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Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving & Thriving with the Self-Absorbed MP3 CD – Audiobook, MP3 Audio, Unabridged

by Wendy T. Behary LCSW (Author), Jo Anna Perrin (Narrator)
4.1 out of 5 stars 345 customer reviews
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Product Details

  • MP3 CD
  • Publisher: Tantor Audio; MP3 - Unabridged CD edition (December 5, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1452655332
  • ISBN-13: 978-1452655338
  • Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.6 x 7.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 3.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (345 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #957,382 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

4.0 out of 5 starsVery worthwhile message for those willing to work hard....
By SmartCookie on March 2, 2008
Format: Paperback
One of the few books on the market that actually provides practical insight and techniques for handling encounters with an individual who is narcississtic. Most books focus almost entirely on how awful the narcississt can behave to the point of demonizing what is essentially a archaic defense mechanism learned in childhood. The author spends considerable time on what you, as the non-narcississt, get out of the relationship, how you pick up the other end of the rope, and the importance of understanding your own hot buttons (which Narcississt's are almost supernaturally good at triggering) rather than continuing the status quo by responding with your own defensive patterns that go nowhere but bad. This book is asking a lot of it's readers; that they understand the concept of schemas and that they grow up emotionally and approach their life, and the narcissist's they may love or encounter, from a place of strength, knowledge, maturity, and wisdom. If you want another book that outlines how horrible narcissists are and how you are their unwilling victim, you will not appreciate this book. If you are willing or interested to learn about yourself and looking at your own part of the dance, such that through your own growth and modeling the relationship, even with a narcississt, has a chance to improve, then this book is for you. Bravo.
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1.0 out of 5 starsDangerous and Irresponsible
By Amazon Customer on December 14, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I'm horrified that this book was written by a professional claiming to be an expert in Narcissism! I nearly bought this book for my mother who is trapped in an abusive marriage with a toxic narcissist (my father). This book encourages exactly the kind of enabling, self-immolating behavior that she is currently ruining her life with. Thank god I didn't send her this "expert" endorsement of her destructive, co-dependent fealty to someone who is a true psychological predator and parasite.

Now, I understand this is a pop-psychology self-help book, and thus shouldn't be held to a very high standard. The problem is, it's written about such a dangerous group of people that it becomes flagrantly irresponsible to be so naive, vague, and incomplete when instructing the partners of these serial abusers. Additionally, the author claims to be a professional expert with 20+ years of experience dealing with this specific personality disorder. This to me, crosses the line. I find this book to be literally dangerous reading material for a VERY vulnerable target audience.

The book is also pretty poorly written. Most of the advice is so vague it's nearly useless (general visualizations, basic communication skills like mirroring, advice on finding your authentic voice with no tools to actually get there) and the descriptions of narcissism are far too generalized for a one-topic book. The whole section on "schemas" (presented as ground-breaking and utterly brilliant) is simplistic and in no way specific to narcissistic relationships. I'll summarize for you everything you need to know about schemas - 1) You have buttons, created in your sad childhood. 2) Sometimes people push your buttons, which makes you feel flustered. Wow. Mind blown. That's 40+ pages of a 150-page book.Read more ›
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3.0 out of 5 stars"Disarming" is not the correct term...
By Stephen Armstrong on February 16, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
One never "disarms" a narcissist, and narcissists never voluntarily disarm unless one has leverage over them--in an arena that they care about, which isn't much other than themselves.

The best part of the book is the cognitive-behavioral orientation that one uses in treating a narcissist. The narcissist's "schemas" do not allow the narcissist to "care" (about others), and since they are unexpressed and largely covert, therapy involves making the narcissist's "assumptions" and "schemas" explicit. In so doing, the therapist maintains a balance, always trying to "side" with the narcissist's desire to be loved, admired, etc., but not caving into the narcissist's grandiose demands and ultimata.

I am skeptical about the subtitle, "Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed," in addition to the use of the term "disarming." I have never known anyone, and especially children, who has learned to "thrive" with a narcissist. The only question in living with a narcissist is how large the collateral damange extends in terms of relationships and time-through-life.

My brother was a flagrant narcissist. Yes, he had all the "little boy" defenses that Ms. Beharry describes. He was divorced twice, fathered two children out of wedlock in a third non-married relationship, lost jobs due to his unpredictable nature, threatened to sue his brothers and sisters, and was a serious substance abuser. Yes, he was also a lawyer, which is a profession loaded with professional narcissists. He hated therapists. He raised one borderline survivor of his narcissism, a young person who truly is crippled, and who also hates therapists.

Could he have been disarmed? Absolutely not. Could any of his wives, live-in's, girlfriends, or children "thrived"? Absolutley not.Read more ›
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1.0 out of 5 starsA blame the victim type of book
By Bethelight on March 3, 2012
Format: Paperback
I really wanted help dealing with my abusive narcissistic spouse but this is completely unhelpful. The reason is because, although we all have schemas that affect our interactions, we do not all operate based on them and we can control our schemas. I have the abandonment/self sacrifice schemas, and I recognize that this makes it uncomfortable to be assertive and stand up for myself. However, I have stood up for myself numerous times when dealing with my narcissistic spouse. Unfortunately, compassionate standing up for your needs does not seem to get through to a narcissist. You can speak up in the way that the book suggests but this will likely be ineffective. Dr. Behary seems to suggest that people are unaware of their own schemas and that they operate behind the scenes ( I think these are her exact words) but this is not always the case. When I feel discomfort I know it's because I fear abandonment and I stand up for myself anyways. But the narcissist has always raged against me for trying to convey my dissatisfaction with his behaviors. Also, I am quite sure my spouse also knows his schemas because he is well aware of his damaging childhood memories yet he chooses to act out on it in narcissistic and abusive ways. The thing about narcissists is that they choose to belittle, lie etc.. And know they are doing it..but they will justify it and blame everyone else. Others have been abused and do not end up narcissistic. This book focuses too much on changing how you interact with your abuser in ways that blames you for putting up with the abuse. No one asks or allows themselves to be abused. Everyone makes their own decisions and abusers are the ones who choose to abuse. And no matter what their childhoods were like, they have to decide how to behave.Read more ›
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 starsFive Stars

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Published 1 day ago by Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 starsThis is a modern day survival book! Incredible insight... a must read!

IF you find yourself in the proximity of one... YOU NEED TO READ THIS BOOK! Save yourself a world of agony... buy it now!

Published 2 days ago by Bob Norris
5.0 out of 5 starsA good book for those who also want to learn about ...

A good book for those who also want to learn about how to help themselves with their own problems that contribute to dealings with difficult people.

Published 3 days ago by Lia
3.0 out of 5 starsThree Stars

INTERESTING

Published 10 days ago by Michael Krupa
3.0 out of 5 starsGood read.

Interesting suggestions for how to deal with the narcissist in my life. Will be slowly implemented into my life!

Published 14 days ago by Shelley
5.0 out of 5 starsFive Stars

Interesting and helpful.

Published 27 days ago by Eva S.
5.0 out of 5 starsThe only practical guidebook for dealing with a narcissist...

This is the ONLY book that ever helped me deal with my husband (a narcissist and the son of a narcissist). Read more

Published 1 month ago by Amazon Customer
4.0 out of 5 starsFour Stars

This book was helpful for me. I learned from the tips on effective communication with a narcissist

Published 1 month ago by Amazon Customer
1.0 out of 5 starsNO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! This book might work if you are dealing with a mildly spoiled child or an uncooperative puppy. Read more

Published 1 month ago by Rox
5.0 out of 5 starsFor Ted

For my son

Published 1 month ago by J. Mcdonald

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