed for these exact words to bring meaning and understanding to it all. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing this book. I have found very limited literature on this "taboo" act of ceasing communication with my dysfunctional family of origin, as so many, as you say in your book, claim that you must make "amends" with your family of origin. I beg to differ if that family is full of mental illness that members refuse to recognize, emotional abuse that is mostly directed at the "peace keeper" (formerly me), and if I literally become suicidal after every encounter with them. My life simply depended on me cutting off communication with them. My therapist knew this, and my mind knew this before my heart did/has. My heart was/is still a little girl longing for a mother who tends to my needs perhaps even once a week instead of her own 100% of the time. But I digress. So thank you for showing me I am not alone, nor am I wrong. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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Format: Hardcover
I found Leaving Home to be a very clear and helpful exploration of how difficult but necessary it is for adult children to separate from unhealthy family relationships. The book is relatively short and to the point without a lot of therapist/client conversations which I liked.
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Format: Paperback
Better than 50 visits with a therapist. It doesn't label people as narcissists or codependents, or any of that stuff. Instead it takes you down to the nuts and bolts of the psyche and shows you in plain english, with pertinent examples, exactly what is going on with you and your family. I found it understandable, clear and immensely illuminating. I can't say there is any book on earth that has helped me more. The author knows exactly what he is writing about and his explanations show the confidence and sureness of someone with genuine experience. Steps to take to remedy your situation/condition are also presented, and ideas for proceeding are sensible and doable in the real world, as long as you put some effort into it of course.
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
Though I have been doing various kinds of healing work for a while (years), few things have helped me to the extent of this little book. "Leaving Home" has not only provided insight, it has provided the clarity and courage I needed to make some real changes in my life. - I honestly believe that many people could benefit from this book; but if you, like me, did come from dysfunctional parenting, this book may be the first step on a road to a real life. Thank God I found this. I mean that. (I even find myself wanting to give it to new parents.)
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