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The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse Paperback – May 28, 1999

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Staci Haines (Author)
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Staci Haines (Author)
4.1 out of 5 stars 31 customer reviews
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 300 pages
  • Publisher: Cleis Press; 60410th edition (May 28, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1573440795
  • ISBN-13: 978-1573440790
  • Product Dimensions: 10 x 7.1 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #210,143 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 starsamazing, revelatory, empowering
By A Customer on December 1, 2003
Format: Paperback
as a survivor of rape and sexual abuse, i have read a bunch of books on the aftereffects of assault, being a survivor, et cetera, but most of the stuff out there is pretty dry and basic and i just didn't find it very helpful. this book is direct, incredibly right-on, it gives you hands on techniques for staying present in your body, it includes an amazing discussion of triggering. it also uses down to earth language and is not too self-help-y, and it acknowledges that certain terms might be alienating and medicalizing for some people.
FYI: although it is targetted at female survivors of child sexual abuse, i myself am not a woman, and the sexual assault/abuse i experienced occured during my teenage years, not my childhood. i still found the book very useful. there is also a great chapter aimed at partners of survivors.
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5.0 out of 5 starsI've been waiting for someone to write a book like this
By Terry Farrah on March 16, 2001
Format: Paperback
For the past eight years, I have been slowly, painstakingly discovering for myself many of the techniques that Staci Haines details in this book. As far as I am aware, I am not a survivor of child sexual abuse, but I have many of the same difficulties - lack of trust, unclear boundaries, easily triggered, difficulty being sexually present.
I looked at books on recovery; they seemed only to tell me that it was OK to not have sex. I looked at TONS of books on sex and none addressed my difficulties - until The Survivor's Guide to Sex. I can say from my own experience that it's not easy to put Staci's suggestions into practice, nor do the rewards necessarily come quickly. But for some of us, this is the only way we're going to reclaim our sexuality.
I highly recommend this book if you feel numb, shut-down, or angry during sex, whether or not you are a "survivor". Chances are you have some deep healing work to do, and this book is the only guide I've seen for doing it.
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5.0 out of 5 starsI have been waiting for this book for years!!
By A Customer on December 9, 2001
Format: Paperback
When I first found this book I was hoping it would be different, as a healing survior I have read alot of help books, and although comforting, they usually told me why I had the problems I did but didnt give me much advice on how to start living and having fun again in life, this book was amazing at that, it was what I had been looking to read since I started wanting to heal!! It would be a great book for anyone wanting good sexual information in a society that dosnt offer that much, I found it straight forward and honest and funny ..great book!! I loooved it!!:)
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5.0 out of 5 starsThis book will change your life. Read it!
By clareandnestor@mindspring.com on June 14, 1999
Format: Paperback
This is a truly extraordinary book. It picks up where other books leave off by helping survivors move beyond the abuse into a fully satisfying life -- a life that re-incorporates sex without the painful associations of the abuse.
This book really has it all. It addresses the systemic problems of sexual abuse and sexism in our society and focuses on the particular intersection of these two forces in our sex lives. Haines provides both the context for understanding why it is so difficult for survivors to have an empowered sex life, and the tools to help create that life. And all this in Haines' caring and empathetic voice.
This is also a very practical guidebook designed to help survivors in a real way. I particularly liked the exercises Haines has developed, as well as the quotes from survivors. No woman will feel alone in her experience after reading this book.
Haines is an extraordinary woman. All survivors are lucky she is there to help us. I definitely recommend you read this book. Right now.
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5.0 out of 5 starsA very important book for survivors
By Deadwood on January 20, 2005
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
At some point in their healing, all survivors of childhood sexual abuse should read this book. It is straightforward and to the point, and this style helps the survivor feel that sexual feelings and actions are not something to be ashamed of. Many books for survivors tend to coddle the survivor because of the terrible ordeal she underwent, but this one presents a no-holds-barred discussion of sex and provides exercises to become more comfortable with sex. Very important book for the sexual healing process.
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5.0 out of 5 starsA one of it's kind handbook on how to say yes, to yourself!
By A Customer on June 18, 1999
Format: Paperback
Finally! A book about sexual power for survivors of sexual abuse. A far reaching, fun, and accessable look at sexual healing and reclaiming by a gentle and astute teacher. Staci Haines speaks from the soul of the issue, emphasizing self care and adventure. Most importantly, her reccomended exercises help you get the message into your muscles. Not just your head. Which is where too many of us have lived for too long. Brava to you, Staci. A must read for everyone, survivors or not.
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4.0 out of 5 starsA fresh approach
By A Customer on January 7, 2000
Format: Paperback
This book is a explicit guide to sex focusing on helpful instructions for those who have been sexually abused in their childhood. Possibly the greatest strength of this book is its approach to sexuality as something to be enjoyed to the fullest without shame and guilt. The reclaiming of the one's sexuality, sensuality and pleasure is something that often receives far too little attention in psychotherapy. A care free approach to sex is something that obviously is more difficult to obtain for those who have experienced sexuality as a devastating influence in their life. In my opinion, if this book is going to be used as educational material in clinical practice it is important to be aware of the conflicts that may arise the mind of the client who has been sexually abused. Having said this, a free, explorative, empowered experience of sex is a beautiful thing to be striving for, and this book can be of help achieving it.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

1.0 out of 5 starsSkip this one

Written by an angry hurting woman. I wouldn't recommend for anyone trying to heal.

Published 8 months ago by Natalie Tomany
5.0 out of 5 starsInformative, Sensitive, Very Helpful and Beneficial

I am not a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, but I found this guide extremely informative and enlightening. Read more

Published 13 months ago by Natalie
5.0 out of 5 starsSurvivor's book

This book is wonderful. I work with incest survivors and am always looking for new resources. This book is very practical and easy to read and just a great tool.

Published 23 months ago by Larke
4.0 out of 5 starsGood condition as described

Book arrived in good condition as described and very quickly. I have only just begun to read it but so far I can tell it will be very helpful. Read more

Published on September 16, 2013 by LJR
5.0 out of 5 starsGreat Book for suvivors of rape and/or sexual abuse.

I was raped and this book has helped me immensely in my recovery. I had problems with triggers, and this book is helping me learn to embrace and move through my triggers.

Published on August 21, 2013 by Lauren L
2.0 out of 5 starsnot awful but not as helpful as other books available

This happened to be the first book on this subject I read, despite my therapist giving me several recommendations (this book was not one of them). Read more

Published on May 12, 2012 by Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 starsready to heal? really heal?

If you are really ready to deal with the physical sex act and heal on that level, this is the book for you. Read more

Published on December 24, 2009 by AmethystWoman
4.0 out of 5 starsHelpful guide

While cleaning, I found the title of The Survivor's Guide to Sex...written on a piece of paper from a few years ago. Read more

Published on September 17, 2009 by JD BLUE
4.0 out of 5 starsEffective helpful

Excellent as a first book for a survivor. Or as I like to coin the term HERO. Those who have been abused are heros, who can continue to give back. Read more

Published on July 21, 2009 by Dan Williams
3.0 out of 5 starsGood Introduction, Not Advanced

If you are a survivor of sexual abuse, primarily as a child, and you have not read other books on the subject, this can be a good first book. Read more

Published on October 28, 2008 by TammyJo Eckhart

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