Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem (Paperback)

~ Kimberlee Roth (Author), Freda B. Friedman (Author), Randi Kreger (Foreword) "This isn't another book focused on family dysfunction or about terrible mothers (though BPD is diagnosed in women three times as often as in men,..." (more)
Key Phrases: borderline parent, indirect stressors, borderline traits, Reconstructing the Past, Assessing the Present, Set Boundaries (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Although relatively common, Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD, is often overlooked or misdiagnosed by therapists and clinicians and denied by those who suffer from it.

Symptoms of this tragic problem include unpredictability, violence and uncontrollable anger, deep depression and self-abuse. Parents with BPD are often unable to provide for the basic physical and emotional needs of their children. In an ironic and painful role reversal, BPD parents can actually raise children to be their caretakers. They may burden even very young children with adult responsibilities. They tend to demand unreasonable levels of emotional and material support from those least able to provide it. Plagued by irrational fears and anxieties, BPD parents often transfer feelings of self-hatred onto their children. salting the wounds inflicted by their insatiable need with constant denigration and abuse.

If you were raised by a BPD parent, your childhood was a volatile and painful time. This book, the first written specifically for children of borderline parents, offers step-by-step guidance to understanding and overcoming the lasting effects of being raised by a person suffering from this disorder. Learn what psychological criteria are necessary for a BPD diagnosis and identify the specific characteristics your parent presents. Discover specific coping strategies for dealing with issues common to children of borderline parents: low self-esteem, lack of trust, guilt, and hypersensitivity. Make the major decision whether to confront your parent about his or her condition.

From the Publisher

This is the first step by step guide for adult children of parents with Borderline Personality Disorder. It teaches them how to overcome the devastating effects of growing up with a parent who suffers from BPD. Foreword is by Randi Kreger, coauthor of "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and "The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook."

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Product Details

• Paperback: 200 pages
• Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (November 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1572243287
• ISBN-13: 978-1572243286
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 6 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (42 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #6,587 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

  Popular in these categories: (What's this?)

  #8 in	Books > Parenting & Families > Family Relationships > Parent & Adult Child
  #22 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Psychology & Counseling > Mental Illness
  #28 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Psychology & Counseling > Personality

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

151 of 152 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars VERY LIBERATING, August 19, 2004

By	free at last (USA) - See all my reviews

I gave up on highlighting the pertinent passages in this book - every word of it applied perfectly to my realtionship with my mother. This book gives you the validation you probably never had, and gives solid, practical ways to overcome the effects of growing up with a BPD parent. The examples sited in the book could have been lifted from my journal. It was tremendously healing and empowering to finally learn that the behavior I endured as a child is actually part of a mental illness, and that I/we are not alone anymore. I cannot express effectively how much peace this book brought to me. You will not be disappointed.

121 of 121 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Not a minute too soon., August 13, 2005

By	W. Knight - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Excellent book! After 50 years and a graduate education in psychology, I couldn't see the reality of my own (step) mother. Once I suspected, I ordered this book and couldn't put it down. My copy is full of underlining, side comments and sticky-notes. Chapters are easy to follow and include information, respect for one's own experience, and tools for making changes when you're ready.
The book helped me to deal with my sense of guilt and over-responsibility, especially now that my parent is terminally ill. There's a fabulous quote in the book: "I feel sad that my mom is suffering, but I also know that she is the only person that can do anything about it, and she chooses not to . . . I won't allow her to inflict her suffering on me anymore, either."
The book includes a realistic, not syrupy, discussion of forgiveness, as well as tools for "grief, acceptance, and overcoming guilt." This book contributed significantly to my ability to take my life back and conduct this difficult relationship on my own terms. Sort of a midlife rite-of-passage.

94 of 94 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars There is no better book on this subject, September 16, 2005

By	Yvonne (Singapore) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

As a 37-year old woman who has lived with a borderline mother since birth -- but who did not know it until recently -- this book is outstanding. When I read this book I kept saying to myself "how do they know that?", because what the authors write is exactly what happens - taking onboard all the negative self-misperceptions that result from a BPD mother's twisted idea of acceptable child raising, living with a mother who is incapable of emotional warmth and the subsequent fallout for children in terms of insecurity and the "am I going crazy?" dilemma, and the "jekyl and hyde" nature of BPD in terms of outsiders never knowing or accepting how crazy and chaotic life inside the home really is. This was a difficult book to read, yet compelling reading. For the first time in my own life I felt understood for what I suffered as a child of a BPD mother -- and that's AFTER a couple of years of therapy (which was very helpful). This book, however, is even better than therapy. It achieved in one week what therapy did not achieve in two years -- it validated my experience as real, and I realised I am not alone. There are many, many other adults who have suffered the same fate -- and survived.

If you have, or suspect you have, a BPD mother, read this book. Read it now. I'm not saying it will be easy to read, but you will not regret it.