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Don't Be Nice, Be Real: Balancing Passion for Self with Compassion for Others Second Edition,Second Edition

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Kelly Bryson (Author)
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Kelly Bryson (Author)
3.8 out of 5 stars 23 customer reviews
ISBN-13: 978-0972002851
ISBN-10: 0972002855
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Elite Books; Second Edition,Second edition (January 1, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0972002855
  • ISBN-13: 978-0972002851
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.8 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #484,975 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

3.0 out of 5 starsInteresting book w many good ideas....
By Patrick D. Goonan on April 24, 2007
Format: Paperback
I found this to be an interesting book about NVC and how one can honor his or her own personal needs. It covers a lot of the ground already present in the NVC literature, but it has more of a focus on not being co-dependent.

The author is passionate and it a bit to much in my opinion. In places, it seems like he is sermonizing rather than inviting or persuading the reader into trying on new ways of communicating.

For me, this book was a mixed bag. It has many very good ideas and even pearls of wisdom. However, it wasn't as well-organized as I would like and there seemed to be a lot of unnecessary or unhelpful examples. In tone, it seemed to be somewhat like a sales pitch rather than what I would expect from this type of self-help book.

If you have read a lot of the NVC literature, you may find Getting Real: Ten Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life to be an even better read. However, "Don't Be Nice, Be Real" does have some valued-added material that makes it worth taking a look at. If you are a pleaser or helper, you may find it quite refreshing in it's direct and straightforward style for dealing with these types of situations or circumstances.
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5.0 out of 5 starsHandbook for Practical Nonviolent Communication and More
By O. Merce Brown HALL OF FAMETOP 500 REVIEWERVINE VOICE on September 27, 2006
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
*****

This book is a practical handbook for applying Nonviolent Communication methods. However, it covers far more than this, and in an entertaining way, rife with good examples. Enlightened selfishness (resulting in actually being more loving to others instead of less loving to them), spirituality, meaningful relationships, blaming, fair fighting, empathy, motivation, compassion, mindfulness, therapy, our American culture, sexuality, violence, war, negotiation, and more are covered.

To testify to the excellence of this book, there are endorsements from John Gray, Mitch Albom, Alan Cohen, and many other authors and others. The forward was written by Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication. It is an atypical book that not everyone will appreciate, because it is unorthodox and non-traditional. It is one of my favorite books ever because of the originality of the ideas presented, the freshness of the examples, and its re-readability.

If you are not familiar with Nonviolent Communication, you will still get a great deal out of this book (and probably want to learn more!). If you are interested in peace and justice, you will enjoy it. If you are interested in dramatically bettering your relationships, you will enjoy it. If you are interested in developing a more compassionate spirituality, you will enjoy it. If you are a student of A Course in Miracles, you will really, really enjoy it.

One of my favorite parts of the book is a chapter about a "new religion" called "Non-Rushin' Unorthodoxy"---a testimony to not rushing, being present, enjoying our time. I really enjoyed the author's humorous and passionate styel.Read more ›
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2.0 out of 5 starsI had to sift through the bad to get to the good stuff
By A New Yorker in Virginia on September 27, 2006
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I think Don't Be Nice, Be Real has some excellent ideas to help one overcome being too nice, but I had to dig through Kelly's assmuptions to get to the good stuff.

The author seems to be almost making a new religion, telling one how to behave, what to think, what to say.

For those that enjoy this, that is fine, but I personally only wanted some suggestions on how to be a more balanced person instead of a nice person.

I didn't want someone telling me what to think, what to say, how to define love, etc.. I can do those things for myself thank you very much.

I think this book in a way like many self-help books, tries to replace religion. If you are pro-religious, you probably won't like this. If you are anti-religious you also probably won't like this and the concepts in this book can be likened to trading in one dictator for another dictator.

Kelly can be the new pope of your church if you want a new religion.

I will probably get hammered for this review, but I am being real not nice.
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3.0 out of 5 starsI'd give it a 3.5
By S. Parker on April 23, 2012
Format: Paperback
Overall, this book is good. I did skip some chapters. Occasionally, the author does oversimplify things to make them more black & white than they are in real life (especially regarding the section he states that some would burn his book for).

As a "nice dead person" or "a chair", this book helped me understand a few things about being nice that I hadn't thought of. I found those pieces to be very profound for me. I've begun incorporating improvements into my communication style as a result.

There are a couple of sections that should have been better edited or edited out completely. I started reading them and decided I could skip them. At times he could prosletyze a bit and mostly so in the last handful of chapters. I thought those last chapters didn't really fit the theme of the book. It's as if the book didn't have quite enough material without it. Frankly, I just skipped those or skimmed them.

The early and middle sections of the book is where the good stuff really is. As a resident "niceneck" and someone described as "too nice", the discussion of niceness and perfectionism was at times hard to read. Despite that, I kept on reading.

I too have read Marshall Rosenberg's NVC book upon which Kelly Bryson has based this book. The NVC book is good for sure. Kelly's book those speaks directly to the nice, dead people.

His writing style is a bit dry. Perhaps it seemed more that way as I had finished Martha Beck's Finding Your Own North Star just before I started Don't Be Nice, Be Real. She is an entertaining writer.

I will keep the book in my library and have already referred to it several times since I finished reading it earlier this weekend. Overall, it's a good book.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 starsFive Stars

Good Book, nice addition to the library.

Published 4 months ago by Chris C. Kyprianos
5.0 out of 5 starsFive Stars

A classic in the field.. Topnotch for Authentic Living

Published 9 months ago by Michelle D. Banasch
4.0 out of 5 starsFour Stars

It has some good info.

Published 11 months ago by AABNST/11
5.0 out of 5 starsFascinating: Eye Opening New Ideas that are lots of food for thought

This is my first book on NVC I've read, but I don't think it's that much about NVC as it is about the virtues of being honestly selfish. Read more

Published on July 7, 2013 by Fleming
5.0 out of 5 starsIf you're considerate but others take advantage -- or uneasy about...

I run a support group on communication skills that includes what some people who show up there misunderstand as suggesting that to communicate effectively or to be compassionate... Read more

Published on December 23, 2012 by Alex
2.0 out of 5 starsNot impressed

I read through the first 2/3 of the book and decided that was enough for me. I've read some powerful self-help material but this is not it. Read more

Published on December 12, 2012 by MJ
5.0 out of 5 starsExcellent book to understand how simply improve your communication...

Excellent book to understand how simply improve your communication skills. I suggest to read this book in order to gain awareness about communication pitfalls and simple way to... Read more

Published on November 17, 2011 by Equanimity Executive, LLC
1.0 out of 5 starsBeing Real

Pennebaker in his studies determined that the number of times the first person is used in writing the more narcissistic they are. This book qualifies as that. Read more

Published on October 25, 2011 by Dr. Jan B. Newman
3.0 out of 5 starsugh...where to begin?

This book has taken me forever to read. I feel like I have been in one of those diamond mines in Africa 2 miles below the earth and it is dark and hard to breathe and 120 degrees. Read more

Published on May 16, 2011 by Dadateyont
1.0 out of 5 starsNot sure where the "compassion" part comes in

My ex-husband used Mr. Bryson's philosophies as a bludgeon to try to convince me that after 14 years of marriage and two children, I should allow him to sleep with other women but... Read more

Published on November 17, 2010 by linden

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