Whining: 3 Steps to Stop It Before the Tears and Tantrums Start (Paperback)

~ (Author), Carolyn Crowder (Author) "When adults are asked to define whining the answers usually sound like this: "The begging that drives me crazy . . ." "Crying and whimpering..." (more)
Key Phrases: child whines, assertive communication, Assertive Communication Formula

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

There are few things on the planet that can drive an adult crazy as fast as a ceaselessly whining child--we are often reduced to tantrums ourselves by this incessant complaining. If we were just better parents, our kids wouldn't have to act this way to get our attention, right? Not exactly. Whining happens because, often, it works. Whining also happens at any age and in many forms, and can be a very destructive behavior pattern if allowed to continue into adulthood. In this extremely useful and practical little book (you can read it in a couple of sittings), the authors explain how whining functions for both the child and parent and how the latter can deal with it. The recommended techniques are based on the work of pioneering psychiatrist Alfred Adler, and are gentle and respectful to both parent and child but also firm in setting limits for acceptable behavior. Authors Audrey Ricker and Carolyn Crowder teach parents how to dive beneath the admittedly choppy surface of whining by communicating assertively and then to change things from underneath the maelstrom. Numerous "real-life" examples are offered, as well as corresponding methods of response, but the scripts wisely shy away from a simplistic "one-size-fits-all" solution. The notebook at the back of the book will help families keep track of exactly what is going on and assist in reducing whining so that everyone in the family interacts more peacefully and productively. --Katherine Ferguson

Product Description

Are you ready to end the whining wars in your house?

It starts with a whimper, an insistent demand, or a certain tone of voice that every parent recognizes with dread -- your child is starting to whine, and if you don't respond properly you'll have a full-blown tantrum or argument on your hands. Kids of all ages know that whining works when they want that extra hour of TV, the unplanned toy purchase, or a later curfew. But stopping such behavior without giving in to a child's demands isn't easy, and if left unchecked, whining can lead to constant disruptions at home, in school, or anywhere else your child chooses. Now the same authors who solved a common parenting problem in the national bestseller Backtalk present three proven methods for putting an end to whining, as well as information on

* The best ways to react when your child whines in a public place
* Why negotiating and giving in never work -- and what you should do instead
* What kids are really trying to tell you when they whine
* Why whining can lead to poor self-esteem and unsatisfying social relationships -- which can follow your child into adulthood -- and what you can do about it now
* How to clearly, respectfully indicate to your child what's important to you and why whining will no longer work as a means of communication

Filled with numerous real-life examples, encouraging advice, and simple steps you can start using immediately, this invaluable guide will help you end the cycle of giving in to whining only to have your child do it again, and instead replaces misbehavior with effective, meaningful, and loving parent-child communication.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 160 pages
• Publisher: Fireside (March 14, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0684857421
• ISBN-13: 978-0684857428
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.4 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 0.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #338,515 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

92 of 92 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Have Book for Parents, March 24, 2000

By	Gina Campellone "lover of words" (Vernon, CT) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I always believed that I had the most wonderfully behaved child in the world, and I patted myself on the back for being such a wise parent ... AND THEN MY SON TURNED FOUR! In my quest for a solution to the whining and antics of my preschooler I have read countless books on parenting and positive discipline. But none can compare to Whining: Three Steps to Stopping it Before the Tears and Tantrums Start. The information in this book is concise and practical. The techniques described (yes, there really are just three steps) are easy to understand and easy to implement. The book is short enough in length so as not to intimidate an already overwhelmed parent. I devoured it hungrily in one sitting, then read it again more slowly. In short, this book makes a lot of sense. My husband and I began using the three steps and noticed a significant improvement in our son's behavior almost immediately. Whining ... is an excellent resource to parents and anyone who works with children (or whiny adults, for that matter!)

35 of 35 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars good parenting principles, period., April 23, 2000

By	ltp1 "ltp1" (Manchester, NH USA) - See all my reviews

It's never too early to read this book, and it's never too late either. I'm usually wary of pop-psych books with numbers in the title (three steps, two ways, seven principles, eight things...), because they're often oversimplified, but this one is just-right-simplified. The principles here -- be assertive, apply reasonable consequences for behavior, and allow the child to contribute to social life -- are broadly useful. We should treat ALL people this way. These practices will prevent undesirable behavior and promote GOOD behavior. I think we'd all like to be treated as this book advocates treating kids. And I think it feels good to approach the world this way. The hardest part isn't reading the book, though, it's finding the resolve to stick to it -- because even though it feels good in the long run, it's still difficult to start.

The book is a very short read, written in simple language without excess. I've already highlighted several favorite points, including one about how bribing your child indicates that you don't think her capable of behaving well on her own. I think it's a good book for re-reading and I think it'd be most effective when discussed with other people. The more you think about this, try it out, discuss it with others, etc. -- the more you really keep aware of it and incorporate it into your life -- the better.

The authors refer to three possible parenting styles: autocratic ("because I said so"), permissive, and democratic. They advocate the latter. And their recipe for preventing/stopping whining is simple: teach your child that whining will not get him what he wants. It is that simple -- and you may think you have tried that, but when you examine the details of your behavior, as these authors help you do, you might find you haven't done it at all. The messages you send might not really be what you claim they are. (One point from the book: Repeatedly yelling "Johnny, whining is NOT going to get you what you want!" is counterproductive.)

The book alternates between explaining general principles and presenting fictional case studies, which range from preschool to preteen. Even though I don't currently have a backtalking child, I might go pick up the authors' other book, on backtalking, as a measure of prevention. I might learn some things.

If you hate giving in to the whining but don't know what else to do, or if you have terribly mixed feelings about it, I think you'll find this book quite helpful.

27 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Don't let the cover fool you!, November 5, 2000

By A Customer

Despite the picture of a 2-3 year old child on the cover, this book has very few examples of how to deal with Toddlers. Virtually all of the advice and examples deal with school age children (6 yrs+).

The other problem for me was that the book is more focused on getting your child to stop whining and having tantrums about things THEY WANT. It has virtually no advice for getting children to do things YOU NEED them to do (take medicine, let you change a diaper, etc.)-- these were the areas where I was having the most trouble.

Don't get me wrong - this would be a great book for parents of older children. Some of the advice is usable for toddlers, but this book would have benefited from a section devoted to little ones who do not understand "I felt.. when you.." conversation. I was hoping to get a head start with my toddler so I wouldn't need a book like this when she was older. I didn't really find the advice here.