Intimate Partners: Patterns in Love and Marriage (Paperback)

~ Maggie Scarf (Author) "When, I was asked recently, did I begin working on the subject of marriage?..." (more)
Key Phrases: marital cycle, sex response cycle, conscious ownership, Gordon Kearney, Tom Brett, Bob Carrano (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

“Anyone involved in, embarking on, or yearning for, an intimate relationship should buy, borrow or steal Intimate Partners.”
–New Woman

What goes on in our intimate attachments? What patterns of relationships do couples tend to follow, and why? The bonds we create affect every aspect of our lives, and yet our grasp of them is limited by our emotional reactions and learned responses. Now, in Intimate Partners, bestselling author Maggie Scarf gives us the classic book on marriage–on how love relationships are formed and how they change over the course of the marital cycle. Here you’ll discover

• how to understand one’s inherited emotional history–and how fits with a partner’s
• the fascinating ways in which power and control, and intimacy and autonomy exert strong effects upon the kind of partnership two people create
• surprising observations on the role of sex and the impact of children on marriage
• why change can be experienced as a form of betrayal–and how to ensure that a relationship matures with, and is not impeded by, each individual’s growth
• simple exercises that couples can do to resolve tensions and change the nature of the world they share

• verbal and physical techniques to cope with sexual difficulties and enliven a couple’s connection during sex
• straightforward methods for how to engage in healthy–not dysfunctional–quarrels

Intimate Partners is a book that changes not only how we view love relationships, but also how we live them.

“Every marriage contains a story, and it begins long before the wedding, Maggie Scarf tells us in her ambitious, thought-provoking . . . ultimately compelling study. . . . Read it and feel consoled.”
–USA Today

“Listen to Maggie Scarf . . . and you’ll come away thinking that yes, marriage can be tough, living long-term with another person is one of the greatest challenges there is, but it’s well worth the effort.”
–Chicago Tribune

“Provocative . . . Scarf writes lucidly and convincingly.”
–The Washington Post Book World

From the Inside Flap

The compelling national bestseller that pushes beneath the surface of marriage to explore the depths of true intimacy.
"Anyone involved in, embarking on, or yearning for, an intimate relationship should buy, borrow or steal INTIMATE PARTNERS." New Woman --This text refers to the Mass Market Paperback edition.

Product Details

• Paperback: 448 pages
• Publisher: Ballantine Books; Reprint edition (September 2, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0345418204
• ISBN-13: 978-0345418203
• Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 5.2 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #346,561 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Valuable Insight, March 3, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Intimate Partners: Patterns in Love and Marriage (Mass Market Paperback)

MS Scarf writes a captivating, engaging, book using real life (they feel quite real) couples to illustrate many of the relationship dynamics she explains.

The center piece of Intimate Partners is the examination and application of the notion of projective identification. This notion is common in the psychological discussions under different names. MS Scarf introduces the notion clearly. Other notions she uses are family of origin implications and genograms.

The book heavily relies on acceptance of general psychological theories.

This is not an easy read. It is worthwhile, valuable, contimplative and, most of all, useful in the context of daily life. If you are looking for spoonfed, formula solutions go somewhere else.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars as useful as a year of therapy, July 7, 1997

By A Customer

This review is from: Intimate Partners: Patterns in Love and Marriage (Mass Market Paperback)

This book changed my life and the way that I look at my marriage. Scarf summarizes family therapy, but she does it with so much life that it's as riveting as a soap opera. Reading this book, I had dozens of "aha" moments when I finally recognized and understood what was going on in my marriage -- ahas that enabled me to break old destructive patterns

12 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Carol Lambe - Career & Personal Development Coach, August 29, 2000

By	Carol L. Lambe (New Fairfield, CT USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Intimate Partners: Patterns in Love and Marriage (Mass Market Paperback)

I first read this book back in the late 80's - and I have never forgot the lessons I learned from it. I was also reading Harriet Lerner and Melody Beattie at the time and felt that Scarf's writings supported my self-development to understand: 1. Why I continued to attracted relationships that were toxic and unfulfilling, 2. How to recognize the patterns, and then 3. How to not make the same relationship mistakes masked in different people. It definitely made a huge impact on how I viewed my family of origin and it made me look at my own actions and behaviors with new insight. I have referred this book to my clients, as it is an engaging read with the case studies setting up Scarf's insights into the behaviors that transcend our own personal experiences. I highly recommend this book.